Monday, March 26, 2007
Updates

Now that my previous post has provided almost inrefutable proof that I am still alive, I will not start this post with a "howdy everyone" introduction...but well, what the hell...

Howdy, everyone!

It's basic courtesy anyway. Much has come to past these past few months when I was in dormant blogging mode and it is only right that I update each and every one of you on what conspired.

Firstly, I am finally moving on to a new workplace after five years in this #$%^&* place. I am...drum roll, going to be a Customer Service Executive at ICA come April!!! Expect service standards to plummet to unprecedented levels and complaints to rocket through the roof. Readers who want to make a new passport should certainly come look for me. Just look for the counter with the permanent "Close" signage and be snubbed like everyone else.

Secondly, my luck for this year looks like shite. I actually haven't struck 4D for the past three months. That's 1/4 of a year gone and not even a consolation prize in sight. It's quite amazing actually. Do the people in Singapore Pools hate me or what? What have I done to deserve this?

Thirdly, my beloved Spurs was actually on some kind of a winning streak for once...until of course, some schmuck named Shevchenko suddenly decided he wanted to score a nice goal and provided to hammer a rocket past the hapless Robinson and help secure a 1-2 away win for Chelscum. I kinda like the bloke though because he's had it a bit rough since he came to England.

Fourthly, I am getting along just fine with Thy. She's neurotic, moody, rather clingy and is a navigational nightmare, but I like her anyway. Because she's also sweet and caring. I am still not entirely sure that she is necessarily the one for me but whatever it is, she's a treasure.

Fifthly, I started doing some things which I thought I wanted to do in 2006...like exercising regularly and running for THREE times a day although since the Reservist stint, I have stopped. Why? I failed running by 51 seconds...so what the heck, if the regime isn't going to help me to pass IPPT, why would I want to continue with it? Well, whatever. I guess I will probably restart the regime again sometime soon. I am pretty sure this measly 51 seconds (Gulp!) won't be too big a barrier for me to overcome. But the real point is...I have actually found running to be quite a feel-good activity.

Sixthly, I am half thinking about doing a Movie Critic blog as a sister to my Rock Critic one. Unfortunately, looking at how "often" I update my Rock page, I can't say for sure I can manage another review site. But the truth is that I haven't actually heard much new music in the past few months and the new Bloc Party and Arcade Fire releases were actually my first purchases in some time. And a further truth is, I haven't caught that many movies either. I am still waiting to catch 300, for instance. But I will certainly be looking at the Singapore Film Fest next month with some degree of interest. Indeed, I will be catching M with Thy...some Japanese R21 movie. NICE!

Seventhly, security at Reservist camps really ought to be improved. Just during the past ICT that I attended, our bunk windows could not be locked due to a missing latch. And guess what? Our bunk got burgled. My friend got his boots and electric shaver stolen. I got my phone charger, multi-plug socket, instant cup noodles, jacknife, lighter and playing cards stolen. Another frined also got his charger stolen. And this was despite the fact that we had our lockers locked…albeit with numerical combination locks. What does this say? Using numerical locks to secure your possessions is just about as secure as using masking tape to secure them.

Eighthly, just the other day, I heard from my mum that a bunch of Holy Innocent’s students were involved in a fight, near my block, so serious that the police had to be called in and the whole fracas lasted a couple of hours. Apparently one of them even got his head all bloodied…Oooh, I would have loved to see that. My mum then lamented to me that “Sigh, nowadays ah, these young people study also study until like that.” To which, I can only say agree. Our education is throwing up too many thugs and snobs. And of course, plenty of skimpily dressed jailbaits as well.

Ninthly, why are there more and more China people in Singapore? Is it any wonder then, that a lot of ang mohs still think Singapore is a part of China (It is TRUE, I kid you not…I have heard real life examples)? And the number of China mei meis here is really growing exponentially, but then again, there are a lot of hum-sup old farts here for them to show their magnificent cleavages to. Just a few weekends ago, Thy and I were dining at Viet-Thai at Century Square in Tampines when we were witness to a fascinating conversation between an ah peh and his China mei mei girlfriend.

Ah Peh: I tell you…I was once a sushi chef for a restaurant and you know how they make sushi rice? It’s really unhealthy. They add a lot of coconut milk to it but really it’s all Ajinomoto.

