Tuesday, December 21, 2004
Bye Bye Bye Bye Bye

I will not be writing in this blog for the foreseeable future.So yeah,it's bye bye bye bye bye for everyone who reads this post.Thanks to the people who read and liked this blog,I've opened up the comments option so that you can all write something in if you fancy...condolences probably.Hah.Enjoy your life.

And thanks to Twoeggs for introducing me to blogging.我也拒绝再玩.


知你今晚很想 凭着游玩来代替闷
(夜半是冷的但你是暖的)
寻找新鲜剌激 寻找一晚的爱伴

当我车你归家 而没留下来伴着你玩
(就算极剌激就算极剌激)
全因心中已知 无根的一晚不会解闷

潮流兴 多花款随便偷欢
潮流兴 将不羁当作新基本
但我厌倦(倦也闷)
在某天已拒绝再玩

可以斥我古板 我不再需要天天新款
(或这是对的或这是错的)
曾经喜欢拼盘 如今很需要真友伴

知你不满都好 仍未能奉陪伴着你玩
(就算极剌激亦竭力压抑)
明知假使放宽 明朝一醒我心更苦闷

潮流兴 多花款随便偷欢
潮流兴 将不羁当作新基本
但我厌倦(倦也闷)
在某天已拒绝再玩

Oh baby 多花款随便偷欢
Oh baby 将不羁当作新基本
但我厌倦(倦也闷)
在某天已拒绝再玩

Bye bye bye bye bye.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004
Peace

Last night,I received a Christmas card from my ex-girlfriend.Something I didn't expect to receive and I have mixed feelings about.I had talked in past posts of how I tried to shut her out of my life and well,I did my very best to fend her out...until she sent me the card.I struggled with it the whole day before writing her a reply.A compromise on my part but it was something I had to do.The efforts she was willing to make keep my friendship,I guess I really do mean something to her.I am thankful for that.

What she wrote in the Christmas card was basically this:I am very thankful to have met you and will always treasure our friendship,no matter what happens I will always try to maintain it for as long as I live.Thanks for the care and love you showed to me.Even though you might not call me anymore and the times we talk become fewer and fewer in number,I will always strive to send you greeting cards on important occasions and will always think about you.I am sure you will treasure our friendship as much as I do.I wish and pray for you and hope that you'd have all the good things in life...

It's true I didn't really wnat to talk to her again...she read me like a book on that instance.It might not be exactly true that I treasure our friendship as much as she did.I used to but no longer.I am only being honest here.I wanted to forget her and move on.

I wrote back basically reciprocating her gesture of friendship.But I stopped short of saying that I will actively maintain contact with her...what I said instead was if she wanted or needed to talk to me,she knew what number to call.My words and actions do not match.I feel like a hypocrite.I am a hypocrite.I just don't want to hurt her.

But if I did...I am sorry,嘉文.

Monday, December 13, 2004
Men Behaving Badly

As I scrolled through all the stuff that I've written,I have found that my posts have gotten progressively longer in length and conversely,perhaps,increasingly unpalatable to read.I gather this from the amount of scrolling I had to do just to cover a singular post...geesh.From now,I'd try to cut to the chase as quickly as possible to avoid stretching to such lengths again.

Let me start this post by saying something:

I am not a nice person by nature and I'm not easy to get along with.I am not friendly by nature and do not pretend to be friendly with everyone.And while I may be quick to read situations,reacting to it is a different case altogether.I find myself able to see if something is going smoothloy or not too good,but my reactions usually run counter to what my brains tell me I shoukd do.My EQ scores are pretty low,I think.

What does this got to do with anything?Basically,it's this,anyone who's my friend might find me disagreeable in one way or another over time.And unintentionally,there is likely to come a time when I will hurt someone.For all those I might have hurt,I am truly sorry.I will never intentionally set out to hurt anyone.But if I did,I offer an apology.Not intenting to hurt is not a good excuse for the actual act of hurting itself.

I hurt someone tonight and I feel terrible about it.It was unintentional but she was so hurt,she said she didn't want to talk to me tonight.She told me to just go after dinner and well,I did...SMSing an apology.She didn't stay cross with me for long because I was quite profuse with my sorries but her forgiveness didn't make me feel better.It was less the matter than the recognition of my fallibilities and weaknesses.I do feel like I am beating myself sore over it but I cannot ignore facts.

I do not really want to elaborate on the details of what happened,which makes my mentioning of the event pretty meaningless in itself...that is,if I wasn't leading it into the topic of what is perceived to be men's bad behaviour.

Very often,women accuse men of being overly insensitive to the needs and emotions of women and many times,I do have to admit these accusations have more than a semblance of truth in them.The thing is though,a lot of men's actions are guarded by our nature and maybe,by how we are brought up...as men.Let me just say that,most men do NOT set out to be insensitive jerks,especially to the women they love.Those who do so have to face up to one truth:They do not love their women.So much of what men is second nature that when they do it,they are really not aware they are being insensitive to their womenfolk.Because if they did,trust me,they would NOT attempt it in a million years.

Some of the things men do:

1) We tend to trivialise the emotions of women,downplay feelings and say they are over-reacting to things.Most of the times,we fail to address the emotions behind the statements and simply address the facts.

2) We are slow to react to subtle changes in body langauge and tone of voice.Such that only with a overt declaration or act of unhappiness,would men spring into action to reconciliate or solve matters.

3) We like to let arguments simmer and cool before taking action.For us,to act while emotions are still running high would only result in further disagreement because emotions will override logic.So sitting down and cooling off to settle one's thoughts is preferable to trashing things out straightaway.After you cool off,you might also find it easier to apologise.

4) We find it hard to say sorry.

Generally,men are factual,not emotional creatures.When we listen to someone make a statement,the facts would stick but the way the person says it usually escapes us.Understanding and catering to emotions isn't a particular strong suit.And most of the time,when a man downplays the emotions of the partner,the intention is not to trivialise them but a genuine attempt to alleviate any anger or bitterness that may linger.It can be misconstrued instead as insensivity or an attempt to make the partner seem like she is over-reacting and hence is petty,immature...fill in your own words.This is never the case but because men is not adept at addressing emotions,it seems far easier to downplay emotions and make it lighter than deal with it outright.

