Thursday, June 30, 2005
Beating The Polygraph

This is a mighty strange topic to be writing on but spare me the luxury (and attention) of this whim.I decided to just write about this after on ST about the retirement of the head of CPIB.And in particular,one incident which the man remembered.

That was when one of his key officers in CPIB was caught cheating a businessman and the chief then ordered polygraph tests for the entire unit.And in the words of the article:All came out clean.

Oh reeeally?Is that "All came out clean" or "Nobody was caught"?These are two different things you know.

It is precisely because of this particular article that I went around looking up on the science of polygraph tests and how accurate the tests are?And try as I might,the results are not too reassuring.My feeling is that anybody with a basic knowledge of how the polygraph test works should be able to beat it.And if you consider that CPIB staff might probably know a bit more about such tests than others (I confess I don't know if they regularly administer polygraphs on suspects),they would know how to beat it more than any other people,wouldn't they?

The below is an extract of how the test works:

The secret behind the polygraph is that the "test" depends on trickery, not science. The person being "tested" is not supposed to know that while the polygraph operator declares that all questions must be answered truthfully, warning that the slightest hint of deception will be detected, he secretly assumes that denials in response to certain questions -- called "control" questions -- will be less than truthful. An example of a commonly used control question is, "Did you ever lie to get out of trouble?" The polygrapher steers the examinee into a denial by warning, for example, that anyone who would do so is the same kind of person who would commit the kind of behavior that is under investigation and then lie about it. But secretly, it is assumed that everyone has lied to get out of trouble.

The polygraph pens don't do a special dance when a person lies. The polygrapher scores the test by comparing physiological responses (breathing, blood pressure, heart, and perspiration rates) to these probable-lie control questions with reactions to relevant questions such as, "Did you ever commit an act of espionage against the United States?" (commonly asked in security screening). If the former reactions are greater, the examinee passes; if the latter are greater, he fails. If responses to both "control" and relevant questions are about the same, the result is deemed inconclusive.

The test also includes irrelevant questions such as, "Are the lights on in this room?" The polygrapher falsely explains that such questions provide a "baseline for truth," because the true answer is obvious. But in reality, they are not scored at all! They merely serve as buffers between pairs of relevant and "control" questions.

Now think about it.We all know that polygraph measures nothing but physiological responses and that if we can control our responses at the right questions,we can beat the system.The usual thing that we'd do is to control and restrain our responses during questions that we are lying to,in the hope that our responses will go under the radar and be undetected.I beg to differ.Wouldn't it be much easier to exaggerate responses so that even when we do have physiological responses while lying,the responses do not appear deviant enough to raise the alarm?

Because let's face it.The control questions are likely to be generalities that would not trigger too much of a physiological reaction even if we were to lie about it.But specifics?Hell,you might start sweating and thinking about precisely what to say.And once you start thinking,in a time-critical environment,you will also start panicking (no matter how slight).Your heart beats slighly faster,your eyes look at other things as you start pondering...bang,you are caught.

Well,what if you exaggerate your reactions to the control questions?

"Have you ever lied to get out of trouble?"

"NOOOoooooooooooo..." (Long drawn-out breath,eyes looking offended,clench fists and think about your worst nightmare coming true...)

You think that when someone ask,"Where were you during such and such a time?",your lie is gonna register a larger response than that?Unless you really don't know how to act,most criminals would know how to,wouldn't they?

What's my point?I am not trying to advocate people to start lying during polygraph tests.To each his own so that is not something I bother with.If you wanna lie,you will lie anyway and don't need me to teach you how to.I am just so bemused by authorities who place so much faith on a system that fundamentally flawed.

Just because your men passed a polygraph doesn't mean they're clean,Mr CPIB.That's a fallacy.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Rogue Awakens

It's been a really long time since I wrote about my boss,Rogue,the energy-absorbing mutant who sucks the life out of everyone,anyone or anything that dares (or has to) venture into her office.For the newly initiated,you might want to read my July 2004 blogs to know about her and her exploits.That's almost 12 months back when I first mentioned her...and hell,I am coming to the first anniversay of my blog.

Wow,come to think of it,can you believe that I have been writing for about a year now and haven't been (a) arrested or (b) sued for libel?I don't believe it myself.That means all of three things. (1) The government doesn't read my blog, which is a shame.(2) Fann Wong doesn't read my blog but she's illiterate so I don't blame her. And (3) Fiona Xie doesn't read my blog,which is a ultra mega-shame since that means she doesn't know that I absolutely lurve her to pieces.

Anyway,back to Rogue.She's alive again,which is a little amazing actually.I actually haven't seen her to be so sharp for about three years now.That is,when I first came in.Of course,this could all be 回光反照 and she might be deader than dead by the time the sun sets but while she's alive,she actually seems competent.

