Thursday, May 19, 2005
Revenge Of The Sith

Foreword:I am not a Star Wars fan.The summer blockbusters that I am REALLY looking forward to is Christopher Nolan's allegedly dark retelling of the Btaman tale in "Batman Begins" and of course,the Steven Spielberg popcorn flick "War Of The Worlds" (Interesting to see how he'd do those Martain tripod machines).I watched the movie premiere simply because I wanted to see Star Wars fans play dress-up.But it was disappointing,Star Wars fans are normal folks after all.There were no Stormtroopers,no Imperial Guards,no Darth Vaders and no Chewbaccas (ok,I am asking too much)...in fact,not much of anything at all besides people in office wear and nice girls sitting far far away from me...with their boyfriends.Three fans did come armed with light-tubes,oh,lightsabers and one was a pathetic looking Jedi Knight (not Master,mind you,if he painted himself green and wore,I'd call him a Master)but that was about it.

Revenge Of The Sith is the final part of the Star Wars six-parter that George Lucas will direct (What do I mean by that?Everybody knows Star Wars is actually supposed to be a nine-parter.).It chronicles the tale of how the young and ambitious Jedi Knight,Anakin Skywalker becomes long-term asthma victim,Lord Helmet...oh,Lord Vader.Along the way,he knocks up the fabulous Natalie Portman (gee,the lucky SOB),rescues his mentor:The guy with a big c#$k (See Trainspotting or the Pillow Book to see what I mean),kills Shaft (aka Mace Windu),拜 an old man seriously in need of botox (Chancellor Palpatine aka Darth Sideous aka The Emperor aka 小强...that's the name he will get when the movie hits China and gets dubbed into Mandarin)as his 师夫,kills kids for fun,gets fried into KFC (crispy,not original) and commits the ultimate sin:Try to strangle Natalie Portman.That no doubt pissed off his ex-mentor who then chopped his limbs off like a good sashimi chef for good measure.Yes sir,that in a nutshell is the plot but note that the actions are not necessarily in order.

Along the way,of course,you get the usual politics...all Republic,Separatist,Council,Senate andSenator,democracy,vote-rigging,faulty counting machines and Al Gore.Oh,Al Gore appears somewhere inside there...serious.Look in the background.

And if you're interested in Big C#$k or the little green man,you'd also be pleased to know they survived...because otherwise they wouldn't be in episode 4.Big C#$k has improved his swordsplay now by adopting the 娥眉剑法 pose (rather than do all that Jet Li stunt by jumping around like a gymnast) and also proves that he is no good at fistfights (against General Grieveous).Meanwhile LGM (Little Green Man)still bounces around like a pinball when he fights and proves he has strong bones by falling from twenty stories and not breaking a bone.His lightsabers also looks a bit like a toothpick.

And cute little Luke and Leia gets their birth filmed like some kind of a reality series here too...oh,Leia,from the first frame she's in,you knew she was born to fill that metal bikini in Return Of The Jedi.Luke...boy,did they consciously get someone who looked like Mark Hamill?He sure look like Mark's kid...only that Mark must be 100 years-old by now and can't have a kid that young.

Just in case,you are still interested in my review:Chewbacca makes an appearnce and still nobody understands a word he is saying (besides LGM),Boba Fett's father,Captain Ali Baba makes another appearance (as do Biker Scouts),Jar-Jar Binks says not a word,the Empire finally becomes a reality and builds a moon called the 死星(Death Star).

Ok ok ok,enough of desecration already.A lot of Star Wars fans are baying for my blood right now and might deface my website anytime.The real important thing is how I find the movie,right?RIIIGHT...

I'd be matter-of-fact.Revenge Of The Sith is not a bad movie.In fact,I think it's a pretty good popcorn flick.Is it because my expectations of the movie is low,especially considering how miserably bad Episodes 1 and 2 were?No,I did not base it on that really.I was never a fan to begin with so I don't follow it.But The Phanthom Menace and Attack Of The Clones were so bad,it'd have been easy for ROTS to be better than its predecessors...simply by not following the path which these two prequels chose to go down...heavy on politics,low on action (high on politicking talk) an heavy on epic battle scenes (which cuts no juice since it involves machines and clones...no blood,no humanity involved...in other words,bloodless and I don't mean it literally).

ROTS wisely chose not to really go down this path...yes,there is still a lot of political craptalk but it's minimal compared to what happened in the previous two movies.It's high in involvement of the characters (compared to the previous two movies where the characters were drowned out by macro-events).It's high in action and personal duels (no real dustained epic battle scenes).Now wasn't that's what the original Star Wars movies were about?I say Yes.And the action,being quite relentless at times,certainly brings the pace and excitement of the movie a couple of notches up

Did the actors do well?Well,Natalie Portman,Jimmy Smits and Samuel L.Jackson were really stuck in thankless roles,sprouting dialogue that no human would speak.Hyaden Christensen actually does a pretty good job as Anakin.I am somewhat surprised by that.Is it great acting by him?No,it was functional acting.And sometimes,he think he fails to convey the right feelings at specific moments (Christensen seems to speciliase in being pissed off because when other emotions are involved,I don't feel it).Ian McDiarmid as Palpatine,of course,gets the juiciest role.Meanwhile,the animated Yoda is seriously grating with his backward structured sentences...after the umpteenth time when he sprouted his reverse structured fortune-cookie gems,I swaer I'd pull his hair out of his bald head if he went on...one handful at a time.

The strength of ROTS (or all Star Wars movies)lies in its visuals and the visuals here are awesome.Well,we may know it's all blue-screen but well,it looks wonderful all the same.Especially the different planets which the special effects people created...simply breathtaking.It's a marvel what digital filmmaking can do,the visuals it can create...unfortunately it does nothing for the plot or dialogue.

So is ROTS recommended?I'd say yes.You'd have to watch it...because of the hype at least.And it's a good summer flick too anyway,good entertainment.I may not recommend kids though since Anakin getting cut and burnt into a crisp (just like what you get at Ya Kun.Only the reverse.There they toast then cut.Here,he's cut then toasted.In some way then,it might have made perfect sense to splash some kaya on Anakin after he got fried and take a bite...I'm sure the Emperor was thinking about that when he laid his hands on kaya toast man).It's a bit gory...but it's necessary.Watch it...because you know you want to and are curious to...not because I said so.

7/10

PS:I must end off by talking about the duel between Anakin and Obi-wan.So this is why Anakin needed a respirator huh?I just thought it was a bit anti-climatic how easy it was in the end for Obi-wan.I'm sure even Obi-wan was disappointed.

Also a question here:Anakin gets suited up immediately after he got toasted...with burns and all on his face.But we saw in Episode 6 when Luke removed his helmet that he had no burn scars at all.How can you heal in a helmet that is not well-ventilated?Did Vader use Oil of Ulan?