Thursday, June 09, 2005
Pie For The Eye

I am so bloody disappointed today when I went onto the ST website to source for my daily vitriol.Not because I couldn't find any source of inspiration for my hantam session in the blog,but because I saw the incredible news that nice guy,A-Do (Singapore's best-ever pop singer...step aside,Stef,just because you won a 金曲奖 doesn't mean nuts at all.Can you earn $6,000,000,000,000,000 for a 10 minute singing gig in China?Can you?Well,A-Do can...),was busted for speeding.He was fined $1,800 (that's like fining Roman Abramovich £1 million.He uses that amount of hard paper currency just to wipe his Russian arse) and banned from driving for 10 months.

Well,A-Do,that shouldn't pose a problem for you.If you just spare 1% of your $6,000,000,000,000,000 gig fee on a chauffeur,you should be able to get a pretty good one for yourself.I would recommend Alex Young to you.You know,the lousy Malaysian wannabe F1 Grand Prix driver who lasted all of 1 season on the Sauber Petronas team.Be prepared when Sauber debuts the Roti Prata man Ravi Govindran from Klang,Johor in its first-team roster next season.But then again,why would you want Alex Young when you can go for Michael Schumacher?Alex Young's so slow,even my grandma can overtake him...and you know what the scary thing is?My grandma's deceased...

The crux of this issue is really this...how can anyone fine our 国宝 $1,800 and ban him from driving?That's sacrilege.A heresy.No one fines a 国宝 and ban him from anything.Do you see China banning pandas from eating bamboos?Do you think our beloved MM would get fined and banned if he was caught speeding?Ok,a wheelchair is not considered an automobile but would he get fined,would he?He wouldn't!Of course not!For the officer who books him,that's like losing citizenship (or PR-hood) for your entire family(nuclear and extended) because you'd be deemed an "undesirable" citizen in Singapore.Just ask Ryan the pilot.

So what do I say?I say we commend A-Do for speeding.Because he was really trying to provide a negative demostration for the youths of Singapore.He's trying to say that do not be like me...or you'd end up on the front page of ST.Wait a minute,knowing how much of a media whore today's youths can be,everyone might just start speeding instead.But hey,then that makes Singapore an excellent breeding ground for F1 drivers.Step aside,Michael,Kimi and Fernando because Ah Heng of Lor Ah Soo is coming to get you.

Oh man,ok,I got to start on my main topic now.You know that fuss about the "leaked" pics from Eye For a Guy 2?You know,whether Wolfgang or Howard gets to bonk (in other words:bang or boink or bone) Denise Keller (Seriously though,why would any guy care whether Howard or Wolf gets to bonk Denise?We want to bonk her ourselves,not watch someone else do it.)?All those stupid pics about Wolf and Den (short form easier to type) dating at Bali being leaked on the net is finally being exposed for what it is...bloody cheap publicity.And also those pics showing Den and How (I do make them sound local,don't I?) having dinner...so fake.

You know,all these insiders who claimed to have seen so and so with so and so...don't you have anything better to do?I'd thought you went to Bali to holiday yourself,not take pics of OTHER people holidaying...unless you're from Mediacorp!Also the pics showing Den and How at dinner,do normal people take cameras to dinner to shoot pics?Don't tell me it's camera-phone ok...because the resolution is so poor,Ah Lian from Clementi and A-Do can look like Den and How and also,you cannot take sharp (and large) pics.

Please lah,Mediacorp,don't take such cheap shots at publicising your shows lah.I thought the trailers for "Lost" is already relentless enough already (every 5 minutes you see it),now you perform the ultimate cheap shot by doing something like this,why did you marketing/PR idiots at Mediacorp even do this?No need what...you know why?Because...

THERE IS ONLY ONE BLOODY ENGLISH CHANNEL IN SINGAPORE,YOU DORKS!Singaporeans have a choice of Channel 5 AND Channel 5 only,so how not to choose Channel 5 (don't talk to me about Cable TV.After so many years,the subscription is still only about 400,000,not even a million)?Don't need to do cheap publicity like this lah,because out of the great multitude of choices we have,we will choose Channel 5.

Anyway,don't you figure that people who are interested will watch with or without the publicity while those who don't care (like me) will not watch no matter what type of photos you leak.Ok,for me,if you leak pics of Den sans clothing (all kinds) and promise that Den does exactly the same in the show,I will defnitely watch lah.But that's just me...and the other two million chee ko peis in Singapore.

It's a bit disappointing (and silly) that Mediacorp stooped so low to publicise one lousy show.But then again,Mediacorp has never been high-brow anyway.Expect the next Eye For A Guy gal to shed her clothes in the next installment.May I recommend Lin Zhiling please???



PS:But until then,it's a PIE FOR THE EYE from me.