Tuesday, April 05, 2005
Fann Wong The 老骚货

Ahh yes,the annual national debate was covered in today's ST again (too bad if you don't have the online subscription for ST...then you got to pay 80¢ for the ST hardcopy consisting of recycled news from Reuters and sub-standard,pro-PAP local news reporting...and of course,useless entertainment news about local celebs) and the nation (yes,all 200 of the Fanntasy club members)again debates or urges for our beloved Ms Fann to get married.

And of course,our beloved Hollywood heavyweight actress (Shanghai Knights grosses 1 billion...rupiah) plays tease to all these speculations (I always wonder who are the ones speculating or who are the ones who really give a f#$% since most of us are either preoccupied with the EPL or with Jude Law,depending on which gender you are).Just check out some of these soundbites from Miss Oil Of Ulan (I did make up a couple of them but that doesn't mean they're not true...):

"No, Chris Lee is not my boyfriend..." (But of course not,he's still with Sean Say,isn't he?)

"If I'm getting married,I will send out invites and make sure people attend my wedding dinner because I'll want everyone to know..." (Of course you would,you media whore...)

"Marriage is scary..." (Oh,so Chris Lee does sado-masochistic stuff in bed huh?Seeing the stuff you do on TV,you do deserve to be whipped,darling...in fact,I'd whip you personally myself)

"I find it weird that the whole nation is asking me to get married..." (I know the 200 odd Fanntasy Club members mean the WORLD to you,Fann but they don't constitute the entire population of Singapore...that's still about the other 3,999,800 of us left who don't give a shit whether you live or die,Fann...let alone get married)

So so so,after reading all these,you guys would know I am no huge (or tiny) Fann fan.In fact,I happen to think she's a 30-yo-plus hasbeen who somehow still thinks she's queen of this tiny island's entertainment scene.I think even Mediacorp seems to think of her in a special light and puts her on a pedestal which is imaginary at best.So she was in Shanghai Knights...big f#$%?It's not like she's in Titanic or something...and if she was,at least we might get some nudity from her.Why's she an 阿姐 really?Maybe she does special favours for the upper management,you know...like giving head to the heads...nice rhyme.

Well,come off it,Fann.Nobody really cares whether you are geting married or not.I don't think anybody wants to waste 80¢ on a hardcopy or their online subscription reading about you NOT getting married.And like you said,if you were getting married,the whole world would know anyway...boy oh boy,Jude Law must be bawling his eyes out the day that happens..."How come that extraordinary beauty Fann is not marrying mebut some Malaysian PR?Ain't I good enough?"Of course not,Mr Law,who do you think you are?Chris Lee?

Fann,you are nobody on a tiny red dot(Thanks to ex-prez Habibie for giving this valuable soundbite that millions of Singaporeans always like to use...especially top ministers who like to use it to "galvanise" the nation) so stop your self-importance and your self-promotion.It's really quite tasteless,you bimbo.

PS: After writing all these,I found that the content really doesn't justify calling Fann a 老骚货 in the title so I'm renaming this post as "Fann Wong The 老 Turtle".