Sunday, August 28, 2005
Nothing To Blog About

Funny that I'd be saying this...but I really do have nothing much to blog about.That's why I haven't written anything for over a week now.And this new post is,I have a feeling,going to be so weak,I can't even raise a chuckle myself.Geez...

Anyway,let me just comment a old news while I'm at it.On Thursday,reported in the excellent ST was the news that Johor Menteri Besar Abdul Ghani Othman had announced emphatically that:

YES,JOHOR'S CRIME RATE IS LOWER THAN SINGAPORE'S!!!

Shock shock horror horror,shock shock horror.Quoting official police statistics, he had told businessmen at a luncheon on Tuesday that the overall crime rate in Johor last year was 743 per 100,000 population,which was lower than Singapore's 826 per 100,000 population.He said this to loud applause.


A member of the audience clapping.

However,Datuk Abdul Ghani also acknowledged that some parts of Johor Baru registered a higher average crime rate, such as 1,168 per 100,000 population. But he stressed: 'We are making every effort to reduce this, and data indicate that the crime rate in Johor Baru is on a downward trend.'

The Menteri Besar also clarified that areas with a higher incidence of crime often had increased cases of motorcycle theft and not crimes such as murder, rape or armed robbery.

Well well well,what can I say besides that I feel so much safer now that I heard that only certain parts of Johor Baru is dangerous and the rest of Johor is really quite safe.But really,tell me,Datuk...exactly which parts of Johor Baru is safe and which isn't because you know,Johor Baru is not exactly very big.Are you telling me for instance,that Lorong 21,23,27,39 and 146 in Johor Baru are the ones responsible for causing the rates of crime in Johor Baru to soar?

Or do I assume that the parts which register a higher crime rate are the parts where PEOPLE go to while the parts which register a lower crime rate are where WILD BOARS go to?Well ok I always knew wild boars are nice animals (especially to consume) but I didn't know they are law-abiding too.


A typical law-abiding citizen in Malaysia?

And hey,you just made my day knowing that it's really only motorcycle theft that I have to worry about...hmmm,Malaysian crooks got fetish with motorbikes?

Also,folks,please take a look at the Thak man.


"What's that you asked?Did I try to buy Liverpool for my own fancy?Well, X you!"

Apparently,Mr Shinawatra's relationship with the Thai press is so testy,he has resorted to a system of Xs and Os for his weekly press sessions.To questions he disapproved of, Mr Thaksin Shinawatra held up an X sign and did not give an answer. Those the Thai Prime Minister deemed constructive got an O sign and a reply.

Aiya,Ah Thak ah...so troublesome!What's the point of having a free press then if you're only gonna answer questions you like or want to answer.I really got a solution for you,Ah Thak...

Just do it the Singapore way:Own the damn press!Then whatever is written will be pro-you,understooded?If you need,I can ask my good friend 小李 to loan Chua Mui Hoong over for your exclusive use.Right on,小李?If you agree with me,just raise your hand.


My friend obviously learnt a bit of stuff from Jackie Chan.

Phoah...小李,thanks man...raise one hand can already,don't need to raise both.

Ok,sorry folks.That's really all I gotta say at this point.Just take a look at me...


Intoxicated Archangel.

I really thought I was alright at the beginning of the night...in fact,I thought I haven't felt this good since geez...I can't remember.I thought I had everything figured out.And maybe I did.

I wasn't thinking about people whom,for my own good,I should NOT be thinking about.I wasn't thinking about things that,for my own good,I also should NOT be thinking about.I was becoming slightly nicer to people.I was willing to meet (and am meeting) people whom,just last week,I wouldn't meet even if you had put a gun to my head.Heck,I even considered starting dating again...until I decided (correctly) that I was under the influence of alcohol.

Besides, I am also almost sure I'm finally getting out of my workplace after four years of humdrum.I have taken up the nice little hobby of wet-marketing so...yes,I am now responsible for the purchasing of fresh food that my family consumes (I love choosing and picking fesh food and cooking them)...and my mum can keep the money I give to her for some other use.I have a wisdom tooth surgery on Monday that puts me out of official action for the entire week.

Life is great!


Now that's what you call "Happy!"

I need another drink.

Thursday, August 18, 2005
This Is My Life

I have been making progressive changes to this blog in a bid to make it better,small incremental steps that hopefully make my site more appealing to readers.For instance,I have cut out a lot of the swearing I used to do here.Indeed,it has been quite a number of posts since I last used the word "fcuk" (This being an example so it doesn't count.) so there,I am successfully remaking my site from an M18 wesbite to an NC16 one so I hope MICA will review their ban on me and allow me to be more widely accessible to the general public.

Secondly,I have changed my "comments" link from "musings" to "complaints" because I realise that half the people who leave messages here are complaining while the other half are civil servants who like to complain.So either way,you get your wish.

Thirdly,I have decided to make my blog more personal.See my fugly picture in my profile.I know,it's quite ugly but that was taken on a bad hair day,like I mentioned so I couldn't help it.I don't want to dazzle you guys too much with my beauty.But to tell you fellows the honest truth,I have been getting a lot of fanmail from girls since I put my picture up.75% of them ask me to marry them.24% ask me to be their kid's father.1% is the weird type.I re-produce a sample for you:

To Mr Archangel,

My client,the esteemed Mr Jude Law,has noticed that you have used his exclusive image on your website without his expressed permission.Hence,he is extremely displeased with your course of action and will bring a lawsuit against you if you do not remove the copyrighted image from your website.On behalf of my client,I am under legal duty to inform you that you have 14 days in which to respond and remove the image or else legal action will be taken against you.

Yours sincerely,

Mr Big Pompous Jerk

What did I do?I use my own picture and people want to sue me!I can't help it if I look like somebody else right?What Jude Law?You think I know who meh?You think I so free to go Google and type "Jude Law thumbnail" meh? Siao ding dong.

But let's not care about these blood-sucking lawyers and the things they do because this site is about me,Archangel.And if I happen to look like some Mr Law,I can't help it,ok?Don't blame me.Blame it on my good genes.I always knew that my cross heritage (namely Hakka and Cantonese...yes,Hakka and Cantonese people will produce Ang Moh looking kids like me) will bring about a Pan-Asian look that'd be the envy of a lot of people.Can't help it mah.

I'd now attempt to bring you loyal readers one step closer to my wonderful life,by describing to you a typical day in the life of the Great Archangel...

In truth,I am like every other salaried man,I wake up at 6:30 to go to work.So after I wake up,I go wash up and have a cold shower before sitting down to have my breakfast...but but but every once in a while,after I have had my shower,I will sit at my chair,still clad in bathrobe(bathrobe slightly off shoulder) and have a comtemplative moment,wondering about my life.


Me in my morning comtemplative moment

That moment never lasts too long though because soon afterwards,my good wife will be awake.All of you know who my good wife is,right?Clad in her apron,she'd bake me a cake and ask,"You want a piece of this?"


My wife in her apron offering me her morning cake

Yes,my friends,with a wife like that,how could I even bear to leave the house but leave I must because a man has to be responsible.He has to find work to support his wife and give her a comfortable living.And who wouldn't want to support that cupcake?So off I go along the streets,towards the carpark...


Me walking towards my car.

...where I parked my old but trusty Toyota and then off I go to work,blazing through traffic in my lousy Toyota.


Lousy car I know but you make do with what you have.

As I arrive at my office after 2 and a half minutes of driving from Jurong to the city (can't help it,my car is a bit fast),I reach my horrible hellhole of a rundown office.