First,I have to say something about Rogue.The way I write about her,some of you might think she's like Saddam Hussein's evil sister or something (what is that supposed to mean?).Rogue is fundamentally a NICE person.No questions about that.But for the most part of her life as my boss,she has not shown much competence of any kind (until now,that is) and is a terrible manager.She's also an avid boot-licker and has a doctorate in self-preservation.Ok,maybe she's still not coming across as anyone good but I can assure you,you wouldn't dislike her if you met her.Seriously.I don't.

Back to my point.Since coming back from her three-month hiatus (maternity leave),she has come back slightly different.She's very onz now.But maybe that's because she didn't get promoted and she's trying to prove a point.She's trying to do the right things and set the systems right.But maybe that's because she got on the bad books of our God (the new one).She's showing initiative and pro-activeness.She's quite nice.God,wouldn't you call her an ideal boss or what?!

Ok ok ok,enough of this delirium,you monkey (I mean myself).The truth is,this change is actually good for the branch.We have been floundering for over three years now.No leadership,no direction,no nothing.Late is better than never and I am glad that she has finally come to her senses...even if it's short-lived.My guess is that maybe something forced her hand.Because we have a new head at another branch who is really shaking things up at that branch and giving that branch a new,shinier profile.Indeed,that competing fellow is one helluva competent guy.Maybe Rogue is feeling threatened by him and feels she needs to up her ante (to keep her profile).Whatever the reasons are,even if the motivation is not altruistic,the actions are constructive and that is the most important thing.

Still,I think things have come too late for me.I am hardly interested in her newly acquired work ethics.Indeed,even while I am embroiled in it,I hardly feel excited,even though I know it's a good thing.I still want to get out.Hell,just quitting and staying at home or doing a temp job is,in my mind,still better for my soul.

But souls don't pay bills.Money does and I have to work.So whatever whatever whatever.Reality has a nice way of reeling you back into its embrace.

PS:I must talk about my God.There was a recent episode where someone needed to help book a direct 18-hour flight for Him and them (a demi-god and a head is following him).As there is not a great number of flights and a lot of them were well-booked,he was able to get only three tics in economy class.To which,our God says,"But I can't sit 18 hours in economy class?!"

Well,the other two fellows are doing that.So what is he?A God with a diamond butt?Too precious to sit in ordinary economy seats amongst mere mortals?

Oh,he's a high-flying scholar after all.

Monday, June 27, 2005
Do This Survey,Punk!

Hahaha,so sorry,Mr Mika Sampovaara (I would dearly wish that your name was Miss Maria Sharapova instead...same initials,world of difference.),I can't help but have a good laugh at your expense this morning.You just allowed me to have a good start to the day.Bless your Finnish soul!Hope you don't get fined though.

Now...before you guys start asking me who the phuck is Mr Sampovaara,please take a look at today's Today (hardcopy or online) and read the headline "Take survey or face fine,foreigner told".After you read that little piece of gem,you'd know who the great Mika Sampovaara is.

Anyway,if you are someone like LKY or of that stature and have no time to read the article (then what the phuck are you reading my blog for?But then again,I wouldn't blame you.If I was LKY,I would set aside time to read my own blog too),the premise is this:Mr Sharapova (I know his name isn't this but it's my blog and I'd call him whatever I want) got sent a DOS (Department of Sex...nope,I wish...Stats) survey.You know those government surveys which are COMPULSORY because if you don't do,they send mata down to your house at 11pm and arrest you in your underpants/bra and panties or whatever you are in.Anyway,Mr Sharapova refuses to do just that,that is,do the survey.So now he is in a whole load of trouble.

Mr Sharapova's stance is this.He is simply not interested in the survey and values his privacy.He also says that he comes from Finland where there is no obligation to do surveys so phuck you with your Singaporean survey(ok,I am the one who said that).

The DOS's reply is quite brilliant actually.They say it only takes 30 mins for a family of four to complete the survey (duh,what does that got to do with anything?You are trying to say it's short but what does that got to do with "I'm simply NOT interested."),important that respondents provide the required info so that results are complete and nationally representative (hang on a second,is that MY problem or YOUR problem?),majority of respondents are co-operative and contribute to a high response rate (then go find them lah!疯狗 don't come barking in my backyard),households that are selected cannot be replaced to ensure consistency (what about those dead ones?And SHIT...more on that later...) and finally confidentiality is ensured (sure it is.I don't doubt that...but what if I want my privacy protected period...even from DOS eyes?).

The kind DOS spokesperson,of course,neglected to mention the below 3 points in her statement,which are far more important:

1) People who refuses to do the survey can be fined up to a grand (which means "We don't care what you think.What we want,we get or else YOU pay for it")

2) They bombard you with calls if you don't do (Who pay for me phone bill huh if me no free-incoming leh?)

3) They go to your house at 10+ PM to "persuade" you to do the job (Wah lau,government then is the real 黑社会 man.More heong than loansharks somemore,more onz also.Pity the officer who kena this task though.)

