Thursday, January 26, 2006
Mad Rogue
This morning, I spent my time wondering whether I should really be working, instead of typing a post on the blog. I certainly have some things to do. And I was wondering whether I had become such a gargantuan cool cucumber that I could relax so nonchalanetly in the face of intense pressure. Or am I really just inexplicably bochap? Or is it really that I have such huge confidence in myself that I could finish the work at hand no matter what happens? I think it's really a mixture of the three, though not necessarily in equal parts.
Anyway, regarding the post title, let me recount for all you fabulous readers what exactly conspired. Yesterday evening, out of the blue, Rogue suddenly sent an email out to the Office X-Men (more specifically to Jubilee) about an annual X-Men project that had slipped out of the mind of all and sundry and which supposedly had a deadline that seems curiously alive and moving about. Well, Rogue said she wanted to clear the project and asked who had not done their parts for the project.
Gulp. My Big Jesus but that would mean just about everybody, except the conscientious Wolverine and Shadowcat who had both duly completed their jobs much much earlier. This left Jean Grey, Magma, Jubilee and me in the lurch. Banshee the lap-dog, of course, didn't have anything to do at all and hence, wasn't in the loop.
Wolverine: Great worker...just don't piss him off.
Jubilee had to reply something and well, she replied smartly by giving as little details as possible so that well, Rogue knew all that she needed (or asked) to know and she didn't really have anything to work on the rest of us.
Was that the end of it? Bloody fat hope. Rogue then sent an email asking, I quote, "Can you clearly state the topics and who is in charge. Will approach them directly."
Oh, my Lord Jesus. This email frankly sent some of us into a frenzy. Rogue actually seems to mean business this time, which was very unlike her usual self. But what to do now? Was there even anything else that Jubilee could do? Simply nothing. So Jubilee duly sent the list of relevant culprits to Rogue and we awaited her summoning.
Rogue then sent an email to the list of offenders, namely Jean Grey, Jubilee, Magma and me, asking "What is holding you up?" What is holding us up? How do you say laziness nicely? There was really nothing to say. So being the Archangelic lily-livered X-Men that I was, I waited for somebody else to respond first.
Jean Grey did. And she found the perfect substitute for "laziness". It was "sorry". Magma did the decent thing and followed JG's example. I did the career-saving thing and did likewise too. Gutless.
Archangel: Scared so shitless by Rogue that my face turned blue.
And so that was that and we are all supposed to be hard at work, fulfilling the tasks that we should have been doing for months prior but haven't. Why is Rogue suddenly awake and so on-the-ball? I think I have an inkling of an idea.
Our old demi-god had just departed (retired, in fact) sometime last week and the new demi-god in position, while more competent, is also much more on-the-ball, old school and reputedly rules with an iron fist. She has been known to do inspections on her subordinates and well, frowns on people having breakfast during working hours.
But besides the need to impress the new boss, Rogue really isn't exactly the flavour of the month with the upper management here and maybe has more than a little to prove. Just yesterday, something a little unpleasant happened.
Basically, Rogue, Jubilee and Shadowcat is doing some kind of project for our No. 2 and well, they didn't really know what No. 2 wants and so got mnay things wrong the first time around. Much of yesterday was spent amending the mistakes.
And so blah blah blah, they finished their job at around 5:45 and sent the completed piece to Rogue who vetted it and then sent it to No. 2 for some early comments at about 6. No. 2 wasn't supposed to meet them until Friday. But No. 2 finished early and reverted to them at 6:45, when everybody has already gone home.
So No. 2 called Rogue and when he found out that nobody was around and had gone home, I can only imagine that the god was aghast that nobody was around, particularly Jubilee and Shadowcat because he wanted to speak to them specifically. Saying that "how could they not be around yesterday evening, especially when he was on leave today and cannot process work", he later complained to our demi-god, mentioning the names of Jubilee and Shadowcat in the process. From what I understood, demi-god has already spoken to Rogue about this.
Anyway, you get the picture, right? And if you couple this with, what I think is a dim view our gods have of the Office X-Men, you'd know that this can mean one thing and one thing only.
HAPPY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN!!!
4 complaints
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
When Is It Your Turn?
Me and my 猪朋狗友 friends in my room watching EPL...oh, Ah Kow did not attend that day.
File picture from my NS days...and as you can tell, in the army, I VACUUMED FOR NO ONE.
Aww man. Anyway, I really dislike this particular CNY holiday period. It's not the family gathering (I love the reunion dinner actually), not the food (how can anyone possibly hate great food?) and certainly, not the money (ang pow, ang pow, come come to my pocket now) that I dislike. It's the annual "When is it your turn to get married?" question fest that I hate.
Really, it's none of your business, uncles and aunties, if I could tell you in your face. But I couldn't. And this year, there is an added factor involved. Late last year, when my cousin got married, my Aunt Harriet tried to introduce one of her nieces (let's call her Lilian) to me. I wasn't really interested, although I did correspond a bit with her. I think Aunt Harriet would question me about her. I can just imagine the conversation...