My rundown office

I then walk through the main doors and take the lift up to the 52nd storey where I am greeted by my cheery mob of colleagues.


My colleagues looking cheery and friendly.

Ok,you must be thinking,"What the..." but it is true,my colleagues do look like this.So you know I suffer very much in that place,being the good-looking SOB that I am.You know,that's why I guess I feel very out-of-place there.By the way,you see the guy with wings and a blue face,that's Archangel...interesting how I transform from a handsome SOB to a blue-bird right?

And so I spend the rest of the morning blogging in my office (how do you think you get to read this?) before lunch comes and a close friend calls me to meet him for lunch.Since I haven't met him for some time,I agreed.One thing I have to say,I have a lot of friends and I meet different people for lunch every day,subject to my availability.

Anyway,when I reach there,my friend is already there.He stands up to greet me.


My good friend,小李,greets me.

"Hey,how are you,小李?",I greeted him.

"It's good to see you,mate!"he replies

Before long,we were catching up on good old times.Turns out that the reason why he asks me out is to ask me to go help him in his company but I declined because I have my own important things to do.

"Next time lah,brother."I told him,"I know you desperately need my help because you need capable men but I have my own things to attend to.Maybe when I'm done,I'd join you."

And yes,not even a million dollar salary tempted me to join his company.See the integrity in me?

After lunch, I then spend the rest of the day doing important work.


As I said,important work.


So I work until the end of the day comes and I go back home...to be greeted by my wife at the door,who likes to take naps and so she often looks dawdy when doing this.


My wife - Fresh out of bed and greeting me.

Well,I am incredibly tired too at this time of the day and just take a power nap on the sofa.


I know what you're thinking. Sleep never looked this good.

While my wife prepares food.The chirpy little bunny is extremely good at cooking up great cuisines.After cooking up a storm,she wakes me up and standing at the kitcehn doorway,tells me explicitly what she wants for the night...wearing it across her chest.


My Queen

To which I tell my love,"You can be my queen for life,lovely..."

So while I am having dinner,I can't help but keep thinking,I am going to make you feel so happy tonight,dearest.I even go to the toilet,take off my shirt just to check on my physique and face.


As can be seen,not very satisfied with my looks.

And then before I know it,another of my good friends calls me up on my phone.


My friend,little George,on the phone with me.

"Hey,brother,"my friend,little George says,"I have something to consult you."

"Shoot" is my reply.

Well,we talked about boring stuff like world economy and growth strategies and stuff before he thanked me profusely for my advice and hung up.

So it's back to my wife and me...geez...she has now changed to a low-cut blouse and is smiling at me sheepishly.


My wife trying to seduce me.

Wow man...seeing that,I'm like..."Mai tu liao" and erm...please make sure you have your parents around to read the next part of the story (R21 only)...





You ready?





This is a cliffhanger last episode,please wait for the next season.Thank you.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Spare Me The B.S.

I had waited a long time in order that I do NOT have to write this but since our newly elected Prez and his lackeys won't let up,I finally have to say my piece and be at peace.

I say,"Enough of this B.S. already,Roti Prata Man."

You won the "election"!Congrats!Stay happy!Go celebrate!Drink yourself silly!Flip some roti pratas if you fancy (while you at it,Prata Man, make me one with egg and onion and another with egg plus one cup of teh tarik.This is my regular order.)But stay off the news,please.Because I'd had enough of your celebrations.And your walkovers.

I recently looked through the Oxford dictionary to check up a word.The word is "democracy" and it's meaning is defined as "government by ALL the people,usually through ELECTED representatives.I'd like to pose a question:Which part of the PE involved ALL the people who got to ELECT their candidate of choice?

When I first read the news on Sunday that the other three who submitted their nomination forms were denied their COEs,my blood was actually boiling (I think I kinda looked like char siew on Sunday.) but I waited and waited to clam down.

"Don't blog about it liao lah,boy."I told myself."No point.You know Singapore is like that one.Who the ruling party wants in,they make sure that person get in."

What struck me was this,the paper spent a bit of space dissecting why the other three did not qualify for a COE but I am curious,how come we never justify why the incumbent is good enough for the job?Because he got prior experience?Geez...that's like say Microsoft is looking for a new CEO and it would be an advantage for applicants if they had been a CEO of Microsoft before.And let's see...geez,if that was a criteria,he's in for some "stiff" competition eh.Let's see who qualifies...in my mind,the closest possible candidates would be Ong Teng Cheong and Wee Kim Wee.Like I said,"stiff" competition.

Let's not regard his six years in charge.What I'd like to know is,what knowledge or experience he has that makes him particularly qualified for the job.I know he was a diplomat.So what?I thought the most important job is to guard and manage Singapore's reserves.What kind of financial or supervisory roles has he undertaken that made him qualify in the first place?I'd like to know.

Why can't the people be trusted to choose their own President?Are we not mature enough?Oh,I guess we are mature enough to gamble at casino but not yet enough to discern good political candidates from not so good ones eh?Does the statement "Let The People Choose" mean anything to anyone?I guess the government must think we'd elect a nutcase into the government if given a choice,just for the heck of it.

As for the three failed candidates,too bad...especially to Andrew Kuan.What were you thinking ,man?Don't you know the surest way to destroy yourself in Singapore is to join politics opposing the status quo?Now you got your name dragged through mud while Prata Man looks like an angel (I still remember my Primary 6 Chinese teacher telling my class this,"像就不是，不然就不会说像了.")

I also have a word for the government.Since the PEC can elect the Prez on our behalf,let them handle the GE also lah.Let them elect the government for us lah.Why go through all that voting rubbish?Just say opposition politicans not qualify for COE also loh.I can already think of reasons against:

Chee Soon Juan: Nutcase.Mentally unstable.Not even fit to do road-sweeping job.

Chiam See Tong: Look like 老奸.We don't want politicians with villain look in Parliament.We want only good looking people like Eunice Olsen.

Low Thia Kiang: Can't even speak English,how to be MP?Might as well ask my 81 year-old neighbourhood Roti Prata Man right?At least can say "Prata kosong" well.

Lim How Dong: Say "talk cock" in Parliament lah...say some more lah.Barbaric behaviour.No culture.

If want to further ensure victory,I suggest redraw election boundaries (again?).Any place touch water is Marine Parade GRC.That takes care of the entire perimeter of the island.Now we divide the centre of the nation into four wards.First,cut the remaining space in half,the West will belong to Tanjong Pagar GRC while the East is Ang Mo Kio GRC.The remaining two wards are Potong Pasir constituency (consisting Block 1 to Block 3 in Potong Pasir.The rest,Block 4 to Block XXX belongs to Marine Parade GRC) and Hougang Constituency (Again Block 1 to Block 3 is Hougang.The rest,Blocks 4 to Blocks XXX belong to AMK GRC).So in total,our government should,at worse,lose control over 6 blocks of flats.

I wanna end on this note.Our esteemed MPs should stop justifying the walkover because I am frankly tired of hearing it.The very intelligent (I think) Irene Ng said that the PE exists NOT to generate excitment every 6 years BUT to elect a suitable candidate who can watch over and guard Singapore's future.

Geeez,Irene...I really DIDN'T know that.Thank you for reminding me but you forgive me,ok?My life very lack excitment one.I only feel alive once every four to six years when elections come around...and then find that I don't have to vote because of walkover.Then I hibernate for another six years and wait for new elections.My life is empty like that.Forgive me.I didn't know elctions have such great importance.Really didn't know.