Now now now.Let me say something.I obviously empathise with Mr Sharapova,no doubt about that...because me am one of those unfortunate 90,000 homes which kena the DOS survey.I also a victim ah.Somemore,I even kena the MOM average household income survey also.Phuck,why the government like me so much?Are they watching me?Am I being targeted for grooming?Am I destined for great things?Hail me,the next PM?

Snap,snap...my delirium is catching up with me again.So I guess I was just thinking too much (?).And shit,they say the chosen households CANNOT be replaced somemore!What have I got to do to get out of it?Kill myself?Phuck,Singapore must be the only country you got to kill yourself to not do a survey.

Anyway,I did the survey 乖乖 like a typical Singaporean.Why?Phuck,you want me to end up like Mr Sharapova meh?End up on the frontpage of a tabloid,maybe kena fine.All because I didn't do a survey?No chance in hell.Save the trouble and just fill in the sheet of paper.

Some smartarse called Edward Choy (you know he's smart because he doing postgrad and you know he's an arse because he doing theatre studies) said it well today when he said "The sky won't fall down even if we don't care".Yes,Eddie boy,you're right.They want us to do,we just do loh.Phuck them and phuck our apathy.Why need to care and fight against something when all you get are fines and jail terms for your troubles?And even if you care,nobody cares that you care.Why not just slouch in my couch and watch Denise screw Wolfgang (or is that the other way around?).

Dear Edward.The government does care lah,you bodoh.Didn't they set up some kind of youth council where the youths are free to give their views and where the majority of their suggestions were accepted?Sure,they were asking for water-coolers in Orchard Road (how to refuse that?Looks good to the tourists,looks good to the youths who think their viewpoints are being accepted but in reality means "phuck all" because the suggestion doesn't hurt the status quo.)but can't expect them to ask for JBJ as Prez what,right?Can't.Because...

1) JBJ bankrupt.No can do for Prez.

2) We rotate our Prez through all 4 races.Euarsian,Malay,Chinese,Indian.So you take a guess which is next?

3) JBJ dissident lah. We only want Yes-men.Ong Teng Cheong mistake already.

4) Changi not enough space to lock up so many youth inmates.

Ok,I better shut up before mata arrest me.But you know something,Singapore is getting so interesting.It is all because of these foreigners.Just last week,some of them ask whether can turn one of our islands,Pulau Tekukor,into a Monkey Island (that is,a monkey sanctuary).

Well,of course,our government (SLA and STB) says no.No way.Why have MORE monkey sanctuaries in Singapore when we have so many already?You want to see monkeys?Go to any of these places:MINDEF,EDB,MHA,MICA,MOE...basically a lot of places starting with "M".You will realise Singapore is really Monkey Heaven,花果山.Hell,ever noticed one of our leaders really looks like an old monkey anyway?We are really the direct descendents of 孙武空.

Finally,on a closing note,before anyone accuses me of 吃里爬外,of supporting those angmoh lang.No,I did not say I support them.I merely EMPATHISE with them but I say PHUCK YOU,YOU PHUCKING EXPATS.You come here,live on our Singapore land (unless you live in Tanjong Pagar railway station,then that's out of our jurisdiction),earn our Singapore currency,screw our Singapore gals and drink Malaysian-imported water (Singapore distilled),you better play by OUR phucking rules.We tell you to do work,you do work.We tell you to make babies,you make babies.We tell you to eat shit,you eat shit.

And when we tell you to do survey,you better do the phucking survey,you angmoh prick or else...what or else?Our government will still import you phuckers wholesale into Singapore anyway.Angmoh always better than local mah.Or at least government says so.

No wonder we locals apathetic lah.What to do?You tell me lah.

Sunday, June 26, 2005
Batman Begins

Enough praise has been heaped on this latest installment of the Batman franchise already,such that it wouldn't really matter what I say about it.But I'm still going to pitch in my two cents' worth."Batman Begins" is indeed the best movie in the entire series of Batman movies,if you could call it a series since the four movies prior to this really went through two visions.One of Tim Burton and another (wretchedly) of Joel Schumacher.

I had liked the original "Batman" well enough.It's first sequel wasn't half-bad either.But Tim Burton's kooky vision had an odd feel to it.It was violent and dark,but still felt like a comic-book.Good entertainment but not very involving nor absorbing.There was just something "off" about these two movies.Michael Keaton didn't make a bad Batman either.But he was just,well,not aristocratic enough.And he certainly wasn't intense enough.He looked and came across more like a next-door neighbour than a millionaire playboy.The villains were great though.Jack Nicholson's Joker was a hoot while Michelle Pfeiffer's Catwoman was slinky.Danny Devito's Penguin just didn't feel right (the Penguin was really more of a crimelord and less of a freak as depicted by the movie).

As for Joel Schumacher's two movies...oh,please,let's not go there...

I like the direction Chris Nolan elected to take with "Begins".It's like the coming-of-age tale of Batman,how he became who he is.And it also went well as a thriller in the second half.Sure,it was dark but that wouldn't make it dissimilar to Burton's version.The difference was that Nolan shot this movie more like a drama than a comic as compared to Burton and that was the reason why it worked.Because the character was taken seriously.

