Friday, July 29, 2005
Zoe's Milk

Wow man,Zoey...what a mother.You guys read about all the brouhaha over Zoe and her breastmilk?Quite amazing.Singapore really not happening.Breastmilk also can make the papers one.Well,anyway,Zoey,in all her greed (don't tell me she endorses products out of altrusim,ok?if that's the case,I am also very altruistic.Nike,Rolex...come come.I endorse you.),decided to endorse a plethora of products (milk powder,spa,slimming pills...etc) and had her greed come back to bite her in the arse.

I think you all know the deal right?After Zoey gave birth to her son and named him after the sound a donkey would make,she became the poster girl for the nation's "give birth until you can't afford it" campaign.And of course,she somehow became the benchmark for people when it came to motherhood practices.Breastfeeding,confinement practices...you name it,Zoey perfects it.Quite how she became a benchmark for motherhood still escapes me (why is she especially qualified?Because she's Zoey Tay?).But well,turns out she's not as perfect as Mediacorp puts her out to be.

So what were her booboos?Geez...let's list them out.First she claimed that she was breastfeeding Donkeyboy (sorry pal,blame your mum,not me.I just make use of every opportunity to mock.When you grow up,you can mock Archangel too.You know,like,"What kind of an a-gua name is Archangel???") all the time...and then the slimming ads came out.

Try these slimming pills and before long you will look like Fann Wong (not even Zoey Tay ok!You want to be thin,you got to measure against the best.Fann the Ethiopian).But oops,take these pills and Donkeyboy really becomes a donkey.Ahhhh...now what?Unsafe practice leh,local mega-star.

"No no no",Zoey suddenly backtracks and insists she's misunderstood.I didn't ACTUALLY breastfeed,I stored up galloons of my nice chest milk (wah liao eh...Zoey,you even more productive than New Zealand cow,you know.I think if we got twenty thousand of you in Singapore,we can replace NZ as one of the biggest milk producers in the world.) before I started taking my sponsor's pills so 'fraid not.Brayden will not bray.


Zoe The Milk Machine

But Zoey dear,you really got to improve your English...breastfeeding and feeding your son with a milk bottle containing breastmilk is not the same thing (and please check the expiry date of your milk hor,dear).Your communication skills really jialat leh.Thank God you are not doing corporate comms or PR.Hell...thank God,you actually got a script to follow because I don't trust anything from your mouth which is not scripted.

Anyway,this saga about the milk is very interesting.Especially concerning the massive quantities that Zoe is producing.She has so much of it,she uses it for face masks...oh really,Zoey,we NEEDED to know that.Explains why your skin so good lah.And since you got so much,I recommend you sell it lor. Sell it plain or sell it with tea. For branding,call it 玉奶 (for plain) and Zoe Teh Ni (tea with milk).Monster sellers.Especially with mothers and lechers.

And then the second "controversy" (Singapore's tolerance level a bit low eh?) concerned Zoe confinement period practices.Apparently for Chinese confinement beliefs,mothers not supposed to bathe for a month...which Zoe said she followed.

And then lo and behold,spa sponsor come,Zoe forget everything she said before.

"I got bathe lah...once a day only...and spa good ah,I go spa,Brayden also go spa.I immerse myself in a jacuzzi while Brayden drowns in a pool."

There's something wrong with that statement and it has nothing to do with Brayden drowning (which he would if you put him in a jacuzzi).The problem is with the fact that she actually bathed (and contradicted her earlier statements that she didn't) and that she thought bathing once a day is considered very little.

Zoey dear,most mere mortals like us bathe only once a day you know...so you "once a day only" is as good as 废话.Unless of course,you do otherwise and think it is normal for others to do likewise.Little wonder Singapore's water usgae growing exponetially.Singapore government,you know whose fault lah...don't direct your save water campaign at us,direct it at her.

And what do we know...Zoey backtracks again..."No no no.I did not ACTUALLY bathe.I used wet towel to wipe myself down..."

Ah girl ah...you got real problem leh...wipe yourself down only and you call it bathe,bluff people for what?Scared people know you wipe down only don't dare to get near you ah?No lah,don't worry,you Queen of Caldecott,you know.You never bathe for ten months also can.

End of the day...Zoey...please improve your English before you start speaking to the media again.Everytime I hear you talk ang moh,I cringe until my skin fall off.Damn painful to hear,you know.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Pollutants On Screen

There are some people whom you just wish that you never have to see on TV.Everyone has their own favourite celebrities as well as their most hated personalities list and I'm not exempted from such a practice...so after having endured years/months of watching certain people pollute my TV screen,I finally feel compelled to lambast them and pray that,God willing,these people do not ever appear on the telly again.

But knowing God,He wouldn't answer these malicious prayers so well,I got to write down my request to these people...

PLEASE KEEP THE PHUCK OFF TELEVISION,YOU PIECES OF CRAP!!!!!

But one man's elixir is another's poison.One man's freedom fighter is another's terrorist.Jubilee hates Fiona Xie and I...don't like her much either.But I'd think she has great breasts and is a good bonk so I put up with her.Anyway,this is my top 5 list of TV terrorists:

1. Singapore Idol Finalists



Someone's retarded kid

Just take a look at that stupid face and tell me he's one of the biggest "stars" in Singapore.How did that happen?

And what kind of a crap song is “祥龙十八掌”?I think I wanna give him the "Balek Kampong Whirlpool Kick".

Sly looks seriously retarded...and I know I'm being nasty to the mentally-challenged here.And the way he acts cute is grating.He always does this stupid knowing wink like he's just bedded your mother or something and also gives this lop-sided grin like he just had a high after sniffing heroin.So why are girls so crazy for him?Or maybe they are just paid full-time fans by the new Evil Corporation,Mediacorp (Now that NKF has been brought down).

But I'm directing this whole tirade not just at him but the entire troupe of quasi-celebrities Evilcorp so likes to call..."THE SINGAPORE IDOL FINALISTS!!!".

I am so sick of this bunch of useless people.Why can't they get a real job or something and stop polluting my screen.I've had to put up with countless trailers of the upcoming "Shooting Stars" (Yes,please shoot them...) and it's getting unbearable.And the trailers are getting more and more stupid as well.First they showed the five of them standing in some sandfly-infested lallang field pretending like they are enjoying themselves when they are getting bitten to death...then they got Taufik Batisah (notice...it's Sylvester,Olinda,Daphne or whatever for the rest but TAUFIK BATISAH for him...why do they need to spell out his FULL name???) to do stupid stupid stuff (like moonwalking and interrupting chess games) while delivering a pizza.

Why can't the phucker just do his job and deliver a pizza straight to the consumer?He's got an attitude problem or something?

And then the current Sylvester segment has the idiot sitting at the steps outside some kopitiam (probably at Jalan Besar or Geylang where he just finished patronising a streetwalker) strumming a guitar.Some chio bu then walks past him and gives him a knowing appreciative glance.Sylvester becomes mesmerised.

Why,you idiot?She's probably just another streetwalker anyway.And besides,the real issue is,why would anyone sit at the steps of a kopitiam under the blazing sun strumming a guitar?

Unless he just escaped from Woodbridge,that is...

2) 5566


Taiwan's most popular...God save that island.

They are nasty, absolute fakers,not very good-looking,conceited and thinks they are the best thing from Taiwan since...erm,Lin Chiling.In fact,they are not talented and well, just plain sickening.I have absolutely no idea why some people adore them.Can anyone explain to me why?

I think it must speak volumes about the decline of the Chinese music industry when five wankers form a band and girls go gaga over them.And they do crap variety shows and these girls go even crazier.Do they have any brains?Or do they worship anything that music company marketing departments throw at them?

I wonder...

3) The Charmed Ones


Three lovely...pairs.

Oh,they look nice and to be honest,I want to embrace,cuddle and...ok,let's not go there.But why the living hell on earth are they are TV?They may be the "Charmed" ones but they sure ain't the "Charming" ones.

I aboslutely see no point in a TV series that doesn't have anything resembling a storyline.Every episode will just jump from one thing to another.Someone dies...ah,cliffhanger...but ahhh,that person doesn't actually dies...what the phuck?Are the scriptwriters actually getting paid for writing stuff like this?

Anyway,Charmed is nothing but an excuse to show boobs,boobs and more boobs on TV.Nothing more,nothing less.So do away with that "witch" plots and just get on with the "three girls in bikinis" storyline.It'd attract more viewers and is much more truthful about the show's true nature.

