Tuesday, December 07, 2004
When Life Deals A Cruel Hand

I read a story which touched me immensely today,a story that reminded me that any problems I may have is nothing compared to what some of the things that other people face on a daily basis.In fact,it might even count as a luxury to some people to have ONLY such problems to solve.It's probably time to count my blessings and stop complaining about a number of things (trivial or "deep") that are more self-inflicted than naything else.

The article I was talking about is about a boy who lost both his parents by the age of 17,when he lost his mum in the year that he sitting for the 'N' Levels and then lost his dad right after he had sat for his 'O's.Nevertheless,the lad continued to persevere,taking care of his then 13 year-old sister (now 15) by working part-time while continuing with his studies at a polytechnic.All the time,he never allowed his sister to work to supplement his meagre income while hardly getting by on community welfare (I have to admit I don't know if I could do the same thing.I am a selfish person.I probably will not be able to shield a sister from sharing in the financial burden just to allow her to concentrate on her studies.This is a very selfless act.).You'd have to read the story for yourself to see how tough life is for this particular youth.Like what his counsellor said,it's amazing that he didn't break down because it'd have been all too easy to do so,with such a cruel hand being dealt upon him.I don't think I'd be able to stay together like he would.

Yet,the significance of the story is not only about this boy's (or lad since he's 19 now) tenacity but also the fact that his story is not a unique one.There really is a lot of other people with similar stories like his,who meet life's cruelties and challenges head-on despite the pain and hardship they have to endure.To all these people,I salute you and honestly,where I can,would like to help in any way I can.I never had to go through what these young people have to go through so I can only hope whatever blessings I have received can be passed onto less fortunate souls out there who need it.It also puts my life into perspective.Are things really as bad as I think?Is my meaning and direction in life the way I think it or the way I live it?I spend more time writing about things than I do carrying them out into action.

Misfortune in life does not extend only out to people who encounter such unfortunate circumstances.There are people born with it.Permanent disabilities that they never had a chance to fight against because they were born with it.Conditions borned later in life that would permanently cripple them for the reminder of their natural lifes.These are cruel twists of fate that can hit people hard as well.This leads me to talk about volunteerism.

Volunteerism is not something that Singaporeans have a natural affinity to.It stands at about 15% (comapred to about 44% in US and 47.5% in UK) and has been consistent at this rate for a number of years now.The fact is that when it comes to volunteerism,the inevitable response of most people are,"Hey,it's a great cause but you know,I have my own things to do.If I were to burn my weekend,when can I meet my friends then or go shopping and movie-catching with my bf/gf."It's a valid reason.I do not disagree.Everyone has reason to prioritise what his needs/wants are.Everybody's values are different.A Gucci bag can hold more importance than an old stranger lying in some old folk's home.It's all about perspective.

I once did six months of volunteerism while I was still in school.The stint has nothing to my church.There is a separate arm in my church that does community service.The average church goer is more interested in evangelism than acts of kindness (there is no judgment in this statement,I just think it's a fact.And there's nothing wrong with it).The organisation I was helping out with is basically one associated with the disabled (a full spectrum of it:hearing-impaired,visually-impaired,people with difficulty moving on their own...I can't quite remember if the intellctually disabled were also part of the group)and it exposed me to certain facts of volunteerism that I didn't know existed.Let me spell them out for you.

The NVPC (National Volunteerism and Philanthropy Centre,set up in 1999),the co-ordination centre for volunteers does the "distribution" of volunteers who wish to contribute but have no idea which area they'd like to serve in or have no links to associations that they can personally link up with.I didn't link up through NVPC because I had my own personal contacts so I don't exactly know how they work.