Men are visual creatures...unfortunately,probably for the wrong things.But anyway,we cannot spot when a woman shows slight irritation or raises her voice slightly to show unhappiness.In fact,we usually only know something is really wrong when the womenfolk tell us outright or throw such a fit that it's totally unmistakeable.What can you do about such "woodenness"???I don't know...I guess men are not exactly brought up to be sensitive souls.How do you survive to be a guy like that when you are in the army,for example?You'd be crying in your pillow every nigth with the abuse you suffer.In building up toughness,I think something is lost.

As such,since we are aware of the havoc that emotions can stir when they are in full flow (do you know how many officers we could have killed in the army if we allowed our emotions to run over?),we always liek to cool down before proceeding to solve matters.I've heard that girls like to solve matters as soon as possible...on the spot while men likes to just wait out until tempers have cooled and rationality is restalled.Bascially,there isn't anythign wrong with either approach...the problem is when we fail to understand the logic behind each approach.Why do you want to talk about things when you are still so emotional and we'd probably end up quarreling even more?Conversely,how can you wait for days and not talk to me about the matter like it doesn't exist?Which is wrong and which is right?

Finally,sorry IS the hardest word.Pride gets in the way.Rather than saying it out loud,men tends to express their apologies in actions.Sending flowers,doing something for the partner,iniating the conversation after a few days of cold war with "This TV programme sucks",going for dinner together...etc.But rarely an outright sorry.

I offer no solutions at all in what I write...only explnantions to help women to may be understand where we are coming from.I can't even profess to speak for all men.I only think these words may be an explanantion,gathering that I am a guy,myself.So the next time,girls,when you accuse your man of being insensitive,realise that he NEVER meant to be so.A man never sets out to hurt the woman he loves.It's worse than plunging a blade into his own heart.

Friday, December 10, 2004
SDU Stigma

My bout of bad luck might be returning to me,seeing what had conspired in the last hour.Anyway,I has skipped lunch today because I wasn't really hungry at that time,having eatena decent breakfast of fried noodles with a fried egg and a 五香.Colossus opted to do the same thing as he too had a good brekfast and wasn't hungry (silly fellow,people who follow what I do usually end up finding themselves a lot worse off).My intention was to go down to a Old Change Kee stall at a kopitiam near my office to grab a curry puff and a stick of sotong balls at around 3 to satiate my hunger when it finally creeps up on me.

Well,at about 2 to 2:30,Colossus couldn't stand it anymore and went down to the canteen to grab a bite.I was still waiting for 3 of course but at that time,the sky started turning really dark and I think it probably started drizzling.Fine.So I just upped and left at 2:55,cheap $1.50 umbrella in hand,ready to meet the worst challenges that nature could throw at me.

The moment I hit the ground floor,I could see that it was drizzling slightly so I thought that it was still ok,with an umbrella in hand.Not quite true.Yes,I did have an umbrella but it was a cheap $1.50 "Made in China" brolly that the Chinese themselves wouldn't use (Mum,STOP buying cheap umbrellas for me).So when I opened it,I found the strong winds practically blew my brolly inside-out and upturned it.I could only maintain it in place if I held it against the wind.

Ok,fine...so I was just ambled my way down to the kopitiam and then lo and behold,what do I see when I reach the damn place?The Old Chang Kee has been replaced by a Nasi Lemak stall.NASI LEMAK???!!!I don't want Nasi Lemak,I want Old Chang Kee,damn it.So well,after thinking for a while on the spot,I finally decided to make my way back to the office and buy something from the canteen.

Sad to say,that wasn't the end of it.As I was inching my way back to the office,the rain started getting bigger and then out of nowhere,one of the spokes of the skeleton of my brolly broke and the canopy just sort of collapsed to one side.ARGH!!!I had to use one hand to support the collapsed side of the canopy while making my way back.When bad luck comes,it comes in a barrage.How nice.But one good thing did emerge from this?While at the kopitiam,I spotted this cute girl and our eyes sort of met for a while.It amounts to nothing of course but a pretty girl always makes my day.I am easily contented.

Dazzler emailed me this morning asking me and another person (I don't know who as the mail was bcc-ed but I think it's probably Psylocke) if I wanted to join the SDU and attend some activities with her.Since I was already a PAYING member but had absolutely never done anything there,I thought,"Why not?"After all,I had already paid for it but just sitting around on my bum doing nuts.I might as well makes use of the membership to attend some interesting events and maybe meet people,if I'm lucky which I know I'm not.Come to think of it,that must be the start of the spell of my bad luck.Dazzler informed me that as our ministry had bought a corporate gift membership pack,all of us working under it get to become members for free when we register...AND I paid $20 for my membership???天理何在?主啊，还我个公道吧.

Dazzler ( and to some degree) really has a defeatist mentality when it comes to meeting men because well,it's hard to find Indian men who don't find high educated and outspoken Indian women intimidating.And the number of Indian men is already quite a small pool in Singapore.As for Chinese men,they just don't date Indian women for one reason or another (don't ask me why).So the reason she wanted to join the activitie sis really for the activities alone and not to meet people because she figured she won't meet any.For me,it's probably the opposite but if the activity is boring,it'd still kill me anyway even if they have Cindy Crawford there.But well,she wanted and needed to find some company so well,sure,I am game for anything.

This joining of SDU thing really reminded me of something and that is:the "stigma" that young generation attach to joining such an organisation.Bascially,people who join it are seen to be really desperate.I have a question:Why?Are we living in the stone age that we can't be open-minded enough about matchmaking,dating services and this kind of stuff?Not everyone is a Brad Pitt with women falling all over to bear his children nor is every woman Aishwarya Rai with every men eager to marry her.And not everyone has the means and connections to widen their social circle effortlessly.So what's there to get hung up about?Your own insecurities,perhaps.or uninformed prejudices?

