Thursday, September 28, 2006
Ups And Downs

Thanks Iceman...for reminding me to scrawl something here. It hasn't really been that long since I wrote something actually. But anyway, no trash-talking this time. Just straightforward updating on what's happening all around the world of Cyclops.

As alluded to by the title, I will sort the events between the good and the bad. As always, positive news first...

My mum is doing pretty alright with her chemotherapy treatment, having already gotten through three of the four jabs recommended by the doctors. Ok, there is hair loss, ulcers in the mouth, the occasional diarrhoea and aching of the body...but these were things that were anticipated. The doctor had warned us about this, way beforehand. Honestly, I think she's proven to be extremely hardy throughout the entire process and that can only be good. It won't be long before she'd merely have to go through hormonal therapy...which only involves the consumption of pills.

Secondly, I've met someone (I'd call her Thy...those ARE her initials) whom I am enormously comfortable with and pretty much like. We've only been going out for a couple of weeks but well, we've been messaging each other constantly everyday and we seem to be spending all our weekends together...I'm not going to say anything more about Thy at the moment. When things are confirmed (and that means either way - together/not together), I will discuss more about her...and maybe us.

The Office©-wise, it is (almost) with a certain amount of glee that I announce the impending departure of Banshee. He's going to work in a major airline (Guess which!), don't know doing what. Good luck to him...好马不吃回头草. Let's see how good he is. His going away does result in the intriguing question of what Rogue will do to (1) pass her time without her breast friend (AKA bosom buddy) and (2) will she go too? Stay tuned.

In reality, everybody seems to be leaving and that includes me (possibly Jean Grey and Jubilee as well?). I just attended an interview at a major department in Chinatown a couple of days ago. I was left with no doubt that they are desperate to bring someone in. They seemed extremely worried about my level of interest in them...isn't it supposed to be the other way around?

It is a valid concern though, because I am not particularly enthusiastic about the post...for 3 reasons: (1) The job nature is dry, very dry and stupendously dry. Very specialised. If you are not interested in the area of research, it's boring as hell. And honestly, I do not have a predilection in the topics of interest. (2) It's a uniformly-male working environment. I do not desire that. It's not that I would have a problem fitting in but I much prefer offices where the genders are mixed. (3) The God there is a KC Spider, Kan Cheong King, apple polisher and as jumpy as a jumperlead. Fancy working under such a person.

Otherwise, the job is really ok. The question is: Do I jump from an ok post here to another ok post there? Or do I bide my time to go where I prefer to go? I will get a transfer, this I am confident, but where? If I were to reject this and entrust my fate in the hands of the management, they might either send me to a place I've already indicated my interest in or discharge me to some exotic location where no living beings live (Oh, unless they send me back to Smurfette's side...then I will have no complaints at all...she's working at my preferred location anyway). So do I wait? Thy suggests I should do that and suffer the department's choice...I am inclined to agree with that.

Now with the negative things...honestly, there hasn't been too many bad things that have happened to me...besides the horrendous form of my beloved Spurs. But even this could have a silver lining. I am actually willing them to lose a couple of games more then maybe, they'd sack Martin Jol! I don't think I've ever jumped onto the Martin Jol bandwagon even though he did well for us last year. His tactic of "Robinson lump it upfield to Mido who flicks on to Keane and GOALLLL!" is morosely naive and unimaginative. And if things do not go well, while the likes of Mourinho switches from 4-4-1-1 to 4-3-3 or 4-4-2 or whatever, Jol has only 1 response...bring on Defoe. CRAP! Wake up your bloody idea, baldy!

Another bad thing is...I just missed my voluntary RT again and have been forced into a compulsory training period starting from December...which potentially means I will have trouble travelling abroad during this period (unless I do make-up) since they have Saturday/Sunday sessions...CRAP! I really would like to travel with Iceman and Bishop to Malaysia or maybe, Thailand again. The last time we went on a trip, we (or Bishop) managed the spectacular feat of getting us ejected from the casino in Gentings THREE times in a row. Amazing...I just got to see if we can best that!

That's all, folks. Adios...ciao...bye for now!

Tuesday, September 12, 2006
IMF - Welcome To Singawhore

An extremely good morning to my esteemed and holy guests of the IMF,

SOB, as a law-abiding citizen of Singawhore who encourages no civil disobedience, extends the warmest possible welcome to all honourable delegates and attendees of the IMF visiting Singawhore. As you'd have clearly seen and known by now, we kowtow and kiss arse to the VVIP foreigner like no other nation in the world (save for, perhaps, Taiwan). Sit back, relax and let me show you your itinerary during your stay in this beautiful island state that we so dearly call our wonderful home, Singawhore...until we migrate to greener pastures such as the UK, which our beloved SM's daughter will surely testify, is an even better home. :)

