Thursday, May 26, 2005
AC Milan 3 Liverpool 3

(The following post is entirely about football.If you don't like the sport or have no interest in it,don't read.And if you are curious about why people watch football,watch the return of today's Champs' League Final.This is the reason why.)

Simply Astonishing.

These are the only two words I can use to describe this morning's UEFA Champions' League Final between Milan and Liverpool.The Reds managed to,somehow,fight back from three goals down to level the scores and then win it on penalties.To tell the truth,it was possibly one of the best matches I've ever watched on TV...and the comeback,because of its nature,is more amazing than Man Utd's 1999 last-minute smash-and-grab win over Bayern Munich.

The Man Utd match,despite its amazing result at the final whistle,could always be attributed to sheer luck.This fightback had its element of luck of course but also sheer grit and a certain level of brilliance (it's pretty difficult to call Beckham's two corner kicks in 1999 as brilliant or even the finish).And just to clarify,I'm no Reds fan so you can't say I'm biased.

Now,like most neutrals,I had thought that the match was over by half-time when Milan went 3-0 up.As to how they did that,I still have no idea.The idea that Carlo Ancelotti gave me was that Milan would try to gain an early lead and then defend like hell to win it.Oh well,Milan went 1-0 in less than a minute.

After that,it really seemed like they were settling for a 1-0 as they sat back and allowed Pool to attack.That Pool failed to find a way through is really none of Milan's problem of course.But Pool manager Rafael Benitez didn't make things easier for himself by selecting an "attacking" line-up that included Harry Kewell in the starting 11.Harry Kewell?For God's sake,what has he done for the past few years to even merit a place in the starting line-up?Anyway,I'd have thought an adventurous line-up would consist of a 4-4-2 formation,not a 4-5-1 formation.Obviously Bentitez was thinking of packing the midfield to counter the likes of Kaka,Pirlo and Gattuso.

Well,Milan did sit back...but surprised me with the speed of their counterattacking which virtually left Pool ragged at the back.That Milan scored two further suckerpunches by half-time was a real surprise.And at 3-0,Pool was supposed to be dead and buried.As the commentator,Andy Gray said,the match was over...or so we thought.

The second-half,or is it really six minutes of it,then saw the most astonishing comeback I have seen in years (do not remind me of Man Utd's comeback 5-3 win over Spurs a few years back.Spurs was 3-0 up at half-time as well but come on,we didn't have a defence then).

First,Steven Gerrard scored what is literally a textbook header.Perfectly aimed,well-powered.

Then,Vladimir Smicer scored his farewell goal with a blistering drive.I have to say that something conspired in the heavens then to aid Pool...because just before the goal,during the move which culminated in the goal,Baros had received the ball in an offside position that could have been a scoring (but illegal) chance.He didn't shoot.Instead,he passed it out wide.And furthermore,the referee didn't spot the linesman's flag.He could have stopped the move legitimately but didn't.I guess that was the heavens smiling on the Reds.

And then,of course,Gerrard then won a penalty which Xabi Alonso then scored at the second time of asking...from the saved rebound.All these happened in the space of six amazing minutes.

After that,to my surprise,Liverpool shut shop.I seriously thought they'd build on their momentum and try to find a 4th goal before pulling the blinders on Milan.But instead,they sat back and allowed Milan free rein.And then another amazing piece of luck went Pool's way.

In the 27th minute of extra-time,Jerzy Dudek,the much-maligned keeper,pulled off an astonishing double-save from Andriy Shevchenko.How he did it,nobody knows.Not even himself apparently.But it was crucial because I felt you could just see the energy sap from the Ukrainian's face straight after that,when he can scarcely believe what happened.

The rest,as they say,is history...repeating itself.Dudek did a Grobbelaar.Serginho,Pirlo and Shevchenko bit the bait.Pool ARE Champions of Europe.Game Over.
___________________________________________________________________

But now my question is,where do they go from here?Because the squad needs renewing and a lot of players are really not good enough.Traore and Kewell are among the worst players I see in the EPL.Dudek is still far too suspect.Hamann and Smicer are going back to their home countries.Baros looked to have played his last match and is likely heading to Valencia.