4) Tay Ping Hui


What's he so smug about?

In army terms,he's what we call "CB Face".I bet he must be REAL popular...

5) President


No comments!

God,TVMobile and President Nathan.They all have something in common.

What is it?

It's everywhere...everyday.


PS:I wanted to list out a Top 10 but couldn't think of more people.Cyndi Wong,Terence Cao would be too easy targets...so I stopped at five.

Comfort Zone

Well well well,life is always like this...when things do not happen,they really DO NOT happen (废话) and you are miles away from seeing anything materialising.And when things do happen,they come in a barrage that virtually leaves you breathless...not necessarily with excitement, but just overwhelmed with the sheer volume of things that come your way.

I have been complaining about wanting a change in environment for a looooong time,so long that in fact Jesus must have heard my first complaint while he was STILL walking on the sands of this earth.I guess that must be why God is bored with my requests...anyway,what do you know...like I said,when things happen,they come in a avalanche.God do answer prayers,you know.

I had met my looooong-time friend,Jen,online for the first time in six months.The bugger.When I had returned from Taiwan sometime in the month of January,I had repeatedly told her to keep me updated on what's happening when she went on a trip to India to see her boyfriend (or future ex-boyfriend if she ever plucks up the courage to just break up) and after her business trip to the US.The bugger,of course,never contacted me.

Ok,I could have contacted Jen myself but come on,I am too lazy...but anyway,I finally met her online on Friday night.She claimed that she left several messages for me on my ICQ but lo and behold,I got ZERO messages there...how many of you actually still use ICQ actively?I don't...using ICQ is like sending snail mail instead of email,supporting Man Utd instead of Chelsea,it's so passe.

Anyway,we talked...and talked and talked...about how she is quitting her job soon to go to Birmingham (UK) to study,about her boyfriend,about her brother,about Bishop,about quitting our jobs...ah...you see,she was asking me if I was still working at where I am and I told her,"Why do you even bother asking,you idiot?"...and got a mighty laugh out of her.HELL...she's laughing at my failures...I promise I will set fire to her domitory when I visit her in Birmingham.

What do you know?

I received a notice of a vacancy in another department yesterday...came totally out of the blue.It was a position for a logistics executive position.Ok,not exactly my idea to switch to a career in logs but it represented change...something I have been asking for ages and then suddenly I froze...after reading the job description.

HELL...

That sounds like a real job in a real world.A job that requires loads of actual work and has tangible outcome.Jesus,that's too much to bear.I went into shock and had to be revived by Smurfette.


Smurfette, my lover.

I had a rethink about my options yesterday.I was extremely preoccupied by my thoughts and so decided that the best way to exercise them was to watch a Bruce Willis movie called "Hostage".Phoah...and Bruce Willis actually spoke to me.

He told me,"Hey,brother,you want a phucking job?Then you gotta wake up.You think anyway else got your kind of cushy job?Hell,government job should be like "Die Hard"...loads and loads of explosions fighting terrorists...and you?You sit at your desk like a sissy."

I replied,"Yes,Brother Bruce,I get your point.I can't always be in my comfort zone.I gotta be out there,fighting suicide bombers like you do and shooting Brazilians like the UK police.That's the only way England can win the World Cup,by shooting Brazilians."

Brother Bruce:"That's the way,my X-Men Brother.It's just too bad I cast Die Hard 4 before I met you but I'd reserve a role for you in Die Hard 5."

I told him,"No problem,Brother Bruce.And I'd reserve a role for you in my next movie too, 跑吧，女孩子 - The Anti-Vice Crime Story."

Brother Bruce,"Great...and just in case you need a woman.I'd give you Demi's number..."

Me:"Ermmm...can give me Lindsay Lohan's instead?"


Bruce, my brother

And so I decided after talking to Brother Bruce that I have to step out of my comfort zone if I really do want to get out of here.The environment here is great,no doubt...but it's so cushy,it softens you...to the point where the outside world becomes a gigantic culture shock to you and you find yourself unable to cope and becoming schizophrenic.But that's ok.Because Singapore's medical facilities are first class.

Besides the logs executive opportunity that presented itself,another opening has materialised...that is,a place in the departemnt where Colossus is going.He told me he'd put in a word for me if I was truly interested...I gave a thought to it... and yeah,decided I am.It is a stepping stone to learning new things and maybe going out to the corporate world after that and that was appealing.Much like the logs position in a way but less stressing since I do not necessarily have to relearn everything from scratch in this instance.

Ok...so finally some action is coming my way in terms of career motion...HURRAY.I am so happy in fact,I will finally post a picture of myself on this blog...so that all you loyal readers will know who I actually am...here goes...



















Me

Oh sorry,that's my old picture...but since then,I have decided that I was too good-looking and had plastic surgeons make me look uglier...I'd pose my new face on this blog after they remove the bandages from my face.Shit...these doctors really should give me less pills to consume...

Friday, July 22, 2005
Karmacoma

"You sure you want to be with me, I've nothing to give...I see you digging a hole in your neighborhood, You’re crazy but you’re lazy..."

- Words from Massive Attack's Karmacoma

Call me a nasty but I am almost gleeful this morning when I read that Xiaxue's website got hacked and basically erased.Ok,whoever did that is a nasty as well but you have to say that Miss Xia has it coming for her.Sample a post from her blog (ooops...not that you can do that now!) and see many of these involved expletives, sex or just sliming people.People who maybe just happen to cross her path.Well,now she's got the ultimate payback.She has nothing left of these slimeballs she hurled at people.

What really amused me were her reactions.Apparently,when she found that she was locked out of her blog,she was frantic and crying.And check out this statement: 'My blog is my biggest achievement in life, and losing it is my worst fear.'

I ask you this:Isn't it sad that the one thing defining your tiny little life is a nasty little blog that offered you five (not even Andy Warhol's fifteen) minutes of fame?Well,maybe Warhol's other famous statement is a reading of Xiaxue's life, namely: "I am a deeply superficial person."Only Xiaxue might just be plain superficial.I have seen her on TV in some Channel U talkshow (the one featuring the ex-DJ Desmond Koh and Quan Yifeng) and she doesn't come across as particularly (or remotely) intelligent to me.

Well,one might think that she'd actually to be a little nicer in person after getting such a hit but she's gone back to sprouting "motherphuckers" in no time.As the Smiths might say: "This joke isn't funny anymore" so cut the loose cannon-act and get some humility,if you have it in you.

She says she'd "come back stronger than ever" but in truth,I'd ask her to consider this.If the hacker (whoever he is...kudos to you,ultimate act of sabotage eh) ever decides to just repeat his act just once a month,Xiaxue will have nothing left of her "existence" to show anyone.Fame comes quickly and goes just as swiftly.

It's incredibly sad that someone places a blog as the centrepiece of one's life,I can only ask how empty can that be but well,to each his/her own.I always say for people like this,he or she needs a boy/girl...not a God-forsaken blog.Then maybe you really know what's the greatest achievement in life for anyone is...the ability to love someone unconditionally.

And not writing some stupid blog.

Friday, July 15, 2005
An Open Letter - Part Three

"If it makes you happy
It can't be that bad
If it makes you happy
Then why the hell are you so sad?"

Words from Sheryl Crow's "If It Makes You Happy"

Elva:

Dearest Elva,

The words of the chorus of this song are my exact words to you because if what you wanted allows you to be as happy as you said you are,I'm sure it's not bad...yet,why in the world are you so sad and lonely?Is this really what you want,from the bottom of your heart?How can what you describe as love be love if it leaves you lonely and empty?If it keeps you awake at three in the morning looking for something to do,company to keep?If love is like this,why would anyone want to fall in love?

I am glad I took time to calm myself down and re-organise my thoughts before I wrote this to you.Because my mind was in a mess when I wanted to write on Sunday.I need to say thank you first and foremost.Thanks for rescuing me from depths of despair on Sunday.I was so close to crying.Thank God for you.

Thanks for helping me through.And thanks for your immense concern.Sorry for the pain and sadness I caused you that night.You said that you will feel sad for a very long time for the things happening to me.I hope it doesn't last.You don't have to hold such burdens.

I thank you for the fact that you awaken me to the fact that I probably still love you BUT I agree with what you said.Not everything in life is perfect and the way we want it to be.And we have to each accede to the path we have made and taken,to the choices we made.Life is a one-way street.There is no way we can go back to retread back the way we came.I accept there is NO WAY we will ever be together.NO WAY.But you are in my heart.And I want nothing but happiness for you.