Frankly,I am amused because well,if you are someone who can't seem to find that special someone in your life but still likes to attach stigma to these dating agencies,I can assume you are the one with a problem,not those who joined.At least they are honest with themselves and realise this is another avenue to meet new people and somewhere down the line,maybe a spark may just fly somewhere,somehow and you meet that special someone.Fairplay to them,wouldn't you say?Better than people riding on high horses and not realising their feet's not touching the ground.And as for those Adonises who have people scrambling to be your soulmate,I congratulate you.Simple as that.

The proliferation of such agencies and websites also goes some way towards showing that these sites do have their own merits and I will not bet against their effectiveness.But anyway,what am I saying?Nothing much besides I'd probably be attending some events that SDU have organise if and when Dazzler needs my company.Oh,Luna Esa,I had thought you wanted to join some stuff as well?You could start joining some events and maybe even join us...if I know what Dazzler wants to attend.

It'd be knock-off time in a hour or so...just great.As you can see,I don't really have much to write about except to curse and rant at people.So this post ends here.

Have a good weekend.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004
如何糟蹋前U频道艺人

Did you guys all read articles about the media company merger and retrenchment exercise at Mediaworks/SPH yesterday?The news broke yesterday during the 9:30 evening news on 5 and today,ST (Funny,I thought Today should be the paper that's gleeful) is having a field day describing how various Mediaworks/SPH artistes and staff reacted after receiving their pink slips from the management of merged media entity.I have to admit one thing:The news articles greatly amuses me...for two simple reasons.

First,the reactions of certain people are so drama,it's almost funny.For instance,the likes of Ericia Lee and Quan Yifeng and their sobbing reactions.Ok,I have to admit that getting pink slips is no laughing matter.But get some perspective folks.It's not like you lost your mum at 15 and your dad at 17,have a younger sister to take care of,still have school to attend and have to work part-time for subsistence as well as rely on welfare handouts.These guys are probably crying because they need to sell their car or something.Not exactly crisis time,is it?

Secondly,the alternate posts that the company offered to some of these employees or soon-to-be ex-employees are quite amusing as are some of their reactions.For example,Evelyn Tan was offered a post in SPH's circulation department but apparently,she rejected it because it was not her calling.Erm,Evelyn,are you telling me God told you you can be a newscaster and a newscasteronly.Is it?Your reaction is so typical of a petulant Singaporean.Not fair,cannot send me to a post where I have no training or experience.Ever watched the WDA ads on TV,dear Evelyn?Learn new skills,adapt yourself to new industries and job scopes as the greater environment is constantly evolving?Go for re-training and gain experience on the job?Never heard of that before,dear Evelyn?With your attitude,how do you ever expect to find a job,my dear?

Anyway,the merger of the two media companies also raises some important learning points for all of us in life.

1) Never introduce your sister into the company you are working at.She might soon take YOUR job. (Case study: Ericia and Ezann Lee)

2) Never have a Malaysian boyfriend.Expecially if he is a 咸猪手.He'd become jobless faster than you can say "Let's break up." (Case study: Michelle Chia and Shaun Chen)

3) Never have a husband who's less capable than you.He'd become jobless faster than you can say "Let's divorce." and you have to be the sole breadwinner. (Case study: Quan Yifeng and Peter Yu.No wonder Quan Yifeng was crying.)

4) If you are Man Shu Sum,you get away with everything because you are 大哥大.

5) Who in the world are Wymen Yong and Xavier Teo???Camera-men,is it?

Anyway,the main point of this post isn't really this.It's about how Mediacorp can take some measure of revenge against some of these artistes who walked out of Mediacorp and into the embrace of Mediaworks,without realising that one day,they might fall back into the hands of the evil corporation once again.Well,think again,folks,you're all wrong...as heard in the voice of Mediacorp management:

"So you guys think by deflecting,you can become the 阿哥阿姐 of the local entertainment scene,is it?Well,you reckoned wrong,fools.You are back in my clutches now.Hahahah,and for your devious act of treachery and deceit and as well your betrayal,you will suffer in the greatest depths of living Mediacorp HELL.看我怎么蹂躏你们吧，这群吃里爬外的家伙.我要你们生不如死..."

And I've even thought up of some ways (for Mediacorp) to torture these artistes who are returning to the stable.Trust me,Mediacorp,by applying these tactics,you will make life a living hell for these returning traitors...


1) Pair up Ezann Lee and Ix Shen in a drama and then spread rumours that they are an item

Just cast Ezann and Ix in a serial together (as lovers preferably) and then for publicity's sake,spread rumours that they had fallen for each other while filming on the set and how Ix don't dare to tell Ericia because she is fierce like a tiger while Ezann didn't dare tell because she wanted to preserve the sisters' relationship.To spice it up even more,make them do a nude photo-shoot (you know,the type Mediacorp is so fond of with bedsheets,satin sheets,nylon sheets,plastic sheets covering their entwined naked bodies and with their arms,legs,fronds,hair,little animals and other assorted creatures covering their naughty bits.Who actually finds these pictures sexy anyway?What do they think all their readers are?12 year-old boys ah?) together for 8 Days or I Weekly with the tagline "The Hottest Couple Of The Year".Ericia will flip and probably kill herself,Ix's career and popularity will take a nosedive for him being a philanderer and Ezann becomes everybody's most hated 狐狸精.Triple whammy.

2) Make Michelle Chia take on a nun's role and for authenticity,order her to shave off ALL her hair

Yes,cast Michelle in some period or 60's drama about the hardships that women have to suffer during bygone times.Make her take on the role of a girl who was dealt life's harshest blows.Lost her mum and dad when she was 5,had to go out to the streets to sell matches,brought into a household by a kindly maid who brought her up as her own daughter,get targeted by a lecherous 少爷 who then proceeds to trap her in a room and rape her and then marry her as a concubine.She then escapes and gets into a monastry where just as they are about to capture her and return her back to her master,she gets her head shaved and becomes a nun.Familiar story eh?

