Always Struggling

Tuesday, January 24, 2006
When Is It Your Turn?

Boy oh boy, it's that time of the year again. Chinese New Year. So many things to do just to prepare for it. Talk about the springcleaning. What a chore, man. Especially when you consider the state of my room, you'd really know what I mean. I've attached a picture of my room just to show you guys how much work needs to be done.

Me and my 猪朋狗友 friends in my room watching EPL...oh, Ah Kow did not attend that day.

Yeah, what a pigsty right? Anyway, my mum is really the one cleaning everything in my room although I did a bit of work last night. I vacuumed the whole house last night with a small, little handheld Homeproud vacuum cleaner that has about the suction power of my mouth. What a feat, right? Imagine vacuuming a house with a machine that vacuums with as much ferocity as an unfit man sucking dirt through a straw. Come to think of it, I don't actually know how I managed to clean the house with that damn thing.

Oh, and did I care to mention that it was the first time I vacuumed since 1995? Between 1995 and now, I had gone into and came out of NS, graduated from NUS and worked for four years. And I never vacuumed in that time.

File picture from my NS days...and as you can tell, in the army, I VACUUMED FOR NO ONE.

Aww man. Anyway, I really dislike this particular CNY holiday period. It's not the family gathering (I love the reunion dinner actually), not the food (how can anyone possibly hate great food?) and certainly, not the money (ang pow, ang pow, come come to my pocket now) that I dislike. It's the annual "When is it your turn to get married?" question fest that I hate.

Really, it's none of your business, uncles and aunties, if I could tell you in your face. But I couldn't. And this year, there is an added factor involved. Late last year, when my cousin got married, my Aunt Harriet tried to introduce one of her nieces (let's call her Lilian) to me. I wasn't really interested, although I did correspond a bit with her. I think Aunt Harriet would question me about her. I can just imagine the conversation...

Aunt Harriet: Matchmaker.

Aunt Harriet: Hello, Boy Boy Batman!

Batman: Happy New Year, Aunt! 恭喜发财!万事如意!心想事成!饮水思源!

Aunt Harriet: What?

Batman: Oh sorry, I was just throwing whatever 成语 I know at you.

Aunt Harriet: Nevermind. Here's an ang pow for you, Boy Boy. Oh, reminds me, do you remember when Banana (that's my cousin) got married and I introduced...

Batman: Do you want coffee, tea, Pepsi (no Coke in my house, the evil corporation) or water?

Aunt Harriet: Coffee, please. Now, do you remember...

Batman: Is that with cream, without cream, with sugar, without sugar?

Aunt Harriet: With sugar and cream. Now, do you remember Lil...

Batman: How much sugar and how much cream?

Aunt Harriet (starting to sound a little impatient): Two teaspoonful of sugar and one packet of creamer. Thanks. Now, about Lil...

Batman: Here you go.

Aunt Harriet: Thanks. Now, let's talk about Li...

Batman: 李连杰? Yeah, I think he's wasted, man. Spent so much time trying to kowtow to chao ang moh. Now cannot make it, come back to China, make 霍元甲 and cheat us, poor Asians of our money.

Aunt Harriet (A bit red-faced): What the hell are you talking about? I wanted to talk about Lilian...

Batman: Yeah, what! You want to talk about 李连杰 so I talk to you about him loh. What's wrong? Why your face a bit red huh? Is it a bit hot in the house? Are you ill? Are those rashes? Is it contagious?

Aunt Harriet: 你这个衰仔包啊! I don't talk to you already.

Well, what can I say? Amen to that, aunt!

Batman spun on 10:44 AM.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006 When Is It Your Turn?

Tuesday, January 24, 2006
When Is It Your Turn?