Aunt Harriet: Matchmaker.
Aunt Harriet: Hello, Boy Boy Batman!
Batman: Happy New Year, Aunt! 恭喜发财!万事如意!心想事成!饮水思源!
Aunt Harriet: What?
Batman: Oh sorry, I was just throwing whatever 成语 I know at you.
Aunt Harriet: Nevermind. Here's an ang pow for you, Boy Boy. Oh, reminds me, do you remember when Banana (that's my cousin) got married and I introduced...
Batman: Do you want coffee, tea, Pepsi (no Coke in my house, the evil corporation) or water?
Aunt Harriet: Coffee, please. Now, do you remember...
Batman: Is that with cream, without cream, with sugar, without sugar?
Aunt Harriet: With sugar and cream. Now, do you remember Lil...
Batman: How much sugar and how much cream?
Aunt Harriet (starting to sound a little impatient): Two teaspoonful of sugar and one packet of creamer. Thanks. Now, about Lil...
Batman: Here you go.
Aunt Harriet: Thanks. Now, let's talk about Li...
Batman: 李连杰? Yeah, I think he's wasted, man. Spent so much time trying to kowtow to chao ang moh. Now cannot make it, come back to China, make 霍元甲 and cheat us, poor Asians of our money.
Aunt Harriet (A bit red-faced): What the hell are you talking about? I wanted to talk about Lilian...
Batman: Yeah, what! You want to talk about 李连杰 so I talk to you about him loh. What's wrong? Why your face a bit red huh? Is it a bit hot in the house? Are you ill? Are those rashes? Is it contagious?
Aunt Harriet: 你这个衰仔包啊! I don't talk to you already.
Well, what can I say? Amen to that, aunt!
2 complaints
Monday, January 16, 2006
Jesus Loves Me
I am on a streak of good luck right now, fellows. Let me tell you guys what I mean.
First, I struck my 1st 4D prize for over a year last Wednesday. In fact, since I started buying 4D. Ok, it was a measly $60 for an iBet bet of $3. And I only got $60 because I struck 3rd prize. And then, this past Sunday, I struck 4D again. It was, again, another measly $60 for a consolation prize. I guess you can't really complain. Mai hiam buai pai. It's not like I was winning week in week out last year or something.
Another amazing stroke of luck hit me last Friday. I was supposed to meet my friend, Stella, for a dinner at Crystal Jade Ginseng Chicken and Korean BBQ at Ngee Ann City Takashimaya on Friday night. But unfortunately since she only knocks off at around 6+ and we were scheduled to meet at 7, I had to go amuse myself somewhere else before meeting her.
I figured that I might as well go to Gramaphone at OUB Centre Raffles Place to sell some unwanted old CDs I had. This is to kill time, get some cash and clear my room of rubbish all at once (It's still full of rubbish but slowly slowly lah). Oh well, after selling my CDs, I chanced upon the G2000 store there having their promotion sale and I remembered that I had wanted to buy some new work pants for a long time because, frankly, my old work pants are becoming more like spandex bicycle shorts. So might as well do the shopping, somemore got spare cash from the sale and 4D.
Folks folks folks, let me tell you about the G2000 sale. I think it's a great sale. Guys' working shirts and pants are going for $25 (usual price is around $50+) and coats going for $99 (usual price $200+). I think it's a great deal. If I am not wrong, women's clothing also going for $20+, much less than their usual price of $60+. Good buys.
Blah blah blah, I got myself two pairs of pants then made my way down to Taka to meet Stella. Just as a sidenote, wah lau eh, Singapore girls really damn chio, man. Walk along Orchard Road is like lechers' paradise. No wonder those Banglas see liao buai tahan must spray foam and touch touch feel feel. You gals are just too pretty lah. But then again, prettiness is not a sin.
Anyway, even while I was at Raffles Place, I was already holding my jio in because cannot seem to find a toilet there so when I reach Taka, the first thing I did was look for a loo to relieve my army-trained bladder (which can hold up to 94 litres).
Shoot shoot shoot. Ahhhhhhh...爽啊. And then I zipped up and SPLIT. My zipper betrayed me and split in the seams. FCUK @#$%^&*.
Offending article
Oh man...what the...and I stood there, transfixed at my open fly and the majestic view that it will, doubtless, offer to countless envious fellow men (and estactic gals) if I leave it status quo. What to do? Where the heck do I get safety pins in Taka? How the heck do I even step out of the toilet? Untuck my shirt? Bearing in mind that my work pants were really tight and hence, I was unable to fasten them (I merely zip them up and then hold it up with my belt), it was a bit precarious to trust my modesty entirely to my belt alone, no matter how trusty it has been.
And then, at that particular moment, a vision struck me.
Holy Moses!!!!Isn't that Jesus!!!!
"Wow, Heavenly Father, what brought you to Takashimaya toilet at this hour? Have you come to rescue me in my hour of desperate need?", I exclaimed.