Now now,I'm not going to go much into the plot but basically the movie starts with Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale) in some god-forsaken Asian country (Tibet?Mongolia?Who knows.),came under the apprenticeship of one Henri Ducard (Liam Neeson) and Ra's Al-Ghul (Ken Watanabe),learned to confront his childhood fear of bats and guilt over his parents' deaths,returned to Gotham,got back control of his father's company,took on the Batman persona and fought villains like the Scarecrow (Cillian Murphy) and Ra's Al-Ghul (an important plotpoint is this character's true identity.If you haven't watched the movie,do a search and look for his comic illustration,see who resembles him more in the movie.Then you might know the "twist",if you consider it one.)

In terms of the casting,I wouldn't have a complaint against it.Christian Bale is,by far,the best Batman ever.He really does look upper-crust but more important,he's actually menacing.Batman isn't really a nice-nice character like Spiderman and you needed someone who can act in shades of grey to potray him.In this respect,Bale is quite excellent actually.

As for the other supporting cast,Michael Caine is great as the faithful butler Alfred Pennyworth while Liam Neeson is worth his salt as a menacing villain.Morgan Freeman as Lucius Fox (the gadgets man) was,I think,really just into his element in a wise,old man role that didn't particularly stand out for me.I do like Cillian Murphy's Dr Jonathan Crane/Scarecrow though.While the villain is not a strong one,Murphy does come across as suitably creepy for the role.Not a bad performance at all.A very restrained Gary Oldman (as Detective Jim Gordon,the last good cop in Gotham) is also suitably good (in fact,I actually thought he was very good.Proves when it comes to acting,less is more sometimes.So don't always overact.)As for Katie Holmes,there isn't much to say.She is sweet,but it's no big loss she's not in the sequel.

The movie spends a huge chunk (half of it) of its time building up the Bruce Wayne character,background and motivations.And then,of course,it then begins to construct the Batman myth,of how everything we already take for granted (the Batcave,Batmobile,grappling hooks,body-armour,etc) came into being.So the action really only,kind of,explodes in the second half.But when it does,well,it's standard Hollywood blockbuster stuff.But at least it's well-done.And it is certainly better than the action in past Batman pictures.That's all I have to say about it really.

So is the movie good?Yup,i'd say it is.I certainly liked it quite a bit.

8/10

PS:The ending of the movie,of course,points to the Joker being the main villain in the 2nd movie.I have no idea who might take the role of a young Joker but if age wasn't a restriction,it might have been a real hoot to have Jack Nicholson back but he's too old for this shit.His Joker will probably get hammered by the very buff Christian Bale.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Keep Your Dreams

I believe that sinfulness
Can burn your soul away
There's no release from nothingness
When love has gone away

Stuck in acid,you will rust
Time will turn your bones to dust
I can muster,let her go
Keep your dreams,don't sell your soul
Be careful

I believe in forgiveness
Hate will eat you whole
Bad blood,a lifelong curse
You've got to let it go

Stuck in acid,you will rust
Time will turn your bones to dust
I can muster,let her go
Keep your dreams,don't sell your soul
Be careful

I'm going down to the underground
I'm going down to the underground
As deep as I can go
I'm going down to the underground
As deep as I can go
I'm going down to the underground
As deep as I can go
(Deep as I can go)
I'm going down to the underground
As deep as I can go
(deep as I can go)

Words by Primal Scream off the XTRMNTR album.

Funny that I listened to the XTRMNTR LP after neglecting it for a long time.I was shifting through the hundreds of CDs I have and the red sleeve of the LP caught my attention.So "pop" it went into my CD player and then this song came on...

OK,let me detract a little and talk about myself for a short while.I came back from Shanghai and HK last Saturday and did I enjoy myself?Truthfully,not that much.I am beginning to get bored by Shanghai because there really isn't much to do there.

Don't get me wrong.It's a vibrant city.Great nightlife.If only I got to taste that every night.The two friends who went with me don't really pub too much...hell,one of them can't even drink.What's the point of going to a club.

And the shopping...well,if you really do know what you want to get,it's not a bad place.But I don't shop much.Electronics isn't exactly one of Shanghai's strong suits anyway.

But at least the girls are lovely...(yeah,I maintain Shanghai girls were among the prettiest in the world.Beats Hong Kong,Malaysia and Singapore by a few miles...and Taiwan by a few metres.)

As for Hong Kong itself...nice shopping,crap weather,great hotels,not bad food(don't just keep choosing the restaurants,the back-alley stalls serve good food too).

Nuff said about the trip.Anyway,I have been suffering from food poisoning for the past two days.Am good again now but yesterday,I went to hell and back.And hell basically consisted of shit(the liquid kind) and vomit.God...forgive and pardon me of all my sins...for if hell looks and feels like this,I want nothing to do with it...I might even be ok with fire and brimstone as compared to this.

