Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Fragances

I think most of us have stood next to a foul-smelling person in the trains, buses or other forms of public transport. By foul-smelling, I mean smells like the notorious 酸菜 smell (what I call fermenting vegetables smell), BO or well, just plain torrential perspiration. I especially detest standing next to a person who smells of 酸菜. I can understand that, at the end of a working, one might smell of perspiration or something and I'm ok with that. But that 酸菜 stench has more to do with someone not washing his clothes or not bathing for a reasionable amount of time. And anyway, even with perspiration, I think it is nothing that a good EDT (Eau de toilette) can't mask. But 酸菜? Goodness me...

I am a person who's very particular about smells (as you can tell). I just find that a person who looks good but doesn't smell good will leave a horrible impression, no matter how good he/she looks. And I don't know, but a nice smelling person is just, that bit, easier to cosy up to, isn't he/she? Well, at least for me. Mind you, I am only talking about gals, ok...so guys, I don't give a donkey's arse if you smell like Paris Hilton.

Since I am so particular, I naturally must be armed to the hilt with frangances, right? Wrong! I only have two bottles of fragances in my possession right now and therefore, am looking to add a third one. The two fragances I use are Boss In Motion (Hugo Boss) and Cool by Dashing. What the heck is Dashing?

Sorry lah, it is the cheap $10 fragance you get from NTUC. I just don't see the point in applying Boss everyday to work because why the heck would I need to smell especially nice to the other Office X-Men©? Besides Dashing is functional and is a pretty strong musk...although the scent smells excessively like Lux Soap to me. Is that good or what? I don't know...I just know that I smell like I permanently just stepped out of the showers.

Back to the third fragance that I am eyeing. I really have no definite idea on which one I like. I had sent a friend off at T1 last week and just popped by one of the shops to look at the fragances (By the way, are airport fragances really sold at a cheaper price compared to town prices? If so, I'd make another trip to the airport to buy. Anyway, the airport shops have an added advantage of placing all the different brands on adjacent shelves so I don't move around too much to test them, unlike city shops where I have to go to different counters to look at the different brands).

I tested Hugo Purple and found that I quite liked the scent.

There was also Givenchy's Irresistible.

And then, there's CK's Obsession.

In truth, I still haven't exactly made up my mind on what to buy (although I quite fancy Hugo Purple...partly because of its packaging) and there are so many other brands and fragances that I haven't looked at nor tried. But then again, you can't possibly look at (and smell) everything, could you? I uess I'd just make another trip down to the airport one of these days to look at the fragances again.

Meanwhile, happy shopping to all you shopaholic folks, with the GSS upon us again. I am a bit of a shopaholic as well and I DO believe in the concept of shopping therapy. So I'd understand if any girl goes on one...hah. Anyway, I spotted a nice pair of hiking slip-ons yesterday at WOS priced at $109. And armed with a $100 WOS voucher, I only need to pay $9 for them. Now tell me if that isn't a bargain or what?!

South Park X-Men

Magneto

Juggernaut

Mystique

Toad

Pyro

Sabretooth

Multiple Man

Friday, May 19, 2006
Office X-Men© Update

It's been a long time since I wrote anything about the Office X-Men© (I now realised that the Office X-Men should really be copyrighted and not trademarked since it's (great) intellectual property) so I figured that I'd just do a brief update on each and every single Office X-Men© here, old and new (you will also observe that I've reclaimed my rightful title as Cyclops)...

Office X-Men© still trapped in The Office©:


Rogue: The Boss just got promoted this month so she's seems to be hyper-on-the-bola right now. A few days ago, Jubilee even related to me an incident when Rogue described a piece of work by Banshee and Jubilee as "crap"...it's the first time I've heard her use such a word on our work, although her tone wasn't angry or anything like that. With greater pay comes greater responsibilities, I suppose. Oh dear, what cock am I talking here? Greater pay really means you get to push greater responsibilty to others...


Wolverine: Still and always the most enthusiastic worker around. The model company man, if ever there was one. One episode, which happened quite a while back illustrates this point to perfection. Jean Grey was handed a piece of work which should probably be done by some other department. Disgruntled, she went to complain to Wolverine about it. Wolverine, ever the supportive company man, told her that while he understands her frustrations , she should just, as Nike puts it, "Just do it". Duh?! Do we look like Nike to you, sir?!