By the way,you miss Abbas too much is it?Don't seem to be in control of your mental faculties leh.

And as for the nomination day support today for our dear President.Geez,I am so glad your ENTIRE support group around the country is gathered around you.I am expecting a big crowd,all 4 million of us,in fact,cheering for you as you do 材艺表演,flipping some Pratas.

Good for you,you know how much we love you.Especially the union leaders with their "compulsory to attend" order thrown down to unquestioning union folks.The 广泛的支持 statement which newscasters are so eager to bandy around will finally be visible to us all on TV.

Well done.Another six years then.I'm counting down already.Can't wait for the next elections.Empty life mah...

Thursday, August 11, 2005
Election Song 2005

There was a complaint in ST Forum today that our NDP songs are becoming from bad to worse...ok,actually what the fellow said was that while our NDP songs are getting more melodic and sophisticated (Huh?What?Drum and bass ah?Or trance?),they are not as singalong (Or folksy...in the writer's words...I never thought of Stand Up for Singapore as folksy!I thought it was erm...noisy...) as the N'Day songs of old.You know,songs like "Stand Up for Singapore" which your teachers force you to sing in school during NDP celebration while you just waiting for dismissal time so can meet your gf/bf for a movie at Cathay (Yes,I am that old).Or "Count On Me,Singapore".You know those songs lah...songs we sing once a year.

I really don't think there is anything wrong with the new N'Day songs actually but then again,maybe it's because I switch channels everytime it comes on TV so I won't know.But I guess I get what the writer meant because you know,they got TAUFIK BATISAH(!!!) to sing the song.Wah liao,can you imagine?

You must be damn skilled to be able to even hit the correct pitch man.So please don't get these gifted singers to sing these technically difficult NDP songs because if everyone can sing like Taufik,you think he can become Singapore Idol meh.The singers they should choose to sing these songs should be average or lousy singers...so that the average Singaporean can say,"Hey,if that guy can sing that song,I can too!"And who do I have in mind?

I think they should get a lousy singer like Rui-en to sing...oh,wait,she's already singing it...oh,ok...no wonder it was half-bad.Anyway,they should make the song got mass appeal.Both old and young should be attracted to sing along...not just the young...so they should choose singers across a spectrum.

Get 黄文永!Get Malek Awab!Get Fiona Xie!Get Tay Ping Hui.Basically get anyone who can massacre the song...and make the NDP crowd realise that,hey,indeed they can make the song sound better than the original singers.

But let's get to the point...I can understand the writer's worries,we simply don't have enough good,new patriotic songs (Unlike erm,which country got more patriotic songs than us?Help me here leh...).We should keep composing new songs because these songs will somehow enforce our patriotism through its wonderful melodies.There must be a science to this although I'm not sure what...anyway,in keeping with this call,I feel we should compose a song for every big occasion we have.

And what bigger occasion is that than our Prez Election?!I specially composed a song for the upcoming PE so boys and girls,sing along as you vote!

Sung to the tune of Michael "I just love kids" Jackson's "You are not alone" (My lyrics are in brackets):

Another day has gone (Election coming lor)
I'm still all alone (Nominees just four)
How could this be (How could this be?)
You're not here with me (I sense conspiracy)
You never said goodbye (Everyone say “Wa mai”)
Someone tell me why (Someone tell me why)
Did you have to go (Can’t someone have a go?)
And leave my world so cold (Just so we can all vote)

Everyday I sit and ask myself (Everyday I sit and tell myself)
How did love slip away (Let’s vote Andrew leh)
Something whispers in my ear and says (Someone whispers in my ear and says)
That you are not alone (Bro, you are not alone)
For I am here with you (For I am here with you)
Though you're far away (Though you wish I’m away)
I am here to stay (I am here to stay)

But you are not alone (Bro, you are not alone)
For I am here with you (For I am watching you)
Though we're far apart (And if you vote for Kuan)
You're always in my heart (I’d make sure you cham cham)
But you are not alone (Bro, you are not alone)

'Lone, 'lone
Why, 'lone

Just the other night (Just the other night)
I thought I heard you cry (I dreamt saw Nathan cry)
Asking me to come (Asking me to come)
And hold you in my arms (And hold him in my arms)
I can hear your prayers (I can hear his prayers)
Your burdens I will bear (He think I really care?)
But first I need your hand (I know he need my hand)
Then forever can begin (So his new term can begin)

Everyday I sit and ask myself (And again I sit and ask myself)
How did love slip away (What if I stay away?)
Something whispers in my ear and says (Someone whispers in my ear and says)
That you are not alone (Bro, you are not alone)
For I am here with you (For I am here with you)
Though you're far away (Think you go away)
I am here to stay (Forgo Election Day?)

For you are not alone (Bro, you are not alone)
For I am here with you (For I am here with you)
Though we're far apart (You might go to Taiwan)
You're always in my heart (Bring you back in sampan)
For you are not alone (Just so you can vote)

Whisper three words and I'll come runnin' (Go overseas? Well, I’ll come running)
And girl you know that I'll be there (After you. Know that I’ll be there)
I'll be there (I’ll be there)
You are not alone (You are not alone)
For I am here with you (For I am watching you)

Though you're far away (Even if you far away)
I am here to stay (Must come back one day)
For you are not alone (Bro, you are not alone)
For I am here with you (Cos I am here with you)
Though we're far apart (Even in a crowd)
You're always in my heart (Don’t think you can run)

For you are not alone (For you are not alone)
For I am here with you (Cos I am here with you)
Though you're far away (Every single day)
I am here to stay (Government here to stay)

For you are not alone (Bro,you are not alone)
For I am here with you (For I’m watching you)
Though we're far apart (In Geylang or Hougang)
You're always in my heart (There’s nowhere left to run)

For you are not alone... (For you are not alone…)

PS: Please remember to ONLY sing the lyrics in the brackets,otherwise where's the patriotism?

Tuesday, August 09, 2005
新加坡武侠传

Has anyone of you watched 七剑？Ok,I haven't either but I am so inspired by the rip-off idea of copying Akira Kurosawa's Seven Samurai that I also want to film a wuxia movie myself...it's just that I don't have a good source novel to base anything on.And I do not want to do a foreign Chinese novel.

Frankly,I don't understand why there are no good Chinese novel writers in Singapore.What we always see is the same batch of old farts and their stories getting recycled again,again and again.How many times can we possibly see ANOTHER remake of a 金庸 (Louis Cha) novel?How many versions of 神雕侠侣 (Return of the Condor Heroes...goodness,they return so many times already lah!) can we possibly take?And how many times do we have to see 卫斯理 (Wisely...but if you go by the way David Wu is translated into 吴大维，卫斯理 should,by right, be conversely and logically translated as Silly Wei,right?) on the silver screen again?

I say enough is enough.We do not need to trudge through anymore foreign novels for TV/movie inspiration.I say we create our own local novels...and as a present to our nation's 40th birthday,I will create a masterpiece that rivals JRR Tolkien's epic "Lord of the Rings" series.I realise I will go down as Singapore's greatest ever writer after writing this but hey,I can't shy away from this responsibity.Someone has to be great and I am the unfortunate one.

After all,Singapore beckons for greatness...and since I can't swim across the English Channel,I will win a Pulitzer Prize for Singapore.