Anyway,the main point is now...hahahah,you try and be a Lux girl with your shaven head lah,Michelle.No way man.Lux will drop her immediately like a hot potato.She'd promptly lose ALL her hair sponsorship and advertisement endorsement deals as the Lux girl and from whatever hair salon she might be representing.Her income will fall to zero overnight and she will have ZERO commercial value.Overnight,she becomes a non-entity in the advertising world.Hahaha,another career ruined...but at least,she'd probably have a STAR Awards best actress nomination (which Mediacorp will make sure she doesn't win) and with the rape scene in the serial,HK Cat III film-makers will also express an interest in her.

3) Make Kym Ng and Bryan Wong host ONLY 午后闲情

So they think they can just stroll right back into Mediacorp and suddenly assume the mantle of the hosting 大哥大姐 roles again.No chance.That's still Sharon Au and Sharon Au only.The two of them will be banished to host their only programme on TV,午后闲情 which nobody watches except for 70-80 year-olds who don't know how to use the remote to switch channels and 70-80 day-olds who don't know what they are watching.Their popularity will take a dive and nobody ever sees or hears about them ever again.Everyone will be asking,"Hey,I thought Kym and Bryan went back to Mediacorp,where are they now?How come we don't see them?"What's worse,hosting a show that mainly consists of appearances by geriatrics,they can't show their usual "wacky" antics since the uncles and aunties who appear on their show will simply think,"这两个神经病是谁啊？？？"Think any advertiser will continue to ask Kym to endorse their products when she gets next to zero exposure?

4) Use misleading job titles for the alternate posts you offer to other artistes

Newscasters Wang Yanqing and Chew Huoy Miin were offered posts in "Print" while Lina Ng was offered a post in "Marketing".Well,sounds really kind and gernerous of Mediacorp to offer these alternate posts to these (former) artistes because they couldn't find enough jobs in the artiste stable to fulfill their original roles...right?WRONG.You guys are so easily fooled,it is almost amazing.When these three "suckers" accepted their jobs,they must be thinking executive posts,right?Wrong again.By "Print",Mediacorp really means that they will be print machine OPERATORS.They stand at the machines and make sure the format on the papers comes out aligned and if something stalls,they could to climb in to grease the machine or repair it.And by "marketing",it means that Lina will be selling ST and TNP at a newspaper kiosk at the Ang Mo Kio MRT station.Nothing is as it seems...but great job titles though.

5) Make Guo Liang do sign language during news programmes or important events

Have you ever watched those Malaysian RTM news programmes and noticed a person doing a sign language presentation (at the top left hand or bottom right hand corner,I think) of the news the newscaster is reading.Implement this measure as well and promote it as a feature to cater to Mediacorp's hearing-impaired viewers.And instead of getting a professional sign langauge practitioner to do it,get Guo Liang to learn sign language and do the presentation.In fact,make this sign language presentation a feature in all major TV events like the President's Star Charity Show or the STAR Awards.And make Guo Liang stand beside the witty and chatty hosts during these events,doing his sign language translation.The point is to give Guo Liang no chance of showcasing his fine linguistic skills whatsoever...turn him into a mute,if that is the word to describe it.Watch him suffer in silence as all the lesser hosts he's compering with fumble all around him while all he can do is look on in distress and disgust and perform his sign translations.Torture is sweet.

6) Turn Darren Lim into a stunt double doing only dangerous stunts

Darren Lim very cool right?Such an adventurer,always doing risky and dangerous things on TV and risking his limbs for charity shows.Well,now he can do all these dangerous stunts for life...but nobody will know it's him on TV.He'd be the uncredited stunt double who jumps out of a burning building for Chris Lee,plunges ten stories for Tay Peng Hui and/or shows his butt in sex scenes for Sean Say.But his face will never be shown.It'd always be a long or middle distance shot...or he will be shot from his back,wearing a wig.He'd never even be named in the credits.You want danger,you get danger,Darren...only this time,you don't get the credit or the chance to show your face on TV.Helluva insurance payout though...

7) Cast Lynn Poh,Adam Chen and Ben Yeo in 随心所遇II

Enough to ruin anybody's career... I guarantee you...

8) Cast Ann Kok and Fiona Xie in a Cat III skin flick

Ok,this is just my wish.But Ann Kok...goodness me,what else is she good at besides flashing her boobs?And coupled with the new skin queen of Mediacorp,they can do a skin flick together called 波豪.Potentially,this could ruin Fiona's career as well but I don't really care unless I'm marrying sweet Fiona.But anyway,think of the damage to Ann's career,she'd be stuck doing nothing but this kind of flicks until she is 50...which is exactly her strength actually...

9) Make Helen Cheung a weathergirl

Great poise,wonderful diction...too bad,you are a traitor.Sure,Mediacorp will put her straight back into their news programmes...but as a weather girl where she can hold out her hands over a blue screen and move them over an imaginery map of Singapore.Sunny in the east and rainy at the west.So well,she may have great language skills but hey,she won't appear for more than five minutes every night.And she'd look even sillier with that trademark stern expression of hers talking about the weather.


Ok,I'd end here.I don't really want to ruin some of the other people's career because I do like some of them.For instance,who cannot fail to like the genteel Celeste Chong and her wondeful straight hair.And Apple Hong is one cute apple pie...even though she's Malaysian.Adrian Pang is also one funny dude so I'd leave him be.Hence,these three will remain untouched for the moment.And as for the rest of the re-contractees (no such word)...they're just lucky.They're so 不起眼,I don't really know how to sabo them.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004
When Life Deals A Cruel Hand

I read a story which touched me immensely today,a story that reminded me that any problems I may have is nothing compared to what some of the things that other people face on a daily basis.In fact,it might even count as a luxury to some people to have ONLY such problems to solve.It's probably time to count my blessings and stop complaining about a number of things (trivial or "deep") that are more self-inflicted than naything else.