When I told you that years from now,if you are still not married/attached and I am of the same status,I will go to any lengths to win you back by my side,I meant it and I'd glad I made that clear to you.But I accept that it may never happen.Because in the first place,I do not know if I can keep my end of the bargain and not fall in love with someone else.More importantly,despite loving you,I do not feel I am the one you need,who can bring you the happiness you desire.I hope that the man you marry will be able to provide you whole-hearted,selfless love and the happiness you desire.You know you deserve it so much,for the things you have suffered in life.You deserve nothing but the absolute best.You are a wondeful girl,Elva.One of the best in the world.You open up my eyes to what is true beauty.You may not be the prettiest in appearance but you have the most beautiful heart ever.You would so willingly give without asking for anything back.Anyone who has you doesn't need anything else.

You told me to try to NOT love someone unreservedly,to NOT love someone with all my heart and give everything to that person...because you do not want me to feel hurt.But you know I CANNOT do what you want me to do,because I am as I am.If I do not love someone that way,I do not want to love at all.But I want to ask you this question:If one does not love unreservedly,with all one's heart and effort,can you call that love?

And why is it that you yourself cannot love someone half-heartedly?

You told me to always leave something for myself when loving someone.To hold back so as to not end up feeling hurt.But look at what is happening to you.Your boyfriend is holding back concern and attention,do you feel good?If you do,why are you feeling so sad and lonely?

You make up excuses that your boyfriend has a good heart and that he's too busy to shower attention on you and you accept that all men are like that.You make up excuses that his lack of attention is to "build up your character" but that's so bullsh*t.Why would any man want his love to feel lonely?If it was me,I'd make sure that you'd never feel lonely nor sad.I will try to make you feel the most loved person in the world.And is that not what you want?To feel loved?

The man doesn't love you.And if he did,he sure is doing a piss-poor job of showing it.But who am I to say anything?I am in no position.Because I cannot make you happy.But if it makes you happy,my love,it can't be that bad...if it makes you happy,why the hell are you so sad?

Why are you so sad?

Your sincerely,

XXXX

Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Sin City

I've had the privilege of watching Sin City way before it opened local cinemas because I got hold a DVD of it,but I held off talking about it until it hit our shores.I seriously did not expect this movie to be shown in Singapore because of its violent content.This is a movie when you see Bruce Willis rip out someone's testicles (it's actually not as bad as it sounds...somehow when you see it,it just a little surreal),a dog chow a living person's severed limb (again,strangely,it's not as gross as it sounds) and erm,Benicio Del Toro almost have his head cut off...

Now,the movie itself.Anyone who has read the review will know that the movie is based on Frank Miller's much celebrated comics series of the same name and the three segments are based on three of the stories in the series,namely "The Hard Goodbye","The Big Fat Kill" and "That Yellow Bastard".Characters in these three segments actually weave in and out of each other's stories.They essentially exist in the same universe and at some point,occupied the same space and interact...but their stories are separate.

The movie starts with a sequence that,I thought,was a little irrelevant.Based on the story,The Customer Is Always Right,Josh Hartnett and Marley Shelton acted a nice little scene that is a slight foretaste of what is to come...because immediately after that,Robert Rodriguez went on to set the stage for his last tale "That Yellow Bastard",starring Bruce Willis,Michael Madsen and Nick Stahl.And the violence...oooh...Willis essentially blows away Stahl's right hand and blasts his testicles into pieces and then gets himself pumped full of holes by Madsen...and as a little taster of what is to come,despite getting tens of dozens of bullets pumped,Willis actually doesn't die!Wow...hard man eh!

Anyway,on to the first tale,"The Hard Goodbye".This is also my favourite story of the three.Mickey Rourke stars as Marv,a super tough (and believe me,this guy is so tough,Batman and Superman can't touch him) street-fighter who spends a night with a prostitute,Goldie (Jaime King) and then wakes up to her dead by his side.Having never experienced such kindness before,he then sets about finding the killer of his "one,true love".

The way he went about doing this is extremely violent,of course but it's actually also kind of funny and cartoonish.The way that Rodriguez goes about shooting the whole,it actually looks kinda fun.Anyway,so on and so forth,Marv's trail leads all the way to a cannibalistic killer by the name of Kevin (Elijah Wood).I leave the rest for you to find out.

Mickey Rourke arguably gave the best performance in the entire film.Sure,he was covered under layers of grotesque latex but Rourke's mannerisms and demeanour is spot on.Elijah Wood is really creepy here.Throughout his screentime,he never utters a word.He just puts on this strange,creepy and serene smile like nothing in the world could hurt or bother him...even when he is being eaten alive by a dog...Jesus.Oh well,I just got to mention this,Miss Carla Gugino illuminates the screen with her beauty (and erm,ahem,her body...unlike Jessica Alba...the only stripper in the world who doesn't strip) in this segment.Pity we don't see more (am I being literal here?) of her before she gets killed off.The sequence where Marv breaks into her house and looks intently at her butt (she's a lesbian) while telling her "She's the best" is one of the funniest lines in the movie.

Next up is "The Big Fat Kill".I liked this tale alot less than either "The Hard Goodbye" or "That Yellow Bastard"...maybe it's the actors,I don't know.But for the first time,after viewing this movie,I could see what the fuss about Clive Owen is all about.This man is very masculine and very ruggedly handsome.He actually reminds me of a young Sean Connery.Is that why he was mooted for the James Bond role?I think he'd make a good Bond.Benicio Del Toro is as usual,excellent as Jackie Boy.I liked his villain role a lot better than Owen's Dwight,especially the part where he tries to retrieve a psitol from his severed hand.The things that follow are equally funny,including him blowing the pistol in his own face.It may sound violent here but on screen,it's really funny...maybe because things are filmed in black and white and the action is SO over-the-top.I don't really have an impression of the other characters,not Rosario Dawson,Brittany Murphy nor Michael Clarke Duncan although I must say Devon Aoki's Mihi is one of the coolest characters I have seen in the movies.She just slices and dices everyone to pieces without saying a word.What a cool chick...I don't mind a girlfriend like that!

The final tale,well...is a continuation of the Bruce Willis story.The movie starts with Hartigan (Willis) rescuing a twelve-year-old girl,Nancy Callahan,from paedophile killer,Roark Jnr (Stahl) but was betrayed by his cop partner Bob (Madsen).Hartigan gets arrested,healed and beaten up pretty bad in prison because Roark Snr (Powers Boothe) is a Senator,one of the most powerful men in Basin City.Hartigan then goes to prison to prevent Roark froming harming Nancy...fast forward,seven to eight years and the young girl named Nancy blossoms into Jessica Alba,the stripper who doesn't strip.Anyway,Roark Jnr morphs into Yellow Bastard and seeks some kind of revenge on Hartigan for turning him into a freak...and the rest is bam,whack,smash,pound and grab yours balls and tear them off...literally.

With a galaxy of stars servicing the stories,Sin City is certainly fun to watch,as is it's cartoony violence.Is there a sub-text to all these crazy actions?Nope,I don't think so.It's just a series of stories about very hard men and very beautiful women living their lives and surviving on the very mean streets of Basin City,full of violence,love and sex.And it's a blast.

8/10

Tuesday, July 12, 2005
An Open Letter - Part Two

"What do I do when my love is away
(Does it worry you to be alone?)
How do I feel by the end of the day
(Are you sad because you’re on your own?)
No I get by with a little help from my friends..."

Word from the Beatles' "With A Little Help From My Friends"

Continued from Part One...

Calv:

Dearest Calv,

I guess I have been holding onto this thought for the past few months now,after you went back to Sydney,but I really do want to apologise to you.Apologise for me being an absolute arse the last two times we met.I didn't mean to be but at that time,I wasn't feeling good and I didn't want to do things that'd make me feel even worse.Which was why I refused to do certain things.I hope you understood.I knew I made you angry.And I'm sorry.

You know me.I wear my heart on my sleeve and if I didn't want to do something that'd make me feel bad,I just won't do it.Even if my friends asked me to.I can't face up to myself if I did.So I hope you'd forgive me on that count.

Besides that,I wish to thank you for the times you spent with me,counselling and encouraging me.You helped me through one of the most difficult times of my life.I was so fortunate to have you around at that time.I'd never forget that.Thank you.

I hope to see you soon again.And hopefully,I can do better than I did last time.