You know how Singapore love winners,actually come to think of it,we love nearly-winners more...Eric Khoo send a film to Cannes only,never win anything but a bit of ovation and the Singapore press treat him like he won 14 Oscars.

Ronald Susilo and Li Jiawei nearly win Olympic medals and also get treated like king and queen.Tan Howe Liang wins medal... and gets a job at a gym.

I guess I'd rather not win then...all I need to do is come close to winning a Pulitzer and the government will treat me like 国宝 and give me $1 million...if unluckily I win it,I think at most they name a public toilet in AMK after me.

Enough nonsensical nonsense,folks!Because the real nonsense starts here.This is my cast of key characters for my epic 20,000....line novel.

The cast of characters (and the people who should play them):

黑山老妖 (played by SR Nathan)

Evil ruler of 花园国 (Garden Kingdom).He is 810 years old and has unimaginable martial arts prowess as well as legions of foot-soldiers,known as Men in White.This evil lord,despite his advancing age,is trying to continue his evil stranglehold on the kingdom for the next 60 years after the imperial doctor gave him a clean bill of health.But of course,黑山老妖 gets his long life by sucking energy off his defated foes.

黑山老妖 plays a pivotal role in this novel as he is the evil force that my heroes are trying to overthrow.And as copying all good traditions...黑山老妖 will ultimately reveal his true identity,yes,he is the lao beh of the novel's hero...GASP!So shocking.

绝世武功 (Erm...World unique skill?):

快闪千面脸:This frightening skill is a unique skill that no one else in Garden Kingdom has managed to master.Basically,whenever 黑山老妖 senses the danger of flashing/blinding lights,especially those of camera lightbulbs and film cameras,he quickly flashes a dazzling smile in the direction of the light...blinding his enemy with the reflection of the light off his gleaming white teeth.

Temporarily blinding and disarming his enemies,he'd then proceed to his next killer move,the 大众之掌,where with a plasticky smile and his face still facing the light source,he proceeds to grab the palms of his enemy and shakes it vigorously,creating a false sense of warmth...

Because the warmth is,in fact,energy channelled from his enemy into 黑山老妖,in the process rupturing his enemy's internal organs and nerves and killing him gradually.

PS:Beware that 黑山老妖 knows many languages and hence will not be easily sold out by his minions.Indeed,his extraordinary language skills is used to butter up the population of Garden Kingdom so that they think he is the best thing since roti prata when all he wants,in fact...is to suck energy off the population and get a State funeral.

臭脸侠士 (played by Tay Ping Hui)

The hero of the novel.Tall,strapping and disgustingly arrogant,this bastard,erm,I mean hero,takes no prisoners and is full of himself.But that's what makes women love him,because he always 摆臭脸.Women find that...ohhh,so sexy.

臭脸侠士 is the best pugilist in Garden Kingdom and mainly trains at his hideout,加俐古山谷 (Caldecott Caves).As we all know,to be unbeaten is lonely(无敌是寂寞的)...kinda like Arsenal for 49 matches.Anyway,臭脸侠士 seeks competition and is unable to find any,which is why he retreats to the caves to meditate...until he is needed.The time is NOW...as 黑山老妖 comes out to haunt the people of Garden Kingdom,臭脸侠士 must take up the mantle of world saviour...

绝世武功 (Ok,it's called killer move):

娱记粉丝推拿手:Specially invented to counter the legions of press photogs (娱记) and fans (粉丝) always on his back,臭脸侠士 has perfected this move to devastating effect.If he were tro spot either a press photog or fan within 10 metres of him,he sends out this powerful push that completely shoves all aside so that he can easily walk past without any problems.The unfortunate thing is that he has been known to use this on anyone who trespasses within ten paces of him,even ordinary folks...or especially them.

That's why he is really more of an anti-hero than a hero...think of a brooding Batman crossed with a jerk and arsehole.

双峰公主 (played by Fiona Xie) and 太平公主 (played by Joanne Peh)

Before the rule of 黑山老妖,Garden Kingdom was ruled by a peace-loving,crappy king by the name of 皮条皇 (played by Chen Shucheng) who specialises in giving cash away in crappy gameshows.皮条皇 was brutally murdered (he was hung by the neck with a rope made of Econ minimart coupons) in a bloody coup by 黑山老妖 but his lovely daughter,双峰公主 managed to escape with his not so lovely twin sister,太平公主,together with the crown jewels of the Kingdom...what became known in legend as...Citigems.

The two princesses seek to restore the Kingdom to its past former glories but find themselves hunted down by 黑山老妖 and his minions.As they find their options quickly dwindling down to zero,they have to turn to 臭脸侠士 for help...and along the way,臭脸侠士 will find himself inresistably attracted to 双峰公主.Why?Guess from her name.

Can 臭脸侠士 help the two princesses restore the Kingdom to its past glories?Will 臭脸侠士 and 双峰公主 live happily ever after?Will they get to do push-ups?Stay tuned...

绝世武功 (Killer move):

双峰公主's killer move is 大波微步,which our dear Fiona deftly demonstrated in that bikini run along Orchard Road in that crappy "idol serial",任我傲游.This move allows our favourite heroine to escape her enemies by quickly outpacing them,while distracting them with a mesmerising twin bouncing motion.Virtually unbeatable,this valuable skill has allowed our heroine to escape many times from the evil clutches of 黑山老妖.

太平公主's killer move is 木头功.Basically this means that the princess tries to act out extreme emotions whenever she is in the presence of great danger...which then convince her enemies that she really is an inanimate object.The more she tries to emote,the more indistinguishable she becomes from non-living things.So if she were to pretend to cry in a forest,her enemies actually cannot distinguish between her and a tree.If she's in a wax museum and she tries to act angry,they can't tell her apart from a wax statue.It's quite potent really...in normal life,we just call it bad acting.

断奶神妮 (played by Zoe Tay)

An over-the-hill has-been former great pugilist who nows hides in the 加俐古山谷 to 修行.She does not meddle in the affairs of the Kingdom unless the government (朝廷) of 黑山老妖 tells her to do so.Indeed,when told to step out of her monastry,she is the enforcer of all government policies,forcing all and sundry to follow her lead or else...in truth,she really isn't a good character.A minion.

绝世武功 (Killer move):

奶镖:She is not called 断奶神妮 for nothing.With more than a huge surplus of em...breast milk,she freezes these into solid ice-cream darts which she shoots at people with great accuracy.Laced with a deadly poison,once one gets hit by these missiles,one'd immediately be intoxicated by the lethal poison.He/she will then start braying and call 断奶神妮 "妈妈" affectionately.He/she will thus fall under the control of 断奶神妮 and do her bidding.

小腰女 (played by Fann Wong)

小腰女 is something like the prodigal daughter who spent a huge chunk of her time outside of the Kingdom,returning once in a while for fun and laughter,peace and joy.Self-absorbed and a little fake,she has no interests in the people's welfare.Yet,for some strange reason,小腰女 is extremely popular in the Kingdom and is seen as a clear threat to 黑山老妖.But 黑山老妖 really has nothing to worry about,小腰女 cares too much about herself to care about anybody else.

绝世武功 (Killer move):

缩身秘诀:小腰女 has the uncanny ability to shrink her body so thin that she can virtually avoid and dodge all manners of assault against her...be it punches,kicks,throwing missiles or sword attacks.This allows her to avoid injury easily.

The only problem with this skill is that while she can shrink,she can't expand...this is due to contractual duties with ExTrim.

