Monday, August 30, 2004
New Office X-Men Characters

Life for the Office X-Men is becoming increasingly grim as more and more of the Original Office X-Men leave the fold.Now,surrounded by the darkness of the hostile Office environment,the swelling ranks of the evil Brotherhood of Evil Mutants have taken over control of the world.Wait,that should theoretically be the Sisterhood of Evil Mutants.Although still led by the evil mutant Magneto,there is a unusual twist to the tale.Magneto has ungone a SEX CHANGE.He is a SHE now.GASP.And knowing that wearing a cape in office would maker her look ridiculous,she has elected to grow her hair long...so that she can sway it just like a cape.The evil genius.But the Office X-men know better and saw through her disguise.We even know her preferred brand of shampoo.Pantene.Make no mistake about it.No other shampoo can keep the strands of your hair in place like that to sway like a cape.Here are three new characters introduced into the Office X-Men universe,take a long,hard look at them.They will feature very often.

Magneto:As I just mentioned,Magneto has,for some reason,undergone,a sex change and become a female.Unfortunately a not very alluring one.But I'm sure the plastic surgeons have done their best.Anyway,magneto retains much of her powers as before.She has the ability to shape and manipulate magnetic fields,this magnetic attraction seems to attract a lot of naive Brotherhood of Evil Mutants lackeys into doing her bidding.Maybe she's controlling the iron in their bodies.Amazing.This ability to control magnetci fields also seems to give her some sort of ability to generate electronic impulses.And she uses this to devastating effect...by generating ELECTRONIC MAILS.She frequently bombards her enemies with these mails to pound them into surrender.Oh,did you know that Magneto actually has some minor psychic skills?She can actually read minds on a basic level.But it is useless against the X-Men.She can only read the minds of less intelligent beings...like ADs and Ds.

Professor X:Professor X is Uncle Mac.He is the oldest living specimen in the office and has much work experience in the outside world.Just the way Prof X should be.Unfortunately he is also as useless as Prof X.Despite possessing immense psionic abilities,he chooses to use much of these abilities generating dreams...while he is sound asleep on his wheelchair during lunch.He is also a highly immobile worker.Despite repeatedly stating his desire to give up the crime-fighting life in the office,he's still stuck in his wheelchair in the office talking about it.He's so immobile,he can't quit and move out of the office.Well actually,he rarely even goes out for lunch anyway.

Sabretooth:Sabretooth is the biggest guy in the office.He's even bigger than Colossus.That is scary.One of the lackeys of Magneto,Sabretooth is unfortunately,not much of a threat to the X-Men.This is because of his repeated desire to turn over a new life and join the X-Men.But the evil Magneto will not let go...and the X-Men are still pondering about him.He might form a good partnership with Wolverine.Being the same kind of mutants.According to the psychic readings and actual witnessing of Prof X about Sabretooth,sabretooth has limited linguistic skills and writes bad grammar.He also has limited thinking skills and analytical abilities.Just the way he is in the movies then.I should know too.I've seen Sabretooth's dismal work first hand.

The rest of Magneto's lackeys has not been named yet.But they are plenty and they will unveiled in time to come as the Office X-Men attempt to find out about their abilities.Pray hard for the X-Men.The forces of evil have grown strong in the office as more and more X-Men depart.Storm will be leaving the fold by the end of the year,no doubt,to return to her African village to do counselling.Cyclops is having a weak mind as he continues to entertain thoughts of abandoning the fray.The numbers of the Brotherhood continues to swell as each day goes by.In time,the Office X-Men will find themselves besieged...if not already.The end is nigh...

This sounds like The Lord Of The Rings.