The article I was talking about is about a boy who lost both his parents by the age of 17,when he lost his mum in the year that he sitting for the 'N' Levels and then lost his dad right after he had sat for his 'O's.Nevertheless,the lad continued to persevere,taking care of his then 13 year-old sister (now 15) by working part-time while continuing with his studies at a polytechnic.All the time,he never allowed his sister to work to supplement his meagre income while hardly getting by on community welfare (I have to admit I don't know if I could do the same thing.I am a selfish person.I probably will not be able to shield a sister from sharing in the financial burden just to allow her to concentrate on her studies.This is a very selfless act.).You'd have to read the story for yourself to see how tough life is for this particular youth.Like what his counsellor said,it's amazing that he didn't break down because it'd have been all too easy to do so,with such a cruel hand being dealt upon him.I don't think I'd be able to stay together like he would.

Yet,the significance of the story is not only about this boy's (or lad since he's 19 now) tenacity but also the fact that his story is not a unique one.There really is a lot of other people with similar stories like his,who meet life's cruelties and challenges head-on despite the pain and hardship they have to endure.To all these people,I salute you and honestly,where I can,would like to help in any way I can.I never had to go through what these young people have to go through so I can only hope whatever blessings I have received can be passed onto less fortunate souls out there who need it.It also puts my life into perspective.Are things really as bad as I think?Is my meaning and direction in life the way I think it or the way I live it?I spend more time writing about things than I do carrying them out into action.

Misfortune in life does not extend only out to people who encounter such unfortunate circumstances.There are people born with it.Permanent disabilities that they never had a chance to fight against because they were born with it.Conditions borned later in life that would permanently cripple them for the reminder of their natural lifes.These are cruel twists of fate that can hit people hard as well.This leads me to talk about volunteerism.

Volunteerism is not something that Singaporeans have a natural affinity to.It stands at about 15% (comapred to about 44% in US and 47.5% in UK) and has been consistent at this rate for a number of years now.The fact is that when it comes to volunteerism,the inevitable response of most people are,"Hey,it's a great cause but you know,I have my own things to do.If I were to burn my weekend,when can I meet my friends then or go shopping and movie-catching with my bf/gf."It's a valid reason.I do not disagree.Everyone has reason to prioritise what his needs/wants are.Everybody's values are different.A Gucci bag can hold more importance than an old stranger lying in some old folk's home.It's all about perspective.

I once did six months of volunteerism while I was still in school.The stint has nothing to my church.There is a separate arm in my church that does community service.The average church goer is more interested in evangelism than acts of kindness (there is no judgment in this statement,I just think it's a fact.And there's nothing wrong with it).The organisation I was helping out with is basically one associated with the disabled (a full spectrum of it:hearing-impaired,visually-impaired,people with difficulty moving on their own...I can't quite remember if the intellctually disabled were also part of the group)and it exposed me to certain facts of volunteerism that I didn't know existed.Let me spell them out for you.

The NVPC (National Volunteerism and Philanthropy Centre,set up in 1999),the co-ordination centre for volunteers does the "distribution" of volunteers who wish to contribute but have no idea which area they'd like to serve in or have no links to associations that they can personally link up with.I didn't link up through NVPC because I had my own personal contacts so I don't exactly know how they work.

From what I heard,most volunteers do have an idea which area they like to serve in.But there is a major problem with this.It seems that a overwhelming majority wishes to serve in old folk's homes or children homes and it becomes a problem of over-supply in these areas while other volunteer groups get neglected.This includes groups catering to the disabled and homes for the intellectually disabled.I can understand why people would seem to prefer volunteering for old folk's and children homes.First,old folk's homes are more visible than most other groups.We see more of them around.Children's homes also hold a particular attraction because helping children seems partciularly good since everyone likes children.Secondly,there is this mentality that we know more about old folk's and children than we do about the other groups.For instance,how do you communicate with a hearing-impaired person?Would an intellectually disabled person be pesky and hard to take care of?Valid questions and doubts that hamper one's enthusiasm in helping out with these groups.

I do have a grievance to make at this point in time,which may be slightly separate from my original topic of volunteerism.It's to do with corporations or companies adopting homes or charity groups to appear philanthropic and caring when they really do care nuts about the homes (this does not apply to individuals in these corporations or companies because some of them do care.).All they want is to look good to external parties so that when annual report cards are due,they can stick a photo in there and say,"Hey,we did charity."when all they did was organise one miserable event and as a conveience,invited the homes over to join them.After that,it is 拍拍屁股就走人.Sayonara.See you next year for the same photo shoot session.

I draw this from experience from what I think is a very shallow gesture from my organisation.Apparently,they had adopted the Moral Home For The Disabled and invited them over for the CNY celebration where they scrambled for volunteers to help out.make no mistake.The group was extremely grateful for the invitation.It's not often that these children get to go out to meet people.But there is no mistaking it that for the part of our organisation.It was a photo-op since the key moment for my God must be the "Let's take a photo together" session during the event.Adds shine to my God's face.For after that particualr session,we never heard from the Home again.Or is it they never heard from us?How many organisations are guilty of that?

Back to my experience,it was not easy communicating with the disabled.You must know what gestures are right and what's wrong.For instance,do not grab a visually-impaired person's hand to help him,offer him your hand to hold on to.Remember he/she's the one who is blind,not you.It is only the one who is following who needs to be held to be guided.As for the hearing-impaired,sign language can be extremely different to pick up.Because one thing is the speed at which the signs are done.I had a hard time following and had to ask them to repaet,repeat and repeat.Similarly,always maintain eye-contact with communicating.When one is speaking,one does not have to look at the person one is speaking to since voices can be and specific messages can be addressed to names so that they know who you are spekaing to.The hearing-impaired have no way of knowing who you are talking to,the only way they can establish the person of refernce is through eye-contact...so your eyes msut focus on the person you are talking with.It also helps to display emotions.However,one good thing about working with the disbaled is that they have quite a terrific sense of humour about their disabilities.A blind person once chided me for doing or saying something,he said,"You think I am blind,is it?"Nice.But volunteering does take up a certain amount of time,something I spent a huge amount of time in and seemingly neglected certain other commitments...like church.In the end,I was forced to choose between church and volunteering then...can you imagine?