Back to the Primal Scream song.For some odd reason,it touches me quite a bit.First,for a non-Christian band to talk about sinfulness and forgiveness,it's quite something.Secondly,it's in context with what's happening around here.

I came back to Singapore on Saturday to be greeted with the horrific news about the murder and dismemberment of a young Chinese lady by a man who is also purportedly a good husband and father.I have a point to make here.Do you think Saddam Hussein was good to his wife and sons too?Does that make him a good man?In the eyes of his wife and sons,yes.What about in the eyes of others?

I do believe anyone is capable of goodness to people they love...it's the way he/she treat others which is the true measure of his character.The murderer obviously haven't got much of compassion,though he must have had an awful to do what he has done.But I cannot be too quick to judge.What the phuck am I to judge anyway?Let the judicial system do its job and let justice be served(whatever that means).Let God judge him.And let God forgive him...as well as the victim,wherever her soul lays.

This case didn't really come that long after the Huang Na case,did it?Suddenly,our little "garden" island is becoming the graveyard for some decent Chinese girls who only came here to make a living.It seems like we do have some monsters amongst us,"decent" Singaporeans too,ain't it?Or maybe I'm to quick to judge.

And I did not write this post to judge.Just to say "RIP" to Miss Liu Hongmei.May your soul find a peaceful final resting place.

For the rest of us,be glad you still have life to keep your dreams...if you have any.Someone else's dream (she did have one) just got snuffed out.

If anyone has any comments,address it not to me nor this post but to Miss Liu Hongmei.

God bless.

Friday, June 10, 2005
Hello Shanghai and HK

This is the last day of the workweek,isn't this absolutely grrrrreat or what?Anyway,what's even better is that I'd away on a one-week holiday next week to Shanghai and HK next week.So it'd be my last workday in about 8-9 days.Woohoo!

Ok,I'd probably crash back down to earth when I return to work on the 21st but I'd savour the moment while it lasts.Hopefully while I am there,some nice HR gal from MINDEF will call me up and arrange for a 2nd interview soon.Hopefully.

Since it's really nothing but little more than 1 hour to freedom,I really have nothing much to bitch about.I just have a few curious observations to make:

The Japanese humanoid robot created by Osaka University professor Hiroshi Ishiguro...why didn't he make the humanoid a little prettier.This girl looks just like any girl in the street that most wouldn't take a second look at,why did he create a stunner instead?Some bot that looks like Lin Zhiling for instance...oh well,the danger is that people might start groping it,I guess.

Khoo Swee Chiow (professional adventurer?Do you actually put that in a resume?) is putting on fats so that he can swim across the English Channel.Good for him that he "doesn't mind not being the first Singaporean to cross the channel"...because ex-national swimmer Thum Ping Tjin might beat him to it.He doesn't mind?That's so "unprofessional"...and since he's doing it for leisure,I hope he doesn't seek sponsorship for his stunt then.

Ah,Russell Crowe,the on-screen toughman and off-screen ruffian,is sorry that he threw a phone at a concierge and got arrested for his troubles.Seriously,if I was arrested,I'd be sorry too...but if I wasn't,phuck it!Anyway,the guy is now trying to show a contrite side...ahhh,he's sorry but he really just misses his wife...ahhh,don't revoke his visa so he can continue to make great films like Proof of Life and attack hotel concierges...from Cinderella Man cum Gladiator,he's showing that he has a Beautiful Mind (Your Own Phucking Business) too.

Ahh-haa.This is the end.Till the 21st and beyond.Byeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Thursday, June 09, 2005
Pie For The Eye

I am so bloody disappointed today when I went onto the ST website to source for my daily vitriol.Not because I couldn't find any source of inspiration for my hantam session in the blog,but because I saw the incredible news that nice guy,A-Do (Singapore's best-ever pop singer...step aside,Stef,just because you won a 金曲奖 doesn't mean nuts at all.Can you earn $6,000,000,000,000,000 for a 10 minute singing gig in China?Can you?Well,A-Do can...),was busted for speeding.He was fined $1,800 (that's like fining Roman Abramovich £1 million.He uses that amount of hard paper currency just to wipe his Russian arse) and banned from driving for 10 months.

Well,A-Do,that shouldn't pose a problem for you.If you just spare 1% of your $6,000,000,000,000,000 gig fee on a chauffeur,you should be able to get a pretty good one for yourself.I would recommend Alex Young to you.You know,the lousy Malaysian wannabe F1 Grand Prix driver who lasted all of 1 season on the Sauber Petronas team.Be prepared when Sauber debuts the Roti Prata man Ravi Govindran from Klang,Johor in its first-team roster next season.But then again,why would you want Alex Young when you can go for Michael Schumacher?Alex Young's so slow,even my grandma can overtake him...and you know what the scary thing is?My grandma's deceased...