Jubilee: Ever since my ex partner-in-crime-fighting-and-saving-the-universe got shifted to another another team, she has been busier than a bomb squad in Iraq with quite a big project in hand. Now being busy is a good thing, but not when you can't find meaning in what you are doing or you don't like what you are doing and Jubilee seems jaded to me. Well, even superheroes need a break.


Jean Grey: JG has just come back from a 1 1/2 day MC and she has been working the whole morning so far. Me? I don't know what I've been doing and have been blogging so far. See the contrast? Hard worker. Well, that is why JG has been promoted (as well) and congrats to her! With promotion and more money, I'd expect her to buy more CDs to listen to so that I do not have to listen to the same pieces of music she plays over and over again.


Shadowcat: Shadowcat never really changes. She still lets all the shite in this Office© pass through her like she passes through walls. Unflappable. Most times at least...she does get stressed too, you know, especially now that she's working in a mid-longish project with Banshee and Jubilee. But hey, it's water off a duck's back.


Banshee: Banshee will always be Banshee, loud, louder and loudest. I've grown more tolerant towards him though because well, I've gotten used to it and what the fcuk can I do about it anyway?! I can choose to ignore him but well, I'm already doing that most times anyway. He's disturbing the girls most, if not all of the time but hey, I'm still within earshot.


Nightcrawler: I've never being able to pin this character effectively on any one person until I met the REAL Nightcrawler. He is this ang mo lang from NY who is attached to our department for the next two years. The guy just seems to vanish and disappear without trace from the Office© anytime he fancies. It's almost as if he really can teleport himself here, there and everywhere at will. Even now, nobody has an inkling of an idea where he is...and yes, he is NOT in the Office© today.


Beast: The new MENSA guy. As smart as Beast and just as ugly too. Anyway, like I mentioned in the past, he'd finish a three-day piece of work in three hours (MENSA 就是 MENSA) but now, he seems not so on-the-bola anymore, not raising any weird issue he read off the Yellow Pages to Rogue. Good, because it means he's getting more astute in spotting issues, what's important and what's not. His work is getting better too...which can only mean one thing: He'd be outta here before long.


Magma: What more can I say about her? Her work is, for lack of a better word, still @#$%^&*. She still springs (unpleasant) surprises on other people by suddenly declaring herself ill in the mornings and giving other X-Men© panic attacks by having to scrmable to cover her duties. She still doesn't understand other people's instructions (or anything) and others don't really understand her as well. And now that she's recently gotten married, she's gone all lovelorn over her boy boy and misses him day and day (I don't know about night). Hey, actually I don't even know if she's around!


Angel: I used to be Angel (or Archangel) until I realised that no way can I be called an Angel nor call myself one, so I am handing over this title to one of our Assistant Officers, for three simple reasons. First, I like him. He's a nice, simple and honest guy. Secondly, he's a rich man's son, just like Angel. Finally, I think he'd fly the coop as soon as his studies are over. Good for him, there are better things waiting for him outside.


Scarlet Witch: Funny why I said ONE of our Assistant Officers because there are only two anyway, so this is the other. A vainpot and a braggart, do I really have anything nice to say about her? I don't know...but at least she does have a way with NS boys, altering the way they behave much the way SW changes the way matter behave. And oh, she's another of the about-to-get married battalion...for ages.


Cyclops: Back to using only my eye-power to do my "work" after my major project has been completed. Ok, actually I have another one coming up but hey, it's not due yet and there's still some time so until then, I'd hang loose. Or until the time I break loose from here...




Office X-Men© still trapped in The Office© (Other branches):



Storm, Gambit and Husk: I used to call Storm, Psylocke, until I couldn't find Psylocke's picture and found that Storm suited her more because Storm is also Indian...oops! Would the anti-racial profiling and discrimination net police shut me up for this? Gambit is well, his usual boring self. Anal, straight-laced and red-eyed pining for his true love, 杀破狼. As for Husk, she had gone for some interview at some other civil service department. I wonder how she's done since I forgot to ask her about it everytime I see her. Hope she gets it!