Having said so much,my point is not really to implore people to volunteer because these are individual choices that people make and the values they hold dear.Altruism isn't a quality that's flooding the world right now.I do wish more people would volunteer for at least once,especially those who haven't tried it before to give it a go.It's not as hard or as time-consuming as one thinks it is.And it can be fun.Seriously.Christmas is coming soon.The season of giving and sharing.Isn't it a blessing to give,especially when you have been given so much?

I shall end my post here.I wanted to go on to talk about funding for charities and the disparities and chasm that exists between certain huge charity groups and the rest.But I think we all know which groups we are talking about and why they are such powerhouses when it comes to fund-raising.And how other groups are left trailing in their wake and fighting for a shrinking share of the donor's dollar.I could even talk about some of the "despicable" practices rumoured to be going on at these organisatiosn but I will not.The stories spread well enough by themselves,I shall refrain.

PS:Recently,I think I am holding some serious thoughts to end this blog for good...because I don't know what all this writing achieves.Can't see a reason to want to continue to write sometimes.To express things I find hard to talk about?I don't know about that.Express to whom anyway.

But till I come to a conclusion,I will still be writing about things close to my heart...until there's nothing left to talk about or I quit.

Monday, December 06, 2004
Separate Lifes

Over the weekend,I had the privilege of witnessing PAPa's 50th birthday bash at the Indoor Stadium on TV.Ok,it was only on TV but damn,what a spectacle it was.An entire stadium clothed in white clapping and cheering,with some token sections dressed in whatever they want but hey,you know they are part of PAPa.Anyway,seeing the entire arena bathed in white,it reminded me of a famous scene in a movie...guess which one?Yes,it is I Robot.You know,the scene where Will Smith chases the renegade robot into the robotics factory where thousands of similar replicas stood and where the renegade expertly hid himself,indistinguishable from the thousands of other clones,as long as he didn't betray any distinct thoughts or emotion of his own.Wow,spot the similarities?In fact,that scene was probably inspired by PAPa rallies over the years,I think.

Anyway,our beloved PM said something that amuses me.He said,"'If you care about Singapore, step forward.If you want to make a difference, join the PAP.I invite you to contribute your ideas, put up alternatives, debate national issues, but don't be Nato, no action talk only.Do something, participate in building our nation and strive for what you believe in."I thank you for your kind offer,PM but I'd politely decline.Look what happened to JB Jayaratnam after all.

I am amused by his statement because of it's implications.It seems that if you want to make a contribution to Singapore,the only way of doing so is to join the PAP(?).It seems to mean that you won't make a difference to Singapore if you join the political debate as a separate entity from PAPa.No sir,you won't.You must be part of us.Are we nation-building or party-building,may I ask?Why are the two entities grouped together like they are the same?Is that arrogance or what?

The thing is joining the party means you do NOT put up alternatives,your idea is usually the party's idea (or else you get laughed at or dismissed in Parliament.Watch the Parliament debates,it very often ends up that way if you offer deviant views.The implicit message?Toe the aprty line or else...unless of course,we sanction you to do it.).What you want for Singapore and believe in may not be what the party wants for Singapore or what it believes in(a free media,for instance?You think you'd get that or get shot down?)The opposition has tried for years to do (ok,admittedly not all of them are sound arguments or alternatives but the party doesn't seem to care whether it's sound or not.It matters more who is arguing it.),where has it gotten them?Bankruptcy anyone?

To suggest that one can only contribute to Singapore by joining PAPa and not the political scene as a whole is arrogant and contemptuous for the people (who are out of the "system") who have contributed to the nation in their own ways and opposition politicians (I am sure residents of Potong Pasir will beg to differ about the PM's statement).Does that mean that you ain't going to do sh*t for Singapore if you are a opposition member even though you are one honest,brilliant and hardworking political candidate with absolute love for the people?That despite all these positive attributes you have,you can hardly contribute to Singapore unless you join the party?What kind of crap is this?

I guess the above statements make me out to be anti-PAPa.I don't really think I am.I recognise that the party has brought Singapore a long way from what it used to be.It has brought prosperity beyond some of our forefathers' wildest dreams.When you have nothing,anything is better than what you have.Economics becomes the be-all and end-all.But things are no longer the same now as they were back then...

I had to attend another wedding on Saturday when a friend from my former church got married at Toa Payoh Methodist Church.Marriage seems to be the buzzword nowadays.Everyone is getting married.Either government propaganda is really working or well,like Bishop said to me,it's a fad.Yeah right,a fad.I told him that it's a fad for people of our age group so he'd have to live with it.Anyway,I attended the event with Bishop (see?I told you he's involved in almost every group of friends I have,right?),Gambit and Gambit's girlfriend,Emma Frost.There's a lot of old and familiar faces that I'd meet up with during the course of the ceremony.And plenty of interesting news that I'd learn.

The sermon itself was well,unfortunately,a slightly draggy affair.That was mainly down to the hour-long plus sermon (delivered in Chinese) that the pastor tried to pass off as part of the matrimonial ceremony.I have no problems with messages at all,but not when you turn it into a sermon by itself.This is a wedding,not a service so don't confuse the two.Anyway,it was Bishop who whispered to me that "it was getting crappy" while Gambit admitted to me that he was "stifling a yawn".As I looked around me,I didn't see a lot of people doing better than us.But besides that,everything was quite splendid,the way the whole thing was executed and the bridegroom's speech (I know both the bride and the groom.Believe me,they are the loveliest and most steady couple this side of earth.I've always called them the model couple,something Bishop concurs with me wholeheartedly) was very heartfelt and good.

The event allowed me to meet up with many people that I haven't seen in years.Some of them close,others less so.But having not seen them for ages,it was suddenly very strange seeing them again.It was like we have become a bunch of strangers,who vaguely used to know each other.Let me do a background story of the relationships that I fostered during my time in my former church.

I joined my former church during my second year in university.I had two separate cell groups for both my second and third year.Emma Frost and Gambit were both in my second year cell but when this cell split (because it had grown too big...there were about 15 to 16 members) in year three,only Gambit was left with me in the new cell,although I still maintained great relations with Emma.In my third year cell,there were six members.

