Tuesday, June 06, 2006
A Silent Prayer

There's a palpable fear in my mum's voice when she told me about this a few days ago. A fear that ate into my consciousness from the moment I heard her words. My mum felt a lump in her left breast and will be going for a test at TTSH sometime this week when she gets her appointment.

My maternal extended family has a history of cancer. My grandfather passed away because of it. My second uncle committed suicide when he could no longer stand the pain from the treatments that he was receiving. My late youngest aunt was the last victim of a disease that seems to run hereditary. This is not something I want to reminisce about.

Yet, truth is, I was almost waiting for it. Waiting for something like this to hit me. Almost envisaged it. I must be quite a piece of work when it comes to pessimism.

But we know nothing yet unless the tests are run. It could all be a superfluous worry. Well, it better be. It ought to be. That's what I want it to be. I also wish it was the only thing on my mind.

Bad things when they come, they come in a avalanche, seemingly to bury you alive. I wonder why I have to learn the truth about certain things at this particular point in time. A time when I ought to be just thinking about my mum. Ignorance is bliss but truth liberates. I guess it is for the better in the end. You cannot run away from what is real. It still bloody hurts though. Was I expecting anything less?

Life still goes on. No point putting a face of solemnity and bringing everyone (including my mum) down. But beyond my folderol, I say a silent prayer that my mum is alright and this turns out to be a false alarm. That's all that matters. Everything else, I can take care of myself.