Thursday, July 22, 2004
What Have I Become?

Little malevolent me.This early morning when I got the news that my boss was on 2 days medical leave,my heart leapt with,erm,the burden of wondering what illness struck her or if she is feeling the effects of something else.Leapt as in skipped a beat...you know,nothing to do with happiness or any feelings of that sort.Just skipped a beat.Knowing my unhealthy lifestyle,it's probably more to do with some heart problem or something.Did I even mention happiness?No no NO!I wish her well.That she'd recover and get well.

Dear oh dear,what have I become?These evil thoughts.My days are hinging on the non-appearance of certain individuals...and the disappearance of god(god is but a storey above me...see I am close to god).Do I derive no joy from anything else?What about work?Shouldn't I be bursting in enthusiasm and striving to provide valuable insights for,erm,everybody in Singapore who read my works?Yeah,I guess so.If you believe in and love your job enough.

The trouble is:I probably don't.I have come to realise that I may feel more satisfaction in successfully organising an event or formulating and implementing some kind of bsuiness plan or programme.This job has nothing to do with those or not much of that.Analysis is something I could do,but probably not what I WOULD do.I WOULD also do nonsense like Xiaxue musings though.I could team up with her.Xiaxue and Xialiu.

No use griping.Go get another job.Loser.Whiner.SHUT UP!Another miserable side of me I have developed(oh come on,I listen to Morrissey,how positive can I get?).Well,I got a family to support.Bills to pay and mouths to feed.At least I got a pay-rise...and I am skiving.