Office X-Men© no longer in The Office©:

Colossus and Professor X: Colossus I still see once in a while because when he comes for a meeting or training session, he'd drop by. And why wouldn't he? His lovely better half, Jubilee, is here. While for Prof X, he still calls me quite often. Usually to ask stupid questions like: How many zeroes are there in 一亿? For all you uninformed, it's 8 zeroes and 一亿≠One billion ok! Don't confuse Chinese numerals with English numerals.

My Outside X-Men© crime-fighting buddies:


Bishop and Iceman: Hunky Bishop has been happily attached for over a year now and will probably be posted to China for a short stint of a few months by the end of this month, where there might or probably will not be any live Tv broadcasts. Which means he will miss the World Cup. Being the good friend that I am, I have offered to rub salt into the wound by conveying all the excitement of the Cup via SMS to him. He has, of course, threatened to cancel his mobile subscription because of this. Worry not, brother. I will keep my SMSes short and sharp, keeping mainly to messages like "Hahaha" and "Loser". And there's always BBC Radio lah, don't get depressed yet. As for Iceman, I used to call him Beast until our real Beast came along in the Office©. He's still single and unattached and looking for a good girl so if any nice good is interested in a nice fluffy blue lohtee boy, please email me and I will set the two of you up. With kaya and gu you.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Poseidon

Question: What is one recent example of a good ocean-based disaster movie that is engaging and thrilling?

Answer: The Perfect Storm

Wolfgang Petersen is a director who seems to know the oceans and their dangers and is someone whose career seemed tightly wound around this theme. He, of course, became famous of Das Boot and the film helped him cross over to Hollywood. And having made a perfect example of how an ocean disaster film ought to be made, he has now provided an example of how NOT to make an ocean disaster movie. And that film is Poseidon.

Poseidon is a remake of the oldie The Poseidon Adventure. I can basically summarise the entire plot of the film in one line: On New Year's Eve, the luxury ocean liner, Poseidon, capsizes after being swamped by a rogue tidal wave and the survivors are left to fight for survival as they attempt to escape the sinking ship. That's it.

Now I enjoy action pictures and understand that the plots are nothing more than clotheslines on which action setpieces are hung. That's not a problem. But I do demand one thing: The film should at least supply me with characters whom I can/should care about/root for or at the very least, plausible characters whom I can see and understand. Do not patronise me with cardboard cutouts with as much personality as an amoeba. Yet, this is exactly what Poseidon gave me.

I can list out the list of characters (and the actors) for you: They are Dylan (Josh Lucas), an ex-navy seaman whom I have no idea what he is doing now; Robert (Kurt Russell) and Jennifer (Emmy Rossum), a rich former NY mayor who is an ex-firefighter and whose wife has left him and his daughter; Maggie (Jacinda Barrett) and Conor (Jimmy Bennett), (usually) anxious mother and son; Richard (Richard Dreyfuss), architect of the ship or maybe some other ships; Christian (Mike Vogel), Jennifer's boyfriend and soon-to-be husband; Lucky Larry (Matt Dillon), obnoxious rich man and Elena (Mia Maestro), a stowaway.

And that is all you need to know about them because that's also probably all you'd know about them anyway. And from the list alone, you should know who survives and who doesn't...after all, the irritable always dies and a hero got to sacrifice himself at the end for the good of all...altough I have to confess I actually wished more amongst this group had perished.

As for the action itself, there are passable setpieces on offer that is reasonable fun ( I can't name them because I actually can't remember them) but I am curious about something. Petersen shoots these action scenes without too much tension, allowing the characters to pass through them relatively easily. I almost feel like he couldn't be half-arsed at milking even a little more excitement out of the whole predicament. So the question I had for myself is: If the director was not interested in the situations in which he has placed his characters in, how can and why should I be interested?

At the end of the day, is it a good popcorn summer flick? I hesitate to say that. It is passable and if you really haven't got anything better to watch (or do), maybe, just maybe, you might want to catch it. But otherwise, I can't really recommend a movie where I thought that the film would not suffer even if the ending did not have any survivors at the end. I actually felt it wouldn't have made a difference at all. After all, we are looking at thousands of other stock characters drowning and burning to death and we are supposed to care about these few colourless individuals surviving the ordeal?!