Yours sincerely,

XXXX

Jubilee:

Dearest Jubilee,

Boy oh boy,I can't even remember how long I've been partners with you but it can't be that long.A year maybe?I'd tell you the truth:when I was first supposed to work with you,I had my reservations.I didn't really know the way you worked.And then as time went on,hey,I found that I much more enjoyed working with you than with my previous partner,Chicken.Maybe we are alike in certain ways and that's why I find it easy and comfortable to work with you.

Anyway,you do realise that you're a bit of a 万人迷 right?I mean I haven't seen anyone who can't get along with you yet and I think that has a lot to do with your good temperament...besides when you start arguing with Rogue.You got to watch out on that.Have more patience when dealing with stuff you don't like.The world is full of shit like that.

Well,I also got to tell you something.I think you are actually suited where you are right now.There is a fit I can see...if we were doing the right thing.For me,I never fitted in really.You also have to really find out what you want...I still get a feeling you don't quite know what that is...or maybe the time is not yet.

It is great knowing you as a friend.Truly is.One of the best things I got from this job.I say that without reserve.

Yours sincerely,

XXXX

Colossus:

Dearest Colossus,

Somehow,among all my friends,I think you are one of the easiest to understand,which is a good thing.Are guys easier to understand than girls?Not so.I never quite understood Aqua-man and the way his brain works.And even Chicken to a certain extent.You?You are different from them in that respect.It makes talking to you easier than talking to them.

Like Jubilee,I also think you are suited here.I have to say one thing and that is I admire the way you think and see things.I don't think I'd ever be at the same level.I'm being honest about this.A strong thinker isn't something I encounter everyday...especially among my friends.In fact,among my other friends,I can only count Wingman (whom you don't know) as someone who thinks as well.Well...that's the reason why I outtalk all my other friends but I don't try it on you.

And yeah,I think you and Jubilee make a good couple.Are the two of you alike or different?It's a bit of both.But where you are different,the thing is you actually complement each other.That is a good thing.Finally but not least,thanks for your friendship.

Yours sincerely,

XXXX

Jean Grey:

Dearest Jean Grey,

Miss Grey,the first time when I just got in here,the impression that I got was that you were the easiest one to talk to.Am I right to say that?Or would I discredit the others?I think you are anyway.I also must say you are something like a moral compass among this group of us.Why's that?You have a definite sense of what's right and wrong.And you get irritated sometimes when we keep doing some stuff ( and then you join in?Hmmm...) but it's important to always have someone around us to tell us that sometimes our action is not exactly right.

You know,sometimes I am equally confused by you as I am amused.You are a very unique person,you know that?I don't know quite describe what I mean but when you are a bit of a enigma.Sometimes you can be ditzy,other times you can be so sharp.Sometimes you are nonsensical,other times you are so logical.And it's all within character!Hmmm...

Well,thanks for your friendship,Miss Grey.Always a pleasure talking to you...ok,usually lah...sometimes you just go on and on and on...other times,you are silent as a grave...and it's still so perfectly you.

Your sincerely,

XXXX

Josie:

Dearest Josie,

I am confused,Josie.Was there anything between us?Did we ever liked each other or did I just imagined it all?But your actions betrayed you...I was sure you liked me.So what happened,Josie,what happened?Or maybe I never really liked you in that sense before...

I wish I knew what happened between us.I do.But I guess the truth is...I never actually loved you and it was better that you're not with me.But I regret the way I handled things.I hope I didn't hurt you...breaking things off so suddenly that you never heard from me again.I feel very bad about it.I do...because you are the purest girl I've ever known.

I say to all people who say Chinese girls are cunning and conniving...please know Josie if you ever get the choice.You are a genuine character,Josie.A pure and naive girl who have suffered hurts in life.And I am sorry that I might have been one of those who hurt you.I didn't mean to.But I never understood you as well.You always held back something from me.You are like a mystery that I never solved...and never will.

I wish you the best in life,Josie.I hope that there will be a man who will be true to you and take great care of you.You deserve someone good.You do.And you probably will find someone.It's not that hard for you.

Yours sincerely,

XXXX

Prof X:

Dearest Prof X,

Good friend,please don't harp on about our first ever handshake ok?I didn't mean it lah...I don't even remember doing what you guys said I did somemore (wiping my hand).Anyway,you know,it's just great knowing you.Really it is.You are someone who can take jokes very well and because you do not take life (and yourself) too seriously,I find it really easy to get along with you...because I don't either.Hah.

You know,I kinda miss you not being around here.You suffered the brunt of the joke but you could always take things sportingly.Not everyone could.Believe me.

Can't say much more besides that you take care of yourself in the outside world,friend.Once a civil servant,always one...

Yours sincerely,

XXXX

Snow:

Dearest Snow,

Am I with you because I am in love with you or because I just could?Do I really love you?I don't know.Could I live without you?I don't know either.Is that an answer by itself?Elva tells me that I can't be happy with someone,I should leave that person.But could I?

Snow,I want to know who you really are.I don't think I know the real you and that is killing me.How can we be together like this?There are things about you which I don't like but I've learnt to live with them...yet they get on my nerves.And there are times you just make me feel a overwhelming urge to protect you.Why is this so?

I keep telling myself that I'd be better off without you.But I'm afraid of hurting you because you do need me so very much.Do I need you?I still don't know.That can't be right.

I hurt so much sometimes when I'm with you.Really hurt.And really tired.And I don't want to be.You take so much out of me that I have nothing more to give to others.I feel so drained sometimes.That can't be right.Love can't be like this.

The bottomline could be I need to check my own feelings.I don't feel we have a future so should I break things off now.Elva tells me to...for my own good.I agree...especially if there is no future.But now is not the right time.When is a right time?When it comes,I'd know.

Yours sincerely,

XXXX


The final part three will be dedicated to Elva alone.

Evil Corporation - Part Two

Like all good movies,all good posts also come in sequels.This post is also about NKF but this time,it concerns the pay of top dog TT Durai and his gold-plated tap.Read up (again,my comments in blue):

Davinder Singh: In your affidavit, you liken yourself to CEOs of companies and ministers in government, right? Would you agree with me that like ministers in the government, you are being paid out of people's money? Would you agree with me that ministers' salaries are transparent?

T.T. Durai: Yes.

Davinder Singh: Would you agree with me that CEOs of listed companies have their salaries published in the newspapers?

T.T. Durai: Yes.

Davinder Singh: And you have likened yourself to CEOs of public companies. Why are you not publishing your own information?

T.T. Durai: I like my salary to remain private. My board members know that. My senior colleagues know that. (Erm,you think top government officials and public company CEOs don't want their salaries to remain private ah?You think they go "come come,see my big,fat salary so you can try and kidnap me" ah?)

Davinder Singh: We all like our salaries to be private. But if it's funded by the public, which takes precedence? The right of the public to know how much of their money goes to you, or your preference for privacy?

T.T. Durai: I think it is for the board to decide. The public doesn't control the organisation. (Isn't that the exact problem?The funds come from the public but they have NO control or knowledge over how it is used.So that's why you need transparency for accountability.The public not having control is the precise reason for transparency,not the lack of it)

Davinder Singh: Exactly. Exactly. You see, Mr Durai, the public does not control, it doesn't have access to information. So doesn't that place on you a responsibility?

T.T. Durai: We comply with all the regulatory requirements. If the regulatory authorities imposed a condition that we have to disclose salaries, we would.

Davinder Singh: Mr Durai, can you tell this court what your salary and bonuses were for 2002?

T.T. Durai: I was earning a monthly salary of $25,000. (Phoooah...)

Davinder Singh: And your bonus?

T.T. Durai: Performance bonus was 10 months. (Phoooooooooooah...)

Davinder Singh: Ten months' bonus! $250,000 bonus. This is for 2002.

T.T. Durai: I cannot recall the exact figure.

Davinder Singh: So, if it is $25,000 a month, multiply that by 12, your total package was $550,000 in 2002.

T.T. Durai: I believe so.

Davinder Singh: 2003, please?

T.T. Durai: You have the numbers. I don't have the numbers offhand.

Davinder Singh: Tell us, please, so that we don't waste time.

T.T. Durai: About the same I think. I cannot tell you offhand now. (I also believe TT cannot remember lah...so many zeros...how to remember?)

Davinder Singh: About the same, meaning $550,000 or slightly higher?

T.T. Durai: About that.

Davinder Singh: How many months' bonus did you get in 2003?

T.T. Durai: Twelve months.

Davinder Singh: In 2004, what was the bonus?

T.T. Durai: Same bonus.