Already,Benitez is looking to bring in Spanish international goalkeeper Jose Reina,which means Dudek,despite his hero status,is on borrowed time.And he gets to keep Gerrard.But he'd have to bring in,amongst others...a left-back (too bad,Asier Del Horno is going to Chelski,maybe Benitez could try for Roberto Carlos?!),a holding midfielder,a right-sided midfielder and another striker if Baros leaves (Owen might come back.But he's priced at £15 million...me thinks Newcastle or Arsenal,if they fancy him,is more likely to get him).To get these many players,they need good money.Do they have it?

Coming to the subject of potential transfers,I can't help but talk about the other "big" teams as well.Arsene Wenger has been promised money to spend in the summer but what does he need?A good goalkeeper for a start.Sebastian Frey might seem an appealing choice.Senderos' maturing has seen the need for a centre-back alleviated so at least he has no worries about that.But if Pires (and Reyes)leaves,there might be a gap in left-midfield.

Cheslki can basically buy anybody...and they really need a great striker,not just a good one (which they already have in Gudjohnson.Drogba and Kezman are crap.).And they need one who can play alone upfront since my good friend,Jose,plays either 4-5-1 or 4-3-3 (with two wingers,Robben and Duff).Rumours are that they are looking at Adriano or Shevchenko...with Benni McCarthy as a back-up.If they get either Adriano or Shevchenko,God bless the rest of the EPL.

Bankrupt Utd...or is that Man Utd needs a goalie (Shay Given?),a holding midfielder to replace the Keane thug (Michael Essien?) and I think a defensive partner for Rio "Ingrate" Ferdinand (no names here I can think of...).But can £20 million buy you anyone good.Anyway,with a £570 million debt,soon they'd be selling rather than buying.Great!Don't you just love Glazer or what?Bring the devils down...burn in hell!

Anyway,here's a list of whom,I think,should be (or will be - marked with a *) buying whom:

Arsenal: Sebastian Frey (Parma)

Chelsea: Asier Del Horno* (Atletico Bilbao), Adriano (Inter)

Man Utd: Shay Given (Newcastle), Michael Essien (Lyon)

Liverpool: Jose Reina* (Villarreal) Andy Johnson (Crystal Palace)

Everton: Simon Davies* (Tottenham), Robbie Keane (Tottenham), Scott Parker (Chelsea), Dario Simic (AC Milan)

Middlesbrough: Igor Tudor (Juventus), Stephan Appiah (Juventus), Luis Figo (Real Madrid)

Newcastle: Michael Owen (Real Madrid), Ricardo* (Sporting), Matthew Upson (Birmingham)

Spurs: Tomas Rosicky (Dortmund), Alessandro D'Alexandre (Wolfsburg), Wayne Routledge* (Crystal Palace)

Birmingham: Walter Pandiani* (Deportivo), Mikael Forssell (Chelsea)

Wigan: Ronaldinho* (Barcelona)

Wednesday, May 25, 2005
North Korea

Things might finally be looking up for me.It has been a long time coming for anything good to happen to me of course but the wait might finally be over.Hurrah...my arse.Because as usual,the good is mixed with the shit.It's lucky that I know life doesn't always deal you a good hand because I've learnt to just grin and bear with it...there will that one time when you get all the aces.And then you will win big.But until then,learn and know how to play with the cards you have.Just because you have lousy cards doesn't mean you win.It's just more difficult...maybe improbable,but never impossible.

What are the things looking up for me?For starters,Mindef called me for a psychometrics test following my application for a DXO post.The test isn't a problem for me.I breezed through it the last time I did it so the issue really is when it comes to the interview,how would I do?What would I say?

But whatever it is.I'd be glad to see the back of this office.Prof X,who is quitting his job,had contemplated coming back here and had asked me for advice...that is,whether I recommended a return.I had refused to say anything but I guess our AD said what's on my mind:Preferably not.

