Thursday, March 22, 2007
National Anthem
Having recently gone through a bout of National Service (AKA Reservist) and being made to sing the national anthem to a strange little moving gif played via mediaplayer in an air-conditioned auditorium (Yes, we old men soldiers are very soft and brittle. Make us stand in the hot sun for a flag raising ceremony, I can assure you that before the anthem ends, 3/4 of the men would have unbuttoned their number 4 showing their hairy chests and gigantic beer bellies. I would, most assuredly, be among one of them) while undergoing National Education, I am, right now, in the midst of a revived stance of fervent nationalism.And being such an unbashed nation lover, I am advocating the revamping of the national athem because, as I furtively noticed, during the singing of the anthem...half of the people in the house were not singing the words...either due to unfamiliarity with the words or unfamiliarity with the feeling of patroitism. The other half was gamely mouthing the words of The National Anthem...and then I took a closer listen.
"Everyone
Everyone around here
Everyone is so near
What's going on?
What's going on?
..."
F**king hell, those people were singing the Radiohead song. This was when I decided that this will not do...we need to rewrite the anthem, one that all Singaporeans can take pride in. And it's time for a new anthem, ain't it? After all, we are remaking Singapore. New economy, new government policies, new political leaders, new IRs, new tax and definitely new China/Vietnamese mei meis for dirty old men to marry...so why not a new anthem?
As being the faithful nation builder and civil servant that I am, I have decided not to exhibit an ounce of originality in my work and copy the anthem wholesale from Borat Sagdiyev's homeland of Kazakhstan, give and take a minor prose adjustment or two.
So, everyone stand up now for the new national anthem:
Singapore greatest country in the world
All other countries are run by little girls
Singapore number one exporter of mp3 players
Other countries have inferior mp3 players
Singapore future home of Kallang swimming pool
It’s length fifty meter and width twenty five meter
Filtration system a marvel to behold
It remove 90 percent of human liquid waste
Singapore, Singapore you very nice place
From Plains of Pasir Ris to Western fence of Jurong town
Singapore friend of all except Malaysia.
They very nosey people with bone in their brain
Singapore industry best in the world
We invented Creative and Da Hua Soy Sauce
Singapore’s prostitutes cleanest in the region
Except of course North Korea’s
Singapore, Singapore you very nice place
From Plains of Pasir Ris to Western fence of Jurong town
Come grasp the mighty penis of our leader
From junction with the testes to tip of its face
Hmmm, I really like my work. Great success!
Batman spun on 2:18 PM.