无名使者 (played by Andrew Kuan)

A mysterious man that came out of nowhere to challenge 黑山老妖's supremacy in the Kingdom.Nobody knew where he came from...and certainly nobody knows what his motives are.Why did he come out of nowhere to challenge 黑山老妖?Is he a turncoat from 黑山老妖's minions,the Men in White?Word has it that he was once part of the Men...so why has he abandoned their ranks to fight against 黑山老妖?Is there a greater force controling everything?

For sure,even 臭脸侠士 is not sure of his intentions and has stayed clear of this mysterious man.

绝世武功 (Killer move):

大头顶:无名使者 has a strange amount of faith and confidence in his abilities,no doubt because of this 绝学 in which the man expands his head to the size of a water-melon and starts head-butting people all over the place.Although this skill isn't really that deadly to begin with,无名使者's strange amount of confidence lends it a credibility that seems slightly ill-deserved.

五贱客 (played by the Singapore Idol Finalists)

The evil minions of 黑山老妖.These good-for-nothings are unable to find a job in the outside world and are reduced to doing 黑山老妖's evil deeds for him.These five evil creatures never seem to disappear from the people's consciousness,always appearing in one form or another as if people will ever miss them.Worst,they actually think they're the people's best friends when the general public is absolutely terrified and sick to the core of them.

绝世武功 (Killer move):

烂歌吼:Whenever threatened,these five produce one of the most frightening moves in the pugilist world...they open their mouths to sing.In no time,all their enemies will be struck down,hit by the terrible sounds that emerge from their mouths as they start bleeding from the ears and mouths and finally die from haemorrhage.So far,nobody has yet found a way to counter this terrible move.

声宫寨主 (played by Sim Wong Hoo)

Once imprisoned by the government but now set free,he has become the most successful merchant in the land and is one of the most powerful men in the Kingdom.Although he loves the Kingdom and people look up to him,the man never seems to explicitly state his ambition to fight 黑山老妖 and gain control of the Kingdom,restoring some normalcy back to the country.Why hasn't he done anything to stop 黑山老妖?Nobody knows...maybe the guy is simply too rich to care.

绝世武功 (Killer move):

修身秘宗法...when you train to a certain point,you will let go of all material worries (since you feel very rich),to the point of 刀枪不入.When you attain this state,you have gotten what is known as Zen.If you only manage to learn a bit,it's called Zen Micro,it protects everything but your groin.

But there is a catch to this,people who train 修身秘宗法 cannot be exposed to one particular item...an Apple.

Or else,they lose everything they have...

银神 (played by Tan Howe Liang)

Long time ago,he was the second strongest man in the Kingdom.But after winning that accolade,银神 mysteriously disappeared,only appearing once every four years (kinda like the World Cup)to remind everyone that he is still well and alive.Word has it that he,too,is under the control of 黑山老妖 who allegedly gave him a job at a 武馆 (what is known as a gym) but in truth nobody knows.臭脸侠士is actually 银神's disciple,learning from the great man the strength to push people aside.

绝世武功 (Killer move):

银牌阵:Basically he needs to do nothing,just stand around and hold up his mythical weapon,the fabled 银牌 and nobody can get near him,creating a force-field so powerful that anyone who comes near him gets overcome by a sense of reverence.However this is not known to work on 朝廷命官 (civil servants) since they are his pay masters.

花国不败 (played by Sean Say)

Very unoriginal name I know...but wow man,that character is legend and Sean Say has the seh to do something like it.Basically,花国不败 is a androgynous master pugilist who learn to much 娥眉派功夫 and went 走火入魔.Exhibiting both male and female characteristics,the man is secretly in love with 臭脸侠士 but doesn't dare to acknowledge that fact.In the end,he will sacrifice himself for his true love...when he undergoes a sex change...and loses all his skills...but can 臭脸侠士 look past his stubble?

绝世武功 (Killer move):

抛媚眼:Anybody,male or female who gets hit by this move will find themselves irresistably attracted to 花国不败 and will subsequently do his bidding...usually 花国不败 gets the women to kill themselves while he gets the men to...erm...geeez...

There it is,folks...my contribution to NATION-BUILDING.A world-class masterpiece epic that is half-done but you can see the greatness already.The nation will be proud of me!

Happy National Day!

Monday, August 08, 2005
Year of The Reds

The very first thing that I want to talk about,besides the main topic of this post (which is really a prediction for the new EPL season...so non-football fans...turn away if you want to),is to talk about the world-famous David Manning.

I truly appreciate the great man for reading my website and promoting it.We have started correspondence since then and as we are both great men,I have decided to return the favour by advertising his website for him.

The David Manning Home Page

Well,folks,if you guys still don't understand how famous the man is,take a look at Wikipedia.You know how good a man is when he appears in Wikipedia.
_________________________________________________________

Last night's Community Shield match between Arsenal and Chelsea confirmed my suspicions about Arsenal.

First,without Patrick Vieira,Arsenal's midfield is way too lightweight to compete in the EPL on a season-long basis.Do not get me wrong.In Cesc Fabregas,I think Arsenal has one of the most talented young players I have ever seen.It's just that,the guy is about as tall as a smurf and in the physical world of the EPL,you can't really hold your own when scraping in midfield and you're of this size.And as for his midfield partner for the day,Mathieu Flamini,I have but one word to describe him:Rubbish.


Flamini - Most flattering pic I can find...

Second,is Arsene Wenger seriously nuts?His reiteration that Arsenal doesn't need Michael Owen is just about the most rubbish statement I have ever heard.Playing a one-man strikeforce with Thierry Henry upfront,the Frenchman was marked out the game by,at times,an entire crowd of defenders intent on forcing him to try his luck from outside the box.Dennis Bergkamp,in a withdrawn supporting role,at times dropped back so deep that besides Henry,there usually wasn't anyone else in the box...besides,maybe the marauding Swede Freddie Ljungberg.

Here was a man who spent a fortune bringing the great Francis "Fox in the box" Jeffers in and then when he gets the chance to buy a genuine goalpoacher,he says,"No thanks."Arsene uncle ah,no money say so lah.Don't say you don't need Owen lah.

Anyway,the table below is the end of the season prediction by ESPN soccernet:

1. Chelsea
2. Arsenal
3. Liverpool
4. Man United
5. Middlesbrough
6. Tottenham
7. Blackburn
8. Newcastle
9. Man City
10. Everton
11. Birmingham
12. Bolton
13. Aston Villa
14. Charlton
15. West Ham
16. West Brom
17. Portsmouth
--------------------
18. Fulham
19. Sunderland
20. Wigan

Nice and easy.This is MY prediction.

1. Chelsea
2. Liverpool
3. Arsenal
4. Man United
5. Middlesbrough
6. Tottenham
7. Newcastle
8. Man City
9. Everton
10. Aston Villa
11. Bolton
12. Blackburn
13. Birmingham
14. Charlton
15. West Ham
16. Fulham
17. West Brom
--------------------
18. Portsmouth
19. Wigan
20. Sunderland

Not much difference of course(you wouldn't care if Blackburn was 11th or 12th what)...but if you are eagle-eyed enough,you'd notice the runners-up postion is changed plus the relegation places.Now let me explain my rationale:

1st - 4th:

Basically,England already has an established "big-three" and it's only a matter of time before one from the next tier of clubs breaks into this "tripoly".Liverpool stands the best chance at this moment,not because they are necessarily better than Middlesbrough or my beloved Spurs...it's because they're European Champions and are in the Champions' League and that means money galore.