Things have changed.And things will change.The "high-powered" chat session I had talked about a couple of posts back had fizzled out into nothingness.But I doubt that there will be no follow-up.The locomotive has been set in motion.I don't think anything's going to stop it.It's still a question of whether they will resort to strong-arm tactics to get what they want.Would they do that?I don't know.If they did,I hope I am not around to witness it...or worse,to be at the receiving end of this.

Another thing that has turned well for me is I've finally learnt to say "No" to a certain venture which I should not have gotten into.I've realised that whatever you get yourself into,always question whether you really want to do it.Whether the pull factor is greater than the push factor...because if it isn't,you have likely made a mistake.You know yourself best.You know what you are,know what you really want and don't want...don't force it.Because you still have to live with consequences.Everything is a choice.

Other stuff that's happening,I will keep mum.When the time is right,I will spill.Not now.

Why I talk about North Korea in the header?Oh,I just think it's the best ideal place for most Singaporeans to live in.In fact,I think they should live there.Why?I just read the forum section in ST...there is this writer called Charis Lee (innovative name!) who wrote in to complain (wouldn't it be better if they change the name of the section from "Forum" to "Complain and Answer"?Less sophisticated though) about the Crazy Horse cabaret being allowed to perform in Singapore.OMG.Cabaret also can compain.Are a few nude bodies gonna bring about the downfall of Singapore society?Oh please,get real.We can allow people to gamble in casinos but can't let them see boobs?Then what is Fiona Xie doing on TV?Or is the writer worried that the act is gonna "erode our moral fibres"...what do they actually do anyway?Perform actual intercourse on stage?Come on...nothing's shocking.We see burnt and charred bodies on the news.Is that any less shocking?As for eroding moral values,does Ms Lee think the youths don't know anything about sex...if they're not doing it already (read the news!).

Ms Lee should really consider moving to North Korea...for several good reasons:

1) There are no cabarets.If there are any,they are only in the chambers of Kim Jong-Il.In which case,only the moral fibres of one guy (with bad hair) is ruined...and his kids maybe.

2) There are no casinos there.No gambling problems at all.No moral stand to make.

3) In fact,that's no CSI,no Desperate Housewives,no ang-moh shit to influence the minds of young impressionables,all that sex and violence on TV...eeew...and yes,no South Korean shit like Won Bin either.So all parents can rest easy.They won't go idol-chasing,won't try to be hip.All their kids can even do is play marbles or scrap tree bark to eat.Very moral.No issues at all.

4) Limited internet.Access only to the Supreme Leader's personal homepage.GREAT!No more internet porn.You want to jerk off?Jerk off at a picture of the leader.Moral standards maintained.No accounting for taste though.

5) Isn't Singapore really modeled after North Korea?Come on,the well-planned streets,flora and architecture.The National Day parades.The state funerals (only PAPa decides who gets one...Wee Kim Wee gets.Wong Teng Cheong doesn't.Why?Don't know.Must be done something lah.Answers on a postcard).Even the government so similar.PAPa says yeh...you follow...or die.

Have I said too much here?Is this the last time I see daylight?PAPa,I love you.

Thursday, May 19, 2005
Revenge Of The Sith

Foreword:I am not a Star Wars fan.The summer blockbusters that I am REALLY looking forward to is Christopher Nolan's allegedly dark retelling of the Btaman tale in "Batman Begins" and of course,the Steven Spielberg popcorn flick "War Of The Worlds" (Interesting to see how he'd do those Martain tripod machines).I watched the movie premiere simply because I wanted to see Star Wars fans play dress-up.But it was disappointing,Star Wars fans are normal folks after all.There were no Stormtroopers,no Imperial Guards,no Darth Vaders and no Chewbaccas (ok,I am asking too much)...in fact,not much of anything at all besides people in office wear and nice girls sitting far far away from me...with their boyfriends.Three fans did come armed with light-tubes,oh,lightsabers and one was a pathetic looking Jedi Knight (not Master,mind you,if he painted himself green and wore,I'd call him a Master)but that was about it.

