Monday, February 28, 2005
Good Start To The Year

"Hi,sir,how may I help you?"

"Erm...one Big Mac meal please"

"Do you wanna upsize?"

"Ahh...no thanks"

"Having here or takeaway?"

"Takeaway"

"Chilli sauce"

"Erm...yeah,sure"

See something in common in the answers to the questions?Most of them start with fillers.Fillers are words that one uses to fill in spaces when one is speaking,in this case,the erms and the ahh.I just have one question...everyone when I stand in a queue to buy food,inevitably when the cashier or teh stallholder asks what a person wants...the first sound that comes out is "Ermmm..."

Why?

It's not as if the person ordering didn't already know what he/she was gonna order so why need the "erm" ?Instead of just "Erm,1 Big Mac Meal please",why can't we just say straightforward "1 Big Mac Meal please".Answers on a postcard please...and if you don't believe me that this occurs (especially to guys)...next time,you stand in a queue at Macs,BK or what have yous,listen and observe.

A lot of things really did happen over the past couple of weeks (or more) when I didn't write anything.Our God has been replaced by a new God.I'd call our new God "Mr Korea".Because he does look like a Korean man.Hold onto your horses,girls,he doesn't look like Bae Yong Jun.He looks more like the henpecked husband in "My Wife Is A Gangster".He seems like a nice guy...totally hands off...hmmm,I like him already...

Rogue is off on maternity leave now.Just gave birth to a baby girl.Very nice.I am talking more about the maternity leave...

Tom Cruise is back...I mean the Tom Cruise of the S-branch.He's an old colleague whom I originally came in to replace.Now he's gone over to the C-branch.I don't really have an X-Men moniker for him...because I reckon no X-Men looks as dishy as this Adonis.He's awfully quiet though...doesn't talk a lot.And he might secretly habour a crush on Destiny...more on that in due course.

Am watching the Oscars while typing this...after a promising start,it's getting a boring...but Chris Rock is pretty sarcastic...he introduced Tim Robbins by saying that he bores us with his politics...too right.SHUT UP TIM.

Casino casino casino...so much hot air on the TV and in the press about government-sanctioned debates to discuss the merits or costs of having a casino here...no wonder Singapore is having its driest spell in decades.So much hot air around...how can not be dry?Will you come off it,GAHMENT???!!!You asked for tenders and got more than a handful,don't behdeh and say that it isn't going.Don't behdeh the entire population and say that you could still backtrack and not give the go ahead for the casino.The GREEN light has been on for months...what do you think the population is,colour blind?Jamie Foxx won the Best Actor Oscar only because our Cabinet isn't eligible to be nominated...or somebody forgot to nominate them.Damn...imagine,we could have swept the Best Actor and Supporting Actor Oscars....and probably all the nominations too.

My good mate,Bishop,just got attached...FINALLY.After 27 years without a relationship,he's finally got his first girlfriend.This is a good start to the year.One of my resolutions last year was to get all the friends around me attached.I'd like to think I did my part in pushing Bishop towards this (Applause,applause) since I have been a confidante in this whole affair for him and I also think I gave him some helpful advice here and there so I am quite happy that things are going well.One down,a couple more to go...the next one I'm gonna push...another good mate,Beast.Sometimes,people just need a nudge or some confirmation to get themselves going.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005
The Passing Of "God"/Sunfire

I haven't written anything about the office since an eternity and I'm sure some readers who are extremely kaypoh might wonder what have happened to assorted characters around the office.Well,let me update you...precisely NOTHING have happened...yes,life around here is precisely that exciting.We might have one or two newcomers coming into the place but really nothing to write about...since the passing of Prof X into the private sector,I am yet to encounter really notesworthy writing material.

But of course...there is the entry of Sunfire (wink*wink*...how similar is the name???) to the S-branch of the Office X-Men.She is a new Indian girl who came in from another far more established agency than ours to join our esteemed department.Which isn't a surprise.Our department is getting so high-profile...you'd be seeing us giving press conferences on the 9:30 news pretty soon enough.All thanks to our egomaniac God.But let's get back to Sunfire.

I sometimes think any newcomer into our branch will have a hard time fitting amongst our midst.There are some pretty tight cliques forming which may or may not be a good thing.Good is that we are a close-knitted unit...not good that others find it hard to penetrate into the cliques.I think Sunfire is having some problems fitting in...whether it's through faults of her own is a debatable.There is a feeling that she is trying too hard to be friendly,too intrusive into personal spaces,talks a little too much...???Etc etc etc.I am ok with all of these things actually because as some will testify,I don't even notice it but not everybody finds her bahvaiour comfortable.