Davinder Singh: Twelve months at $25,000 a month. (NKF got job opening boh?Anyone got lobang,please tell me!I want to join NKF.12 months bonus who don't want?Bloddy hell,my total bonus for three years never even add up to 12 months)

T.T. Durai: Yes.

Davinder Singh: So for the past three years you have earned about $1.8 million from the NKF. (Now,that's a millionaire for you.Working for NKF.Who wants to be a millionaire?Join NKF lah)

T.T. Durai: Yes.

Davinder Singh: And the man who earns $1,000 a month who takes out $50 of his pay packet every month thinking that it is going to save lives, should he not know that that is the kind of money you earn?

T.T. Durai: There is nothing wrong with the money I earn. (I am sure he deserves every cent of it...judging by his intelligent answers.)

Davinder Singh: $1.8 million, I wonder what is wrong. $1.8 million. Should the man who takes $50 out of his pay packet of $1,000, leaving $950 for him, his wife and his children, with no savings, should he not know that some of that money is going or has gone into a $500,000 to $600,000 pay package for you?

T.T. Durai: Surely he knows.

Davinder Singh: Tell me, how does he know?

T.T. Durai: Let me explain. People donate money to the NKF to run a dialysis programme that saves lives. We have built a dialysis programme. We run... (Hello???Is he imitating Stephen Chow here?无厘头）

Judge: Please answer the question.

Davinder Singh: You said: 'Surely he knows.'

T.T. Durai: No, I am saying a person who contributes to the foundation knows that there are people working in the institution. (Huh?What does that got to do with anything???)

Judge: No. The question is, should that person know that you are earning $500,000, $600,000 a year? It is a simple question.

T.T. Durai: No, your honour, I do not see a need for him to know. (If we don't need to know,maybe we don't need to donate either,right?)

Davinder Singh: Thank you. It has nothing to do with privacy. It is about embarrassment, is it not?

T.T. Durai: No. (This is true,he doesn't have to be embarrassed.Do you think Hannibal Lector is embarrassed about eating someone's liver?)

Davinder Singh: You would lose all authority, all moral authority to look at him in his eyes, isn't that right?

T.T. Durai: That is not true. (Lawyer tricks!Good old TT don't have to fall for it nor feel ashamed.Just buy a $1,000 pair of shades and you won't their eyes already mah)

Davinder Singh: If he knew that you were flying first class on his money, you could not look him in his eyes, isn't that true?

T.T. Durai: It is not true. (Of course not ashamed lah,you fly First Class you won't even meet those Economy Class lowlifes.Never even meet,how to be ashamed?)

Davinder Singh: If he knew that his salary couldn't even buy the bathroom fittings in your private office suite, you couldn't look him in his eyes.

T.T. Durai: That is not true. (Technically not true,those salarymen save a few months also can buy gold-plated taps mah...but bank account bankrupt lah)

Davinder Singh: We now understand why you say the $990 tap is not expensive. Well, coming from you at $600,000 a year, we now know why you say it is not expensive. But tell us, for that man with $1,000/$2,000, is it expensive?

T.T. Durai: Yes, he may consider it expensive. (Huh?You earn $1,000 and you pay $990 and it "may" be expensive.I'd think it IS expensive)

Davinder Singh: He may, or is it? Tell us the truth.

T.T. Durai: I cannot speak for him. It depends on the type of building, the use of the item. (Oh yeah?As in example: NKF Building,TT Durai use to wash his backside tap then not expensive lah huh?)

Davinder Singh: The man in his HDB one-room, two-room, three-room flat, earning a salary of $1,000, $2,000, $3,000 - would he find that tap at $990 plus 10 per cent discount expensive?

T.T. Durai: He may consider it expensive, yes. (Unless his father LKY?But then again,he won't be living in a flat then)

Davinder Singh: He may, or will he?

T.T. Durai: If he is an educated person, if he knows the use of the particular office, for what purpose, he may probably think it is something reasonable. (Boy,bloody TT just insulted me.Call me uneducated...)

End note:Bottom line...don't offend SPH ah,you silly bugger.They saw off your hands and legs,twist your head 180 degrees and then make soup out of your severed limbs.NKF silly buggers.Singapore only one newspaper and you go and offend that paper somemore.Whose perspective do you think people will be reading come the end of the day?Bad press liao lah...next NKF show get only 20 calls then you know...all NKF staff call one somemore.

Anyway TT ah,can come and use your toilet or not.I want to use $990 tap leh.Use this tap water to wash face confirm become Andy Lau mug one.

Evil Corporation

We have all heard various horror stories about NKF and how they abuse their funds.Well,today's ST reported on a court exchange between NKF head T.T. Durai and a lawyer.It's a dispute about whether Mr Durai travels first class on public funds.I reproduce the whole exchange here (my comments are in blue):

Davinder Singh (the lawyer): Can we have a straight answer to this question and listen very carefully to it: Using NKF's funds, have you travelled first class? A straight answer, you are on oath.

T. T. Durai: Yes, NKF has not paid for... (Ahhh..the start of the guilty child act..."Yes,I did it but not my fault lah...")

Davinder Singh: No, no. My question is very simple. Using NKF's fund have you ever travelled first class?

T. T. Durai: No.

Davinder Singh: Is that the honest truth?

T. T. Durai: I have travelled on NKF's business-class entitlement. I have used it to travel first class. (Wait a minute,who's talking about entitlement?The question is "Got travel first class or not?"Simple.U have $,4000 which is enough for SIA Business Class but can get Garuda First Class.So you chose Garuda and hence,YOU TRAVELLED FIRST CLASS,BOHDOH!)

Davinder Singh: I ask you one more time. Forget entitlement. Money. NKF money used. You travel first class?

T. T. Durai: Yes.

Davinder Singh: You have?

T. T. Durai: Yes, on business-class entitlement. (Aiyo...it's NOT about entitlement lah.This guy kindergarten education,is it?Cannot understand huh?)

To further questions, Mr Durai said he knew that an SIA business-class fare was higher than first-class fare on other airlines.

Davinder Singh: So effectively, what you have done is you have used money from the NKF ostensibly for business-class travel but really for first-class travel.

T. T. Durai: I have used...

Justice Tan Lee Meng: Yes or no?

T. T. Durai: Yes. Can I explain why?

Judge: You can but I would appreciate if you answer the questions.

Davinder Singh: You see, Mr Durai, this is public money. Isn't it your duty as a trustee of people's money to make sure that you get best value on a business-class seat instead of deploying this clever tactic of using one of the highest published rates to get first class on another plane? (I felt this should be the gist of it all.That it is a duty to get the best value for the SAME CLASS or LEVEL OF SERVICE you get can for the same amount of money as a public trustee.What's this "I got this money so I spend it all any way I want" attitude all about?)

T. T. Durai: This is a decision made by the board. I used the entitlement. (Yeah,but do you have the conscience, civil-mindedness and professionalism in your capacity as a CEO of a charity group to make the best use of funds for the organisation,an NGO charity whose money comes from people like us?)

Judge: The question is not who made the decision.

T. T. Durai: The board gave me...

Judge: Please answer the question.

Davinder Singh: Isn't it true that as a trustee of people's money, you have a duty to ensure that you get value for that money?

T. T. Durai: True. (Yeah,you admit it also huh?)

Davinder Singh: Isn't it true that you need to fly in business class for business-class comfort?

T. T. Durai: This is an entitlement given by the board to me... (Hmmm...as Yoda says...thick is he)

Judge: That was not his question. His question was, the directors feel that you deserve business-class comfort.

T. T. Durai: Yes.

Davinder Singh: And because you deserve business-class comfort, you are given a perk of business-class travel.

T. T. Durai: Yes.

Davinder Singh: Using the money donated by the man in the two-room HDB flat.

T. T. Durai: Yes.

Davinder Singh: Who has never in his life seen a business-class cabin?

T. T. Durai: I would not know that. (That is true.The lawyer made such a damn weird statement here)

Davinder Singh: So you set your perk at SIA business-class rate, use that money to go first class and sue people who say that they have seen you in first class?

T. T. Durai: At that point (of the 1998 lawsuits) I didn't travel on first class. But in the past two years, the board has given me entitlement to travel business class on an SIA ticket. So I have taken the liberty to travel first class... That is what the board has decided. They know about this. (Well...ok..not your fault lah then.All the board's fault lah because they never say anything?Which is true in a sense...but then I guess NKF board members are all snakes)

IN THE Straits Times article at the centre of the current lawsuit, NKF chairman Richard Yong was quoted as saying that nobody flew first class on NKF's money.