From what I heard,most volunteers do have an idea which area they like to serve in.But there is a major problem with this.It seems that a overwhelming majority wishes to serve in old folk's homes or children homes and it becomes a problem of over-supply in these areas while other volunteer groups get neglected.This includes groups catering to the disabled and homes for the intellectually disabled.I can understand why people would seem to prefer volunteering for old folk's and children homes.First,old folk's homes are more visible than most other groups.We see more of them around.Children's homes also hold a particular attraction because helping children seems partciularly good since everyone likes children.Secondly,there is this mentality that we know more about old folk's and children than we do about the other groups.For instance,how do you communicate with a hearing-impaired person?Would an intellectually disabled person be pesky and hard to take care of?Valid questions and doubts that hamper one's enthusiasm in helping out with these groups.

I do have a grievance to make at this point in time,which may be slightly separate from my original topic of volunteerism.It's to do with corporations or companies adopting homes or charity groups to appear philanthropic and caring when they really do care nuts about the homes (this does not apply to individuals in these corporations or companies because some of them do care.).All they want is to look good to external parties so that when annual report cards are due,they can stick a photo in there and say,"Hey,we did charity."when all they did was organise one miserable event and as a conveience,invited the homes over to join them.After that,it is 拍拍屁股就走人.Sayonara.See you next year for the same photo shoot session.

I draw this from experience from what I think is a very shallow gesture from my organisation.Apparently,they had adopted the Moral Home For The Disabled and invited them over for the CNY celebration where they scrambled for volunteers to help out.make no mistake.The group was extremely grateful for the invitation.It's not often that these children get to go out to meet people.But there is no mistaking it that for the part of our organisation.It was a photo-op since the key moment for my God must be the "Let's take a photo together" session during the event.Adds shine to my God's face.For after that particualr session,we never heard from the Home again.Or is it they never heard from us?How many organisations are guilty of that?

Back to my experience,it was not easy communicating with the disabled.You must know what gestures are right and what's wrong.For instance,do not grab a visually-impaired person's hand to help him,offer him your hand to hold on to.Remember he/she's the one who is blind,not you.It is only the one who is following who needs to be held to be guided.As for the hearing-impaired,sign language can be extremely different to pick up.Because one thing is the speed at which the signs are done.I had a hard time following and had to ask them to repaet,repeat and repeat.Similarly,always maintain eye-contact with communicating.When one is speaking,one does not have to look at the person one is speaking to since voices can be and specific messages can be addressed to names so that they know who you are spekaing to.The hearing-impaired have no way of knowing who you are talking to,the only way they can establish the person of refernce is through eye-contact...so your eyes msut focus on the person you are talking with.It also helps to display emotions.However,one good thing about working with the disbaled is that they have quite a terrific sense of humour about their disabilities.A blind person once chided me for doing or saying something,he said,"You think I am blind,is it?"Nice.But volunteering does take up a certain amount of time,something I spent a huge amount of time in and seemingly neglected certain other commitments...like church.In the end,I was forced to choose between church and volunteering then...can you imagine?

Having said so much,my point is not really to implore people to volunteer because these are individual choices that people make and the values they hold dear.Altruism isn't a quality that's flooding the world right now.I do wish more people would volunteer for at least once,especially those who haven't tried it before to give it a go.It's not as hard or as time-consuming as one thinks it is.And it can be fun.Seriously.Christmas is coming soon.The season of giving and sharing.Isn't it a blessing to give,especially when you have been given so much?

I shall end my post here.I wanted to go on to talk about funding for charities and the disparities and chasm that exists between certain huge charity groups and the rest.But I think we all know which groups we are talking about and why they are such powerhouses when it comes to fund-raising.And how other groups are left trailing in their wake and fighting for a shrinking share of the donor's dollar.I could even talk about some of the "despicable" practices rumoured to be going on at these organisatiosn but I will not.The stories spread well enough by themselves,I shall refrain.

PS:Recently,I think I am holding some serious thoughts to end this blog for good...because I don't know what all this writing achieves.Can't see a reason to want to continue to write sometimes.To express things I find hard to talk about?I don't know about that.Express to whom anyway.

But till I come to a conclusion,I will still be writing about things close to my heart...until there's nothing left to talk about or I quit.