When Roger Ebert reviewed Poseidon, he used one word to describe the film: Perfunctory. I can completely agree with that. But I also have another word to add: Unnecessary. It was unnecessary to make such a by-the-numbers blockbuster just to fill up the summer calendar and it is also unnecessary for audiences to catch it.

5/10

Thursday, May 11, 2006
Guide To World Cup Survival

1. Drink: Beer. I would usually advocate water as a much healthier alternative to beer but come on, during the WC, drink water? That's like for your wedding dinner, you treat everyone to a plate of char kway teow at the banquet. That simply will not do! It does not fit the occasion. And as for soft drinks and other sugared drinks, imagine downing such beverages every night...by mid-June, you'd need insulin injections after every match. So beer is it! And anyway, beer is healthy. It doesn't have too many calories and isn't too fattening. More importantly, it helps you to sleep. That'd come in handy when you lose $6,000 betting on Brazil beating Australia only for the Aussies to cause the greatest upset in the history of the WC.


Beer (Any brand): Official beverage of WC 06



2. Food: Quick-cooking oven-ready pizzas or Q-Bite. I strongly advise against potato chips and other salted snacks because heck, they are unhealthy and in a month-long celebration of sports, the last thing I want to suggest is unhealthy snacking over such a extended period. Yet, I won't advocate "healthy" foods like muesli bars, organic fruits and nuts either. Why? Because muesli bars, organic fruits and nuts are food you throw to feed monkeys in the zoo. If you want to eat, eat REAL food, understand? So stuff yourself silly with pizzas and chicken nuggets and chicken wings from Q-Bite (Am I due for some advertising commission here?) and the best thing is, this shite takes only 5 mins to cook!


Muesli Bars: Food for monkeys

3. Rest: MC booklet on standby. Why do you need MCs? So that can get the next day off and get your beauty sleep lah (although the kickoff times for this WC is a worldly 10pm and 12pm)! But I am not entirely sure where you can buy MC booklets. The next best thing that you can do is, of course, to saka your neighbourhoood or family doctor (start now!) so that by the time, the WC comes along, the moment you appear at his/her clinic's doorstep, he or she would just tear off an MC slip and let you fill in whatever number of days you need. Just make sure that the doctor you are trying to saka is the friendly sort and not some grumpy old SOB who would tell you to fcuk off and stop malingering. And if the doctor happens to be a pretty and friendly female, even better. And if the doctor is a pretty, friendly and SINGLE female , I would suggest you chase her and make her your wife. It always helps to have a steady stream of MCs available anytime anywhere...after all, we guys still have NS duties to dodge.


If your family/neighbourhood doctor looks like this and is friendly and single...just tackle her lah