Asked now if that statement was true or false, Mr Durai replied: 'On the basis of what you said, it is not true.'

Mr Singh asked repeatedly if Mr Yong's statement to the paper was false. At first Mr Durai disagreed.

Davinder Singh: NKF does not pay for first-class airfare from Singapore. Does this say that if Mr Durai flies from Singapore, we only pay business class? But if Mr Durai flies from other countries back to Singapore, it is first class?

Therefore, is this statement by Mr Yong to the reporter Susan Long, meant for the public and donors, true or false?

T. T. Durai: It is not accurate, yes. Your interpretation is not accurate.

Davinder Singh: How will the public read this? You have sued two people who alleged you travelled first class.

T. T. Durai: They will have a different view of it. (A fact is a fact.How can you see things differently?Garuda First Class is not First Class ah?)

Davinder Singh: They will read it to mean that none of NKF's executives including you fly first class using NKF's money, correct?

T. T. Durai: Yes.

Davinder Singh: And that is false, correct?

T. T. Durai: Yes.

Davinder Singh: Is this transparency or is this deliberate concealment of facts? We had come to this court to justify the lack of transparency. What we have now learnt is far more egregious than that. Is this a matter of transparency or an orchestrated attempt to lie to the public?

T. T. Durai: No. The board has made a decision on the entitlement - I have used my entitlement to travel the way I want for the purpose of business. It is not something I have done deliberately to deceive the public. (Fair enough actually but Richard Yong's assertion makes it hard to defend.TT might not be trying to hide anything but what about the board?They do know TT travels First Class after all.)

Davinder Singh: Are you now going to do the right thing to go to the two persons you took money from (in the 1998 lawsuits) to return it to them and to apologise?

T. T. Durai: No. I want to explain because at that time I was not travelling using NKF's money to buy a first-class ticket. I paid the difference and then travelled on first class. ... (Oh please I think TT spent it already so how to return?)

Mr Davinder Singh asked several times why Mr Yong felt it necessary to mislead the public with a statement that was not true, and why Mr Durai had done nothing to correct it.

Mr Durai replied that he had merely used his travel entitlement and did not deceive the public.

Davinder Singh: Mr Durai, one last chance before I move on because if you don't have an answer, we know what it is. Why was it necessary to mislead the public?

T. T. Durai: You ask Mr Richard Yong that question. I don't know. (Blame-thrower)

Mr Durai disagreed that his method of using his business-class entitlement to travel first class amounted to mismanagement of NKF donations.

Davinder Singh: The reason the public has been misled is that you know that if the public knew the truth, they would be upset that these methods were being used to get yourself on first class. Isn't that right?

T. T. Durai: No.

Davinder Singh: The public would be upset.

T. T. Durai: No. (He's right,we won't be upset.We'd be VERY upset)

Davinder Singh: That is why you are not telling them the truth. Why hide the truth?

T. T. Durai: I am just like every other CEO entitled to benefits and rights. We run a business organisation with a turnover of $120 million. (Business BUT still a CHARITY.You are not a profit-oriented organisation,you know?Those monies you get are supposed to be for KIDNEY PATIENTS!!!)

Judge: Why hide the truth? The question was, why hide the truth?

Davinder Singh: Why hide the truth? You see, if it is completely acceptable, completely above board, why not tell the public this is what you are doing? Why create a totally false impression, as we have seen in this article?

T. T. Durai: On hindsight, we should have done that - to say I travel on first class using a business-class airfare. (On hindsight,I'd also strike 4D every week and become the richest man in Singapore.Hind your backside lah)

Endnote: At the end of the day,NKF is a charity organisation.They should make optimal use of their funds for the right purpose - that is,help the kidney patients.Why they go about doing all these nonsense is beyond my belief.

Everytime you see on TV all those charity shows with Zoe Tay crying like a baby pleading for doantions,Tay Ping Hui using his huge breasts to lift people on carts and Chris Lee burning his armpit hair jumping through fire hoops,remember TT smiling as he sits in Cathay First Class.

Call hotline?Call my backside lah.

Monday, July 11, 2005
An Open Letter - Part One

"Believe me
It's time to tell my friends I love them
They deserve more
Than hasty delivered words of kindness..."

Words from Gene's "We Could Be Kings".

And these are my words to some of my friends,while I still have a chance of saying them...even if they may not read these words:

Danny Boy:

Dearest Danny Boy,

I wish I know the answer to the question as to whether you are gay or not.I hope you are just a confused heterosexual but whatever the truth is,you are one of my best friends and you know that.Maybe I am still incredulous that you are probably homosexual,but friendship has nothing to do with sexual orientations.

What happened to you?Didn't you used to fall in love with a girl?Why have you fallen so far?Weren't you the one who brought me back to Christ?Weren't you the one who always told me to explore my relationship with God?Where are you now with God?

But who am I to talk like this?I have fallen as far,if not further than you have.I have no right.And I'm sure you're happy with who you are and what you are.You do not need words from me that doesn't help you at all.

I wish you all the best.I'd always help you,just as you've always helped me.I thank God for putting you in my life and I treasure our friendship.No matter what.

Yours sincerely,

XXXX

Beast:

Dearest Beast,

My brother,my good brother.And I do not call someone my brother likely.There are all of three persons I would call brother in this world.One's my real life brother of course,the other two's Bishop and you.How long have I known you guys now?22 years?That's more than a lifetime for some people.

I thank you for your love and concern for me,man.You'd always call me and talk to me when I tell you I feel bad or depressed and always offer encouraging words,never said anything bad to me that may hurt me.Thanks,really thanks for all the advice and company.You know I've done the same for you too,right?That's what brothers are for.

Still,I worry about you.You should get a girl.You have an infectious personality and getting a girl to love you should pose no problem.And I think you need one.Has the girl of your dreams passed you by?The one you told me and Bishop about?Haven't I encouraged you repeatedly to go after her?What's with you,man?A tiger with us and a mouse with her.That's not right,brother.

I guess I have to keep encouraging you to take action.Someone,somehow,sometime.You need a girl and you know it.

Finally,thanks for all the days of booze,pool and regional short trips,man.With you,things are always fun...now that I can't rely on Bishop much anymore since he has gotten his girl.Still,I hope that soon,I can't rely on you similarly as well.

Yours sincerely,

XXXX

Bishop:

Dearest Bishop,

Between Beast and you,I guess I've always worried less about you.Unlike Beast,you were always grounded,very logical.Maybe too logical.Too strait-laced.I think your girl,Eiffel,will sort you out on this trait.I am glad you have her.The two of you are good together.I hope the two of you will eventually marry.Seriously,hope so.

And thanks,brother,for taking me into your confidence.Telling me stuff you wouldn't tell anybody else first (or ever).Always consulting me on my opinion on everything...especially on girls and Eiffel...and football!That's treating me like a brother,man.That's trust.I am just sorry I haven't really shared my private life with you.Beast holds my confidence on that more.I just think you should spend time with your girl instead of worrying about me.

You are on the right track,brother.You are.Thank you for all the time you spent with me,man.Thank you.

Yours sincerely,

XXXX

Celina:

Dearest Celina,

Knowing you through my blog have been one of the true privileges of writing this blog.I kind of treat you like the little sister I never have.And you know what I appreciate about you?

I think you are a kind-hearted soul,with no lack of love and strength.Especially strength.I don't know how you get through what you have sometimes but I admire you for it.And I'd love to help you in any way I can.

Celina,you are still young.So young with so much to learn and so much potential.You will find your way,find what you want and then you will blossom.I guarantee you on that.Do not be too anxious with love and life.There's still a long way to go.And if you fall down or have your heart broken,talk to me about it.I know what it's like.

Take care,girl.

Yours sincerely,

XXXX

Jen:

Dearest Jen,

Where are you,Jen girl?Didn't I ask you to call you when you return from the US?It's been three months or more since then and I haven't heard a word from you.Do you know I am worried about you,Jen?I hope you are doing fine.And if you are really going to Birmingham,please tell me about it!

Jen,you are one of those people whom I could never stop worrying about.Your love affair with that Indian boyfriend of yours.Is it on or off?Doesn't it hurt to be trapped in it so badly?You always told me that you wanted to break it off,Jen,but you had never seemed able to.I wish you did.Maybe it'd cause you less pain.

I always thank you,Jen for the way we share our experiences and thoughts with each other.How we would always encourage each other and honestly evaluate each other's situations.Thanks for everything.When I think about it,I even amazed how we got to know each other and remained close.It's quite remarkable actually.