The stranglehold of the Roman Abramovich rouble-propelled Chelsea is not likely to lessen this season.In my eyes,Chelsea has not significantly improved on last season's squad,merely adding strength in depth.It is arguable whether the likes of Shaun Wright-Phillips and Asier Del Horno are any better than who Chelsea already have at their disposal.But now,if Arjen Robben or Damien Duff gets crocked,they have a ready replacement in Wright-Phillips(his presence also deepens the English core of the side),ditto Del Horno (with Wayne Bridge really to step in).


Roman - Chelsea's lao beh

The protracted transfer saga of Michael Essien is still on going (my most updated piece of news is that it is off...but we've seen more on-offs in this saga than my light switch at home) and again,I still think Essien merely adds strength in depth.Does a team with Claude Makelele really need Essien?But the truth is,adding the Ghanaian to the squad will give it truly frightening depth.

I have decided to gamble and place Liverpool as second,not on the basis of the team's strength alone but on the decline of Arsenal and Man Utd.Liverpool is still buoyed by the astounding victory in Istanbul a few couple of months back and the ripple effects will be surely felt this season.Steven Gerrard looks a world-beater during pre-season while Xabi Alonso remains a true gem.In these two,they do have one of the strongest midfield pairings around.But as for their flanks,is Boudewijn Zenden really a great addition?I do not see the Dutchman as a better player than anyone already at Anfield.Also can Sami Hyypia hold out another season?But at least they now have Spanish international,Jose Reina between the sticks.Hopefully he'd prove a more reliable figure than the erratic Jerzy Dudek.And Liverpool does have a formidable strikeforce in Djibril Cisse,Peter Crouch and Fernando Morientes.

Arsenal's sale of Patrick Vieira does not mystify me.What mystifies me is Wenger's failure to obtain a direct replacement.Thinking that Flamini and Fabregas are up to the task of replacing the towering Frenchman.In my opinion,the closest player who can come close to replacing the role played by Vieira is Gilberto Silva,but relying on one player alone for an entire season is dangerous.This is where I think Jermaine Jenas will come in.I do not believe that Wenger will not go for him because Jenas looks and plays like Vieira in a way...ok,without the finesse yet but you get my drift.

Arsenal's defence also continues to look suspect.Is Jens Lehmann really reliable?Can Uruguay international Sebastian Viera solve this problematic position?And what about the defence?Is it one season too early to rely on Phillippe Senderos to marshal the defence?He was badly found out last night by Didier Drogba.I suspect that he'd get slaughtered in Europe.Arsenal needs Sol Campbell back.

And well,finally,of course,Wenger the poor man continues to deny he needs Owen...when blatantly,it's because he couldn't afford the man.


Wenger - Even poorer than me.

Finally,Man Utd...well,what can I say?They've been on the decline for years.Edwin Van der Sar and Park Ji-Sung are to me,suspect buys.Good luck,old man Ferguson.And to all Man Utd fans...hahahahaha!NO TROPHIES!!!


Park Ji-Sung - Proving not all Korean men look good

5th - 9th:

Tough to choose between these four clubs.But it's obvious that Middlesbrough and Tottenham are on the up while the other two are still grappling with their problems.

Middlesbrough have a formidable forward line.When you have Jimmy-Floyd Hasselbaink,Mark Viduka and Aiyegbeni Yakubu as your strikers,you know you have a good chance.The return of Gaizka Mendieta is also a very good piece of news for the Teesiders.One thing to look out for though is the ageing defence.Ugo Ehiogu and Gareth Southgate can't possibly last forever.And Chris Riggott is not the most reassuring of replacements.

I DO NOT know why I placed Spurs below Middesbrough because all truth be told,I think we are actually stronger in almost all departments.But Spurs have a grand tradition of blowing up in their own faces so I'd be cautious and predict us for sixth.

Tottenham has one of the most promising squads in the EPL.Paul Robinson,Ledley King,Michael Carrick and the four forwards (Jermain Defoe,Robbie Keane,Freddie Kanuote and Mido) are the envy of most clubs in the EPL.But the signing of Edgar Davids was the icing on the cake although I rather suspect it'd the duo of Teemu Tainio and Tom Huddlestone who will prove the revelations of the season.Like most Spurs fans this season,I'm actually genuinely afraid of nobody this season.Bring on Chelsea!


Edgar Davids - GOD!

As for Newcastle and Man City,not much to choose between them.I am pretty sure Graeme Souness will be sacked before ten games are up but let it be said that they did buy decent players in Emre and Scott Parker...but their forward line is woeful.Alan Shearer and Shola Ameobi...don't make me laugh.They are the only club to have a clear signal of intent on Michael Owen and God knows how much they need him.And their defence?Jean-Alain Boumsong?Altogether now...hahaha!But still,they're still marginally stronger than Man City.


Jean Alain Boumsong - Newcastle's Rock.Haha!

It is hard to gauge the impact of Wright-Phillips departure from Man City.They have not managed to sign a replacement in Steed Malbranque but have at least boosted their forward line is Andy Cole and Darius Vassell.But without a supplyline,what's the point of a decent strikeforce?

Everton overachieved by miles last season.Nobody expects them to repeat the same feat again this season so neither do I.Truth is,the Everton squad is very ordinary and it'd take a superhuman effort to repeat the heroics of a 4th place finish.

10th - 15th:

This portion gets even harder to justify.But basically,Aston Villa's signings have not been impressive.Patrik Berger,Aaron Hughes and Kevin Phillips smacks of journeymen buys to me.Bolton is again on a shoestring budget.El-Hadji Diouf should prove a good signing and Jared Borgetti,the Mexican international is an interesting signing but the squad is really beginning to look old this year.I do not believe they can scale the heights of last season again.

Blackburn,Birmingham and Charlton?Nothing to choose between them.I put Blackburn on top because of their mean defence and Craig Bellamy.Birmingham has flattered to deceive and I don't believe this season will be any different but at least they have got Walter Pandiani.As for Charlton...nah,who misses them?


Charlton who?

The surprise of this lot is placing West Ham at 15th.I believe Yossi Benayoun,the Israeli,will prove a good signing.And usually,at least one promoted team survives each season.Sunderland and Wigan look too weak to survive...so by elimination,West Ham stays.

16th - 20th:

Fulham and West Brom...they actually look pretty weak and if Fulham had sold Malbranque,they'd be my favourites to go down.They haven't sold him so in my book,they stay up.As for West Brom,they'd need more luck than a four-leaved clover to survive but guess what,I think they might actually do so.

The bottom three...don't need to say.Name me one player you know from Sunderland!As for Portsmouth,I think their sale of Yakubu will haunt them no end and I am not convinced of Alain Perrin's ability.And finally for Wigan,they just bought Henri Camara.The last two clubs Camara played for,Wolves and Southampton,were relegated bottom of the table.It's like Wigan just bought a pile of shit and smeared it on themselves.Good luck!


Some bloke playing for Sunderland v Dennis Wise



Camara (left) - Expensive shit.

And here's wishing you all happy viewing for a great EPL season ahead!Spurz Rulez.

PS: I did not wish to make the predictions before the transfer window ends but I guess it's only fair that I did.I think the below transfers will occur before the window ends.

Michael Essien:From Lyon to Chelsea
Michael Owen:From Real Madrid to Newcastle/Arsenal
Jermaine Jenas:From Newcastle to Arsenal
Milan Baros:From Liverpool to Aston Villa
Andy Van der Meyde:From Inter Milan to Middlesbrough/Tottenham

Friday, August 05, 2005
Uncle President

Hurray!

