Thursday, April 14, 2005
Prince Of Bhutan

Today,Jean Grey just got back into office and immediately notified of a request from her cousin for me to write about celebrities and the excessive spending they make on their kids in terms of clothing.I'd be writing about that in a post later in the afternoon when my research is done (Two blogs in one day!Quick,readers,pray your lucky stars but your truly is in such a generous mood...and boy oh boy,doesn't it make you glad that your tax money is going towards the writing of this blog?).Meanwhile I'd write about a couple of other things.

First off,let me get big-headed.Now that I am entertaining requests.Heaven only knows where I can go.I am sure even Xiaxue doesn't get requests to write on specific subjects...mainly because she only knows how to write about sex.Me.I am different.As Jose Mourinho says,"I am a Special One."I understand,Jose.无敌是寂寞的.Hahaha.Don't be sad,Jose,you have me for company in our club of two.I shall call our mini-club 疯子二人组.

Oh,now that I am entertaining requests,I kindly invite other readers to request topics,loyal readers such as George W.Bush Jnr.George,now that your popularity has slipped to an all-time low of 45%,you might consider engaging my services to write a blog aboput fictitious WMDs in Surinam...which you can then invade with a minimal force of 100 marines.Why Surinam?Simple.

1) Who the hell knows where is Surinam besides Ruud Gullit and Frank Rijkaard (they were born in Surinam)?Invading it will cause no international uproar.And painting it as an "Axis Of EEEEVIL" member will be damn easy.

2)The Surinam national army probably consists of a few men in loinclothes holding spears and rocks.That's why only need a force of 100 marines with super-soakers to invade.

Secondly,congrats on Liverpool reaching the Champ's League semis.Could they get past Cheski and get to the final?I have my doubts.Against European opposition,the slower continental game suits the Reds since they have more time on the ball and can pass it around without being hassled.In fact,if they upped their tempo a bit,European sides are usually caught out.Chelski is a typical English side:Quick,strong and robust.Liverpool wouldn't like it.Good luck.

Thirdly,I am depressed.Depressed because President Nathan yesterday announced his impending retirement.How can such a great statesman go???How can???What will we do without his goreng pisang handwave,his pug-looks and his limelight-hogging existence???How can we live without his daily presence in the daily papers...as he officiates the opening of the National Toilet Bowl Week,as he goes to the Singapore Idol finals to ogle at Maia Lee,as he falls asleep on the terraces while Singapore loses 0-7 to Oman???How could we???S'poreans,I declare this week a week of national mourning...as another sign of our national institution falls by the wayside...the great Yes-man and media erm...man of the night.

There is no fourthly.I go straight into my topic.While doing research on celebrity endorsements,I suddenly came across a forum page hosted on Mediacorp bashing the nation's favourtite bashing girl,Michelle Saram,Princess of Bhutan (ever watched 流星花园2?).I really pity and the way she kena hatam by all the forum readers.Bimbo,talentless,hopeless,worst artiste ever signed and so on.Boy oh boy and I'm talking about the praises here.

What has she ever done to offend all these people really?Besides polluting the screen with her presence that is and trying to sing.We hear hundreds of tuneless crocks trying to sing in karaoke lounges everyday what,so what's the problem with one more lass trying to sing?Ok,we mortals don't exactly get to cut albums.But then she's Princess of Bhutan,she's different.

I am defending her because I am actually related to her...ok lah,sort of.Do you know that (now you know!) Michelle's grandmother is actually my 干妈妈?Yes,folks,so I've seen her since we were young although I never seen or met her since then.What a pity!I'd kept her so busy off-screen,on-sheets that she'd never have time to time to get on-screen,on-tabloid sheets.Argh...how can I do that?After all,she is my 干-don't know what...but hey it's not only 干 what.

Ok,I haven't started on my defence yet.Everyone needs to earn a living what and she's only working to earn a living so give her a break lah.Want to blame her for going on-screen despite her abysmal acting skills and recording CDs despite her horrible singing?Blame it on the TV show producers and record companies lah.They were the ones who signed her what.I do wonder what she'd be doing if she wasn't on TV...in fact,I wonder what she is doing now.

Eventually,the subject will have to come back to me because I am a"Special One".My relationship with Michelle only reinforces that.Imagine,she's Princess of Bhutan...doesn't that make a Prince of Bhutan too?Of course,it does.And it means that I am de-facto royalty.

Bow down before me,all you useless subjects and kiss my royal arse.That includes you,Jose.I don't see royal blood in you.