Monday, June 27, 2005
Do This Survey,Punk!

Hahaha,so sorry,Mr Mika Sampovaara (I would dearly wish that your name was Miss Maria Sharapova instead...same initials,world of difference.),I can't help but have a good laugh at your expense this morning.You just allowed me to have a good start to the day.Bless your Finnish soul!Hope you don't get fined though.

Now...before you guys start asking me who the phuck is Mr Sampovaara,please take a look at today's Today (hardcopy or online) and read the headline "Take survey or face fine,foreigner told".After you read that little piece of gem,you'd know who the great Mika Sampovaara is.

Anyway,if you are someone like LKY or of that stature and have no time to read the article (then what the phuck are you reading my blog for?But then again,I wouldn't blame you.If I was LKY,I would set aside time to read my own blog too),the premise is this:Mr Sharapova (I know his name isn't this but it's my blog and I'd call him whatever I want) got sent a DOS (Department of Sex...nope,I wish...Stats) survey.You know those government surveys which are COMPULSORY because if you don't do,they send mata down to your house at 11pm and arrest you in your underpants/bra and panties or whatever you are in.Anyway,Mr Sharapova refuses to do just that,that is,do the survey.So now he is in a whole load of trouble.

Mr Sharapova's stance is this.He is simply not interested in the survey and values his privacy.He also says that he comes from Finland where there is no obligation to do surveys so phuck you with your Singaporean survey(ok,I am the one who said that).

The DOS's reply is quite brilliant actually.They say it only takes 30 mins for a family of four to complete the survey (duh,what does that got to do with anything?You are trying to say it's short but what does that got to do with "I'm simply NOT interested."),important that respondents provide the required info so that results are complete and nationally representative (hang on a second,is that MY problem or YOUR problem?),majority of respondents are co-operative and contribute to a high response rate (then go find them lah!疯狗 don't come barking in my backyard),households that are selected cannot be replaced to ensure consistency (what about those dead ones?And SHIT...more on that later...) and finally confidentiality is ensured (sure it is.I don't doubt that...but what if I want my privacy protected period...even from DOS eyes?).

The kind DOS spokesperson,of course,neglected to mention the below 3 points in her statement,which are far more important:

1) People who refuses to do the survey can be fined up to a grand (which means "We don't care what you think.What we want,we get or else YOU pay for it")

2) They bombard you with calls if you don't do (Who pay for me phone bill huh if me no free-incoming leh?)

3) They go to your house at 10+ PM to "persuade" you to do the job (Wah lau,government then is the real 黑社会 man.More heong than loansharks somemore,more onz also.Pity the officer who kena this task though.)

Now now now.Let me say something.I obviously empathise with Mr Sharapova,no doubt about that...because me am one of those unfortunate 90,000 homes which kena the DOS survey.I also a victim ah.Somemore,I even kena the MOM average household income survey also.Phuck,why the government like me so much?Are they watching me?Am I being targeted for grooming?Am I destined for great things?Hail me,the next PM?

Snap,snap...my delirium is catching up with me again.So I guess I was just thinking too much (?).And shit,they say the chosen households CANNOT be replaced somemore!What have I got to do to get out of it?Kill myself?Phuck,Singapore must be the only country you got to kill yourself to not do a survey.

Anyway,I did the survey 乖乖 like a typical Singaporean.Why?Phuck,you want me to end up like Mr Sharapova meh?End up on the frontpage of a tabloid,maybe kena fine.All because I didn't do a survey?No chance in hell.Save the trouble and just fill in the sheet of paper.

Some smartarse called Edward Choy (you know he's smart because he doing postgrad and you know he's an arse because he doing theatre studies) said it well today when he said "The sky won't fall down even if we don't care".Yes,Eddie boy,you're right.They want us to do,we just do loh.Phuck them and phuck our apathy.Why need to care and fight against something when all you get are fines and jail terms for your troubles?And even if you care,nobody cares that you care.Why not just slouch in my couch and watch Denise screw Wolfgang (or is that the other way around?).

Dear Edward.The government does care lah,you bodoh.Didn't they set up some kind of youth council where the youths are free to give their views and where the majority of their suggestions were accepted?Sure,they were asking for water-coolers in Orchard Road (how to refuse that?Looks good to the tourists,looks good to the youths who think their viewpoints are being accepted but in reality means "phuck all" because the suggestion doesn't hurt the status quo.)but can't expect them to ask for JBJ as Prez what,right?Can't.Because...

1) JBJ bankrupt.No can do for Prez.

2) We rotate our Prez through all 4 races.Euarsian,Malay,Chinese,Indian.So you take a guess which is next?

3) JBJ dissident lah. We only want Yes-men.Ong Teng Cheong mistake already.

4) Changi not enough space to lock up so many youth inmates.

Ok,I better shut up before mata arrest me.But you know something,Singapore is getting so interesting.It is all because of these foreigners.Just last week,some of them ask whether can turn one of our islands,Pulau Tekukor,into a Monkey Island (that is,a monkey sanctuary).

Well,of course,our government (SLA and STB) says no.No way.Why have MORE monkey sanctuaries in Singapore when we have so many already?You want to see monkeys?Go to any of these places:MINDEF,EDB,MHA,MICA,MOE...basically a lot of places starting with "M".You will realise Singapore is really Monkey Heaven,花果山.Hell,ever noticed one of our leaders really looks like an old monkey anyway?We are really the direct descendents of 孙武空.

Finally,on a closing note,before anyone accuses me of 吃里爬外,of supporting those angmoh lang.No,I did not say I support them.I merely EMPATHISE with them but I say PHUCK YOU,YOU PHUCKING EXPATS.You come here,live on our Singapore land (unless you live in Tanjong Pagar railway station,then that's out of our jurisdiction),earn our Singapore currency,screw our Singapore gals and drink Malaysian-imported water (Singapore distilled),you better play by OUR phucking rules.We tell you to do work,you do work.We tell you to make babies,you make babies.We tell you to eat shit,you eat shit.

And when we tell you to do survey,you better do the phucking survey,you angmoh prick or else...what or else?Our government will still import you phuckers wholesale into Singapore anyway.Angmoh always better than local mah.Or at least government says so.

No wonder we locals apathetic lah.What to do?You tell me lah.