4. Fitness: You may not see the relevance in this but I'd tell you why. 人有三急. We all need to piss, shit and erm...have sex? But I am a sensible person so I am not gonna give you guys some stupid suggestion (Which FHM doubtless would) and tell you all to install toilet bowls in your living room or beside your bed so that you can piss or shit without missing a single moment of action. That's stupid lah. All I can suggest is that you build up your fitness and your speed by training regularly now so that by early June, you can sprint to the toilet, piss and shit all you want, clean up and sprint back in six seconds flat. So you'd have guessed it, my fitness not only refers to your leg muscles but also the muscles in your privates and arse (and its hole) so that you can just shoot out your excretion in triple-quick time. Anyway, think long term! By the end of it all, you'd be the only guy in your unit who can complete the shuttlerun in 3.6 seconds flat (although it's too bad they don't give extra points for breaking world records) and your missus/girlfriend will be mighty impressed by the tautness of your derriere and your muscular little brother...
5. Emergencies: Here are some VERY IMPORTANT phone numbers you should take note of, so that in the case of an emergency, you can quickly dial these numbers to receive some help. They include McDonald's (6777 3777), Pizza Hut/KFC (6235 3535), Canadian Pizza (6241 0241) and Good Samaritans (1800 221 4444). I included the last one because, as I mentioned, just in case you lose $6,000 betting on Brazil beating Australia only for an upset to occur, you might feel like killing yourself. Please then call the Good Samaritans number. I can only hope that the counsellor on the other end of the line is a chio mei mei whose sweet voice can reinvigorate your life-force and show you that, hey, life is good! It is after all, full of mei meis.
6. Entertainment: Hold your horses, you say, but we are getting entertainment galore already! Not for you, you dumbo! It's for your better half. As we all know, the WC produces hordes of WC Widows every four years. I was going to say that womenfolk ought to understand that the WC only comes once every four years while we have an eternity to spend with you (That's not true, I hear you girls protest. We only spend our living days on earth together but well, from the perspective of guys, it really feels that long...), so just let us off the leash for one month and we'd go back into our kennels once we are done. But you girls wouldn't understand, would you? Nope, I doubt it. So guys...girls get entertained only by three things: shopping, hunks and travel. I am sure none of us is stupid enough to trust our better halves with our credit cards and shopping (that might sound weird, they are our better halves yet we shouldn't trust them with these? Trust me, when it comes to shopping and credit, the brainiest woman turns into a dribbling retard) so shopping is out! What about hunks? Are you fcuking outta your mind to even ask me about this? So finally the last option is travel...send them far far away where they can do what they want and we are left to do what we want. But sending them overseas only increases the danger of them being exposed to shopping and hunks so what to do? Send them to the only destination where it's safe to send them loh...as illustrated below:

No shopping but hunks aplenty and the important point is: You can trust these men with your wife/girlfriend...I think...

PS: I seek the understanding and tolerance of all female partners of footie fans. You girls should understand that men have only three things on their minds and they are (including the percentage which they occupy the mind): Sports (mostly football) 50%; Sex 45%; and God 5%. For the less Godly among men, there is no God so it's Sex 50%.

During WC football season, the percentages change to Sports 90% and God 10%. Why God now increase to 10% and Sex drop to 0%? God gets 10% because we pray fervently that the teams we betted on win their games and also we pray that our wives/girlfriends would shut the hell up while we are watching matches...so we are VERY in touch with God during WC season...

Also, you'd notice that this is the only month in four years where your husband/boyfriend won't badger you to have sex...so I don't know. You girls might either be very happy or distressed about this. If the former, then you complain for fcuk?! And it's time to get a divorce, girl. If the latter, please forgive us...God didn't create men to multi-task...

Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Ringleader Of The Tormentors

Saturday, May 06, 2006
My "Sacred" Vote

Today is Polling Day for GE 2006. My first ever where I actually got to vote. Am I excited? In a way, yes. But more on that later.

I have refrained, quite successfully, from talking about politics for the past week of electioneering. I've even avoided reading news about the GE as far as possible so that I do not get riled up by certain campaigning antics that the stormtrooper party (only stormtroopers wear all white) engages in. I know that reading more will only raise the vitriol in me. I concede. Nobody ever said that politics are clean but if I were to believe that there's honour among thieves, some of these people running are worse than thieves.

Anyway, as regards to eloquent discussions on the GE and its issues, visit these two blogs by my friends, Jean Grey and Darkmuse.

As my post title suggests, I gave my "sacred" vote (A direct play off the 投票是神圣的 tagline. I think whoever came up with this is a cock. Voting is 重要 but not 神圣) this afternoon, accompanying my mum to our designated polling station, CHIJ Lady of The Nativity. My ward happens to be the hotly contested Aljunied Ward (Don't ask me why it's not Hougang. I can tell you safely the way that the electoral boundaries are carved up, only two adjectives can adequately describe them: Confusing and fcuked-up) and I am sure (At least I hope), there will be one hellva show on tonight.

Anyway, we went there at about 2+ in the afternoon and there were constant streams of people going in to vote (although it was not crowded). I was pretty surprised at that, I'd have thought people would have gone early to vote to get it over and done with. But nope. Anyway, a few observations at the poling station.

