Monday, December 06, 2004
Separate Lifes

Over the weekend,I had the privilege of witnessing PAPa's 50th birthday bash at the Indoor Stadium on TV.Ok,it was only on TV but damn,what a spectacle it was.An entire stadium clothed in white clapping and cheering,with some token sections dressed in whatever they want but hey,you know they are part of PAPa.Anyway,seeing the entire arena bathed in white,it reminded me of a famous scene in a movie...guess which one?Yes,it is I Robot.You know,the scene where Will Smith chases the renegade robot into the robotics factory where thousands of similar replicas stood and where the renegade expertly hid himself,indistinguishable from the thousands of other clones,as long as he didn't betray any distinct thoughts or emotion of his own.Wow,spot the similarities?In fact,that scene was probably inspired by PAPa rallies over the years,I think.

Anyway,our beloved PM said something that amuses me.He said,"'If you care about Singapore, step forward.If you want to make a difference, join the PAP.I invite you to contribute your ideas, put up alternatives, debate national issues, but don't be Nato, no action talk only.Do something, participate in building our nation and strive for what you believe in."I thank you for your kind offer,PM but I'd politely decline.Look what happened to JB Jayaratnam after all.

I am amused by his statement because of it's implications.It seems that if you want to make a contribution to Singapore,the only way of doing so is to join the PAP(?).It seems to mean that you won't make a difference to Singapore if you join the political debate as a separate entity from PAPa.No sir,you won't.You must be part of us.Are we nation-building or party-building,may I ask?Why are the two entities grouped together like they are the same?Is that arrogance or what?

The thing is joining the party means you do NOT put up alternatives,your idea is usually the party's idea (or else you get laughed at or dismissed in Parliament.Watch the Parliament debates,it very often ends up that way if you offer deviant views.The implicit message?Toe the aprty line or else...unless of course,we sanction you to do it.).What you want for Singapore and believe in may not be what the party wants for Singapore or what it believes in(a free media,for instance?You think you'd get that or get shot down?)The opposition has tried for years to do (ok,admittedly not all of them are sound arguments or alternatives but the party doesn't seem to care whether it's sound or not.It matters more who is arguing it.),where has it gotten them?Bankruptcy anyone?

To suggest that one can only contribute to Singapore by joining PAPa and not the political scene as a whole is arrogant and contemptuous for the people (who are out of the "system") who have contributed to the nation in their own ways and opposition politicians (I am sure residents of Potong Pasir will beg to differ about the PM's statement).Does that mean that you ain't going to do sh*t for Singapore if you are a opposition member even though you are one honest,brilliant and hardworking political candidate with absolute love for the people?That despite all these positive attributes you have,you can hardly contribute to Singapore unless you join the party?What kind of crap is this?

I guess the above statements make me out to be anti-PAPa.I don't really think I am.I recognise that the party has brought Singapore a long way from what it used to be.It has brought prosperity beyond some of our forefathers' wildest dreams.When you have nothing,anything is better than what you have.Economics becomes the be-all and end-all.But things are no longer the same now as they were back then...

I had to attend another wedding on Saturday when a friend from my former church got married at Toa Payoh Methodist Church.Marriage seems to be the buzzword nowadays.Everyone is getting married.Either government propaganda is really working or well,like Bishop said to me,it's a fad.Yeah right,a fad.I told him that it's a fad for people of our age group so he'd have to live with it.Anyway,I attended the event with Bishop (see?I told you he's involved in almost every group of friends I have,right?),Gambit and Gambit's girlfriend,Emma Frost.There's a lot of old and familiar faces that I'd meet up with during the course of the ceremony.And plenty of interesting news that I'd learn.

The sermon itself was well,unfortunately,a slightly draggy affair.That was mainly down to the hour-long plus sermon (delivered in Chinese) that the pastor tried to pass off as part of the matrimonial ceremony.I have no problems with messages at all,but not when you turn it into a sermon by itself.This is a wedding,not a service so don't confuse the two.Anyway,it was Bishop who whispered to me that "it was getting crappy" while Gambit admitted to me that he was "stifling a yawn".As I looked around me,I didn't see a lot of people doing better than us.But besides that,everything was quite splendid,the way the whole thing was executed and the bridegroom's speech (I know both the bride and the groom.Believe me,they are the loveliest and most steady couple this side of earth.I've always called them the model couple,something Bishop concurs with me wholeheartedly) was very heartfelt and good.

The event allowed me to meet up with many people that I haven't seen in years.Some of them close,others less so.But having not seen them for ages,it was suddenly very strange seeing them again.It was like we have become a bunch of strangers,who vaguely used to know each other.Let me do a background story of the relationships that I fostered during my time in my former church.

I joined my former church during my second year in university.I had two separate cell groups for both my second and third year.Emma Frost and Gambit were both in my second year cell but when this cell split (because it had grown too big...there were about 15 to 16 members) in year three,only Gambit was left with me in the new cell,although I still maintained great relations with Emma.In my third year cell,there were six members.