Revenge Of The Sith is the final part of the Star Wars six-parter that George Lucas will direct (What do I mean by that?Everybody knows Star Wars is actually supposed to be a nine-parter.).It chronicles the tale of how the young and ambitious Jedi Knight,Anakin Skywalker becomes long-term asthma victim,Lord Helmet...oh,Lord Vader.Along the way,he knocks up the fabulous Natalie Portman (gee,the lucky SOB),rescues his mentor:The guy with a big c#$k (See Trainspotting or the Pillow Book to see what I mean),kills Shaft (aka Mace Windu),拜 an old man seriously in need of botox (Chancellor Palpatine aka Darth Sideous aka The Emperor aka 小强...that's the name he will get when the movie hits China and gets dubbed into Mandarin)as his 师夫,kills kids for fun,gets fried into KFC (crispy,not original) and commits the ultimate sin:Try to strangle Natalie Portman.That no doubt pissed off his ex-mentor who then chopped his limbs off like a good sashimi chef for good measure.Yes sir,that in a nutshell is the plot but note that the actions are not necessarily in order.

Along the way,of course,you get the usual politics...all Republic,Separatist,Council,Senate andSenator,democracy,vote-rigging,faulty counting machines and Al Gore.Oh,Al Gore appears somewhere inside there...serious.Look in the background.

And if you're interested in Big C#$k or the little green man,you'd also be pleased to know they survived...because otherwise they wouldn't be in episode 4.Big C#$k has improved his swordsplay now by adopting the 娥眉剑法 pose (rather than do all that Jet Li stunt by jumping around like a gymnast) and also proves that he is no good at fistfights (against General Grieveous).Meanwhile LGM (Little Green Man)still bounces around like a pinball when he fights and proves he has strong bones by falling from twenty stories and not breaking a bone.His lightsabers also looks a bit like a toothpick.

And cute little Luke and Leia gets their birth filmed like some kind of a reality series here too...oh,Leia,from the first frame she's in,you knew she was born to fill that metal bikini in Return Of The Jedi.Luke...boy,did they consciously get someone who looked like Mark Hamill?He sure look like Mark's kid...only that Mark must be 100 years-old by now and can't have a kid that young.

Just in case,you are still interested in my review:Chewbacca makes an appearnce and still nobody understands a word he is saying (besides LGM),Boba Fett's father,Captain Ali Baba makes another appearance (as do Biker Scouts),Jar-Jar Binks says not a word,the Empire finally becomes a reality and builds a moon called the 死星(Death Star).

Ok ok ok,enough of desecration already.A lot of Star Wars fans are baying for my blood right now and might deface my website anytime.The real important thing is how I find the movie,right?RIIIGHT...

I'd be matter-of-fact.Revenge Of The Sith is not a bad movie.In fact,I think it's a pretty good popcorn flick.Is it because my expectations of the movie is low,especially considering how miserably bad Episodes 1 and 2 were?No,I did not base it on that really.I was never a fan to begin with so I don't follow it.But The Phanthom Menace and Attack Of The Clones were so bad,it'd have been easy for ROTS to be better than its predecessors...simply by not following the path which these two prequels chose to go down...heavy on politics,low on action (high on politicking talk) an heavy on epic battle scenes (which cuts no juice since it involves machines and clones...no blood,no humanity involved...in other words,bloodless and I don't mean it literally).

ROTS wisely chose not to really go down this path...yes,there is still a lot of political craptalk but it's minimal compared to what happened in the previous two movies.It's high in involvement of the characters (compared to the previous two movies where the characters were drowned out by macro-events).It's high in action and personal duels (no real dustained epic battle scenes).Now wasn't that's what the original Star Wars movies were about?I say Yes.And the action,being quite relentless at times,certainly brings the pace and excitement of the movie a couple of notches up

Did the actors do well?Well,Natalie Portman,Jimmy Smits and Samuel L.Jackson were really stuck in thankless roles,sprouting dialogue that no human would speak.Hyaden Christensen actually does a pretty good job as Anakin.I am somewhat surprised by that.Is it great acting by him?No,it was functional acting.And sometimes,he think he fails to convey the right feelings at specific moments (Christensen seems to speciliase in being pissed off because when other emotions are involved,I don't feel it).Ian McDiarmid as Palpatine,of course,gets the juiciest role.Meanwhile,the animated Yoda is seriously grating with his backward structured sentences...after the umpteenth time when he sprouted his reverse structured fortune-cookie gems,I swaer I'd pull his hair out of his bald head if he went on...one handful at a time.

