Friday, October 01, 2004
Jokes About The Presidential Debates

I think most of us are aware that George Bush Jnr and John Kerry will take on each in a series of three debates over the coming month(in fact,the first was held this morning on the topic of foreign policies).The other two debates will be held on October 8th and 13th.A vice-presidential debate will also take place between John Edwards and Dick Cheney on October 5th.Too bad I missed the first debate today and will probably miss all the other debates as well as they take place at night American time which is morning here.Would have been interesting to see how they debate their points.

Anyway,these two presidential candidates hasve been cannon-fodder for the late-night show comedians and they again lampooned the debates.That was before any actual content was available to them.Now that the debates have started,the jokes will fly.I just picked up a few choice jokes,related and sometimes unrelated to the debates.Have a laugh or two.


"The first debate will actually take place in Miami, Florida. Boy, first all those hurricanes, now Bush and Kerry ... Haven't these people suffered enough?" --Jay Leno

"John Kerry will debate President Bush in Florida. Right now Kerry has a bad cold, you can barely understand what he's saying, so it looks like it should be a fair fight. In fact his voice is so bad, doctors have advised him to rest his throat and only give one position on each issue for awhile." --Jay Leno

"The former singer Cat Stevens, now known by his Islamic name Yusuf Islam, was questioned by the FBI after his plane to Washington was diverted because his name was on a government terror list. You know it's bad enough our two candidates for president are stuck in the 70s. Apparently so is airport security." --Jay Leno

"Yesterday in Washington, Iraq Prime Minister Iyad Allawi thanked President Bush for liberating his country from Saddam Hussein, then Allawi said, 'Oh please don't make me go back there.'" --Conan O'Brien

"President Bush attended the opening of the Smithsonian Institute American Indian Museum. President Bush said he was proud of the history of the Indians and proud that the white man could come to this country to liberate them and bring them democracy." --Jay Leno

"Oh, so Iraqis are more optimistic about their country than Americans are about ours? I don't think that helps you." --Jon Stewart, after President Bush touted a poll showing that the right track/wrong track in Iraq was better than in America

"Bush bragged that more Iraqis say their country is on the right track than American say our country is on the right track. Boy, there’s a campaign slogan for you -- 'America: More F*cked Up Than Fallujah!'" -–Bill Maher

"Bush pointed to positive signs in Iraq, like how the economy is taking off, thanks to a booming car bomb business." --Drew Carey

"There are rumors that Dan Rather(of CBS which used fake documents to "prove" that Bush evaded his National Guard duties) could lose his job over this. Wouldn't that be ironic? Another American losing his job due to President Bush!" --Jay Leno

"President Bush met with the prime minister of Greece. In the meeting, Bush praised the Greek people by saying, 'You gave the world Plato, which I once ate a can of.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Teresa Heinz Kerry predicted at a fund-raiser the other day that Osama bin Laden will be captured just before the election. Of course when President Bush heard he was furious. He said, 'How did she find out?'" --Jay Leno

"Despite Hurricane Jeanne, this Thursday's presidential debate in Miami is still on. Is that a good idea with a hurricane going? Do you realize if both candidates were to drown, we could be looking at President Ralph Nader?" --Jay Leno

"Ralph Nader couldn't get into the debates in Florida. But here's the good news: Nader will be making a special appearance on 'CSI: Miami' as a guest cadaver" --David Letterman

"Ralph Nader says he is going to participate in the presidential debates. OK, he'll be at home yelling at the screen." --Jay Leno

"Problems at Kerry debate prep: They keep trying to tell him he doesn't talk like a regular average Joe and he said, 'Au contraire!"' --Jay Leno

"Everyone is talking about the ground rules. Kerry wants his podium to be tall enough so he can rest his hands. And President Bush wants it to be wide enough to hide Dick Cheney." --Conan O'Brien

"Before the debate, Bush is concerned about the lectern, he's worried about the room temperature and the lighting. Kerry is making the mistake of worrying about the issues." --David Letterman

"Are you all ready for the presidential debate this Thursday? It's kind of like "The Apprentice" except WE get to fire somebody." --Jay Leno

"The first presidential debate is Thursday in Florida. I think it's Bush's way of saying thank-you for that last crooked election." --David Letterman

"Each candidate has agreed to 32 pages of rules. I'm telling you, it's like being a J. Lo husband." --David Letterman

"They say this debate is already helping the economy. In fact, millions of people are buying large-screen TV sets so they can see Kerry's entire head." --Jay Leno

"Well, the terror level on John Kerry's face has been raised to orange. First, he gets the Botox. Now, he's got the rich tan. Apparently the senator's confused. The Miss America pageant was last week. This is the presidential debates. In fact, it was reported Kerry got a bikini wax." --Jay Leno

"Of course you know, President Bush has been taking a couple days off this week to prepare for the debates. In fact, he's having a microchip implanted in his ear. This will allow Dick Cheney to speak to him directly. 'It's pronounced 'Fallujah' 'Abu Ghraib.'" --Jay Leno

That's all,folks!