"Huh?", the Holy One looked at me in puzzlement. "I'm just taking a leak, son. Don't think too much. Anyway, what thoughts did I put in your head just now? Don't you think I made you buy two new pairs of pants for a reason?"
"Oh my God...oh, sorry, Heavenly Daddy, I didn't mean to blaspheme. Forgive me. But how did you know I was gonna split my zip now? That's amazing. Father, you are truly the Special One. By the way, do you like Chelsea?"
Jesus looked me even more quizzically. "Son, it doesn't take a prophet to figure out you'd bust your zip. Just a matter of time really. You are getting fat. Lucy, or rather Lucifer, wanted to bust it for a long time, in fact. I just figured that he'd probably do it now. Convenient time to embarrass you in front of Stella, nice Catholic girl."
"Thank you, Father!!!I'd go to the cubicle to change into my brand new pair of light-fabric, cool and comfy G2000 pants now. See you around yeah? Take care!"
Jesus replied, "See me around? You don't even go to church, son. I had to come all the way to Takashimaya to find you. And by the way, I don't support Chelsea. I'm a Spurs fan. I always walk with the downtrodden and miserable."
And then just like that, poof, he disappeared into thin air. Leaving more than a few curious folks looking at me seemingly talking to myself. They don't see the truth. All atheists don't.
So yes, now you all know that Spurs is the holy club. And the irrefutable truth that Jesus loves me.
The Holy Club
9 complaints
Friday, January 06, 2006
Rain Rain Go Away
Haven't wrote anything for a couple of weeks now. I had meant to but I just kept delaying. Meant to do a review of last year (Resolutions fulfilled, movies that touched me, things that had happened and all) but oh well, I guess I'd push that to the weekend when I have the time. Or rather when I bother to.
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You know, I've been bombarded by rain lately. No escape, kinda like TVMobile. It's everywhere I turn.
Jean Grey has been obssessing about this slit-eyed Korean love-machine Rain since I came back from my extended break away from Office. She talks so much about him that now, I know about Rain as much as I know about Lin Chiling. And let's face it, listening about some Korean guy with a huge chest isn't half as fun as listening about some Taiwanese chick with a huge chest so I'm praying that some chap in the Office will soon engage me in an extended discussion on Chiling. Mercy mercy.
Anyway, talk about rain. The situation is so bad that not only do I have to listen about him in the Office, but outside the office, it was actually bloody raining too. Damn. It's like 2006 is the curse of the rain for me. It's not only raining outside the Office, it's Raining in it too.
Rain...
And more rain.
Talking about the guy, because Jean Grey practically played ONE of his albums for an entire day, I am also well acquainted with his music. It's sounds like fairly formulaic R&B to me, with about one song catching my attention. Actually, what really caught my attention was his voice.
Correct me if I am wrong and I think Jean Grey would be the first to do so but he sounded a bit like Andy Lau to me. A smoother and less mumbling Andy Lau but Andy Lau no less.
I don't know whether that is a compliment or not. Ok, it really ISN'T a compliment. We all know what Andy sounds like, don't we? A Hokkien songster who, somehow, only does Mandarin and Cantonese pop. And the way he sings, it sounds like he's got sixteen apples stuffed in his mouth. At least Rain only sounds like he got two apples stuffed in his gap.
Potrait of a 50-year-old elderly fart trying to act cute...go apply for your senior citizen's card lah.
Still, more on Rain. Jean Grey mentioned about his concert and one particular segment. There was this catwalk which extended out into the audience. At the end of it, was a smaller expanded space where presumably Rain struts his stuff and whips infantile, nubile and geriatric Korean girls into wild frenzy.
It is at this space where Rain, dressed in a white (presumably translucent) shirt will sing a nice touching song while being drenched in artificial rain. No doubt soaking his nice, translucent, white shirt into a rag and presumably exposing his wet, glistening six pack (六粒）and two points （两点） to the overwhelming ecstasy and rapture of anything with XX or XXY chromosomes. Jean Grey helpfully adds that it's a sight to marvel. Of course, it is, Jean. I am also amazed he didn't get electrocuted by the mic.
Ok, cool it cool it, chabos. I know I got you all hot and bothered with my sexy and titillating description of Bi or Rain or whatever-the-fcuk-his-name-is but I do have a curiosity. Two in fact.
First, why would anyone associate a nice, touching song with wet shirts, six packs and two points? Couldn't he have just sung the song with his shirt dry? What's so touching about a wet t-shirt anyway? I know it's touchy but touching?
Secondly, I really do think any celebrity young and nubile, dressed in white translucence and wet to the skin will be a sight to behold. Ooooh, imagine Chiling dressed in white translucence and then drenched with water...yum yum yum. Argh, stop it lah. Cannot tahan liao lah...
Ok, folks, for all you girls out there, I present to you a great pic of Rain from the concert as I just mentioned above. Dressed in white and wet to the bone. Wet and glistening. Sexy sexy sexy. 读我的blog就是有福利的.
5 complaints