Mei mei: Ooooooooh really?

Ah Peh: Yes yes yes and then they add these black sesame seeds to it so yeah, that’s how they make sushi rice.

Mei mei: Ooooooooh really?

Blah blah blah blah blah

Ah Peh: You know I am really starting to feel old. You know how old I am, 42!

Mei mei: Oooooooooh really?

The conversation was, in truth, nothing more than a load of BS but I continue to be fascinated by the fact that although the man probably knew that he just told the mei mei a load of bull, he actually seems to believe that the mei mei believes him. And forty-two? He looked suspiciously like 62 to this pair of eyes, myopic though they might be.

Tenthly, I just got my performance bonus on Saturday and haven't thought about how and what to spend it on. It's just great to have money in actually...it'd just be better if I could have some EXTRA money from Singapore Pools. Aren't they supposed to be committed to philanthropy? I am in urgent need of some form of welfare and charity.

Thursday, March 22, 2007
National Anthem

Having recently gone through a bout of National Service (AKA Reservist) and being made to sing the national anthem to a strange little moving gif played via mediaplayer in an air-conditioned auditorium (Yes, we old men soldiers are very soft and brittle. Make us stand in the hot sun for a flag raising ceremony, I can assure you that before the anthem ends, 3/4 of the men would have unbuttoned their number 4 showing their hairy chests and gigantic beer bellies. I would, most assuredly, be among one of them) while undergoing National Education, I am, right now, in the midst of a revived stance of fervent nationalism.

And being such an unbashed nation lover, I am advocating the revamping of the national athem because, as I furtively noticed, during the singing of the anthem...half of the people in the house were not singing the words...either due to unfamiliarity with the words or unfamiliarity with the feeling of patroitism. The other half was gamely mouthing the words of The National Anthem...and then I took a closer listen.

Friday, December 01, 2006
Hike With A Heart

Howdy lads and ladies, how's everybody doing out there in the classless world of cyberspace where living costs are not an issue, the elite write like the bigoted (actually they are) and uneducated and the blogs of the everyman is prosecuted while those of the privileged are private entities for the consumption of an exclusive few? I hope you are all doing great because I am getting along famously.


Well, after a long hiatus, I've broken my silence to bring you hallowed great news from the fabled marble halls of the rulers of $ingapore. DaaMan Shanmugaratnam has announced that after the 2% GST hike, measures that the white brigade will take will ensure that the underclass will be "even better off" while the sandwich class (actually we should really be renamed the cashcow class) will have packages to help them cope with the increase. Wah seh, people, jump for joy now. There is hope for the underclassers and the sandwiches. We will be looked after! :D Today (the newspaper) has even poignantly headlined the news as "Hike with a heart". Oh yes, heartwarming indeed. Brought a tear to my eye, kid you not. :)

Let's look at the measures that had already being announced. Conservancy charges and car park charges will not be INCREASED (mind you, nothing talked about reducing it, they are simply NOT increasing it...yet) for ONE year! Hurrah! Now Batman can now divert his conservancy "savings'' towards paying for his INCREASED bus fares...for the next year at least. And yes, now Batman will have no worries parking his Rolls-Royce manufactured Batmobile at the HDB carpark downstairs for one year. No, I am not being sarcastic. I am REALLY happy. In fact, every Singaporean should be proud and happy. All of us can now park ALL our cars cheaply! Hmmm...now I do wonder why charges will only stay flat for one year. Does that mean GST will only be hiked up for one year and then be reduced for the following years to come?

Truth is though, I don't have to worry about the GST hike. Why? Because civil service pay will increase soon mah. To retain world-class talent such as moi mah. Don't you already feel hugely blessed reading my distinguished world-class blog? Our beloved Mini$ter$ also don't have to worry about their bread and butter issues anymore. Now instead of buying a cheap Porsche, they can buy a slightly more presentable Lamborghini. Now when they meet up with private sector CEOs, they can park their Lambors alongside the Lambors of these angmoh CEOs. When Daaman says that the hike is for wealth redistribution, he really meant it. Wealth is redistributed from everybody else to civil servants, especially $uper$cale ones...but it's justified, really. Think about it carefully. Can you imagine the pain these Mini$ter$ have to go through? For the sake of Public $ervice, they have to settle for buying one Lambor instead of three. Makes you wanna cry too, ain't it? So it is only right that they are amply rewarded for their $pirit of Public $ervice.

