Monday, November 08, 2004
Treasuring Someone

I have to admit something here.I desperately wanted to erase the post I wrote about Huang Na and pleading for her to come back home after the tragic news came about her death and well,I really didn't know what to say.But I decided to keep it in.Maybe in memory of her and that I cared about her.I don't know.One of the news that I have been desperately trying to avoid reading in the papers or watching on TV is the intense coverage that the media have put on this case.This is mainly because I didn't want to feel sad about her all over again (I get sad everytime I read about her).But over the weekend,I decided to read some reports about Huang Na and what she was like while she was alive.The picture that the media have put together of the girl was that she was a gregarious girl who was extremely independent,lovable,smart and also desperately needed love and attention.I was also somewhat touched yet sad by the great amount of sympathy and love that the general public have shown to this little posthumous.Because the key word here is posthumous.There was hardly any love given to her while she was alive.What's the use of showering someone with so much love when she's dead?Where was it when she needed it the most?This is not directed at all the people who never knew her personally besides through the news but to all the people who did but never showed love and attention to a child.

I think when the media reported in today's article that Huang Na was a lonely child who desperately needed love and attention,they missed out one crucial point.ALL children need love and attention.So Huang Na is by no means a special case.The only thing that set Huang Na apart was that she never got actually got too much love and attention while she was alive.And for a child,that's tragic.Imagine having to look high and low just for someone who'd spare some time to listen,talk to and understand you.I am a 27-year-old.For me,something like seeking love,understanding and companionship,I can do without it and easily live with it.It's no big deal.For a 9-year-old to have to deal with loneliness,it must have been extremely tough on her.No matter how independent she is.From the reports,I sometimes think that this child's gregarious,chatty and lovable manner is but an overt attempt to fight and mask her loneliness by being nice and friendly to everyone.How many kids you know talk to aunties they don't particualr know well in a friendly manner?

I am especially saddened by the way (this is what I perceived anyway) that this child was pushed around and ignored by all the adults around her.You can tell by the way that despite all the time that Huang Na spent playing (alone) around the Pasir Panjang Vegetable Wholesale Centre,all the vendors there actually never really knew her.All they can say in interviews is that she was a gregarious and independent kid who played on her own.Which makes a mockery of all the "intense" feelings" that they held for Took when he was brought back to the centre to re-enact the case.Apparently,they shouted words of hatred at him and one even thought about "hitting him".If only they had been as quick to act with love as they are with hatred.Certain things might not have happened then.

Another piece of news I read in today's paper was that Huang Na had called her godmother just before her birthday on Sept 28 and said she wanted to come to the house to play.But apparently the godmother was busy and said no to her.She obviously regrets now that she said no then.I think those are easy and empty words.Because,first,I could never imagine,saying no to a kid who is known to be a good kid and has never made many demands on you.How do you say no to a kid like that?Secondly,even if she was busy,she could still have easily told Huang Na on another day during the week to play.Why didn't she?I hope not all adults treat kids so carelessly.

What the Huang Na case teachs me is less that all children need attention (that's universally true,if you don't know it by now,you should) but that we should treasure the people in our lives while we still have them.Because when God calls time on their existence on this world,all the outpouring of grief and love does nothing to mask how you treated that person while he/she was alive.You can wail your heart out during that person's wake and bluff everyone else that you have and showed great love for that person while he/she was here.But that person knows...and you know.So why lie to yourself?To make yourself feel better?

I have become slightly gentler and kinder to some of my family members in recent days.Maybe it's that I find no reason to get angry at some of the things that do.Or just that I have chosen to swallow things down because anger only makes things worse.God knows only how long I can keep this up.But I hope I always do.I don't want to live with regrets that when people do pass away,the absence of my love had been far more prominent in their lives than its presence.

In a way,that should probably be the case with my friends too.I have always tried to distance myself from many people,only allowing a selected few to be really close,so that I get hurt by things they do or words they say.I have always tried to be as nice,kind,gentle and understanding as possible to those whom I allow to be close.It's those outside of the circle that maybe I need to to be kinder,gentle and more understanding towards.I wonder if that's an oxymoron.The reason why I shut them out is because either I don't know too much about them or there is something in them I inherently don't trust or like.There is nothing oxymoronic about the former but what about the latter?There might be a reason why we are not close in the first place.

There have been some people recently whom I have pushed away deliberately because of hurt.I have had second thoughts about what I've done.In a recent post,I had said that I don't need certain things and certain people in my life.Do I need them now?No,I still don't.But I don't want to hurt people either,intentionally or not.This has been my main fear.And also the fact that I might regret it later in life (which I had mentioned earlier).You never know when someone might be gone.If such a piece of news comes suddenly out of the blue,how much regret would I have?Especially knwoing that I might have deliberately shut that person out.

Whatever it is,the bottomline is that we should all,at least,treasure all the people around us whom we love or like.I don't know if that excludes a lot of people from our lifes.I could just have a small close social circle.Maybe we should probably strive to love all around us.That will not be easy at all.I have to admit that.But it'd reduce the amount of regret we might experience later in our lifes.If we have any.

Huang Na is gone now.A lovely child who never got much love while she was a alive.No number of Hello Kitty toys can compensate for this void in her heart.And I think,in heaven,what she craves most will not be Hello Kitty toys but a whole lot of love and attention.I hope she gets plenty of love and attention where she is now.Something she never got while she was here.

And something we might want to give freely while we are still here.