Friday, November 12, 2004
How Do Dolphins Sleep?

The past Deepavali holiday was an uneventful day for me...as usual.I just stayed at home and rotted.But that has nothing to do with the fact that I didn't want to go out.It's just the simple fact that I don't like to go out during nights when the next day is a working day.It'd mean that I cannot stay out late and that defeats the purpose of going out anyway.And hey,I don't like to be smashed the next day at work...like a zombie.Although that's exactly what I am right now but that has little to do with going out.Well,anyway,having decided not to line up anything for yesterday night,I've got something lined up for tonight.A drinking session with my drinking mates again.Possibly at One Fullerton...or around Boat Quay.And then,just as I typed this...one of my friends said he couldn't make it so I cancelled the whole thing.GOD!Deliver me out of my house!!!Anyway,tomorrow,I'd probably attend my good friend's baptism at Trinity Christian Centre.If I can get my lazy bones up and running...oh,Jubilee and Colossus invited Jean Grey and me to their Teban Gardens house on Saturday.I have to see if I can wake up.The crooked Jubilee tried to entice me to go by saying that her neighbour's sister (whom she wrote about sometime back on the Twoeggs blog) is pretty.Colossus just gave her a wide-eyed look.You don't fool me,Jubilee.Everybody knows the only babe living in Teban Gardens is Xiaxue.Ok ok ok,that's besides Jubilee...now keep your iron fist down,Colossus.I just haven't decided to blast you down yet...don't tempt me.

Well,I got to comment on some news of interest I either read in the papers or watched on the telly.First off,I'm finally going to pitch my two cents worth (in fact,it'd be my one and only one)on the Joo Chiat neighbourhood dispute rubbish that took another "new" development recently.It seems that one of the neighbours (the female "educator",teacher,whatever she is) pestered the ah pek's family by pasting herself to that family car's windows and shooting what went on inside.According ot her,she felt that as an "educator",she needed to expose the fact that the neighbour was not promoting child vehicular safety but not strapping on a seatbelt on the family's 5-year-old grandson.For her troubles,she got abused the grandson himself and got splashed with water by the ah pek's son.Hahah,really funny.Now cut it,you morons.

I have a very simple question for these two families:Do you seriously want to continue leading the rest of your puny little lifes like this?Because as far as I can see,you are a bunch of miserable boogers (I would like to thank the Taiwanese foreign minister for helping me to learn this word) who have no reason to be living or to be in existence.Your sole reason for existence seems to be trying to make life as miserable for the other party as possible.How sad can you get?Grace is obviously a word that doesn't appear in your dictionaries.Could someone,anyone actually have the dignity to move out and end this rubbish or at least offer a truce?Oh,come to think of it,dignity is another word you fellows have never seen of heard of before either.

Actually,I don't know what to make of these fellows.Either they really hate each other and yet can't bear to do without each other (what an oxyMORON) or they are singular-minded media-seeking attention junkies.Well,doesn't matter.I do wish that the day when they finally decide to just kill each others comes quickly.It'd put an end to all the nonsense these two families put on...and it's be one helluva entertaining climax.But they won't have the balls to do it.I also wish that our MM would come in soon and mediate the whole sorry affair.You know,by revoking their citizenship and banishing them out of these tranquil little island because they are "undesirable" citizens.Ryan kena that for an offence far less after all.And Joo Chiat will be a lot more peaceful.

Second piece of news.I think animal rights groups are getting a little way too pesky for my liking.Ok,I figure I might get hate mail from ACRES or PETA for this but hey,if you guys love animals,you gotta love me too!I'm a mammal you know...remember the ET in PETA stands for ethical treatment.Anyway,I think these groups are becoming as attention seeking as our Joo Chiat Quarrelling Club.And they act exactly like the Joo Chiat morons as well,without much grey matter.

First off,there the Sheep-man Noah Mark who "demonstrated" at the Aussie High Commission here dressed like Dolly.Funny and interesting but silly.Firstly,because he could have gotten himself shot and tranquilised.I am surprised that civic-minded Singaporeans didn't report immediately to the AVA when they saw a stray sheep walking around Napier Road.The following scenario could have unfolded:

AVA sharpshooter:"Stop moving,Dolly.How did you get to Singapore?" Shoots tranquiliser dart "You are going back with me to the zoo where we'd shave off all your wool and mate you with an elephant to produce the new hybrid attraction as our new world-class "Uniquely Singapore" attraction."

Mark:"Wait,ARGGGH...F$%^&*.I am Noah,not Dolly.You moron."

AVA sharpshooter:"Holy sh*t.When did they clone a second sheep?And a talking sheep at that.Now we've really got a world-class attraction.I really got to get this bugger."Shoots second tranquiliser dart.

Mark:"F$%^ing moron.Why did I come to Singapore to suffer this crap." Faints and rolls over.

