Friday, July 01, 2005
Malingering

Reports about another NSman biting the dust in yesterday's ST has stirred up a hornet's nest of debate in the excellent ST forum today...ok,I am kind of exaggerating but hey,come on,two letters is worth a hornet's nest.

Anyway,yesterday's report about the death of a certain 3SG Ong Peng Ghee is the third fatality in as many weeks...which is like hell actually.All of these cases had involved the servicemen taking part in runs,voluntary or otherwise.Another story in yesterday's ST also highlighted the death of another NSman who died from a bacterial infection.Well well well,that's more deaths in our army camps nowadays than in Iraq.It seems that runs are more dangerous than live-firing nowadays.

One thing everyone has to know about the army is that basically everyone who reports sick seems to have this "guilty (of malingering) until proven innocent" tab put on them.Now now now,I don't know how MOs and their medics work nowadays but in my days,anything other than an obvious and outrageous fever or a broken bone or two is not considered above suspicion.You flu,you malinger.You cough,you malinger.You got cancer,you also malinger.Do MOs really think that it's a lot of fun queueing up to see a doctor who doesn't exactly have a wealth of experience and doesn't even have a lot of medicine to give you?I can tell you it's much easier to just take a one-hour run and then go shower and rest than wait three hours (and still not get to see the MO) in a dingy (ok,it's not actually dingy but there are mosquitoes around) medical centre?

I'd implore MOs and medical staff to treat NSmen with a LOT more integrity than they afford to stray rats running across the streets.A lot less people care to malinger than you think they do.And I speak from personal experience.

In all my NS life,from PTP to BMT to NSF till reservist (that's a total of about 9 1/2 years),I have reported sick the grand total of ONCE during all this time.And even then,it was a horrible experience because you guessed it,I was accused of malingering.Being the anti-establishment arsehole that I am,I of course had to respond in the best way possible.I threw up right in front of their damn phucking faces.How nice!This is how the story goes:

It was POP (3 day event,2 day rehearsal) for my BMT.Basically we were all involved in the parade but for those who didn't pass their SOC,they also had to retake the test on the morning of the parade day itself.Rehearsal,rehearsal,rehearsal...fine...and then the third day came.The night before,we had been allowed to go home after really rehearsing late into the night the previous day.Because we rehearsed so late,we took all three of our meals in camp and went home really just to sleep.

The morning,just before leaving the house to get to the camp,I felt really queasy and threw up right smack in the middle of my dining room.As CSI would say,nice splatter.Anyway,I felt really bad but there was no time to go see a doctor (no 24-hour clinics around) so I just bit my lip and got on with it.As I was one of those unfit buggers who did not pass the SOC test,I had to take the test that morning.

By the time,I reached camp,I was feeling like a man hanging by his neck on a noose.But I was supposed to take the test anyway...so you know,I just put on my gear (hell,we did SOC with a dummy rifle that time) and proceeded to do the warm-up.After those warm-up exercises,I naturally was feeling on top of the world,if it was upside down that is and then came the usual question of "Anyone not felling well?"Well,I didn't so I raised my hand.

This is how it went:

3SG Louis (this is the phucker's real name): What's wrong with you?

Archangel: I am feeling sick,felt really bad at home this morning.I even threw up at home.

3SG Louis: Then why you do the warm-up?

Archangel: I thought if I could take it, I'd just do it lah but I'm not feeling very well right now.

3SG Louis: If you are really not feeling very well, throw up in front of me lah.Stop malingering.

Archangel: (Whispers) What the phuck...(then says to the muthaphucker) Ok,sergeant.

So well,yeah,I proceeded to do and complete the entire SOC course in about 13 minutes. After I got past the finish line,I was panting right by a drain,feeling out of breath like I was breathing in a vacuum and someone just dumped a vat of concentrated hydrochloric acid down my throat.And then 3SG "Muthaphucker" Louis came over.

3SG Louis: Why you run so phucking slow?

Archangel: Sergeant,I am feeling very bad...

3SG Louis: Yeah right!

Archangel: ...

*Splat*

A nice stream of orange acidic vomit came pouring out of my mouth and into the drain,some of the people around me scampered away.I continued to do a Merlion for the next couple of minutes.

3Sg Louis: Eeew,so dirty.Not fit don't run lah.What told you to run?

PHUCK YOU!

End note: Later it was discovered that a lot of recruits (including me) had gotten food poisoning en masse because of food contamination in camp.We were made to go the med centre to fill up forms en masse to talk about what we ate.What we ate?We ate shit SAF provided,that's what!

And we have to endure idiots like 3SG Louis in camp somemore.

And I never reported sick in camp ever again.I'd rather die.