Monday, September 13, 2004
Weekday Blues

Have not had the inclination to want to blog over the weekend,I guess why should I?There's a million and one things to do over the weekend rather than blog,it just doesn't necessary to me to spend one hour writing something down when I could be doing something else.Blogging will just be a weekday phenomenon for me then to pass away the time or to relax during work.I guess I will stop blogging over the weekends from now on.And save it for moments like this on a workday when the office atomsphere seeps me of my lifeforce and my job slowly kills me.No doubt about it,it will and is but a matter of time.

I'm right here facing a report that I am supposed to finish by today and I've found that I'm but a parrot reciting the words and wishes of my boss,Rogue.It does seem that it's funny that whenever you read a newspaper job advertisement or go for an interview,everyone always makes it out that creativity is a vital ingredient and component of any job scope.That one is supposed to exercise one's own ideas and have one's own mind.The reality is that half the time,if not all,you only need to be creative when you are a manager.Why would one need to be creative as a subordinate anyway?You are but executing the ideas of someone up there.If you don't want,they'd force you to...through pure insistence or sheer force.Even if it doesn't make sense.Or maybe it's the civil service way of life?I am having trouble writing some stuff now because I don't want to dumb down things.I have to.Or people won't understand me.I don't believe in this one bit.

Today is particularly bad because of two reasons.One:It is a Monday.A damn Monday.I have five days to go before I can get a breather.How sad is life when you live through five days of misery for two days of comfort?When it's,argh,the "circle of life".You work.You are a slave to money until you die.Relief comes in the form of a two-week holiday in the Maldives,Ikea furniture,a 2000GHz computer that lets you play games at the speed of light...so that at the end of it all,you come back to the office,thinking you are refreshed and then feel like killing people again one week later.That's a long explanation for reason one alone.

Two:Spurs just had an extremely crappy match last night.One enough to boil my blood and want to fly over and straggle the entire Spurs team to death.Tottenham 0 Norwich 0?How could that be?I was honestly looking forward to ridiculing some Man Utd fans in the office(namely Prof X and Archangel.Iceman too possibly).Now I am as disgusted as them.I could excuse the result as afarcical one due to the brilliance of Norwich keeper Robert Green but that might be giving too much credit to the Norwich No.1.The fact was that Spurs was mediocre in attack.I now realise the value of Sean Davis.Without him,Pedro Mendes was overworked.Michael Brown is the worst right midfield I've ever seen in my life and Fredi Kanuote...what the heck was he doing?I also honestly do not know why Jamie Redknapp is still on the pitch playing football.Only a twisted Liverpool fan like Banshee could claim he is a good player.If he was,no doubt,I am better than him then.No imagination and worse,no common sense.Dismal.

My mum also just brought up a peculiar topic this morning as I was able to leave the home,my deceased aunt.It is something I try not to think about because I always feel sad and sorry for her and I feel that's not how she wants to be remembered.I still remember how she looks and what we talked about.I remember sharing the same space with her.No more.I've often regarded taking pictures as a horrible activity.I hate taking pictures.What's the point?People say it's for memories.To remember how you looked but seriously,do you look at pictures of yourself and say"Ah I used to be so goodlooking/young"?I don't and I won't.But I understand the reasons for taking pictures now.Yes,it's for memories...of others.Of people who've left your life.Of people who've left this world.Of people you love.besides the pictures in your mind,which will surely fade,these are the things we hold onto.Because when we can no longer recall,these pictures remain to tell a thousand words.

I've spent the past week being angry with certain people.But somehow I've found myself finding peace and calm again.Possibly from God.The little mercies.Someone I used to love was up to her little tricks and irritated me to hell and back.I was so pissed,I refused to talk to her for the first ever time in my life.She always does certain things to me and then asks me for forgiveness.Why is this?Is this fun?I could not allow myself not to get angry this time.This anger has gradually subsided.I guess I will call her up again,just to see how she is doing.There is another person who has been ignoring me for no obvious reason for the past two or three weeks.Always says she's busy.Maybe she is.I think not.Yes,I like her but I don't see the need to be treated like dirt.Unless I am masochistic.I am not.And I don't feel the need to be blindly attached to anyone.Anyway,there are options now to woo a couple of other people if I fancy.At least that's a consolation.

Fat is not something remotely associated with me for my entire life but recently,I've felt my pants getting tighter and I am developing a tummy.God forbid if I become my dad Mk.2.That would be horrible.I've told myself to start going jogging and exercising but my will is weaker than jello.Well,with the body fats,at least I have the mass to build up with if I ever choose to.My arms have not grown though,they're still chopsticks.It's all gone to the belly.Am not used to it.I am sure there will be a few people who feel delighted with this because they feel I should put on more weight.Well,I aim to please.

Have been sleeping like a log these past few weeks.No dreams at all.I'd just lie down and zonk out in a matter of minutes.Absolute bliss.But I knew this would end in a matter of time.I started having dreams again recently.And I also started thinking about my friends.It seems like that I haven't seen them enough or talked to them enough.Well,I've spent the past couple of weeks royally pissed with someone I used to love and someone I like...or maybe used to like but that'd be a few more weeks or months time...?Who knows.I haven't had the mood to talk for a long while now...and I still don't.Anyway,what does it matter?

Locals have a heart and Tan Howe Liang has a heart too to accept a gift,a token of appreciation.Tan was not pai seh or anything to take it,just said thank you,I'd take it.That's a gentleman for you.No going..."No lah,cannot lah...how can?But hey,thanks anyway."He wasn't fake about it.Read Sunday's newspaper and you'd know what I am talking about.And that's a lot more than what the nation would do for him.He was never really rewarded.All we ever do is talk about how good he is and the sacrifices he made...while we gave him a lousy job at the SSC.Carrying stuff at 71.The athletes of today have got more money than him even via school scholarships alone.Whatmore the regular pay and the bonus money for winning medals.He was just born in the wrong era.

Unmarried mothers form a supprt group for themelves.So sad.All those baby bonuses and perks.They get none of it.No sir.Not a penny.Of course if we gave them anything,it might give the wrong message but really,give them a break already.Would you give birth to a life for cold hard cash?If you would,do a favour to your child...kill him or her.You are not a worthy parent.I guess in that case,killing yourself is the better option...because you are the one who's not worthy.Single parents really have it hard on this island and many times,they don't ask to be a single parent.Make life easier for them.Remove the stigma.Give some help.Is it so hard to do these?What's with us?