Thursday, September 09, 2004
The Four Loves

Finally,after a long time or rather over 1 and a half months stuck using the same template for my blog,I decided to do an overhaul and revamp the look.I like it slightly better although the old template looks much neater and clean.But this one looks edgier and depressed.I like depressed.It makes me feel more at home.Heh.Jubilee said that it's very Neil Gaiman.Sort of,she's right in a way although it wasn't intentional.And take a look at the drawings above.That boy there.Doesn't he look like he is struggling?So genuinely,you have pictures of a struggling boy over there.But as to whether he is an officeboy,that's debatable.I am still struggling with trying to clean up the look though.Certain codes don't seem to be working and I'm still working on it.Or maybe I might get frustrated after a while and this will be it.

Still nothing to do with the title.It seems that Mystique is one of the committee members of our company's F-Day function and during lunch when Colossus,Jubilee,Professor X,Another female colleague and myself were talking in the pantry about it,she happened to be in there and overheard us talking about it.Ooops.Of course,she then started selling the event a bit here and there and said that she hoped everyone in the department would go.They're aiming for 100% of course.Hah,the Second Coming of Jesus will occur before that,I think.Nobody wants to go to FD of course but having announced that she is oen of the organisers in front of us,we had to patronise her.Rogue has not yet decided to pressure us yet although I am sure the time will come.And then,when push comes to shove,how do you make a stand in front of your boss?It will be much easier said than done.

A few nights ago,my mum asked me to fill out a form from Sheng Siong Supermarket because she wanted to go work there.So I duly did the stuff for her although I didn't really know her age so I asked her to fill it in herself.She thought about it and said,"Well,I think I'm 56..."and then was about to write it down when she stopped."No,I'm 65...actually 66."She just smiled at me and thought she was so forgetful.I didn't think much about it.Later that night,when I woke up in the middle of the night customarily.I had a short thought about it.66.That's very close to 70.My mum is close to 70!She doesn't look it,not in outward appearance.Maybe because she dyes her hair but she doesn't look it.But I felt a sudden tinge of sadness and regret over it.Sadness because she's so old now.She always jokes that she can't be with us forever and I'd be like"Come on...".It's only now that I realise that is a lot of truth in that.And it saddens me.Regret because I feel like I never really done her proud in any kind of way.That sometimes,in my bid to exert my individuality,desires and freedom,I had forgotten about her feelings.What must she be thinking and how must she feel?How many times did I hurt her?I don't know.

What is love really?It is a concept or a natural instinct?If it is instinct,do cavemen speak of love as we do?Would animals possess of this kind of feelings?How much of it is learnt?I once read the book "The Four Loves" by CS Lewis and one of the loves he talked about is Eros.I never got that far into the book though.I stopped at Friendship,after Affection.I may want to get back to that book.If love is so natural,how come we need to chase someone so hard for that person to love us back sometimes?I am only talking about erotic love here.I know lust is instinctive.Love is another matter,which is why I don't believe in "Love at first sight".That's lust.Don't confuse the two.Lust is any intense desire,does not have to be just sexual.Girls sometimes take ages before they can decide they love someone.If it's natural,why don't they know immediately?I am also thinking that if it's really a concept,how come we are so trapped by it?Or maybe that's why we are trapped by it?I don't remember anything much about Eros in actual fact (maybe that's why I don't quite undersatnd it?) but what I do know is that Friendship is the most unnatural of loves because there are no obligations and it demands mutual respect.Affection talks about the love given by parents and elders...and how it can overwhelm.Have you ever felt that too mcuh affection is given when it can suffocate?When your mum/dad determines what is good or bad for you despite your age?I am sure the CS Lewis book will provide me with good answers.I think the author is a great thinker and writer.The final type of love by the way is Charity.Which is just like God's love for us.Charity.

Not much great revelations here,I know.I didn't plan to write anything in depth because I can't.I don't understand too many things to be able to write in knowledge.But if it raises your interest in reading this book.It'd be good because I so think "The Four Loves" is a very good book.So have a read through it if or when you can.