See,Singapore is no Pleasantville so you foreign animal rights pests should stop coming in and making trouble here.Noah Mark got lucky,that's all.And in any case,even if our AVA sharpshooters are not around to take you out,our Cisco guards will.These guys will shoot at anything.Guys with fake guns.Guys with placards.You name it,they shoot it.And deadly accurately too.With no mercy.

Seriously though,Mr Mark is making the wrong moves.If he really wanted to attract attention in Singapore,dressing up as a sheep wouldn't get you into frontpage headlines.No sir.That will not do.We aren't interested in that at all.Who cares about a sheep in Napier Road if we can't eat it?What he should have done instead is don a pair of huge prosthetic boobs and wear a tight bikini and run down Orchard Road ala Fiona Xie.Now THAT'S frontpage news material and that's what we're interested in.YES SIRREEEEEEE.That's the way to go.

Oh another thing about animal rights activists.They've been going on about looking for some tiger in Bukit Timah and then some Malayan sun bear and distributing flyers and making a gigantic hoohah about how they will investigate whether the rumours are true or not and that a small enclosed space isn't good for a tiger.They're even offering a cash reward of a few grand for any information related to these animals.My my my,how kind-hearted these people are.Indeed,it brings me close to tears.

First off,let me qualify that a small enclosed space isn't just bad for a tiger,it's bad for old folks as well.So why don't these ACRES fellows break into all these old folks' home (where most of these old folks are practically confined to their beds) in Singapore and free all these folks?I think these folks will at least be more appreciative of their efforts."Thank you,young man,for freeing me.Now can lend me $1 to lim kopi?"Second thing,rear a tiger in a basement?I have one word for them:Hahahahahah.Who in the right mind keeps a tiger?How do you get one in?And for what if you can't show to anyone,can't pet it (unless you don't fancy having limbs) and it costs a bomb and a car space to keep it?Don't doubt the intelligence of Singaporeans.We never keep things we can't show to people.And that includes mistresses.

I have to say I believe this whole rumour must have come from a grave misunderstanding.A tiger in Bukit Timah?That's unbelievable.A Tiger in Bukit Timah.That's another thing though.I imagine something like the following statement could have spiralled into this whole sorry affair.

Ah Seng:"Ah Puay got Tiger in Bukit Timah.Damn shiok..."

Kumar:"Tiger?!"Gasps...runs off to report to police

Ah Seng:"Eh,where that mama run to?Aiya,heck care lah.Like I said,Ah Puay got a Tiger in Bukit Timah.Damn shiok siah.Direct import from Thailand.Cheaper than local version.And got damn smooth taste.Better than local one.I bring you to that Bukit Timah kopitiam sometime"

Nor:"Ok lah.Oh,Kumar come back already."

Kumar:Gasping for air"Tell me where did you see this tiger?"

Ah Seng:"What tiger?Anyway,not important lah.Let me talk to you about Sun Bear..."

Kumar:"Sun bear???!!!"Ups and runs to police station.

Ah Seng:"...brand peanuts...what's wrong with that mama?"

As one can tell,it's easy to misunderstand and spread rumours without seeing the true picture.But this time,I am pleased to tell the ACRES fellows that actually they ARE right.There is a tiger and a Malayan sun bear and I know which house they are kept in.I will give you the address but you will have to post the $3000 cheque to my house and address it to me.Just email me for my particulars.And the address in question is 80,Mandai Lake Road.I just can't quite remember which cage they are kept in though.

And just in case you ACRES people are also looking for a pig,there's one in my house.I'm looking to collect a reward for this as well.A $5k reward will in be order.And once I receive the cheque,I'd just go over to stay at any one of your houses...but preferably one that belongs to a pretty female ACRES member.Just remember to feed me well.And I also don't like to roll around in mud.I am not like most pigs.I like to roll with my mastress (I know there is no such word so don't knock me on my poor Singlish).Roll with me in bed,mastress.Just like a female Chinese ballet dancer.**Wink wink,round round** (For answers to this inside joke,please read Time magazine dated Oct 11)

Wow,that was a long load of rubbish and I'm still not into my main topic yet.Rogue is around today,damn.But half of the X-Men are not.And they happen to be my lunch clique:Jean Grey,Jubilee,Colossus...erm,Wolverine and Nightcrawler.Ok,not quite.Should that make or break my day?Neither.I'd just mind my own business and write my blog.Nobody disturbs me usually.Anyway,I am quite smashed today...because I watched the Hindi movie "Lagaan" late lats night until one something.Was it a long movie or what?I kept wondering when it was going to end.I don't remember doing that since Van Helsing.But having said that,it was a good movie though.I just couldn't understand the song and dance part.In fact,I really don't get it one bit.All of a sudden,for no apparent reason,the characters will suddenly start dancing and singing with voices that don't quite sound like theirs in the middle of nowhere.I know Bollywood is supposed to be the in-thing right now and all this dancing is supposed to be cool but it's still nonsensical.We never have that in Chinese movies.Imagine Chow Yun Fatt,in the middle of an intense gunfight with bullets flying all over,suddenly jumps out and starts singing and doing tap dancing,twirling his M-16s and moving in line with a bevy of SWAT team members.It's crazy.I talked to Dazzler this morning about Lagaan as well and she couldn't stand the dancing and singing either.