Upon arrival, you'd, doubtless, have encountered our Great National Campaign, the Four Million Smiles project. This project was specially created to ensure that your sacred arses will be kissed the moment you step off that Boeing or Airbus. Be rest assured that we do not normally smile at our foreign visitors. Usually, our modus operandi consists of cursing at Banglas for stinking up buses and pushing PRCs off Hotel 81s for reasons best known to respective individuals. Does it not warm the cockles and mussels of your heart that we are smiling so warmly for you, my exceptional guests? :)

After the prompt immigration clearance, which you might also have noticed we've set up specially to expedite your movement while locals are (HAHAHA) stuck in their long queues, you'd be greeted by our friendly liaison officers. These liaison officers are not only fluent in your native languages but were also sent to special courses to be trained to talk, walk, eat and shit with oodles of grace. I am certain they will leave you hugely impressed by our diplomatic efforts. And oh, we've got liaison officers for your WAGs (Wifes & Girlfriends) too. But I'd get back to that later. ;p

And after the claiming of your luggages (which will be less than 20 minutes), you will be treated to world-class services provided by our assorted service personnel, with an original "Singapore Service Excellence" smile. You will be glad to know that such world-class standards had been bludgeoned into their heads for a period of several months where endless hourly TV advertisement slots preaching service excellence to ANG MOHS and a rather hollow reality TV programme that professes to test and improve service standards but is, in fact, nothing but propaganda to ensure that they remember to provide the greatest quality of service to Your Royal Highnesses. :)

Your resting well is our utmost priority, so we've hired a whole host of BMWs and cabs for your comfort. We've also overbooked hotel rooms so that you can place your shoes in Room 213, your shirts in Room 214, your wife in Room 215 and you and your social escort in Room 216. Isn't it pleasing to know that we've got it all thought out? Furthermore, your wives don't even have to be in the same cabs as you! :)

At Suntec City, the venue of the meeting, you'd no doubt have found that we've closed all the roads for your easy travel even if that means locals suffer difficult travel. You'd definitely appreciate the shutting of the overhead crossing from Citylink Mall to the venue for your exclusive use. The crossing has been sealed and air-conditioned so that you do not have to suffer the excruciating local climate. And to ensure you enjoy such world-class comforts while ensuring that locals get none of these luxuries, glass doors have been placed at the base of the crossing so that only Your Royal Highnesses will be permitted to pass. As for the locals, they can cut through the bushes and cross the road in peril of speeding cars and searing heat. But no worries, my guests, they are 贱骨头 and wouldn't mind the discomfort one bit, as long as you guys enjoy. :)

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, but Singawhore is never dull, my lovely guests. You'd discover that your meals will be cooked by our great Violet Oon (whom no real foodie in Singapore actually rates) and served on fine China plates worth $90 each. No doubt, only such fine crockery will be fit to serve food into your esteemed mouths. And as for evening entertainment, don't even get me started... :)

My great guests, you'd no doubt discovered that by now that we have got great movies lined up for you on TV. On Sunday, it was Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle. On Monday, Minority Report and soon, we'd even show The Matrix Revolutions. These are specially planned movies for your enjoyment. If you had come to Singapore at any other time, the best movie that you'd have seen on our free-to-air channels would have been Iron Eagle 3. Endless TV adverts professing undying love and welcome for you will also make you realise how much we adore your presence here! :)

What would evening entertainment be without GIRLS?! Since we are whoring ourselves so much already, I guess it only figures that we go the whole nine yards and whore both metaphorically and literally. And so as hospitable guests, we not only seal off our finest bridges and roads for you, serve you our finest food and put you in our finest hotels, we even let you fcuk our finest girls! Hey, and to cater to your insatiable lust, we've even gotten our escort service agencies to beef up their local workforce specially for this event so that, YES, you can have your Merlion Boogie Nights in your hotel rooms. Royal Rumble, anyone? :)

And no worries about your WAGs, my guests. As mentioned earlier, our liaison officers will divert them away to shopping trips in Orchard or the deserted Suntec City so that you and our local lovelies can enjoy your trysts in peace. You might worry about your WAGs' overspending in our shops but surely, I say, that is a small price to pay for the taste of local honey. No pain, no gain! :p

Oh, but if you're the cultural sort, we've deliberately arranged our Singapore Biennale to co-incide with S2006 so that you can absorb yourselves in the arts too! We have specially arranged for certain arts performances and pieces to be flown here, so that you can enjoy and partake in them during your stay here. And rest assured that after your departure, these pieces will also immediately return to their origin since local eyes do not have the ability to appreciate them. However, Your Royal Highnesses, with your class and taste which we locals lack, will surely appreciate them :)

And with this, I end my introduction. I wish to express my sincerest wishes that all of you will enjoy your stay here, during the meeting, not merely as guests, but as royalty. And as a friendly reminder, when making whoppie with our local lovelies, please do NOT use condoms. We'd greatly appreciate you leaving your superior genes here in our humble land. After all, as we are so often told, we have no local talent. :)