After so long,some bloke finally mustered some courage to try and contest the upcoming Presidential Elections.When I saw the news today,I was like "GREAT!Defeat the incumbent.Send him packing so he can go back to selling roti prata."

First,I am a bit perplexed as to why there hasn't been more people coming forward to submit nominations for the PE.I mean,look at the experience required.I quote (off CNA)...

"The Presidential Elections Committee will assess their applications and issue certificates to those it judges to be of integrity,good character and reputation,with the necessary experience for the post of Elected President.This includes executive and financial experience in government or a statutory board or a company worth at least S$100 million,for at least three years."

Basically these criteria means that even I'm eligible.Yes,even me!Ok,for me,maybe the parts about integrity,good character and reputation is a bit hard to prove but for the experience part,I fulfill already.So damn easy.So why isn't more people stepping forward?

Maybe it's the $37,500 deposit required?Or maybe they require the forms to be filled up in all four official languages and that's a bit hard to do?I don't know but who cares.

Back to my subject.Of course,the truth is that the incumbent probably won't be defeated and we'd (or I'd) have to put up with him for another 6 years.Six more years of goreng pisang waves.Six more years of appearing on irrelevant shows (isn't he suppose to support philantrophic activities,charity events and community services?) like Singapore Idol.Hell,kill me before it starts.

Anyway,what got me kind of excited was the name of the potential contestant.A certain Andrew Kuan.When I saw his surname,the first thing I did was to SMS Bishop and ask him,"Hey bro do u have a relative by the name of Andrew Kuan?"

His reply?A cryptic,"Could be,not sure leh."

WAH!Sure or not.His uncle potential President ah.Of course,immediately,he became my best friend so I ventured further,"Wah seh,potential president your uncle leh."

Bishop obviously sensed my attempt to curry-favour him so he countered,"Better behave bro,don't play play."

Undeterred,I continued to play myself into his good books,"No problem.Next time go Istana play football call me hor."

Ok blokes and gals.Now that you all know I have a friend who has an uncle who could be the next President of Singapore,I advise all of you to treat me well and butter me up.If for instance,any of you should ever decide to smuggle 20kg of heroin in your pants,you'd need my help to seek Presidential pardon.

But I'm rubbing my hands in glee right now.First things first,if Mr Kuan is nominated,I implore all of you to vote him into office.And I have two very good reasons for that.

First,Andrew is a bloody good name.I came from St. Andrew's Secondary school so I should know.

Second,you should vote him in because he might be the uncle of my friend.If grassroots leaders and other assorted Yes-men sorts can rally votes for the incumbent,then so can I.And to tell you the truth,I think my reasons for voting Mr Kuan in is much more solid than the reasons given by others to vote the current Prez in.

The real issue for me though is that I'm already thinking about how to abuse my new-found power through secondary connections.There are a few things I'd like to do.

1) Play football at the Istana every weekend.And I invite any or all of you to join me.On one conditon:You must be either NOT very good at football (which would make me the star of the show) or you must be a very pretty girl.What do I mean by a pretty girl.Take look at my wife.


Chiling, my wife

All others I won't consider.

2) Appear at every uppity social event possible.Especially those where Denise Keller appears.I know this angmoh chabo only likes to hang out with guys with German background but with my extensive knowledge of the Bundesliga and Baron's beer,I am sure I will prove to be a most suitable match.


Denise, source of countless nosebleeds

3) Abuse my powers at work.Now that I have connections,I will abuse my authority at work.I will refuse to work and just receive a monthly for the mere fact that I commute to the office to spend time at this miserable place...wait a minute...I am already doing it.

Bless my good soul.I will not abuse my new-found powers beyond these listed options.I think God must be really proud of me for being so restrained.

Before I end off,I just got to highlight something to you all,especially Singaporean girls.Today's excellent ST forum highlighted two letters by the lovely Maria Wong and the stupendous Ho Kum Yin,both exhorting the virtues of the Singaporean men.I implore all girls to read the letters below (in blue):

Singaporean men are a dream

I REFER to the Straight Talk column by Nicholas Fang (Er, Want To Apply For HDB Flat? Life!, Aug 1).

While there are many things wrong with all men, and I can destroy a forest writing on the imperfect Singaporean male, let me say that he is fine the way he is.

It was only when I lived abroad for nine years that I missed the average Singapore Joe.

In the United States where I lived for a few years, the guys on the whole seemed to think that dating was a game of how many women they could wine and dine.

They felt that a woman should say yes to sex if she was given a 'free' dinner. If two to three dates went by without sex, they moved on. They could not talk about a lasting relationship or develop a relationship if there was no sex involved.

The Singaporean male has resisted attempts to imitate his foreign counterparts blindly. Kudos to you and do remain the way you are - uncharming but sincere, genuine, pragmatic and practical.

If you were not, why would you be the dream catch of women from other Asian countries?
Singapore women, wake up and appreciate what's right under your nose before it is too late.

Maria Wong

Pampered women

SINGAPORE guys have been criticised too often. They are supposedly a pathetic, charmless lot who whine often and have nothing better than HDB flats to offer, when proposing to girlfriends.

This behaviour is attributed to their mothers who have spoilt them, resulting in their expecting 'everything to be done for them'.

But are Singapore women not equally pampered? Favouring male offspring is a thing of the past.
I see many girls being treated like little princesses who do not have to lift a finger to do anything.

They grow up arrogant and with high expectations of what life is going to be. They glorify in the fact that home-making is not for them.

For the guys, the stint of National Service is a good wake-up call. They learn to be more independent and rough it out as well as acquire life skills.

But many girls continue to live in the clouds, hankering after a Prince Charming who can offer them champagne, caviar and a condo or bungalow when proposing to them.

In avoiding guys who make that desperate attempt at charm, I just hope that these women do not fall prey too easily to that suave, glib-tongued male - Singaporean or otherwise.

Ho Kum Yin

Yes yes.Finally some GOOD Singaporean women spoke up for us local men.I told you girls we are good and good Maria and Kum Yin proves so.They also prove that Singaporean girls are not that good...hahahah...erm,sorry,that's another story for another day.

So girls,appreciate your man ok?We are not like angmohs,only want to have sex and forget (such bloody superficial,groin-led thinking).We just forget to have sex,that's all(as all responsible men should).So pardon our good souls...work so busy,how to make babies or be romantic?So many responsibilities and so little incentives,guys here don't even get paternity leave.And we got to serve NS for peanuts (not the TT Durai brand of nuts) and thus,start work at a very very late age as a result and hence got to work doubly hard as a result.We are victims of circumstances.

And Maria I love you too.You can be my wife.Naaaah.

Thursday, August 04, 2005
Liar Liar

Read the series of news reports on the trial of Constance Chee,who flunged poor little Sindee Neo to her death off a block of flats.Horrible horrible horrible.Little girl pays for the sins of a lousy father.If anything,it's the father (Neo Eng Tong)who should be thrown off the block,not little Sindee.

Ok,anyway,the facts of the case are that Neo was having an extra-marital affair with Chee and well,blah blah blah...the facts get blurred and Sindee ends up dead.Whatever it is...Neo's behaviour and testimony bears evidence of his erm,dubious character.

Apparently,he often sent "mushy" SMSes (truth be told,I don't find them mushy...they are like just about any other message that a man in love would send to his other half...I think Joycelyn Wong,the reporter who wrote the article needs a man) to Chee...including,I quote "I love u 99 serene" and "Daer 2moro we go out ok I so miss u I 5day can no sleep sms me ok I love u".