Talk to me,Jen,when you have the time.I could never find you...or maybe I could but just didn't bother to.We should talk.

Yours sincerely,

XXXX

Wingman:

Dearest Wingman,

Hello,mate,it's always been a pleasure knowing you.I think of everyone that I know,you're the most well-balanced,finest specimen of how a guy should be.And I congratulate you on your upcoming marriage.You and Ire make a great couple,indeed I would deem the two of you one of the model couples I have known.

I really cannot say anything more than to thank you for your friendship,Wingman.Your logical,thoughtful side and your playful side always makes such an interesting combination.It's easy to like you.In fact,anyone would,you charming bloke.God bless you,my friend.

Yours sincerely,

XXXX

Yuen:

Dearest Yuen,

Hey,my good mate,like Wingman,I thank you for your friendship and the times when I've confided in you and you lent me a ear.Never judging,always understanding.I've never always done the same for you but you know me.I do care.And you're a good friend to me.Always have been.

Someday,as you say,you'd go back to Malaysia to pursue the next part of your life.And you said that you've been away from home for too long.I guess I understand.There's always a time when we need to go back home.But I still hope to see you often when that happens.

And get a girl,mate.You've been resisting it forever.When is any time ever a good enough time for you?You and your excuses.You're a hardworking,honest bloke and there'd be plenty of girls out there who appreciate it.

Yours sincerely,

XXXX

Elle:

Dearest Elle,

I haven't known you for a very long time but as time went along,I've become more and more comfortable with you.You know,I'd have entertained thoughts of wooing you before but eventually I guess I am doing the right thing by not doing so.Being very comfortable with someone doesn't have to equate being that person's other half.I certainly won't miscontrue that.

But Elle,I do have to say you are a lovely girl.Honest to goodness,lovely.I think in the past,I have occasionally been careless with you and hurt you.I'm sorry.Very sorry.But you understand the way I am.I mean no harm.

I love to stay good friends with you,Elle.I guess that's as far as things will go.If I was another guy,I'd chase you but not when I'm Archangel.

Yours sincerely,

XXXX


This post ends here because it is but part one.I still have things to say to other people.That includes Jubilee,Colossus,Jean Grey,Prof X amongst others and two very important girls in my life:Snow and Elva.

The Saddest Song In The World?

Brought tears to my eyes when I heard this song,"Heaven 9/11".I dedicate this song to the victims of the London blasts as well.God bless your souls.

It's been a year daddy
I really really miss you
Mommie says you're safe now in a beautiful place called Heaven
We have your favorite dinner tonight
I ate it all up even though I don't like carrots
I learned how to swim this summer
I can even open my eyes when I'm under water
Can't you see me?
I started kindergarten this year
I carry around a picture of us in my Blue's Clues lunchbox
You are the greatest daddy
I can swing on the swing by myself even though I miss you pushing me
Can't you see me?
I miss how you used to tickle me
Tickle my belly
My belly hurts
I try not to cry
Mommie says it's ok
I know you don't like it when I cry
Never wanted me to be sad
I try daddy but it hurts
Is it true you're not coming home?
Maybe some day I can visit you in Heaven,ok?
It's time for me to go to bed now
I sleep with the light on just in case you come home and kiss me good night
I love you so much
I miss you daddy

Saturday, July 09, 2005
Initial D

Just had the strangest experience of watching a movie I told myself I'd never watch.Just a week ago,one of my childhood friends,Beast,had asked me to watch a movie with him.Ok,that movie was Initial D.I simply told him that "come on,who watches Initial D?Anyway,the VCD will be out by end July and then you can buy it and watch it at home with your entire family.$10 for 3 people,much more worth it than $7 for one.And besides,what's there to see about the cars?Just go Orchard Road and see lah.So many cars there."

After bargaining with the fellow for about 1/2 hour,I outtalked (not convinced.I never convince or reason,I only outtalk) him into watching War Of The Worlds.Of course you know the end result...we wound up not watching any movies because the queue was too long (and the tickets too few) and played pool and drank beer the whole day instead.Not a bad way to spend a day.Drinking booze and shooting pool.

Anyway,then my friend,Elle,just called me out of nowhere and asked me to watch Initial D with her today.Oh...ok lor.How the hell do you say no to a gal?I do enjoy her company and I'd think vice versa so it was an enjoyable evening spent with her.

Well,the movie itself,I didn't thought it was a great movie,or even a good one at that.It was passable at best.Whatever narrative that the scriptwriters managed to come up with,it went like this:Two amateur race-drivers want to race each other but make a pact they must win a certain number of races before they challenge each other.So they race,race and race.Then they meet tofu boy who delivers tofu driving through a mountain road at breakneck speed.So they challenge and race,race,race.That's about it.Somewhere stuck in between are some mildly amusing lines and gags,a half-baked romance that didn't seem quite logical,a father-son relationship that's supposed to be loving but seems more antagonistic than anything else and a flurry of race scenes that was exciting at the start but then became increasingly repetitive.

Of the actors who starred in the movie,I wasn't really impressed with any of them.Jay Chou has made a passable debut,although I suspect the reason for him doing so is that he is essentially playing himself.A nonchalant,non-expressive passive character who stumbles on his words.The moments when he is required to emote,I thought he was found out.Check out the penultimate scene when he was driving his car after running away from Anne Suzuki.He was supposed to be sad and crying.I thought he was really forcing it and it didn't come across natural at all.But well,he's a singer,not an actor.

Of the other two young leads,Edison Chan and Shawn Yue,Chan has the benefit of a character that was better fleshed-out (slightly).But then,that isn't saying a lot.Because Yue's character was really a blur to me.First he was supposed to be the leader of his own amateur race team,then as the movie progressed,he increasingly became a sidekick to Chan.What happened?I don't get it.Chan's character is essentially a nice but competitive bloke.As if that means something.

As for the other characters,Anthony Wong,of course,showed that he can act but well,what's the exact nature of his character exactly?I thought he was like an enigma.He was at various times a drunkard,sage,lecher,loving dad and mentor.There is a never a point where I can quite place who he is and why he did things the way he did.Chapman To,as usual,plays the clown,sometimes to amusing effect,other times,a laboured performance.Kenny Bee...erm,I don't really have an impression of him.As for Chou's love interest played by Anne Suzuki,I thought the romance itself just suddenly bloomed out of nowhere after staying status quo for a number of years.How did that happen again?Because of a simple fight and a promise?Is it that easy to impress girls?I won't even mention Jordan Chan.He just appeared out of nowhere and then disppeared into nowhere.Didn't even know what's the point of his character being there besides to provide an excuse for a race.And the clincher is this,the movie just ended abruptly and I had to prop myself up to ask Elle,"Isn't that too sudden?What is that supposed to mean?"...I think the answer is a sequel.

Ok,I guess I must have trashed the movie quite a bit.Is it really that bad?No,I think not.But this is a movie in which I wish more thought was put into the characters and narrative,rather than just use them for one set-piece race after another.After you've seen one,you really have seen all.

6/10

Thursday, July 07, 2005
Why Am I Not Invited?

Am I not big enough?

Am I an ikan bilis in the blogging universe?

Do they not know who the X-Man Archangel is?

Doesn't 7,457 (and madly jumping) hits over the period of over a year mean anything?

Ok,cancel the last point.If I was an advertiser,I wouldn't spend a cent on my own blog.But hell,even considering my bloody low readership,I should get an invite to the bloggers' conference,Bloggers.SG...don't you think?The below reasons should be enough to extend an invite out to me:

1) I can blog about A*STAR and flame them without getting sued.Can you,Mr Chen Jiahao?

2) I can flame the government without getting hooded.Can you,Mr Chee Soon Juan?

But then again,consider the below reasons why I would NOT get invited:

1) I don't pose nude pictures of myself on the net because no photograhper wants to take them in the first place (except maybe Mr Steve Ch**).They'd rather go blind and never take another picture again.

2) I don't get my own Friday weekly piece in Today newspaper. Hell,it's very hard for them to print out something that contains the word "phuck" in every paragraph.

3) I don't say "phuck" enough so I don't get enough readers,unlike Xiaxue.Well,what's a man to do?Say "phuck" cannot get on Today,don't say "phuck" get no readers...subsequently cannot eventually get on Today.

4) Majority of the hits I got is because people used the search term "Jolin Tsai porn" while googling. I left about 7,000 of my hit readers disappointed.