Hmm,seems that I haven't actually said anything about her really.Well,she is a quite an attractive-looking girl,clubs every weekend,leaves the office later than everyone else(I still cannot see the reason why...she says she stays back to look at stuff and all but come on...it's not as if everything she is doing is that urgent)and erm,likes to shoot people with her fingers.That's that.After writing so much,you readers are none-the-wiser on what she's like,right?That's ok,cause me neither.

Oh,another big news in a place starved of big news...our God is moving out to another department.Altogether now...PHEEEEW.And good riddance.And as Takuya Kimura might say in his commercial pilot TV serial..."Gud Lug".The English speaking nations know that phrase as "Good Luck".To the department which is receiving him as a DD.Daredevil.As can be told by his job title,all you hear is a lot of sound but in terms of real practical value,you see nothing.

Let it be said that our God doesn't go without fanfare.For the first time in the brief history of our deaprtment,there will be a COC (Change of Command) ceremony where every utter pompous crap is the order of the day.Why can't people just go quietly?Because if you've been good,everybody will remember you whichever way you go.Your legacy will be there.Why one needs to slam it into everyone's face (gongs,drums and all)to remind the world and sundry of one's perceived importance is truly mind-perplexing.This question ranks up there with "What's the meaning of life?" and "When the hell is Spurs going to get into Champ's League?" (The answer to the second question is "Not in my lifetime".)

Besides that awesome COC parade/ceremony that will take place,there will also a farewell dinner for him at a hotel set at $35 a head.It's not compulsory to attend...yet.Wait till there is a dismal response...then we see if it's still just "strongly encouraged".A lot of people have problems with this second event.First...well,it's a dinner.Most people don't like to spend their free time with a group of people whom we don't even want to meet during office hours...so whatmoreoutside office hours.Secondly,it's the cost.$35 per head.OMG!I think everyone kind of expected the thing to be free but instead we are told that we have to pay money to spend privileged time in his esteemed company.It's not a thing sane people would willingly fork out money for.And most of us in the department are sane.Colossus and Jubilee are happily away in Shnghai while this catastrophe is going on.Jean Grey and Wolverine are confirmed attendences because they have responded (and it's totally understandable because they see him an awful lot).Rogue is heavily pregnant and could pop anytime soon so she'd be excused too.Oh,did I mention that Rogue will pop anytime soon...joy to the world...by all accounts.Thanks God for the three months maternity gift He bestowed upon all families in this land...and no,I am not thanking LKY.I am thanking the REAL DEAL.

That's it.Happy CNY to all who read this blog.And the next post will feature the delicious news of Nightcrawler,the 劈腿族 queen,whose relationship with her fiancee might be in some real shit and she's also seeing someone discreetly from the department.Ahhh...stay tuned for the Untold Scandal.And no,BYJ's butt is not involved...

Friday, February 04, 2005
Singaporean Suckers

It had been just about 1 1/2 months since I last wrote anything on this blog...frankly,after not writing for so long,I've learnt really to live without it and maybe to just write according to my own fancies.I am sure a lot of you have probably given up looking to this blog for updates.Hahahah.In a way,that's a good thing but anyway,I can say that I am back again.But as for how often and for how long,I have absolutely no idea.Just take it one step at a time.

Still,I figure that it might be good to start a 2005 entry just to keep this blog running.Because it's certainly not like that I am erasing it or anything like that so why not add something to it,yeah?Whatever whatever whatever...

I went to Taiwan with my long-time mate,Bishop,for a short backpacking trip of 10 days late last month (18th to 27th).It was an enjoyable trip...managed to move around quite a number of cities and tasted most of Taiwan's well-known foods.I think A-Mei's adverts on tourism in Taiwan is seriously misleading...Taiwanese food is mainly just about ok.Very Hokkien style of preprartion with a lot of stew/soup-based dishes.Whether that's your cup of tea or not will determine how much you enjoy your trip.I am ok with most things so I could live with it.But there are some things which will perk up most people who goes to Taiwan.

1) Great Temperature

Actually any temperate country offers that so no big deal.But with temperatures ranging from 5 to 25 degrees (depends on which part of the country you are in),it can offer quite a wide spectrum.Most of the time though,tempearture is a cool 15 degrees or less.Which is really nice.Until the damn winds start blowing that is.

2) 士林大鸡排

If you make your way down to the re-organised 士林夜市,you will notice one particular stall at the front of the building (yes,it is a building.Built just like one of our old style wet markets or hawker centres)that has a long snaking queue of people in line.Grab one of the plastic bags that are on offer and join in the queue.It is quite nice really.And for 40NT(S$2),you get one big juicy 鸡排 that's like the size of half an A4 size paper.And I would also advise that you tell the fellow to go easy on the 调味 and 辣.The 辣椒粉 they use can be rather 呛.