Bad English I know but gets the message across...particularly this one "2moro u want go out we go sakola".Sakola is a hotel.Dicky is itchy.

The amusing thing really is that Neo denies that he understands everything he keyed...he claimed he doesn't know what 99 (久久) nor bey bey (I think it's BABY) means despite keying them in...in fact he claimed he just copied,edited and forwarded messages that Chee sent to him.Seriously I doubt anyone would have as bad a grasp of English as him.

Also,the arsehole claimed that he was returning Chee's SMSes and going out with her because he was afraid she would go to his flat and create a scene.

To which,Chee's lawyer,the very high-profile Subhas Anandan gave this very barbed reply,"So the purpose is to stop her from harassing you. What ingenious reasoning."

Yes,what ingenious rubbish reasoning indeed.

Liar liar
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I had being going out with this girl who is an absolute 辣妹 but anyway recently I found that she told me some little lies...about her age.She said she was born in December instead of her actual birth month (which is May) and I didn't understand...why would a girl wanna lie about her MONTH of birth (we are born in the same year).

According to my little sis Celina and my friend,Jubilee,girls would like to be younger than someone/a person they like (apparently friends no problem...which makes sense of course).I really didn't know that.I didn't even realise that a matter of months make a difference to girls...who seem to feel even if same year,they still prefer the guys to be older.

Interesting concept.Now I know better.It's lucky that I was born in March and not a lot of girls born in my year will be older than me...but anyway,after pondering a bit,I decided not to pursue any interest that I may have.

It's not because of the birthdate lie but because I find that we have different values and outlook.It's difficult.And anyway while indications are that she likes me in a way,I still can't tell whether it's "like" in that sense or liking and caring as a good friend would.So that's that.

But while I'm at it,even though I understand the rationale (kinda),I still must say...

Liar liar
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I was reading an online version of The Ridgefield Press when I came across a review of blogs by the respected US critic,David Manning and he made a mention of my blog...here's an excerpt...

"...and within the international community of this global blogging phenomenon,a number of blogs stood out for me...another one,The StrugglingOfficeboy,provides clever and insightful commentry about politics in his/her country and knowledgable movie reviews as well..."

WOW,an international critic actually mentioned my blog...can you believe that?!Geez,I didn't know my blog actually has readership as far-reaching as that.

Thank you all,faithful readers for supporting me thus far.With your unwavering support,I am sure I can continue to provide years of,I quote

"...clever and insightful commentry about politics in his/her country and knowledgable movie reviews ..."

- David Manning, Ridgefield Press.

Thank you!Thank you!

Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Media-Who**

I've have had it up to my neck in regards to Prez Nathan and his publicity-hungry presence.Ok,fine...the Prez Election might be a medium deal (because it certainly isn't a big deal) but Mr Prez doesn't have to KEEP on giving interviews about his age and health!

I had thought that Prez had already addressed these concerns a couple of times before in various interviews...enough to allay our concerns already because we know the full picture by now.

Hell NO!Prez sees fit to grant ANOTHER interview talking about his age and health again.Hey man,you carry on like this,giving interviews about your age and health,we the citizens will be the ones in danger of not living through your next term of 6 years...because we'd get bored to death by you.

Yes yes.You are 81.Yes yes,some people are worried about your health and whether you can last 6 years (personally,I don't think it'd be a huge loss if the full term isn't served.Whatever that means).

But for goodness sake,you have talked about these issues for 2 or 3 times already.Give us a break.We know the deal by now.Don't keep repeating it.Or are Singaporeans that stupid that they have to hear a thing over and over again to have the message drummed into their tiny brains?Please don't assume too much,Prez and the national institute of government.If we are stupid,your education system holds much of the credit for this.

Ok ok ok,I don't want to go into a government bashing post.I am supposed to be bashing just one individual...to be honest,I think someone is milking this whole issue to get maximum publicity.I am not gonna say who.You take your pick.

In one's quest to get on the papers almost on a daily basis,I am frankly surprised at the amount of antics one can get up to.Health Issues...get an article and a picture,Charity show...get a full-page picture (no disrespect,it's a good cause),Singapore Idol...chap one ka and get another picture,open National Toilet Bowl Week...get another picture...you just try keeping track lah...Scouts meeting,Community week...everything also got a hand.Ok,maybe quite philantrophic...but National Toilet Bowl Week and Singapore Idol...GOD...

I have two words to say: Media-Who**

Monday, August 01, 2005
Breaking Up

Ten things one should know about breaking up:

1) More often than not, breaking up is as hard on the person ending the relationship as it is on the person being broken up with - don't assume just because a person is breaking up with you means that they no longer care about you, caring about you and wanting a relationship with you are not one and the same.

2) Nobody likes to hurt another person, especially somebody they have been close to, and it is often very easy to guilt trip somebody into staying with you when they are trying to end things. Resist this urge! When you use guilt as a way to stop a break up you not only cheat yourself out of having a good and true relationship, you foster resentment in the other person which could lead to greater pain and heartache in the future.

3) Being broken up with does not mean that there is something wrong with you; it just means that there is something that is not working in the relationship. Try not to take the rejection too personally. Remember that lots of great people have had failed relationships - the fact that the relationships failed says nothing about their value as a person. The fact that your relationship failed likewise says nothing about you as a person.

4) It is all right to cry, get mad and feel hurt when you are dumped. These are normal natural feelings. Just be sure that you let your feelings out in a safe place among friends or family. Do not make your ex the target of your feelings, even if they have done something to deserve your outrage. The sooner you let go of the other person, the sooner the healing can begin.

5) Breaking up is never easy. You will have good days and you will have bad days. Take it one day at a time and don't beat yourself up if you have an overly emotional day - you're only human after all.

6) Break ups are often followed by one of the parties starting a new relationship and when this happens it can bring up all sorts of old feelings. If you thought you were over someone who broke up with you and find yourself upset at the news that s/he has moved on, rest assured you are normal. Let yourself be upset, it is part of the healing process.

7) Acting out in anger is never good for anybody. After being broken up with don't spread mean or spiteful rumors. Don't betray former confidences by telling old secrets to others. If another person was involved in your break up resist the urge to slam them behind their back. Acting vicious only makes you look bad and any satisfaction you may feel will be short lived. In the end this sort of behaviour will only make you feel worse.

8) A big part of the pain of breaking up comes from a feeling of embarrassment. We often fear how the situation will look to outsiders. Refuse to be embarrassed, even if you did something outlandish to cause your break up. Letting go of the embarrassment will help you move on to the healing.

9) Nobody ever deserves to be hurt. Your ex does not deserve to be hurt because you are hurting. Your ex's new love interest (if one even exists) does not deserve to be hurt just because you feel jealous. You do not deserve to be hurt, even if you acted badly and caused the break up. Breaking up hurts, but it doesn't have to be made worse by holding a grudge or drowning yourself in a pool of if only's. Deal with the reality and let go of your anger, the pain will disappear more quickly if you do.

10) Things may seem bleak now but you never know what the future may hold for you and your ex. You may get back together someday. You may not. Either way it is better to let go of a faltering relationship while there is still some caring left between the two of you. If you play it out to the bitter end and leave your ex no choice but to hate you to get rid of you, you close the door to the future. Bowing out graciously leaves room for a future relationship with your ex, even if it is just as good friends.