The crux of this issue is really this...how can anyone fine our 国宝 $1,800 and ban him from driving?That's sacrilege.A heresy.No one fines a 国宝 and ban him from anything.Do you see China banning pandas from eating bamboos?Do you think our beloved MM would get fined and banned if he was caught speeding?Ok,a wheelchair is not considered an automobile but would he get fined,would he?He wouldn't!Of course not!For the officer who books him,that's like losing citizenship (or PR-hood) for your entire family(nuclear and extended) because you'd be deemed an "undesirable" citizen in Singapore.Just ask Ryan the pilot.

So what do I say?I say we commend A-Do for speeding.Because he was really trying to provide a negative demostration for the youths of Singapore.He's trying to say that do not be like me...or you'd end up on the front page of ST.Wait a minute,knowing how much of a media whore today's youths can be,everyone might just start speeding instead.But hey,then that makes Singapore an excellent breeding ground for F1 drivers.Step aside,Michael,Kimi and Fernando because Ah Heng of Lor Ah Soo is coming to get you.

Oh man,ok,I got to start on my main topic now.You know that fuss about the "leaked" pics from Eye For a Guy 2?You know,whether Wolfgang or Howard gets to bonk (in other words:bang or boink or bone) Denise Keller (Seriously though,why would any guy care whether Howard or Wolf gets to bonk Denise?We want to bonk her ourselves,not watch someone else do it.)?All those stupid pics about Wolf and Den (short form easier to type) dating at Bali being leaked on the net is finally being exposed for what it is...bloody cheap publicity.And also those pics showing Den and How (I do make them sound local,don't I?) having dinner...so fake.

You know,all these insiders who claimed to have seen so and so with so and so...don't you have anything better to do?I'd thought you went to Bali to holiday yourself,not take pics of OTHER people holidaying...unless you're from Mediacorp!Also the pics showing Den and How at dinner,do normal people take cameras to dinner to shoot pics?Don't tell me it's camera-phone ok...because the resolution is so poor,Ah Lian from Clementi and A-Do can look like Den and How and also,you cannot take sharp (and large) pics.

Please lah,Mediacorp,don't take such cheap shots at publicising your shows lah.I thought the trailers for "Lost" is already relentless enough already (every 5 minutes you see it),now you perform the ultimate cheap shot by doing something like this,why did you marketing/PR idiots at Mediacorp even do this?No need what...you know why?Because...

THERE IS ONLY ONE BLOODY ENGLISH CHANNEL IN SINGAPORE,YOU DORKS!Singaporeans have a choice of Channel 5 AND Channel 5 only,so how not to choose Channel 5 (don't talk to me about Cable TV.After so many years,the subscription is still only about 400,000,not even a million)?Don't need to do cheap publicity like this lah,because out of the great multitude of choices we have,we will choose Channel 5.

Anyway,don't you figure that people who are interested will watch with or without the publicity while those who don't care (like me) will not watch no matter what type of photos you leak.Ok,for me,if you leak pics of Den sans clothing (all kinds) and promise that Den does exactly the same in the show,I will defnitely watch lah.But that's just me...and the other two million chee ko peis in Singapore.

It's a bit disappointing (and silly) that Mediacorp stooped so low to publicise one lousy show.But then again,Mediacorp has never been high-brow anyway.Expect the next Eye For A Guy gal to shed her clothes in the next installment.May I recommend Lin Zhiling please???



PS:But until then,it's a PIE FOR THE EYE from me.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Phucking Hongkie

I am furious.Furious at the fact that nobody wrote anything silly in the forum the past few days that I can make fun of.Why are there so many reasonable people writing to the excellent ST forum page these past days?Where did the nutcases go?There's so little to talk about,I have had to base the title of this post on a poor 15 year-olf Hongkie football striker who managed to score a terrific (read:terrible) hat-trick against our mighty Young Miao-miaos (since they're under-16s or something like that,they don't have enough hair (where?I am not answering) to qualify as Lions).

There are still some news that disturb me greatly...

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The Serangoon MRT station sank by 1 bloody cm.Damn.Because knowing government standards of under-reporting (or in the case of economic stats,over-reporting), the station probably sank by 100m.Serangoon residents who suddenly find the escalator journey down/up a lot longer might at least know why now.

Think about it.If it sank 1cm,how the phuck cares?As if you might suddenly notice that your foot now need to stretch 1 cm further to reach the ground.It is more likely that now if you try to stretch that 1cm more,you fall into the abyss 99.99m deep.

And all the houses having cracaks...goodness,get out of there now.HOTEL NEW WORLD AHHHH...might I get arrested for causing public disorder soon?

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Today's paper contains an article that talked about how having dull,steady and unexciting jobs can cause one to have a regular,rapid heartbeat that can lead to heart disease.Seeing the job I do,I am greatly at risk here.In fact,I'd probably die tomorrow.

But whatever it is,I am just glad that whatever heart disease I get,it's due to the job.Not due to my ayam gorengs,mushroom swisses,char kwey tiaos,french fries and barbecue stingrays.So if I ever get a heart attack,I will sue my department for giving me a dull,steady and unexciting job that caused me to develop heart disease.