3) CDs

Chinese (and also Japanese) CDs are slightly cheaper in Taiwan than in Singapore.If you are an avid Chinese or J-pop listener and do not buy pirated stuff or download pirated songs off the net(that naturally excludes Jubilee),thtis might be a good opportunity to stock up and bring back home.

4) Public Transport

I didn't really expect this actually but Taiwan's rail system and inter-city bus system (I refuse to talk about intra-city bus services because it's quite hard to take) is really excellent.You can't get lost when travelling from city to city.And in Taipei,you do have a good MRT system.But besides this,one good reason to recommend going to Taiwan is really because JetStar offers $99 tickets to Taipei.Ok,that's one way.But a two way ticket is simply $188 ($99 X 2) and with taxes,it adds up to just about $250.Now,is that cheap or what?And the planes are brand new...so new,I swear the leather on the seats came from cows that were slaughtered sometime in 2005. Think about that...gross isn't it?And JetStar...you better pay me some fees for advertising for you blokes.It's not FOC.

5) Taiwanese Girls

Generally speaking,Taiwanese girls are at the same standard of prettiness as Singaporean lasses,which is quite high (world-class) really.But they do have two things going for them.

First,their prowess of Mandarin.Let's face it.Singaporeans (not just girls) are generally F#$%ed up at speaking Mandarin.A lot of us are f#$%ed up speaking English...and even more of us are very f#$%ed up speaking dialects.So basically,we are f#$%ed up whenever we open our mouths.The Taiwanese,of course,speak perfect Mandarin and Hokkien as well.Their English,erm,only monkeys can understand.But anyway,listening to Taiwanese girls speak lilting Mandarin in their very girlish voices,I am convinced of two things.One:Most of them can be radio DJs in Singapore.权怡风 is nothing.Second:The way they speak is kind of sexy actually.

Second,GOD...look at their skin.Fair,creamy,soft and ooooooh aaaaaaaah.Fann Wong standard skin is all around on the streets.In fact,I think that anyone who actually sports skin not of that standard in Taiwan are actually those who cannot make it.Anyway,they do have the temperate climate for having such awesome skin.

Ok,I got to backtrack a little.Even though I did say that generally,Singaporean and Taiwanese girls are comparable in terms of prettiness.There is one thing that Taiwanese girls have an edge as well.There are more babes on the streets than can be spotted in Singapore,that is,one can spot a babe more often than in Singapore...now let me introduce my standard of grading prettiness.They are:

Pretty (I have a motto:All girls are pretty,one way or another.So when I say someone is pretty,it really means nothing because I would say that of anyone with XX chromosomes)

Quite Pretty

Very Pretty

Extremely Pretty

Babe!

So you see,babes are really 5 stars standard.Don't play play ah.

All these has nothing to do with my topic.Which proves one thing,you guys are suckers for reading so long...although you are not necessarily all Singaporeans.But anyway,let me go into my topic proper.

During the trip,I had many insightful conversations with Bishop.Mainly about what kind of guy he is (He asked me...so I let rip.Don't ever ask me what I think of you.I am brutally honest or if I don't trust you,I lie my teeth off),working overseas,life in general and then work.Now,work.That's an interesting topic.What say you.You are nodding your head in agreement too...ok,let me go on.

One of the things that he talked about in topics about work is that Singaporeans are teated as suckers by expatriates because their inabaility to say no to a bad deal.Yeah,they allow themselves to be bullied.And yes,I can tell you now.Those foreigners working with you are gleeful about it.Basically,we don't know how to say no.We don't know how to say f#$% off when the occassion warrants it.We just plough and plough and plough and just keep our heads down and work...the way our government likes it really...easier to control mah.

What conspired was basically just that a Croatian manager in Bishop's company has openly made the remark that Singaporean workers are suckers.We only know how to work.We never know when to turn down a bad deal.Someone hands us something,we just say a-ok and get down to doing it...even when the thing is stupid/not supposed to be done by us.Why?Why?Why?

Is it the way we are brought up?The way the government has programmed us into such automated working machiens that we no longer question whether something should be done or we are even the ones who should be doing it.It's quite amazing really.I am sure workers of other countries must be so aware of their rights and their work and will not be bullied or just fooled into doing things they are not supposed to be doing.And they don't even necessarily have to be well educated.They are just street-smart.While here,we have this "highly-educated" workforce who are really urban retards in reality.How sad that while we have all these education,we don't know how to survive on the streets.How to be world-class?World class dummies yeah lah.

I don't really want to offer anything here other than to plant a thought into your minds whether we are pushovers or not.And if we discover we are,maybe it's time to put a stop to it.Learn to say no.Learn to tell people to f#$% off.Know your rights and what you are supposed/not supposed to do.