Saturday, July 10, 2004
A Short Conversation

It really feels weird to be awake at this hour entering a post but I was woken up by an SMS from a friend who asked about where to study at around her living area (she's not local),while replying her and coaxing her to sleep,I found that I couldn't go back to sleep myself...oh dear...

Oh,about this short conversation,it's a short chat I had with this Taiwanese friend of mine(I'd call her J) on the phone earlier in the night.I haven't spoken to her in ages(4 months to be precise)and strangely while I was actually comtemplating whether to call her or not,up she pops on ICQ!God must be reading my mind,eh...anyway,she wasn't feeling well and was also feeling down as well so I figured I might as well just call her.

The two of us,we always have good conversations.Anyway,the topics of this conversation didn't stray far from what we usually talked about.Her painful relationship with her current Indian boyfriend,who's in India right now and my past relations with someone (let's call her Elf)with someone I still do care deeply about.About J,she's being having this relationship with this Indian engineer who worked in Taiwan briefly for a year or two till June last year.That was when some family matters forced him to return to India (and stay there).Well,it isn't easy maintaining a long-distance relationship and besides this,his mother apparently does not approve of J as well.So in a way,the relationship has hit a block but this is nothing new.Anyway,J has always told me that she doesn't expect out of this relationship because she always figured that he'd go back to India one day and well,she can't go there because she's got responsibilities with the family back in Taiwan.While she knows she probably should give up the relationship for good,she is still stubbornly holding on...why?Bu gan xin.Sigh...

Well,the topic shifted back to me and Elf (actually that's another story)then,because in a way,I was in a similar situation to J's.The only thing being that I've given up long time ago on Elf.This doesn't mean I don't care about her.And I do sometimes think about her still but that's on a rare occasion nowadays.J asked me how did I manage to get over Elf or if I did at all.Oh dear...I was almost struggling for answers to her questions but to encourage her to give up her relationship(it's been hurting her for a long time and I feel too much of it is self-inflicted),I started going on about how I "weaned" myself from thinking about/feeling for Elf,about how I stopped calling her and gradually as time wore on,the feelings were no longer as strong and I could free myself from this relationship again.I don't know how I did it but I sounded convincing to her.

I then told her to start dating again and meet new guys(which was what she had in mind but she's still pining for her boyfriend).The topic then switched back to me again and she asked if I was looking for anyone,which I wasn't.Why?Geee-sus.I couldn't really answer her but I told her at my current state of mind(whatever that is),I didn't know how to care for a girl and maintain a relationship.Besides,I've got a family to feed.Well,J didn't buy that,told me she always thought I was someone who needed a girl by my side and supporting the family was another matter altogether.And was I still pining for Elf?Ooolahlah...no.At least I think not.

J,she's thinking of going to the UK for her studies next year,just to get away from Taiwan and maybe keep her mind off her bf(maybe she can finally break it off then),asked me if I wanted to go with her.Actually I'd love to but I can't.First it'd be lovely to get away from this little island.Secondly,just to keep her company and help her get over things.Unfortunately,these aren't good reasons if I can't even think of what I might want to do there AND I do need to have a steady income.Realities of life.Asked her why she didn't consider Australia or Singapore(I think the STB owes me big-time in promoting Singapore as a education hub...I already "lured" one person to come here to study[the very person who woke me up with the SMS]and now,I was trying to get a second person).Well,according to her,Australian degrees didn't rate too highly in Taiwan because the Taiwanese consider Australian education to be for those looking for a good time...for merry making and fooling around.As for Singapore,well,even if it's good eduaction offered here,it's just not rated as highly because we are still an asain country.The Taiwanese,of course,valued American degrees the most.Falling short fo which,one could still aim for a British cert...even though it's not rated as highly...Pinkerton syndrome.

Hmmm,I've written so much and I'm finally tired enough to go sleep again.There's actually a lot I haven't said yet but I have,sort of,forgotten what points I wanted to make.Well,for startersI'm only serving starters),for someone who's holding steadfastly to a failing relationship even when it's becoming silly to do so,maybe do ask yourself why you are holding on.Bu gan xin?Bu zhi de is more like it.You are only hurting yourself...and others who do care about you and there are lots of them around.

I'm too dazed to think now,mission accomplished.I've wasted myself to sleep and I haven't even gotten all my thoughts out yet,maybe I can write a book...zzzzzzzzzzz...