Anyway, talking about wealth redistribution, I am still quite curious what is meant when Daaman said that the poor will be "much better off" after the hike. Hmmm, you mean they don't pay GST? Don't pay income tax? Get free transport? Get free groceries? Oh, wait, they save on conservancy charges and car parking hor. But it does seem exceedingly strange to me...you tax them higher and give them back more money in return. Effectively, isn't that taking money from one's left hand and then putting it back in one's right hand...provided that along the way, a dollar or two wasn't removed from the stack of cash? How is one better off that way?

Ok ok ok...no criticisms and no civil disobedience. I am sorry, Daaman...you are Daaman of course. But isn't it funny how everyone is overjoyed and eager to praise the opaquely TANGIBLE and SPECIFIC measures and policies that the white brigade has announced? When the hike was first announced, wasn't the opposition told to shut up after they had vehemently criticised the hike? And that was because they were told that since they have not yet seen the SPECIFIC and TANGIBLE measures that the white brigade will come up with, they do not have a right to criticise. So now, either the measures and policies have gotten WAY WAY clearer or well, we are allowed to praise something we do not see, but not allowed to criticise it. How interesting.

Ok la, I end here liao. First time in over a month since I wrote and I am complaining like an opposition MP. Not good la. Hmmm, I wonder who ok-ed the headline "Hike with a heart". I hope it's not a black heart (黑心) we are dealing with here.

See you all again! :D

Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Si Gin Nah

After not updating for almost a month, it's strange (or is it really quite normal) that my first (and probably last) post in October should be about some chao elitist gin nah who thinks just because her kiam pa faced father is a low-rent kanna sai MP in a GRC (not even single ward constituency nia...no balls to compete on your own, is it? Lim pei challenge you one on one for an election contest next GE lah....but you pay my deposit hor, thanks. I low-rank middle-class, no money nia) piggybacking riding on 李小龙's white horse back. I really shouldn't talk about these elites too much since it's a waste of my energy but the chao gin nah WeeWee kia really gets my goat.

I do not want to go cut and paste the relevant articles (the report about the hoohah was in Tuesday's Nationbuilder Times but the actual text was, of course, not inside) but if you want to read what the whole fuss is about, pay a visit to 星星蓝宝石 where my good fellow blogger had kindly reproduced the offending text for all our viewing pleasures.

Now now now, why am I so worked up about some 18-year-old si gin nah who obviously has bigger boobs than brains (sorry, you know the hum sup lou that I am, I had to mention that because I had seen her picture... and for an 18 year-old, WAH SEH!)? I don't know...maybe it's to do with the fact that she's an offspring of a member of the white shirted brigade and the lao peh's reply to his daughter's disturbing tirade is even more disturbing...and disgusting. This is the product of a privileged class which is supposed to be the future of Singapore? You send the chao gin nah to the supposedly top school in Singapore which produces most of our supposedly "top" talent (and leaders) and all she can write is this kind of blinkered crapfest? Wah seh...I think someone needs to make a movie called "新加坡沉没" or something because that's where we're headed.

But then again, it's very hard to blame the chao gin nah when the si lao peh is probably the source of most of the gin nah's ideas and beliefs. After all, he has openly endorsed her viewpoint. So why would you want someone like that to be your MP? Election time: Walk walk, smile smile, talk cock and be seen as a man of the people. Finish walkabout only, wash his hands with Dettol and call us losers. And oh, we should just do our jobs, go on with our daily lifes and not question the government, is it? Just goes to show how much the white shirted brigade value the people and their views.

Ok la. I don't want to talk too much anymore...I civil servant need to take my afternoon nap liao. I only want to ask the elite chao gin nah one thing: So why are you an elite? Why makes you so great? Because you are in RJ? So? Because you are an MP's daughter? That doesn't say anything about you as a person.

Really, Shu Min dear, go fuck spider.

PS: Since I am writing in a "private blog" as a ranting among friends, I would not expect my rantings here to have any repercussions as my blog is a private entity and is supposed to stay within my circle, whoever I determine them to be. So if anyone else is not happy with my entry and wants to complain about me to MDA or SPCA, I got two things to say. One: Why you come and intrude my personal space by reading my stuff? Two: Go fuck a tarantula, you imbecile.

