Wednesday, November 16, 2005
All I Want For Christmas
Ok,I might be one and a half months early but hey,best wishes are never too early right?And I'm sure my loyal readers (yes,that might be an entire population of ONE but it's a distinguised one...stand up,K*@+ Y**.And stop emailing me to pester me to update my blog,I've had it with you,old fart) are all anxiously waiting for my next amazing entry,right?
Sorry,nothing amazing is forthcoming from me.I am just seized by the entire year-end holiday mood thing that's pervading all over the Office.And of course,Yule-tide is almost upon us.
So for this festive season,I think I'd just be a little childish and ask for some Christmas presents from good old Santa Claus.Have any of you seen the actual Santa?I bet none of you have!Beneath all that beard,make-up and suit lies a REAL person and for the very first time in blogging history,I will reveal his true identity...this is a picture taken of him sans all the elaborate get-up.
Santa says "HIYA!"...
Wow,I hear the exclamation and audible gasps from all.Who else were you expecting?PAPa Santa is gonna distribute goodies to us all again come the end of the year because hey,it's Yule-tide and Vote-time!!!Get your pens ready and fill in the little crosses appropriately and get ready for some GREAT presents!!!
Dearest Santa,let me just give you a fair deal,ok?You help fulfill my wishlist and I'd give you my little cross and hey,you get your job back.If not,well...I can't do anything because don't think I'd get to vote anyway since it'd probably be a walkover (YAWN...Zzzzzzz).
But that's not the point...the point is in my wishlist.Since you can open MRT stations for fun and call all government slaves to take low bonuses (behdeh one lah).I'm sure you can grant my tiny little wishes with ease.And they are:
1) Give everyone 1000 SRS lah.Don't stingy leh.Santa so rich and PAPa got deep pockets.And it's good for you,can just buy your job back mah.
2) Scrap the bloody S League lah,waste taxpayers money...might as well redistribute the wealth.After 10 years and you got what...an average attendance of 3,000?How some bloke came up with a market value of $200 million (or is it $20 million) is beyond me.You mean kelong market so big ah?)
Don't know what they doing...looks like football...
3) Jail all intolerant people.Recently we got all sorts of people writing to ST Forum complaining about all kinds of shit.For example:
MacDonald's CHICKEN RICE BURGER (wah seh...new burger siah) got Chinese wording:Racist (Wah lau eh,so your Made-in-Malaysia 枇杷膏 confirm racist one...all Chinese wording.I think we used to call stuff like these "packaging"?Aiyo,I better be careful here lah.Got phantom online vigilante complain to police but don't dare to show face one.Sekali get jailed how?Stand up for what you believe in?HAHAHA!)
The Big M sells this in burger form...
People who wear t-shirts with printed words calling other people "idiots" or showing pictures of middle fingers:Dickheads (Oh well,they could well be...but still better than dickheads with ZERO sense of humour.Anything also offensive,I think put Paris Hilton's eye-brow on t-shirt,they'd also complain lewd...I suggest go live in North Korea lah.Only see Kim Jong-Il.Nothing to complain about,the guy so handsome after all)
Wear this in Singapore and someone will find something to complain about...
Handsome N.Korean bloke on the right...fcuk off BYJ...
Bollywood film-makers in city,block off road for filming: Chao fcuking foreigners inconveniencing locals (True but aiyo,like that,how to become Asia Hollywood?How to develope film industry?Last time,Tom Cruise shoot Vanilla Sky,NY close down entire Times Square for him.Here?Close down Geylang Lane 2 already complain like crazy...fcuk lah.Asia Hollywood?Stick to cartoons (AKA "animation") better.)
Bollywood?Go shake your shapely arses in Mumbai,not Lau Pa Sat...
4) Give opposition another small ward lah.Just give chance a bit,make people a bit happier and also create false excitement.Pretend to lose Pulau Ubin or Pulau Tekong GRC lah.Good for me and good for you mah.I feel hopeful that Singapore politics really still got hope and well,you get to create false hope.
5) Last wish:I very not greedy one,only made 5 wishes.Kidnap Chiling,bring her here and give her PR status and force her under gunpoint to marry me.But then again if you accede to my request,we'd have all sorts of people asking you to kidnap Halle Berry,Bae Yong Jun,Keira Knightley,Ayumi Hamasaki and Prince Charles here and force them to marry assorted kinds.Not a good precedent.We are living in Singapore after all,not North Korea.WE AIN'T A DICTATORSHIP!!!
*Sob* I guess I just have to make do with Chiling's pics.
Alert: Next target for abduction by me...
