Thursday, October 21, 2004
Say Something Banal

I spent a huge amount of my office time yesterday amusing Iceman,Dazzler and Prof X during lunch or during a training session,which we skipped.Most of it was spent talking about crap actually.During lunch,when I had a stomachache and didn't go out to have lunch with the rest of the X-Men team,I spent about 1 hour in the pantry(until 1:30)chatting with Dazzler,Iceman and Prof X.The topics we talked about ranged from strawberries,which Iceman bought from a vendor in the canteen but which tasted crap to spray-on stocking,which I say I would spray on my face one day when I'd need to rob a bank.If that day comes.I also had a question,if they had spray-on stocking,would they have spray-on fishnet stocking too?Well,later in the day,Jubilee suggested using a stencil.Great idea.

That first paragraph amounted to nothing actually,I was just trying to fill up space.But I spent a lot of time talking to Dazzler and discovered a few things about her.First,she is one year older than me.I never knew that.Second,she's a Piscean,just like me.I don't think I knew that either.Third,she said she'd stay here for another 3 or 4 years before moving on.I definitely didn't know that.Dazzler has become more subdued now as a person but compared to us,she's still like "a flickering candle" trying to light up a place(the office)that is totally dark.That's a bit like Jubilee.What some of the Office X-Men call "in denial".But without them,life will be a lot less colourful.

Our boss,Rogue,just came back unexpectedly today when she's supposed to be on leave.I have no idea why she's back.Frankly,I don't want to know.I'd rather she be away but her presence doesn't mean much to me anyway.As long as she stays in her hole,leaves us alone and munches on her daily diet of report papers,she's happy and I'm happy too.But Banshee is back.His presence immediately unmistakeable and unmissable,punctuated by his irritating way of talking.He sounds a lot more insincere,know-it-all and cocky than you can ever imagine.Something you have to experinec for yourself.

Prof X went for an interview with a bank yesterday late last night.Apparently,the boss who interviewed him simply demoed for him the work he has to take up(without any confidentiality)and well,seemed to imply that long late hours are required(surprise,surprise huh?)Prof X,being the model civil servant,seemed aghast at this suggestion.Work long hours?That's against the civil service code of conduct.And it seems that the boss also suggested that he come back on weekends to learn the ropes or if he wants to leave early during weekdays,to work on weekends as well.So of course Prof X told me that he is "considering"the offer the bank will put up and only a really good offer

All the stuff that I wrote so far has nothing to do with my topic but they are already pretty banal so far.So you can imagine how bored I am.And maybe how boring as well.Anyway,my topic has more to do with the banal greetings that we assault each other with every day.I was at the lift lobby this morning going up to my office when two,erm,workers,who know each other(I don't know them),greeted each other with the all-too-common "How?" and for no reason,I suddenly just thought to myself,"How what?!"What kind of a greeting is "How?"

In reality,we all do banal greetings one time or another.In fact,greetings are probably supposed to be banal anyway but wah liao,sometimes I really wish don't have to start a conversation by asking stupid stuff.I do,in fact,try to do away with it as often as possible but hey,life is hard.Sometimes,it's unavoidable.Well,let me see...I am in fact losing my train of thought because Jubilee is disrupting my thoughtflow with a series of emails.But I want to list out a number of inept openings we always use...for instance,"How?"

I never use "How?" myself but I've seen people use it before.Usually my reaction to a question like that is "Huh?" and that'd at least force the person asking the question to be more specific.Seriously,"how" what?Are you asking about my work?My lovelife?My aching back?My mood?What are you talking about?I don't mind a "How are you?" or "How's you been?" because somehow it's more polite although essentially it's the same question as "How?"

I have had people asking me,"How's your weekend?"and that I also think is an inept question.Weekend then weekend lah.What's the big deal?I think people,for one reason or another,seem to envision weekends with exciting escapades or sporst or whatever but come on,this is Singapore.Whatever answer we are going to give is just going to provoke a non-reactional "Riiiight" from anyone.What can you do in Singapore seriously?I went to watch a movie,I went shopping,I went out with my boy/girlfriend.Islept at home the whole day and stuffed myself like a pig.I went wakeboarding and broke my nose.It's the same things we do over and over again.Singapore is too small to do a lot of things.Have you ever heard anyone say "I went mountain-climbing over the weekend."?

Of course,the clincher of all these "How" questions is the formidable "How is everything?" question.What in the world do you expect me to answer?I usually give them my usual "Huh???" look at them but what'd you expect me to say otherwise?My walk with God is going great although on Thursday,I tend to feel rebelious.The bathroom in my master bedroom is leaking badly and I haven't had time to get the plumber round to fix the damn thing.Oh,my boss hates me...wow,man!How's everything?Good choice of question.I think someone could make our lifes a lot easier by just asking us straight..."what's the meaning of life?"At least,then our long meandering answers could be fun to listen to.

Anyway,my office just migrated to XP and the whole damn system works at a snail's pace right now.I could be blogging a lot less from now on.You know what's the real problem though?They've removed almost all control of the system from our hands so that we can't install,change or remove antything.That includes the cacahe in the PC.Big Brother is watching and he'd whip my butt real hard.It's just too bad.I have a very firm butt.

Having said all that,I do recognise banal greetings is a form of courtesy.What else can you possibly start with?"You look good!"?Using it on a guy,he'd think you're really being fake.Using it on a girl,she'd think you're trying to pick her up.But that's not the point.We all,sometimes,need to pretend to be interested in someone or something even if we couldn't care less.And greetings take care of that part.Just get it out of the way.Of course,that's not always the case because we do want to know if anything "big" has just occurred in someone's life and we weren't aware of it.That's why I did use the word "sometimes" as a qualifier,you know.

Oh,anyway,this blog about banality is banality itself exemplified.We can't run away from these greetings so I am justing being whiny about it.Pardon me and my idiosyncrasies,I am a Piscean after all.And Pisceans are weird people.Very weird people indeed.