Finally to my main topic.I have always been slightly fascinated with marine life.I think this has something to do with my mum's intense interest in the topic as well and seeing her watch so many documentaries on TV,I would always join in once in a while.There seems to be an infinite amount of life in the oceans,so much man have not discovered.Life underwater seems so fascinating and mysterious.How did God put so much life there?And put so many varieties to boot.Wow,that's why I think I am so drawn in and attracted by all these lifeforms...well,besides the fact that they are delicious.

But anyhow,I was watching this programme on Channel i called Ranger Station yesterday and it talked about how in the Maldives,a group of conservationists (I think) put up artificial structures around the islands and use low direct current around these structures on these things to induce rapid coral growth so that these artificial coral reefs can be used to protect the islands from tidal changes and other environmental forces.Very interesting.And so blah blah blah blah blah and then the prgramme talked about eco-tourism and its importance to ths island.How people on the islands has had to adjust to this growing industry.One component of eco-tourism is,of course,dolphin-watching.Going out in a yacht and spotting dolphins.One particualr statement intrigued me,it went:"...and then the dolphins would move out to the deeper waters to sleep..."Sleep?Dolphins?Do you spot a weird thing here?

Dolphins,as we all know,are mammals.So they do not have gills and can't breathe in water.if they stay submerged,they die.That's how tuna-fishing nets kill them.So how can a dolphin sleep?Because if it did,wouldn't it stop swimming,sink to the bottom and drown?If it floats on the surface,wouldn't it be hit by boats or become easy prey to any predators?So do dolphins sleep?I had the good sense to go to the "howstuffworks" website to find out.

Well,I decided I didn't want to write in my own words so I'm just going to summarise what was written on the site...cut and paste style:

Whales and dolphins are mammals, so in a lot of ways, they are just like human beings.The biggest differences between these animals and human beings are related to our respective environments.Whales and dolphins have a unique respiratory system that lets them spend long periods of time (sometimes 30 minutes or longer) underwater,without taking in any oxygen.

On land, human beings and other mammals breathe involuntarily:If we don't make a decision to breathe or not to breathe,our body will take in air automatically.Because of their undersea environment, whales and dolphins must be conscious breathers: They have to actively decide when to breathe.Consequently, in order to breathe, they have to be conscious.This presents a problem, since mammalian brains need to enter an unconscious state from time to time in order to function correctly.

There's plenty of time for a dolphin to catch a catnap between trips to the ocean surface, of course, but this isn't a viable option. When you're a conscious breather, it's just not feasible to be completely unconscious -- what if you don't wake up in time? The solution for whales and dolphins is to let one half of the brain sleep at a time. In this way, the animal is never completely unconscious, but it still gets the rest it needs.

Scientists have studied this phenomenon in dolphins, using electroencephalography. In this process, electrodes hooked up to the head measure electricity levels in the brain. The resulting electroencephalograms (EEGs) of dolphin brains demonstrate that in the sleep cycle, half of the dolphin's brain does indeed "shut down" while the other half is still active. Researchers have observed that dolphins are in this state for approximately eight hours a day.

We can't really know what this rest state feels like, but we can make a good guess. It is probably something like the semi-conscious state we experience as we begin to fall asleep. We're pretty close to unconsciousness, but are aware enough of our surroundings to wake up completely if we need to.

So well,now you get the answer.Actually,I know exactly how dolphins feel when half their brain is asleep...because I spent the last 3 years doing exactly that in the office so I know exactly how these mammals feel.The pains they go through having to swim and swim and swim half-awake.These poor dolphins...but wait a second,they don't even have to contend with Rogue and Banshee...so what's so poor about them?Nonetheless,maybe,I should join ACRES since I understand animals so well.Anybody got a pet polar-bear in their toilet?Don't let me catch you...

I've really written/copied a very long blog today.I hope you guys won't get as smashed as me reading my load of hogwash.Anyway,I got a thing to advertise and sell here.I've got a 5 months-old Twinhead laptop to sell.It's very light (sub-3kg) and quite petite in size.It's still in pretty new condition so well,anyone interested,email me.Oh,the price is negotiable.But it's got to be above $1k at least.After all,the original price was $1950.

Ok ok ok.Soprry for turning my blog into an ST Classifieds advert and a sub-standard National Geographic commentry piece.But hope you enjoyed the information I dug out...if you are still awake.Wake up,boy boy,girl girl...don't die on me now...