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As all of you should have noticed by now (if you haven't,I don't want you reading my blog because you are unworthy),I have changed my nick to Archangel from Cyclops.I am mortally aware that Archangel is really another nick I gave to a fellow colleague but I am reclaiming it as my own and calling that fellow Cyclops instead.For good reason.

The new Cyclops blasts just about everybody who happens to be in his contempt and he also likes to give disgusted death gazes at people.For me,I never do that...ok,rarely...ok,sometimes so I am not worthy of the Cyclops name.

Instead Archanel suits me fine...because I just fly around and do nothing.

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Did you guys read today's Today?There was an article in the sports section that reported about this good-looking 15-year-old Hongkie SOB who happens to be the next big football star in HK.He shot a Nike commercial and is being hailed as one of the brightest footballing prospects the HK has produced in the past decade (think about it...how hard can that get???Ahmad Latiff will probably be nicknamed "Maradona of South China Sea" if he was born there.).

In fact,the smug little bastard singlehandedly shot down the Singapore Lion City Cup "A" Team (what a mouthful) by scoring a hat-trick while his team was 0-2 down.

Phuck!What does that say?Singapore is represented by a bunch of gu-niangs who don't know how to play football.This the future of Singapore Football?We talked about 2010 as a guideline (not as an ultimate goal ok!Only guideline hor...see how easy it is for authorities to shift the goalposts according to their liking?Happens all the time in everything),maybe 3010 is a better guide...because by then,with global warming and all,we probably be playing water-polo instead and this we stand a better chance of getting into the World Cup.

Anyway,back to that little Hong Kong banana.Who the phuck is he to get an article written about him?So what if he is the next big thing in lousy HK football?I am called "Zidane of Hougang" (that has more to do with my looks than my footwork admittedly) too so why don't Today get their butts down here to interview me?

And what's so great about HK sports anyway?What have they ever won?

So they got an Olympics Gold Medal in 1996 by Lee Lai Shan in windsurfing and a table tennis silver in 2004 but that's really nothing.You know what Singapore won?WE WON AN OLYMPICS SILVER MEDAL IN WEIGHTLIGHTING BY TAN HOWE LIANG IN 1960.And that pisses all over the two Olympic medals won by the HK athletes.

Why?

Because windsurfing and table tennis are a-gua sports.THAT'S WHY!We won a weightlifting silver.ONLY REAL MEN WIN WEIGHTLIFTING SILVERS.Those who win golds in windsurfing and table tennis (or bowling!) are a-guas,get it,you Hongkies?

Anyway,HK football is nothing.Where is this little Hongkie banana going to play football when he becomes professional?Happy Valley?You know where Fandi Ahmad played football?Roda JC ok!!!(Bloody hell,Roda JC is not a new JC in Marine Parade lah,it is a Dutch football club)And Sundram played football at FC Zurich in the hotbed of European football,Switzerland,ok?Bloody hell...Happy Valley...poooooi!!!

Monday, June 06, 2005
Marbles Dropping

Hmmm,it's been 11 days since I last wrote anything,doesn't time just fly or what?Did any one of you miss me?Huh,huh,huh?Come on!!!Because as Brad Pitt says:"Come to Daddy".Or as Angelina Jolie should (but didn't) say:"Come to Mammy".I mean Mummy.Nah,I'm just taking the piss.Why would anyone miss me?

Anyway,the fact that I haven't had much to gripe about over the past 11 days indicates one of two things.They are:

1) Life is seriously good.I struck 4D,won a Volkswagen in a lucky draw and Fiona Xie confessed her amazing love for me.

2) I am seriously jaded to the point of retardation (of my mental faculties,that is).

Well,I am not driving and I am also nowhere near Caldecott's favourite pair of love pillows so you go figure which state I am in right now.

Last Thursday,I went for MINDEF's psychometrics test.Step one of my grand masterplan to get out of this hellhole.So how did the thing go?

For starters,I am really getting retarded.Those tests where you are supposed to see patterns out of different shapes and etc.I used to see them quite easily.Now,bloody hell,I am having trouble just trying to decipher what's on the paper...the problem is,you're not supposed to decipher.You are just supposed to just look and recognise.Recognise what?How the hell should I know?

The second part was slightly easier.We are supposed to read passages and then see if several statements following that are true,false or needed more information to determine if it's true or false.What MINDEF doesn't figure out is that I have read so much BS during my time in civil service that I truly do know what's the real deal.What do you mean by whether the statements are true,false or needed more information to be verified.Everything IS false!!!What do you mean by you need more information?Are you incompetent or what?!That's what your boss would tell you,wouldn't he/she/it?

I also realised I am an old fogey.Most of the nubile young (female) things in the room were born in 1982/1983.And they are nubile indeed.Is there a Wendy there?I think she was the uno numero who finished the pyscho tests first.HELLO WENDY!!!You pretty thing (and I mean it hor),remember me?I am the baldy who came out after you...no no no,not literally.I came out because I finished the test right after you,not because I was going after you.But if you want me to,I sure can.