The strength of ROTS (or all Star Wars movies)lies in its visuals and the visuals here are awesome.Well,we may know it's all blue-screen but well,it looks wonderful all the same.Especially the different planets which the special effects people created...simply breathtaking.It's a marvel what digital filmmaking can do,the visuals it can create...unfortunately it does nothing for the plot or dialogue.

So is ROTS recommended?I'd say yes.You'd have to watch it...because of the hype at least.And it's a good summer flick too anyway,good entertainment.I may not recommend kids though since Anakin getting cut and burnt into a crisp (just like what you get at Ya Kun.Only the reverse.There they toast then cut.Here,he's cut then toasted.In some way then,it might have made perfect sense to splash some kaya on Anakin after he got fried and take a bite...I'm sure the Emperor was thinking about that when he laid his hands on kaya toast man).It's a bit gory...but it's necessary.Watch it...because you know you want to and are curious to...not because I said so.

7/10

PS:I must end off by talking about the duel between Anakin and Obi-wan.So this is why Anakin needed a respirator huh?I just thought it was a bit anti-climatic how easy it was in the end for Obi-wan.I'm sure even Obi-wan was disappointed.

Also a question here:Anakin gets suited up immediately after he got toasted...with burns and all on his face.But we saw in Episode 6 when Luke removed his helmet that he had no burn scars at all.How can you heal in a helmet that is not well-ventilated?Did Vader use Oil of Ulan?

Thursday, May 12, 2005
Jobless Officeboy

Actually the title is a little misleading.I could and should have put a question mark behind the title.But I'm not going to.Just in case the thing actually comes true and I do something drastic.The question is:Will I?It's a very minute chance because who am I kidding?I need the money.But maybe if I go on the dole queue,some people in the household might wake up their idea.Life is not cushy cushy.

Now.Jobless Officeboy.That's nice.But I'm gonna tell you the story right from the beginning.Because you must be wondering what the phuck I am talking about?

This afternoon,straight after lunch,Colossus,Jubilee and me (plus Banshee) got an email from our manpower officer saying that there will be a chat for civilian officers tomorrow.Checking the email "To" list,there were just 12 people on the list (these include Archangel,Mastermind,Mr Sinister,Juggernaut and a newbie girl amongst others).

Ok,the gist is this.They say the chat will be about some shit jobs which nobody wants to go to...and which the current occupants of the unfortunate positions are desperate to get out of.Apparently,some demi-gods will be there at the chat (for what?Being demi-gods,don't they have better things to do than go for a chat session?) as well.And further more,2nd god will drop in to "share his views and expectations"?What phuck expectations is he supposed to have if it's supposed to be just "educational"?

Obviously,they are pushing people down to do the shit jobs and the 12 of us are earmarked for this marvellous opportunity.But the way the email puts it...it's so carefully crafted,you'd think Ronald McDonald will be there to hand out balloons while they conduct the exercise.And while we are at it,Jubilee received a call from one of the speakers (who's currently holding a shit job and desperately wants to exchange places with us...but boy oh boy,does he speak in glowing terms or what.) who started asking her about expectations,knowledge,blah blah blah.If he is just speaking or is he selling?

Everything is more than meets the eye right now.The "chat" will certainly NOT be just a chat.It'd be a selling session to make us buy into the jobs and be willing to go there.They certainly have not been upfront with it...but anyway,it has been a yearly(?) exercise with various people summoned up during this time of the year every year to hear the same sales pitch.Colossus heard it last year and flat out rejected,he's going through it again.It'd be Jubilee's first as well as mine.

How will things go?Will they employ strong-arm tactics?Will we be forced to move?Why us?There's a lot of things I don't understand and maybe I don't need to.But this is such a charade,it's ridiculous.Call a spade a spade,you morons.Disguising the real intention only makes you look like an ultimate faker.

But maybe I am wrong.Maybe it is really supposed to be a sharing session,you know...as in sharing the shit jobs session...let's see lah huh.Post an update tomorrow!