Shell was the leader of this cell.She's an extremely pious lady who would always nag,erm implore,us to be more passionate.Well,she was real passionate herself,she would often cry while worshipping...God.And then there was Cinderella(a quite funloving but proper girl who's also extremely smart,I must add),Jinx(a real princess,as in precious.She's always behaving like everyone else should be looking after and taking care of her.Oh,I must mention one thing.She has got a booming body.So well proportioned,she's literally hourglass and would put Princess Fiona Xie to shame.I wasn't the one who actually noticed this,it was actually a female church member who whispered to me "Look at Jinx's body,Cyclops.My God.She's hot!" before I started taking notice.So you see,女孩子最色.Jinx is only about 1.55m tall.Pocket viagra),Wewe (A Malaysian junior.She was year 2 when we were year 1.She's also very prim and proper and shy too.),Gambit and your truly.

Besides Gambit,I was never particularly close to any of the rest.I used to be really close to Cinderella before a misunderstanding created a strain in our relationship that never recovered (Was it a pity?Yes,I have to admit it was,particularly because of the circumstances which surrounded the event.)I spent quite a lot of time talking to Shell but mainly my cell leader and she always wanted and had separate quiet time with each one of us (Gambit and I dreaded it.She would go..."How are you?How are you feeling?How are things with you?..."Oh,my goodness,and to think we meet at least twice a week if not more).Ok,I have to admit I did harbour some kind of interest on Jinx for a short while.With that body (she wasn't bad looking either),who wouldn't?But her behaviour erked me no end and after a while,I just lost interest.Her behaviour didn't just irritate me.It irritated just about most of the guys in the other cell groups...and Gambit as well.Wewe,because she was so quiet,I never formed a strong impression of her.She was a nice girl,that's it.Of the other people in the other cells,I was also close to Mannu,who was in the year two cell with me and was my mentor.He's a really good guy.Conflicted maybe and sometimes even tortured but a good and honest fellow.And of course,there's Emma Frost.

Of the lot of us,Gambit,Jinx,Mannu,Emma Frost and I graduated in the same year while the rest graduated the year after or stayed on in the same cell.The four of us,on the other hand,were drafted into other existing cells that consisted of former graduates of NUS.You might be interested to know that as at the current moment,Gambit,Jinx,Mannu,Emma Frost and I are no longer at the church.Everyone else is still attending the same church.Gambit and Emma Frost are at Trinity.Mannu is at Cornerstone (Katong) while Jinx is in the States.As for me,I am nowhere.

As I observed and mentioned to Gambit,the rest of the guys/gals were still very closely knitted.Most of the girls were bridesmaids/ushers for the bride while the guys were also mainly helping out with the ushering.It seems like that the only people not helping out at the wedding were Gambit,Mannu,Emma,Shell (there's a story behind why she's not helping and strained relationships between her and the rest but I will not elaborate here) and me.It's a bit alienating to say the least.While they are all part of one big,happy family,the four or five of us were like the outsiders.Gambit told me that well,that's the price to pay for being brought out of the cell while the others got to remain behind in their original cells.They stay in an environment they're comfortable with,the rest of us get kicked out.It's just too bad,I suppose,for graduating earlier.

Like I said,it was weird talking to a lot of them again.There was almost nothing to say.We went,"Where are you now?What are you doing?When's your time to get married?"and then silence.That's it.I didn't want to be banal so I didn't go around to talk to everyone ( I did make conversation with the majority of them though),as for Gambit,he didn't even bother talking to anyone.Wow,that's someone even more bochap than me.

The more interesting news though are the news that got through to me while I was talking to them.Another very strong couple that I always thought would end up together broke up...and even more shoking to me,the guy is based indefinitely in Shanghai and will be marrying a Shanghaiese girl.Mannu didn't bring his girlfriend along although I was half expecting him to do so.Shell's boyfriend wasn't around as well as he's in Beijing...but if he had been around,things would really have got interesting.As Gambit said,there might have been fireworks.

Well,a lot of things change over time.It seemed that lifes that were suppoesdly entwined together went their separate ways in the most unexpected manner I can imagine.Despite the closeness we might have fostered in our days at the university,we have gone on our seprate ways,leading our separate lifes.Some still well-involved in our lifes,others less so.Is there regret?I don't know.Things might have worked out differently if we had just graduated one year later.I guess things that were meant to be,will be.

God works in mysterious ways.He brings people into our lifes and sometimes,take them out of it,be it through death or otherwise,without us ever understanding it fully.Even if it hurts us.I have been thinking about this since Sunday and well,am still thinking about it.Somehow,certain facts that were brought up to me on Saturday have affected me immensely.I guess I was always aware of it but never really have to face them.I still don't have to.To be totally honest,I don't think I wrote everything that's in my mind up till this point.I don't think it's possible.I've had my train of thought disrupted a couple of times this morning and don't think I can continue writing anymore.So many things I wanted to pen down but can't think of it now.But it's long enough as of now.

I wonder why and what am I blogging...