Thursday, September 28, 2006
Ups And Downs

Thanks Iceman...for reminding me to scrawl something here. It hasn't really been that long since I wrote something actually. But anyway, no trash-talking this time. Just straightforward updating on what's happening all around the world of Cyclops.

As alluded to by the title, I will sort the events between the good and the bad. As always, positive news first...

My mum is doing pretty alright with her chemotherapy treatment, having already gotten through three of the four jabs recommended by the doctors. Ok, there is hair loss, ulcers in the mouth, the occasional diarrhoea and aching of the body...but these were things that were anticipated. The doctor had warned us about this, way beforehand. Honestly, I think she's proven to be extremely hardy throughout the entire process and that can only be good. It won't be long before she'd merely have to go through hormonal therapy...which only involves the consumption of pills.

Secondly, I've met someone (I'd call her Thy...those ARE her initials) whom I am enormously comfortable with and pretty much like. We've only been going out for a couple of weeks but well, we've been messaging each other constantly everyday and we seem to be spending all our weekends together...I'm not going to say anything more about Thy at the moment. When things are confirmed (and that means either way - together/not together), I will discuss more about her...and maybe us.

The Office©-wise, it is (almost) with a certain amount of glee that I announce the impending departure of Banshee. He's going to work in a major airline (Guess which!), don't know doing what. Good luck to him...好马不吃回头草. Let's see how good he is. His going away does result in the intriguing question of what Rogue will do to (1) pass her time without her breast friend (AKA bosom buddy) and (2) will she go too? Stay tuned.

In reality, everybody seems to be leaving and that includes me (possibly Jean Grey and Jubilee as well?). I just attended an interview at a major department in Chinatown a couple of days ago. I was left with no doubt that they are desperate to bring someone in. They seemed extremely worried about my level of interest in them...isn't it supposed to be the other way around?

It is a valid concern though, because I am not particularly enthusiastic about the post...for 3 reasons: (1) The job nature is dry, very dry and stupendously dry. Very specialised. If you are not interested in the area of research, it's boring as hell. And honestly, I do not have a predilection in the topics of interest. (2) It's a uniformly-male working environment. I do not desire that. It's not that I would have a problem fitting in but I much prefer offices where the genders are mixed. (3) The God there is a KC Spider, Kan Cheong King, apple polisher and as jumpy as a jumperlead. Fancy working under such a person.

Otherwise, the job is really ok. The question is: Do I jump from an ok post here to another ok post there? Or do I bide my time to go where I prefer to go? I will get a transfer, this I am confident, but where? If I were to reject this and entrust my fate in the hands of the management, they might either send me to a place I've already indicated my interest in or discharge me to some exotic location where no living beings live (Oh, unless they send me back to Smurfette's side...then I will have no complaints at all...she's working at my preferred location anyway). So do I wait? Thy suggests I should do that and suffer the department's choice...I am inclined to agree with that.

Now with the negative things...honestly, there hasn't been too many bad things that have happened to me...besides the horrendous form of my beloved Spurs. But even this could have a silver lining. I am actually willing them to lose a couple of games more then maybe, they'd sack Martin Jol! I don't think I've ever jumped onto the Martin Jol bandwagon even though he did well for us last year. His tactic of "Robinson lump it upfield to Mido who flicks on to Keane and GOALLLL!" is morosely naive and unimaginative. And if things do not go well, while the likes of Mourinho switches from 4-4-1-1 to 4-3-3 or 4-4-2 or whatever, Jol has only 1 response...bring on Defoe. CRAP! Wake up your bloody idea, baldy!

Another bad thing is...I just missed my voluntary RT again and have been forced into a compulsory training period starting from December...which potentially means I will have trouble travelling abroad during this period (unless I do make-up) since they have Saturday/Sunday sessions...CRAP! I really would like to travel with Iceman and Bishop to Malaysia or maybe, Thailand again. The last time we went on a trip, we (or Bishop) managed the spectacular feat of getting us ejected from the casino in Gentings THREE times in a row. Amazing...I just got to see if we can best that!

That's all, folks. Adios...ciao...bye for now!

