Monday, January 16, 2006
Jesus Loves Me
I am on a streak of good luck right now, fellows. Let me tell you guys what I mean.
First, I struck my 1st 4D prize for over a year last Wednesday. In fact, since I started buying 4D. Ok, it was a measly $60 for an iBet bet of $3. And I only got $60 because I struck 3rd prize. And then, this past Sunday, I struck 4D again. It was, again, another measly $60 for a consolation prize. I guess you can't really complain. Mai hiam buai pai. It's not like I was winning week in week out last year or something.
Another amazing stroke of luck hit me last Friday. I was supposed to meet my friend, Stella, for a dinner at Crystal Jade Ginseng Chicken and Korean BBQ at Ngee Ann City Takashimaya on Friday night. But unfortunately since she only knocks off at around 6+ and we were scheduled to meet at 7, I had to go amuse myself somewhere else before meeting her.
I figured that I might as well go to Gramaphone at OUB Centre Raffles Place to sell some unwanted old CDs I had. This is to kill time, get some cash and clear my room of rubbish all at once (It's still full of rubbish but slowly slowly lah). Oh well, after selling my CDs, I chanced upon the G2000 store there having their promotion sale and I remembered that I had wanted to buy some new work pants for a long time because, frankly, my old work pants are becoming more like spandex bicycle shorts. So might as well do the shopping, somemore got spare cash from the sale and 4D.
Folks folks folks, let me tell you about the G2000 sale. I think it's a great sale. Guys' working shirts and pants are going for $25 (usual price is around $50+) and coats going for $99 (usual price $200+). I think it's a great deal. If I am not wrong, women's clothing also going for $20+, much less than their usual price of $60+. Good buys.
Blah blah blah, I got myself two pairs of pants then made my way down to Taka to meet Stella. Just as a sidenote, wah lau eh, Singapore girls really damn chio, man. Walk along Orchard Road is like lechers' paradise. No wonder those Banglas see liao buai tahan must spray foam and touch touch feel feel. You gals are just too pretty lah. But then again, prettiness is not a sin.
Anyway, even while I was at Raffles Place, I was already holding my jio in because cannot seem to find a toilet there so when I reach Taka, the first thing I did was look for a loo to relieve my army-trained bladder (which can hold up to 94 litres).
Shoot shoot shoot. Ahhhhhhh...爽啊. And then I zipped up and SPLIT. My zipper betrayed me and split in the seams. FCUK @#$%^&*.
Offending article
Oh man...what the...and I stood there, transfixed at my open fly and the majestic view that it will, doubtless, offer to countless envious fellow men (and estactic gals) if I leave it status quo. What to do? Where the heck do I get safety pins in Taka? How the heck do I even step out of the toilet? Untuck my shirt? Bearing in mind that my work pants were really tight and hence, I was unable to fasten them (I merely zip them up and then hold it up with my belt), it was a bit precarious to trust my modesty entirely to my belt alone, no matter how trusty it has been.
And then, at that particular moment, a vision struck me.
Holy Moses!!!!Isn't that Jesus!!!!
"Wow, Heavenly Father, what brought you to Takashimaya toilet at this hour? Have you come to rescue me in my hour of desperate need?", I exclaimed.
"Huh?", the Holy One looked at me in puzzlement. "I'm just taking a leak, son. Don't think too much. Anyway, what thoughts did I put in your head just now? Don't you think I made you buy two new pairs of pants for a reason?"
"Oh my God...oh, sorry, Heavenly Daddy, I didn't mean to blaspheme. Forgive me. But how did you know I was gonna split my zip now? That's amazing. Father, you are truly the Special One. By the way, do you like Chelsea?"
Jesus looked me even more quizzically. "Son, it doesn't take a prophet to figure out you'd bust your zip. Just a matter of time really. You are getting fat. Lucy, or rather Lucifer, wanted to bust it for a long time, in fact. I just figured that he'd probably do it now. Convenient time to embarrass you in front of Stella, nice Catholic girl."
"Thank you, Father!!!I'd go to the cubicle to change into my brand new pair of light-fabric, cool and comfy G2000 pants now. See you around yeah? Take care!"
Jesus replied, "See me around? You don't even go to church, son. I had to come all the way to Takashimaya to find you. And by the way, I don't support Chelsea. I'm a Spurs fan. I always walk with the downtrodden and miserable."
And then just like that, poof, he disappeared into thin air. Leaving more than a few curious folks looking at me seemingly talking to myself. They don't see the truth. All atheists don't.
So yes, now you all know that Spurs is the holy club. And the irrefutable truth that Jesus loves me.
The Holy Club