1. I am not too sure about how crowded the polling stations were at anytime but the polling officers were so free, they were basically rather eager to help anyone in their sights. I did really need any help in finding my way but more than a couple of times, some of the polling officers stopped me and offered to help. I figure I must either really look like an autistic child or Osama Bin Laden and they thought I was gonna bomb the building. Dudes, I am a Chinese, you know...
2. The designated lobo polling officer of the day is the one manning the enquiries desk or helpdesk, whatever they call it. When I was there, the guy was just fiddling on his laptop. I rather suspect he was playing solitaire. And I also think he must be a whitehorse to get the lobo post.
3. The polling officers really DO NOT look at your votes. The voting stand I went to had an SAF 11B on it. Evidently some poor soldier is crying his heart out tonight bemoaning his lost idenitity card and having to explain to his officers how he lost it.

An even more interesting point to note. I met George Yeo there. And guess what, I gave him the cold-shoulder. He looked my way and I looked away like I didn't know or care who he was. How many of you give the Foreign Minister the cold shoulder? How many, how many? Hah. Only an SOB would do that, I hear you say...well, I am SOB so fcuk off!

George Yeo: Had the great honour of being snubbed by THE SOB

Unfortunately, I seem to run into Mr Yeo an awful lot these past few days...unintentionally. I have run into him a total of three times this week. I am not too sure but I think he might be stalking me. Bugger off, George, I don't like you!

Finally, just in case you are wondering, I voted for WP. A lot of friends warned me that this is career suicide since I am a civil servant. Hey, this is a job, not a career so 'fraid not. Besides if you guys find me murdered and butchered up into sixty nine (Even in death, I gotta have 69) pieces because of who I voted for, at least you know the authorities are truly evil. And hopefully, in the knowledge that maybe, just maybe, I have made a Foreign Minister jobless.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Sibling Love

Over the weekend, my mum and I had a short conversation that stayed glued to my mind even as I was lying down to sleep yesterday night. She was actually asking me about Gerrie. To give you a background on why she asked, I had to tell mum about Gerrie to get her off my back about Lilian, my aunt's niece whom my mum seem to think is bethrothed to me...so out came Gerrie to assure her that "Hey, I am looking and working on it, so don't worry about me."

Somehow the conversation then strayed to my brother and his financial indiscretions. Ok, basically he accumulated thousands of dollars of debt on his credit cards and needed my mum to bail him out...and now, my sis-in-law is the one who's returning my mum's credit back to her. The lucky man...

I do not want to talk much about this since my brother's imprudence is nothing more than history repeating itself...again, again and again. What's of interest is a topic which I've always hated my mum for bringing up: A future when both my father and her have passed on...

Basically she tells me that the house will be mine as would her savings. All I'm required to do is pass to my brother 30 grand. Whatever I want to do with the house is my prerogative. Sell it, live in it, rent it out, whatsoever.

I simply shrank away from the conversation because it was something I didn't really to hear or know. It's awful when you are listening to someone close to you talking about him/her not being around. But it stuck in my mind.

Yesterday night, even as I was preparing to sleep, the conversation came drifting back into my mind. I finally though to myself: What would happen when my parents do pass on? All that's left in this world for me would be my brother, friends and my future spouse (God doesn't count because I prefer to think of him as my destination in my next life, this life is just a passage. This is why I've never worried much about my own death.)

I am not going to talk about friends nor my future spouse (whoever that is) in this post. I will talk about my brother instead.

My brother and I, we do not talk much. It is something I recognise that's more of my own making because I despise his flaws with a fervour. Flaws that needed rescuing by the people who loves him most...again, again and again. I could never do what my mum and pop do by loving him wholeheartedly despite the repeated disappointments that he springs on them. And that, I guess is my undoing.

When my parents are gone, like it or not, he'd be all that's left of family. He'd be the one person in the world of direct kinship to me. Can I look beyond my spite for his personal flaws to love him as a brother? Fact is, I have done him injustice. He has loved me despite my indifference and intolerance towards him. Unselfish love is probably above all else when it comes to virtues and of this, I am the lesser of the two.

Sometimes, my behaviour makes me anguished. I tell myself that because he is like that, I have no choice but to be nasty...but everything is a choice. If someone puts a gun to your head and threatens to kill you unless you kill someone else, you can choose not to kill. Simple. But we are chicken. So we say we have no choice. The right thing to do/choice to make usually isn't the easiest.