Tuesday, September 12, 2006
IMF - Welcome To Singawhore

An extremely good morning to my esteemed and holy guests of the IMF,

SOB, as a law-abiding citizen of Singawhore who encourages no civil disobedience, extends the warmest possible welcome to all honourable delegates and attendees of the IMF visiting Singawhore. As you'd have clearly seen and known by now, we kowtow and kiss arse to the VVIP foreigner like no other nation in the world (save for, perhaps, Taiwan). Sit back, relax and let me show you your itinerary during your stay in this beautiful island state that we so dearly call our wonderful home, Singawhore...until we migrate to greener pastures such as the UK, which our beloved SM's daughter will surely testify, is an even better home. :)

Upon arrival, you'd, doubtless, have encountered our Great National Campaign, the Four Million Smiles project. This project was specially created to ensure that your sacred arses will be kissed the moment you step off that Boeing or Airbus. Be rest assured that we do not normally smile at our foreign visitors. Usually, our modus operandi consists of cursing at Banglas for stinking up buses and pushing PRCs off Hotel 81s for reasons best known to respective individuals. Does it not warm the cockles and mussels of your heart that we are smiling so warmly for you, my exceptional guests? :)

After the prompt immigration clearance, which you might also have noticed we've set up specially to expedite your movement while locals are (HAHAHA) stuck in their long queues, you'd be greeted by our friendly liaison officers. These liaison officers are not only fluent in your native languages but were also sent to special courses to be trained to talk, walk, eat and shit with oodles of grace. I am certain they will leave you hugely impressed by our diplomatic efforts. And oh, we've got liaison officers for your WAGs (Wifes & Girlfriends) too. But I'd get back to that later. ;p

And after the claiming of your luggages (which will be less than 20 minutes), you will be treated to world-class services provided by our assorted service personnel, with an original "Singapore Service Excellence" smile. You will be glad to know that such world-class standards had been bludgeoned into their heads for a period of several months where endless hourly TV advertisement slots preaching service excellence to ANG MOHS and a rather hollow reality TV programme that professes to test and improve service standards but is, in fact, nothing but propaganda to ensure that they remember to provide the greatest quality of service to Your Royal Highnesses. :)

Your resting well is our utmost priority, so we've hired a whole host of BMWs and cabs for your comfort. We've also overbooked hotel rooms so that you can place your shoes in Room 213, your shirts in Room 214, your wife in Room 215 and you and your social escort in Room 216. Isn't it pleasing to know that we've got it all thought out? Furthermore, your wives don't even have to be in the same cabs as you! :)

At Suntec City, the venue of the meeting, you'd no doubt have found that we've closed all the roads for your easy travel even if that means locals suffer difficult travel. You'd definitely appreciate the shutting of the overhead crossing from Citylink Mall to the venue for your exclusive use. The crossing has been sealed and air-conditioned so that you do not have to suffer the excruciating local climate. And to ensure you enjoy such world-class comforts while ensuring that locals get none of these luxuries, glass doors have been placed at the base of the crossing so that only Your Royal Highnesses will be permitted to pass. As for the locals, they can cut through the bushes and cross the road in peril of speeding cars and searing heat. But no worries, my guests, they are 贱骨头 and wouldn't mind the discomfort one bit, as long as you guys enjoy. :)

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, but Singawhore is never dull, my lovely guests. You'd discover that your meals will be cooked by our great Violet Oon (whom no real foodie in Singapore actually rates) and served on fine China plates worth $90 each. No doubt, only such fine crockery will be fit to serve food into your esteemed mouths. And as for evening entertainment, don't even get me started... :)

My great guests, you'd no doubt discovered that by now that we have got great movies lined up for you on TV. On Sunday, it was Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle. On Monday, Minority Report and soon, we'd even show The Matrix Revolutions. These are specially planned movies for your enjoyment. If you had come to Singapore at any other time, the best movie that you'd have seen on our free-to-air channels would have been Iron Eagle 3. Endless TV adverts professing undying love and welcome for you will also make you realise how much we adore your presence here! :)