Adios lads,I will soon start a website begging for money to sustain my credit card expenditure.Please support!

Thursday, May 05, 2005
You Blog?!You Blog Somemore!

Phuah,it's sue season right now.Sue not as in the girl's name but as in government "sue until your pants drop"-style sue.You guys must have heard about the ASTAR scholar and his unsavory remarks about the organisation.Subsequently,when the agency caught wind of his words,he was forced to close down his blog and apologise...or something like that...whatever whatever whatever.The details escape me but we aren't interested in the details but the general outline right?

And of course,this isn't the first time some scholar shot his stupid mouth off and had to apologise or got scrutinised by the public.Some other brilliant scholar also shot his mouth off about some racist thing and got slammed by everyone left right and centre.Makes you wonder what is it about these scholars that they keep saying the wrong things,right?Are they...

1) Getting too big-headed for their own good?You know,scholar mah.Got the whole world in their hands.Come back into civil service anyhow do also can get promoted one.

2) Not too streetsmart.Smart is one thing,streetsmart is another.Smart can study,streetsmart not necessarily so.Streetsmart lets you survive in society,make the right moves and get the girls....with low IQ.Smart means you know your algebra,survive in civil service,make the right chess moves and get the promotions...with low EQ.Don't you just love generalisations?

3) Just plain stupid.Do I need to explain this?Not unless you're a scholar.

Or maybe it's because they send all these highflyers to these foreign angmoh universities and then they start getting all these liberal views,become bananas and start biting the hand that feeds them.Oi,brothers,they pay your school fees so you want to criticise,at least disguise your identity (notice I never say disguise the target's identity?) lah.

"I don't want to be a coward!!!" Mr scholar says!Oh,you must prefer to be a bankrupt then?

Me also thinks that to stop these highflyers from continuing to cultivate such ungrateful behaviour,instead of sending them to forign angmoh university,they should send them to foreign cheena university.Teach these buggers some good communist values.祖国最大，祖国万岁，政府最伟大!BAGUS!!!And of course,in the process,they can also marry nice looking Chinese girls and increase the gene pool here.I wanted to say send them to Japan too but I'm a bit worried someone might snatch my Mika (Nakashima) from me. (As for Korea,no way...that's no such thing as a NATURALLY nice looking girl there)

Aiya,actually the real crux of the issue is that I am getting fearful for my own blog right now.The number of people I have criticised on this blog,if they all decided that my comments were defamatory,falsified,the amount of damages I have to pay...I probably got to kill myself,get the insurance and still not pay off 10% of it.

Now let's see who I should be most worried about...this is my top five:

1) Xiaxue
2) Fann Wong
3) Fiona Xie
4) Sean Say
5) Government

I wouldn't worry about Xiaxue because she has enough people hating her to not worry about me.As for Fann,she's not literate enough to read my blog so I don't have to worry about her either. Fiona...hey,come on,half the time I was expressing my love for her,how could she sue me for praising her slutty behaviour,Disney-dubbed voice and huge balloons?Sean Say...wait a second,everytime I wrote about him,it's more like fact reporting than falsifying anything or even being defamatory.He is a sissy,isn't he?

Ahhh...which leaves me with government lah.So scary...the number of times I've criticised or written about them...if they wanted to sue,they might as well just send me to Francis Seow-land.I am so scared right now...I am trembling...sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry lah,Big Brother.I did not meant to offend.I was just being a bigmouth...I will learn to be subservient.An absolute yes-man who will not criticise nor speak my point of view.The country doesn't need dissidents like that.No siree.We only need men who serve NS when they are told to (or go to DB),make love when they are ordered to (or get bombarded by First Mums or like-minded serials) and yes,gamble when it's time to (in a nice iconic building no less).

No dissidents...no no no...you're not welcomed...we will spot you out and...hey you,cool baby,say aye to daiseikai...sorry I couldn't resist (I find the Toshiba Daiseikai advert incredibly infectious and the girl in green very yummy because she seems so lively).

Ok,my hair has dried (Why do you think I bothered to write a post if not waiting for my hair to dry?)...adios lads!!!