5) I can offer no deep insights during panel discussions besides the observation that "girls are nice".

6) Hey,I wouldn't even show up in the first place.If my picture is taken,I lose my job!But more importantly because Lin Zhiling is not attending.


A pic of Lin Zhiling,my new wife...buzz off,Jerry Yen.

Sorry,I couldn't resist...

Anyway,let me indulge in sportstalk for a while.First,I can't resist talking about Merseyside girly-man Steven Gerrard and his wayang "Am I going,am I not going" dramarama over contract talks at Anfield.

As all Liverpool fans know by now,their favourite prostitute (in the words of Banshee) enacted a drama worthy of an Oscar nomination.Hell,Sean Penn should learn from him.Over the course of 72 hours,the guy went from complaining to outright stating that he wants to be leave because he felt unwanted/disrespected to rejecting a,get this,£100,000 a week contract and affirming his desire to leave...to Rick Parry (Liverpool Chief Executive) and Reds manager Rafael Benitez pleading for him to stay before wah lah,he comes running back into Anfield,saying the club means the world to him (all £100,000 per week of it) and he could never contemplate leaving (what's the drama all about then?) and he would never do that to Liverpool fans again (you wait two years and see...you just wait.)

Ah,Banshee was the one who excitedly broke the news to me,came walking here to tell me,in fact...like I give a shit.He said that when Gerrard was leaving,he told his friend that Gerrard was a whore and is easily replaceable,no man is bigger than the club.Later when Gerrard decided to stay,he retracted his statements and said that Gerrard IS bigger than the club,that he absolutely loves the club and is irreplaceable because he is the best midfielder in Europe and that is further because he is the most complete midfielder in Europe.Oh please,let me rebutt point by point.

1) To say Gerrard is bigger than the club is to betray the greats that have played at the club and the years of achievement there.The likes of Kenny Dalglish,Ian Rush,John Barnes,Alan Hansen,Kevin Keegan and Graeme Souness played at Liverpool and none even entertained the idea that they are bigger than the club so who's this 24-year-old fart called Gerrard?He won one European Cup and he's better than all these greats?Better than the club which spent money grooming him?

2) If he loves the club so much,he would afford it more respect than what he's shown.He blames everything on miscommunication but I ask you this:If you truly loved a girl,would you mind if she asked to wait for a while to think about things when you proposed to her?Hell,she was the one who asked you to marry her in the first place but you said"wait,wait,I not sure".Not sure my arse.

3) Best midfielder in Europe?Phuck off.For all Liverpool fans who thinks he's that great,please look through Opta stats (and you know what they say about stats,they "never" lie),Gerrard wasn't even the best midfielder in England,that's Lampard.The world?Yeah right.As for the most complete midfielder,look through the stats,Lampard was again better than him in almost everything.Most complete?Yeah right.And I don't even think Lampard is the most complete midfielder in Europe.I think,on his day,Pavel Nedved is the most complete.So Gerrard fans,sob off.

From a distasteful subject,I switch to a more palatable topic.Now,I rarely watch a lot of tennis on TV,besides the Grand Slams.I had the privilege of tuning into Roger Federer's straight sets demolition of Andy Roddick and after witnessing the match,I have two observations to make.

This guy is incredible and that he must be destined for greatness...injuries and form permitting.Hell,I have never seen ANYONE play tennis like that.

Mind you,I have watched the likes of Boris Becker,Stefan Edberg and Pete Sampras play before.But none truly plays like him (at least from what I've seen).Sampras,the last of the greats,played with great power and movement but bored people to tears.You just watch Federer and tell me he's not the most graceful,artistic and complete player ever witnessed on modern TV.

I can't say whether he better than Bjorn Borg,John McEnroe,Rod Laver or whoever because I have never watched them play but in my lifetime,I haven't seen like anyone like him before.

That's it,back to work...and send me an invite to Bloggers.SG NOW NOW NOW.

Also invite Lin Zhiling please.

Friday, July 01, 2005
Malingering

Reports about another NSman biting the dust in yesterday's ST has stirred up a hornet's nest of debate in the excellent ST forum today...ok,I am kind of exaggerating but hey,come on,two letters is worth a hornet's nest.

Anyway,yesterday's report about the death of a certain 3SG Ong Peng Ghee is the third fatality in as many weeks...which is like hell actually.All of these cases had involved the servicemen taking part in runs,voluntary or otherwise.Another story in yesterday's ST also highlighted the death of another NSman who died from a bacterial infection.Well well well,that's more deaths in our army camps nowadays than in Iraq.It seems that runs are more dangerous than live-firing nowadays.

One thing everyone has to know about the army is that basically everyone who reports sick seems to have this "guilty (of malingering) until proven innocent" tab put on them.Now now now,I don't know how MOs and their medics work nowadays but in my days,anything other than an obvious and outrageous fever or a broken bone or two is not considered above suspicion.You flu,you malinger.You cough,you malinger.You got cancer,you also malinger.Do MOs really think that it's a lot of fun queueing up to see a doctor who doesn't exactly have a wealth of experience and doesn't even have a lot of medicine to give you?I can tell you it's much easier to just take a one-hour run and then go shower and rest than wait three hours (and still not get to see the MO) in a dingy (ok,it's not actually dingy but there are mosquitoes around) medical centre?

I'd implore MOs and medical staff to treat NSmen with a LOT more integrity than they afford to stray rats running across the streets.A lot less people care to malinger than you think they do.And I speak from personal experience.

In all my NS life,from PTP to BMT to NSF till reservist (that's a total of about 9 1/2 years),I have reported sick the grand total of ONCE during all this time.And even then,it was a horrible experience because you guessed it,I was accused of malingering.Being the anti-establishment arsehole that I am,I of course had to respond in the best way possible.I threw up right in front of their damn phucking faces.How nice!This is how the story goes:

It was POP (3 day event,2 day rehearsal) for my BMT.Basically we were all involved in the parade but for those who didn't pass their SOC,they also had to retake the test on the morning of the parade day itself.Rehearsal,rehearsal,rehearsal...fine...and then the third day came.The night before,we had been allowed to go home after really rehearsing late into the night the previous day.Because we rehearsed so late,we took all three of our meals in camp and went home really just to sleep.

The morning,just before leaving the house to get to the camp,I felt really queasy and threw up right smack in the middle of my dining room.As CSI would say,nice splatter.Anyway,I felt really bad but there was no time to go see a doctor (no 24-hour clinics around) so I just bit my lip and got on with it.As I was one of those unfit buggers who did not pass the SOC test,I had to take the test that morning.

By the time,I reached camp,I was feeling like a man hanging by his neck on a noose.But I was supposed to take the test anyway...so you know,I just put on my gear (hell,we did SOC with a dummy rifle that time) and proceeded to do the warm-up.After those warm-up exercises,I naturally was feeling on top of the world,if it was upside down that is and then came the usual question of "Anyone not felling well?"Well,I didn't so I raised my hand.

This is how it went:

3SG Louis (this is the phucker's real name): What's wrong with you?

Archangel: I am feeling sick,felt really bad at home this morning.I even threw up at home.

3SG Louis: Then why you do the warm-up?

Archangel: I thought if I could take it, I'd just do it lah but I'm not feeling very well right now.

3SG Louis: If you are really not feeling very well, throw up in front of me lah.Stop malingering.

Archangel: (Whispers) What the phuck...(then says to the muthaphucker) Ok,sergeant.

So well,yeah,I proceeded to do and complete the entire SOC course in about 13 minutes. After I got past the finish line,I was panting right by a drain,feeling out of breath like I was breathing in a vacuum and someone just dumped a vat of concentrated hydrochloric acid down my throat.And then 3SG "Muthaphucker" Louis came over.

3SG Louis: Why you run so phucking slow?

Archangel: Sergeant,I am feeling very bad...

3SG Louis: Yeah right!

Archangel: ...

*Splat*

A nice stream of orange acidic vomit came pouring out of my mouth and into the drain,some of the people around me scampered away.I continued to do a Merlion for the next couple of minutes.

3Sg Louis: Eeew,so dirty.Not fit don't run lah.What told you to run?

PHUCK YOU!

End note: Later it was discovered that a lot of recruits (including me) had gotten food poisoning en masse because of food contamination in camp.We were made to go the med centre to fill up forms en masse to talk about what we ate.What we ate?We ate shit SAF provided,that's what!

And we have to endure idiots like 3SG Louis in camp somemore.

And I never reported sick in camp ever again.I'd rather die.