What would evening entertainment be without GIRLS?! Since we are whoring ourselves so much already, I guess it only figures that we go the whole nine yards and whore both metaphorically and literally. And so as hospitable guests, we not only seal off our finest bridges and roads for you, serve you our finest food and put you in our finest hotels, we even let you fcuk our finest girls! Hey, and to cater to your insatiable lust, we've even gotten our escort service agencies to beef up their local workforce specially for this event so that, YES, you can have your Merlion Boogie Nights in your hotel rooms. Royal Rumble, anyone? :)

And no worries about your WAGs, my guests. As mentioned earlier, our liaison officers will divert them away to shopping trips in Orchard or the deserted Suntec City so that you and our local lovelies can enjoy your trysts in peace. You might worry about your WAGs' overspending in our shops but surely, I say, that is a small price to pay for the taste of local honey. No pain, no gain! :p

Oh, but if you're the cultural sort, we've deliberately arranged our Singapore Biennale to co-incide with S2006 so that you can absorb yourselves in the arts too! We have specially arranged for certain arts performances and pieces to be flown here, so that you can enjoy and partake in them during your stay here. And rest assured that after your departure, these pieces will also immediately return to their origin since local eyes do not have the ability to appreciate them. However, Your Royal Highnesses, with your class and taste which we locals lack, will surely appreciate them :)

And with this, I end my introduction. I wish to express my sincerest wishes that all of you will enjoy your stay here, during the meeting, not merely as guests, but as royalty. And as a friendly reminder, when making whoppie with our local lovelies, please do NOT use condoms. We'd greatly appreciate you leaving your superior genes here in our humble land. After all, as we are so often told, we have no local talent. :)

Wednesday, August 30, 2006
The Spidey Dilemma

A couple of nights ago, I went to meet up for dinner with Iceman and Bishop. The latter had come back from Dalian, China for a short break back in Singapore and will be going back to the mainland soon to complete his stint there. Anyway, it was a pleasant dinner, blah blah blah, I am not really particularly interested in talking about the dinner itself because there wasn't much to talk about there. But something we talked about there is a lead-in to this post.

Bishop was talking about his work experiences in China and so on and so forth, and Iceman was commenting that he'd like to venture to China eventually (honestly, as would I). Along the way, he also mentioned about how when he came back to Singapore, he found that a lot of things had happened (so and so having cancer, so and so having passed away), how his mum was admittedly maybe "suffering" because of his absence and then Bishop exclaimed that,"Well, life just moves really quickly. We should just follow our dreams and do what we want." I admittedly did a slight double-take on that statement...because I disagreed with it.

I make no secret of the fact that one day, I'd like to move abroad to work and experience life in a different time, place and culture. And I make no secret of my wish to quit the civil service and start anew with diminished pay and accordingly, lifestyle cutbacks. But it will not likely happen in the prime years of my life when the opportunity is the greatest and best. For I have my responsibilities here. I have my parents, who are aboslutely dependent on me to take care of them and who could press the wrong channel on the TV, receive a blank screen and wait for me the whole day just for me to return to "fix" the TV. Is it over-reliance? Possibly. Do I gripe? Yes. But it is something I will always do because I am needed to.

In Spider-man 2, Peter Parker battled constantly with his inner desires and responsilities. He knew people needed him to be what he was and to do what he did and because of the needs that others had put onto his shoulders, he has had to give up leading an everyday existence and also his love to bear these burdens. Eventually, he still gets his girl...but that's in the movies. And life isn't reel.

I am not saying that I am Spiderman, nor conspicuously, are any of us. But how many of us have had to give up what we want in order to do what others need us to. A self-sacrificing public persona like Spiderman is easy to love but I think, there's a heroism in the simple gesture of serving others in mundane daily slogging and relinquishing the choice of kicking back and simply following one's desires. It is a surrender that can be wearisome on the body, mind and soul, especially at a time and age when self-actualisation is the buzzword.

What am I saying? I am celebrating everybody (and that includes ALL of you) reading this blog, who has done that little something for anyone out of a conscious choice that he/she helped because he/she simply could. Little slices of heroism like these make life better and that much easier to tolerate...as much as a grand Spiderman rescue act would.

And for my part, I also proclaim a heartfelt thank you to each and every single person, who have given bestowed upon me your little piece of sunshine to make me smile, that helping hand to help me back up or just that shoulder to lean on, when I have been crippled and couldn't walk on my own.

God bless you.