Shell was the leader of this cell.She's an extremely pious lady who would always nag,erm implore,us to be more passionate.Well,she was real passionate herself,she would often cry while worshipping...God.And then there was Cinderella(a quite funloving but proper girl who's also extremely smart,I must add),Jinx(a real princess,as in precious.She's always behaving like everyone else should be looking after and taking care of her.Oh,I must mention one thing.She has got a booming body.So well proportioned,she's literally hourglass and would put Princess Fiona Xie to shame.I wasn't the one who actually noticed this,it was actually a female church member who whispered to me "Look at Jinx's body,Cyclops.My God.She's hot!" before I started taking notice.So you see,女孩子最色.Jinx is only about 1.55m tall.Pocket viagra),Wewe (A Malaysian junior.She was year 2 when we were year 1.She's also very prim and proper and shy too.),Gambit and your truly.

Besides Gambit,I was never particularly close to any of the rest.I used to be really close to Cinderella before a misunderstanding created a strain in our relationship that never recovered (Was it a pity?Yes,I have to admit it was,particularly because of the circumstances which surrounded the event.)I spent quite a lot of time talking to Shell but mainly my cell leader and she always wanted and had separate quiet time with each one of us (Gambit and I dreaded it.She would go..."How are you?How are you feeling?How are things with you?..."Oh,my goodness,and to think we meet at least twice a week if not more).Ok,I have to admit I did harbour some kind of interest on Jinx for a short while.With that body (she wasn't bad looking either),who wouldn't?But her behaviour erked me no end and after a while,I just lost interest.Her behaviour didn't just irritate me.It irritated just about most of the guys in the other cell groups...and Gambit as well.Wewe,because she was so quiet,I never formed a strong impression of her.She was a nice girl,that's it.Of the other people in the other cells,I was also close to Mannu,who was in the year two cell with me and was my mentor.He's a really good guy.Conflicted maybe and sometimes even tortured but a good and honest fellow.And of course,there's Emma Frost.

Of the lot of us,Gambit,Jinx,Mannu,Emma Frost and I graduated in the same year while the rest graduated the year after or stayed on in the same cell.The four of us,on the other hand,were drafted into other existing cells that consisted of former graduates of NUS.You might be interested to know that as at the current moment,Gambit,Jinx,Mannu,Emma Frost and I are no longer at the church.Everyone else is still attending the same church.Gambit and Emma Frost are at Trinity.Mannu is at Cornerstone (Katong) while Jinx is in the States.As for me,I am nowhere.

As I observed and mentioned to Gambit,the rest of the guys/gals were still very closely knitted.Most of the girls were bridesmaids/ushers for the bride while the guys were also mainly helping out with the ushering.It seems like that the only people not helping out at the wedding were Gambit,Mannu,Emma,Shell (there's a story behind why she's not helping and strained relationships between her and the rest but I will not elaborate here) and me.It's a bit alienating to say the least.While they are all part of one big,happy family,the four or five of us were like the outsiders.Gambit told me that well,that's the price to pay for being brought out of the cell while the others got to remain behind in their original cells.They stay in an environment they're comfortable with,the rest of us get kicked out.It's just too bad,I suppose,for graduating earlier.

Like I said,it was weird talking to a lot of them again.There was almost nothing to say.We went,"Where are you now?What are you doing?When's your time to get married?"and then silence.That's it.I didn't want to be banal so I didn't go around to talk to everyone ( I did make conversation with the majority of them though),as for Gambit,he didn't even bother talking to anyone.Wow,that's someone even more bochap than me.

The more interesting news though are the news that got through to me while I was talking to them.Another very strong couple that I always thought would end up together broke up...and even more shoking to me,the guy is based indefinitely in Shanghai and will be marrying a Shanghaiese girl.Mannu didn't bring his girlfriend along although I was half expecting him to do so.Shell's boyfriend wasn't around as well as he's in Beijing...but if he had been around,things would really have got interesting.As Gambit said,there might have been fireworks.

Well,a lot of things change over time.It seemed that lifes that were suppoesdly entwined together went their separate ways in the most unexpected manner I can imagine.Despite the closeness we might have fostered in our days at the university,we have gone on our seprate ways,leading our separate lifes.Some still well-involved in our lifes,others less so.Is there regret?I don't know.Things might have worked out differently if we had just graduated one year later.I guess things that were meant to be,will be.

God works in mysterious ways.He brings people into our lifes and sometimes,take them out of it,be it through death or otherwise,without us ever understanding it fully.Even if it hurts us.I have been thinking about this since Sunday and well,am still thinking about it.Somehow,certain facts that were brought up to me on Saturday have affected me immensely.I guess I was always aware of it but never really have to face them.I still don't have to.To be totally honest,I don't think I wrote everything that's in my mind up till this point.I don't think it's possible.I've had my train of thought disrupted a couple of times this morning and don't think I can continue writing anymore.So many things I wanted to pen down but can't think of it now.But it's long enough as of now.

I wonder why and what am I blogging...

Friday, December 03, 2004
My Balding Head

Now that the dust has finally settled over all the hubbub created by Singapore Idol and the subsequent "It's not fair Sly got as good a deal as Taufik" comments,I'm going to put my two cents worth on certain things:

1) The music industry is about selling as many CDs or online singles to the mass market as possible.Sly's career is more mapped out because the Chinese market is several times (if not more) bigger than the Malay or English markets (for local artistes) in Singapore,if not Asia.I had said that before in a previous post.Let me ask you:How many albums does Stefanie Sun or a-Do sell and how many albums do Pug Jelly or The Observatory sell?Pug who,you ask.And how many of you actually buy albums by local English artistes?Case closed.

And when it comes to the Malay market,hiw big is Malay R&B in Singapore?Why would Malaysians choose Taufik over their own artistes,unless he's based in Malaysia?

2) I am not totally convinced about the validity of SI's voting because of its lack of transparency.That's such a prevalent problem with Singapore authorities and organisations.They only tell you what they want you to know or want you to believe.Why is Mediacorp reluctant to reveal the voting margins and differences?What's there to hide?