PS: I almost forgot to mention the biggest reason why I shouldn't criticise the guvment.Because that makes me an ingrate,just like them scholars,only that I am The Special One and they are...not.Do not bite the hand that feeds you,Cyclops...

Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Sight For Sore Eyes?

I think I'm in a spot of girl trouble here.What's that you say?Hear me out.

I just started corresponding with this girl over the net (email) and SMS recently, and I haven't even seen this girl yet.But now I don't think I want to see her anymore.Because after a few emails,she asked for my handphone number and then after that,she has been messaging me and calling my number even since then...God,I think I have a stalker.And I don't even know what I did to get her to start doing this.

On Sunday,she messaged me to ask if I was free to message-chat.Well,I was watching my darling (Tottenham) so I wasn't really free to chat with anyone but thinking that it was impolite,I still responded and asked banal questions like,you know,"How was your weekend?"The response?This is the brief exchange:

Cyclops: "How was your weekend?"

Girl: "Lousy,didn't go out.Nobody date me lah."

Cyclops:"I thought you went out the whole of Sat?"

Girl:"Not really..."

Cyclops:"What plans do you have for tomorrow?"

Girl:"Nothing.Why?You want to date me ah?"

Gulp...I shut shop after that.She called me,I didn't answer.How come out of three responses,two involve the word "date"?And she calls me almost on a daily basis...不要啦...I am almost scared to bits whenever I see her number now.

Well,what if she looks like 林韦君,you say?Will I accept her then?林who?This is 林韦君,my friends.Everybody call her 大嫂 please.This is a picture of my wife.



Muahahahah...choke...choke...

How can I be talking about about girls when former President Dr Wee Kim Wee just passed away?I mean no disrespect,sir.I do mourn his death like all decent Singaporeans and there's quite a few of those.But I just don't understand how idiotic some Singaporeans can get in their tribute to this good man.

I watched a news segment yesterday reporting on Dr Wee's passing.A lot of people were genuinely affected.And the TV crew also did street interviews with some members of the general public to see what they had to see.Most of them gave good tributes about the ex-Prez...until this guy came along and gave,what I think is a toitally inane statement.

"我很惋惜他的过世，一个慈祥的老人家就这样去了"

Huh...he's just a kind old man ah?Oh dear,I'd thought he'd leave a greater legacy than just being a kind old man.All those 30 minute TV special tributes should tell us something about his contributions to our country lah huh.Did they do the same for Wong Teng Cheong?I really can't remember.

Oh,most importantly,the post for today is that a new girl has come into our division.According to Jubilee,who spotted a cha bo in the toilet,she say the new girl was very pretty and looked like 许慧欣.In fact,she looked so pretty,she'd put my girlfriend,Destiny,into the shade.

My who?Who's Destiny?Destiny...if you'd care to revisit belongs to the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants in the office.But love knows no boundaries,so she became my girlfriend...even if she doesn't know it yet...ahem.

So is the new cha bo really so beautiful?Is she a sight for sore eyes?Can she be(at) my Destiny?I haven't seen her yet so I don't know.But well,if she really was so pretty,Destiny will see the back of me faster than you say "Heya!" and I will have a new love...but not a new wife,unless she looks better than this...



PS: I just saw her.She's nothing like my 君...or even close to Destiny for that matter.

Sunday, May 01, 2005
Cyndi The Bitch

Howdy,y'all!

Hope you all have had a good Labour Day holiday and seeing as that it's a long weekend this week,hopefully you guys will have something on tomorrow as well.Well,even if you have nothing on,you can always read my blog and entertain yourself for all of five minutes.And then after that,you can start feeling miserable all over again.

The past week,well,has been quite hectic.Most of the week was spent finishing a report that Jubilee and I have procrastinated for months to doing.Well,finally,when push came to shove,we really had no choice but to bite the bullet and finish it of...because Rogue is coming back soon.OMG...hell is back.Anyway,besides the busy schedule,I still found time to offend Pyro.

Who's Pyro?