Ok,I am not even that old compared to some of the REAL old fogeys in the room...and I mean old.These guys/gals probably met Sir Thomas Stamford Raffles when he first landed in and discovered Singapore.

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Today,in the excellent ST forum page,the excellent Joseph Wong raised an excellent question about hearing excellent marbles dropping on the excellent floor above his.Somemore it only happened at night.And it happened in more than one unit that his family stayed in.Phuah.And according to him,marbles dropping on the floor of the unit above yours is a common phenomenon happening all over Singapore.So ladies and gentlemen,I implore all of you to check your marbles and see whether they're in place.Lest they drop and start spooking your neighbours downstairs.

For me,I haven't really heard any marbles drop in the unit above mine.Maybe that's because two elderly folks stay in the unit above mine and they don't like to play with marbles?Or maybe my house is not haunted?But then again,why would some ghosts with marbles haunt poor Mr Wong wherever he goes?What did Mr Wong do to deserve this?Is he a serial killer who went around killing people with marbles and now the spirits of his victims are coming back to haunt the man?

But then again,it could just be a HDB building fault.

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Have you guys noticed nowadays that everyday is a flag day?Everytime you go to the MRT to work,there is almost certainly to be a student holding a tin can with stickers asking,"Do you want to donate?" (Either that or they stand in one corner and look like they expect people to WALK TO THEM to donate...wah liao,you think people too much money ah,voluntarily walk to donate?!You do flag day then do a proper job.Walk up to people and ask lah).I usually would donate because come on,it's hard work standing in the blazing sun,holding a tin can and asking a stingy nation to donate...I don't need to make things harder for them.But nowadays,the sheer number of flag days is just getting out of hand.One day you got community chest,next day you have Fiona Xie's chest.Who are we supposed to donate to?People where got so much money everyday also give meh?

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Don't know what the music baton is all about but this is it:

Total volume of music files on my computer:
No music files on my computer.I store them all on CDRs.I am onto volume 4 now,so 4 X 700MB,you get 2.8GB.

The last CD I bought:
Franz Ferdinand's self-titled debut.I can also tell you the next CD I'd buy is Coldplay's X&Y.

Song playing right now:
None...literally.

Five songs that I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me:
But since I got two arrows,I'd name ten.The songs are not the ones I listen to the most but as of now,I like them best (or always liked them).I'd even tell you guys why.


1) 朧月夜~祈り (中島美嘉)

Probably Mika Nakashima's best song to date with a haunting melody.It is decidely less commercial than most J-pop.But then again,no one has ever accused of her of being commercial.And as an I-Weekly reviewer said,it's a pity she's not more popular.


2) Always On My Mind (Elvis Presley)

Pet Shop Boys introduced me to this song with their campy,high-energy singalong version,but Presley's version came closer to the spirit of the song.

"Maybe I didn’t treat you
Quite as good as I should have
Maybe I didn’t love you
Quite as often as I could have
Little things I should have said and done
I just never took the time
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind..."

These are words that you'd always end up finding yourself saying to someone important to you.


3) God Moving Over The Face Of The Waters (Moby)

Not a song but an instrumental piece.Standalone,if Jesus truly needed a soundtrack for his miracle, this may be it (Moby is a staunch Christian).But this track also keeps playing in my my head because it was tagged to the ending of the movie "Heat" where the Rob De Niro died.In that context,it can bring a tear to your eye.


4) True Love Waits (Radiohead)

This song was never properly recorded (in a studio).The version I heard was a "live" perfromance and it never left my head.I had also heard shite versions of it though which means that this song must be done "properly".And when done right,it's achingly beautiful.


5) 海上花 (罗大佑）

Modern Mandarin lyrics is usually a bunch of rubbish,which is why 林夕 and 方文山 stand out much because these two comes closest to being poetic in their choice of words.I like this song because of its words.Primarily,its use of imagery to convey its feeling of love and longing.Think Jolin could sing anything like this?Or even Stefanie?


6) Live Forever (Oasis)

Oasis before they became shite.Oasis while they genuinely had dreams...

"Maybe I will never be
All the things that I want to be
But now is not the time to cry
Now’s the time to find out why
I think you’re the same as me
We see things they’ll never see
You and I are gonna live forever..."

In our hearts,yes,we are.


7) 简单爱 (周杰伦）

Love should be simple.Coupled with a singalong melody,it's simply lovely.


8) Now We Are Free (Lisa Gerrard)

This is the song you hear at the end of "Gladiator" when the Russell Crowe character died and was "reunited" with his family in the other world.Hauntingly beautiful.


9) Broken Heart (Spiritualised)

I used to listen to this when I feel hurt.I don't do that anymore but this song means a lot to me because it has healed me a great,many times.


10) Sorry,I'd have to leave this blank. This should be reserved for that special someone for whom I will have a song with.And you never know what that song is until that moment comes.

Honorary mention:

明年今日 （陈奕迅）

I'd Remember (Madonna)

爱相随 (周华键）