And did you see the SI finale TV adverts bombarding audiences for a couple of weeks prior to the event itself?NINETY percent of the TV artistes "interviewed" threw their weight behind Taufik,gushing about his talent (I don't deny that Taufik has got a lot of talent but those guys were gushing like he's Andrea Bocelli) while a toke one or two expressed mild support for Sly.We all know how heavily these adverts were rotated on the screens for after all,this is Mediacorp's cashcow.But were the adverts designed to swing votes to taufik,bearing in mind the nature of the ads (At times,I thought they were more like adverts for Taufik than SI).

And wasn't Sly supposed to have massive support behind him?How did it go pear-shaped for him?

3) This sounds slightly insidious but I think after they realised Sly could market himself whether he won or lost,Mediacorp and BMG threw their weight behind Taufik and gave him the title.He's less marketable,by adding the SI crown to his CV,they add a major crowning jewel to his resume.Exactly like what happened to Clay Aitken and Rueben Studdard.Anyone remember Rueben Studdard?

I actually got an even more insidious conspiracy theory in mind but I will not share that here...to prevent Big Brother from clamping down on me...


All these conspiracy theories swirling around my head is causing my hair to thin...nah,it has nothing to do with things in my head because I don't have much inside.My hair has been thinning for a couple of years now and I am here to talk about things related to it...wow,my lead-in is really good eh?Notice how I quietly switched topics from SI to thoughts in my head to balding...such a subtle switch without missing a beat.Hallmark of a great writer surely.Hand me a Pulitzer now.

I'd think balding is a problem that's inflicted on 90% of males (Ok,I made up this number to make myself feel good) and I am sure there's a lot of kindred souls out there who's reading this and nodding in agreement,simultaneously wiping away a tear as they think about their thinning crowning glory.Fret not,brothers and sisters,as Michael Jackson says "You are not alone.For I am here with you...".Especially if you are a sister then I am always here with you.Anyway,I do think a lot of these hair loss patterns is genetic in nature (ok,plus diet...take in loads of salt and MSG and see if you don't turn into Karl Mak 麦嘉,the 光头神探 in 最佳拍档,soon) so don't worry about it too much.

Like I said earlier,I think I've been thinning ever since I graduated.I have no idea why it only started after I left school...must be the stress of finding a job eh?I still remember when I kept long hair in university (Yeah man,I did keep long hair once,enough to tie,you know!Long hair!You heard that,fellow X-Men!Don't ever think I never had enough hair to keep it long.Although on hindsight,I have to admit I look weird with long hair...not that I don't look weird period).Anyway,it was only then that I started hearing comments (especially from Deadpool) about me losing my hair.I must say I wasn't too overly concerned at that time...lose lose lah...big deal...until my MUM too started commenting about it too.When mums start commenting on something,you know it'd be never ending because they nag and nag and nag until...

1) You do what they want you to do,or;

2) You commit suicide.

And we all know that suicide is not an option.Not only is it a sin but if you are not successful,the police can charge you for it.Either way you lose.So anyway,she was the one who nagged me to go seek some "professional" help...for instance,Yun Nam.And so I went...just to stop the nagging.

Now,let me tell you this.Do not believe Yun Nam or Beijing 101 and thei adverts.It's all a scam.Have you seen Yun Nam's advert?The ones showing some of their successful clients who underwent successful treatment and got their full head of hair back.Have you ever noticed it's always the same SIX people they feature?It's like they can't find any other people to feature in their ads...because I think they can't.These six were flukes.When the consultants saw these six clients' hair growing back,they must have went..."Oh my God,that sh*t actually works???"These successes were never to be replicated...not on me...and what about Beijing 101,they get all these celebrities who have NEVER lost a single strand of hair in their life to endorse their products,how can they expect us to believe them?You seriously expect me to believe Terence Cao was balding once???Balding where...his armpit hair ah???

I tell you,I spent a few thousand on their treatments...because the cheapest they offer costs a few thousands (so technically I am still a cheapo but hey,come on...a few k ok,no joke,you know...and don't believe in their $18 first consultation package...it's the precursor to sucking thousands away from you)...those expensive treatments can cost up to tens of thousands... and I wasn't willing to go that far.And trust me,their consutants really bug you to keep going for treatments...increasingly expensive in nature (it costs more to keep your hair than to grow them!) so it wasn't easy keeping my wallet from opening.Anyway,from the results,I don't see much improvements despite the money I've spent...sure,there are baby hairs growing but so what...I am not a baby.So well,I came to the conclusion that full heads of hairs are for the filthy rich or the naturally endowed...at Yun Nam at least.And that,there is no surefire way of gaining your thinning hair back...if you are desperate to do that.

After spending a fortune (by my standards) and seeing no results for it,I have strangely become more at home with it.It doesn't bother me as much anymore like it used to.Maybe I am resigned to it and becoming apathetic.Or maybe I am comfortable with how I look,I don't know.One thing I figure is that it doesn't really matter whether I have a full head of hair or not,it doesn't make me better looking because I still have the same mug.A full head of hair isn't going to turn me into Jude Law,you know.It doesn't mean that I don't take care in grooming my appearance.It's still basic courtesy to try to look at least presentable...but that's within limits of what you have.Don't try to be what you are not and make life difficult for yourself.For me,the solution is just to ensure that my hair is not too long by going for regular haircuts.First,it's easier to manage and secondly,it hides your lack of hair volume much better.

One thing that I take comfort in is the fact that we are all beautiful in God's eye,because we are all his children and created in his likeness.How can we be ugly when we are created in His likeness?What's important to Him is what's inside of us and if we can see that,maybe we can see that in others and ourselves too...and give less importance ( I was tempted to write pay less attention but I think that's not possible...a lot of people are visual by nature) to external beauty and take note of the beauty in each and every one of us.And maybe that'd help us to be more secure in our own looks too.

God is good.He loves you no matter how you look.If someone can do that for you,maybe you could learn to do that for yourself too,I reason.