Remember the old colleague whom I mentioned came back to our department a couple of months back after a stint in another department.I called him Tom Cruise in my previous posts because...I was too lazy to think of an X-Men moniker for him.And then this week,I just found the perfect X-Men character to fit him...Pyro...because he self-combusts into flames whenever he's pissed.Which might come fairly often because he's a rather 小器 person (or at least I find him so).He also has this habit of putting on this stupid smug face in front of Colossus,Jubilee and me whenever he thinks he's got some kind of a upperhand over us (I must qualify something.When he has an upperhand,it's either by chance or we let him...because otherwise he's not smart enough to get the better of us).Jean Grey might disagree with us on that but that's because he never misbehaves in front of her.

Anyway,sometime last week,Jubilee and me (I excuse Colossus out of this) managed to piss him off (not a difficult feat) because we went out for lunch and didn't buy back for him...despite already stating that we won't do so (and can't do so because we didn't bring enough cash)...but he thought we were kidding and didn't bother double-checking with us.So he got royally pissed and stormed off (according to Jean Grey...who even kinda admonished Jubilee for not helping Pyro).

So I ask you:While this is a splendid case of miscommunication,does Pyro have the right to be angry with us?Answers on a postcard,please.

But I think it's unfair to ask any of you to take sides since you don't have the full information at hand and neither am I going to provide the necessary information here.Because it's going to take a long long post and this isn't really what I want to talk about anyway so I won't go into further details.

The "Cyndi" in question that I mentioned in my header is Cyndi Wang 王心凌,甜蜜教主,soft-porn princess,what have you.I really don't like her and don't feel the need to disguise my disdain for her.I am sure there are a million and one pimply kids out there,with hourly wet-dreams of Miss Wang caressing them in her schoolgirl uniform,threatening to cut me down with parangs right now but I risk my life to tell the truth...or at least my version of it.

Did any of you guys read the Cyndi Wang interview in last week's edition of i-Weekly?If you did,you'd know where the source of my bile came from.Yessiree.I think after reading the interview,you guys will all agree with me that Cyndi is a defensive,shallow,self-important bitch.Again unfortunately,I will not provide details of what she said...you just have to read it for yourself.It's quite a gem really.

Ok ok...I relent...some of the things that she said include:She's naturally sweet (just like her image...hmmm,really?If she really behaves like that in real-life,I'd think it's called spastic,not sweet.Oh,sorry,I didn't mean to insult the intellectually-challenged),that she doesn't call for attention but people just gives it to her (huh?You 20-something already but still wear a Japanese adult video schoolgirl getup and you tell me you not attention seeking?) and that erm...cuteness is something natural within you (.....barf bag...pleeeease...)...I'd had enough talking about her...have mercy on me,readers and allow me to stop...

I do have something to gloat about.As early as last August 11th,I had boldly made a prediction of how the end of season table will look,this was the original post.Anyway,this was how I predicted the end of season table would look (I later made a revision a couple of weeks later but have now decided to stick with my original choice.The revision I made was mainly to deal with Everton after I saw the splendid start they had...but that's unfair because it's easy to be wise on hindsight.So I'd just put my neck out on the chopping board and stick with my original).This was the final positions I envisioned.

1.Chelsea
2.Arsenal
3.ManUtd
4.Liverpool
5.Newcastle
6.Middlesbrough
7.Birmingham
8.Fulham
9.Tottenham
10.Aston Villa
11.Blackburn
12.Charlton
13.Bolton
14.Man City
15.Southampton
16.Portsmouth
17.West Brom
18.Everton
19.Norwich
20.Crystal Palace

This is the actual table currently.

1.Chelsea
2.Arsenal
3.ManUtd
4.Everton
5.Liverpool
6.Bolton
7.Tottenham
8.Middlesbrough
9.Man City
10.Aston Villa
11.Charlton
12.Birmingham
13.Blackburn
14.Newcastle
15.Fulham
16.Portsmouth
17.Southampton
18.Crystal Palace
19.West Bromwich
20.Norwich

AS YOU CAN ALL SEE...I GOT THE TOP THREE RIGHT!!!HAHAHAH,AM I GOOD OR WHAT???!!!I AM THE SPECIAL ONE,JOSE,NOT YOU!!!